A/N: So, after days of doing pretty much nothing but single handily trying to support the Kleenex industry, I decided to write more of "Your Past is Never Far" but I only managed to get 300 hundred words in before I dropped that plan and wrote this instead. This story is a companion piece to "A Word" and is basically that oneshot but from Santana's perspective (because I'm a sucker for Santana protecting/comforting Brittany). You probably don't have to read "A Word" to get what's going on here but it explains a tad more about what's wrong with Brittany. Anyway, hope you enjoy.
A Moment
It can take only a moment for your entire world to change. The moment that Brittany's body crumples like a rag doll to the ground mid step through their latest Journey number is that moment for Santana. In the fraction of a second between when the blonde hits the ground and her convulsions begin Santana wonders if maybe Brittany is playing dead, it doesn't really make much sense but Brittany, especially lately, doesn't always make much sense. When her body begins to dance across the floor it's clear that she isn't playing and Santana stands frozen in absolute terror while the other Glee clubbers rush to her aid.
Knowing that something is wrong, obviously having a seizure isn't normal, and knowing exactly what is wrong are two different ball games. Santana doesn't listen much further past brain tumour; it's all too much, much too much, to take in. This is her best friend they're talking about and this can't be right at all, certainly she would have known before now if the blonde had a slowly growing brain tumour. Sure lately, even after Brittany broke up with Artie, they hadn't been spending as much time together and sure, now thinking about it, Brittany had been, for lack of a better word, increasingly childlike in behaviour recently but she couldn't have actually missed something this serious. So instead of listening to what Mr. Pierce has to say she just keeps doing what she's been doing since they got to the hospital, texting Brittany, sure the blonde isn't likely to get these texts anytime soon, but it's still comforting to Santana to pretend she's having a conversation with the other girl. She tries to continue along the lines of her previous text messages, which were mostly ranting about Rachel's clothing choice du jour, but, almost without realizing it, what she ends up sending is 'you can't just die'.
When it becomes clear that they won't be getting to see Brittany until tomorrow, according to Mr. Pierce they're running some tests and by the time they get her settled in a room it will be late and she will be tired, the Glee club quickly disperses with plans to meet up later. The first thing Santana does is have her father paged, he'll explain that this is all some mix up and that Brittany is perfectly fine and that she certainly isn't going to die. When he says no such thing, the second thing she does is quit Cheerios, well tries to quit Cheerios, because if she plans on spending all of her time at the hospital she definitely won't have time for practice. Coach Sylvester won't let her quit though and surprisingly doesn't say anything when, in the weeks that follow, Santana misses more practices than she shows up to.
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The first time Santana sees Brittany after the seizure she can't stop the tears that come to her eyes. It's late, well past two in the morning, but she couldn't sleep and it is technically tomorrow so she isn't really disobeying Mr. Pierce's instructions. Thankfully, even though it's late and the blonde is sleeping, or at least her eyes are closed, the light in Brittany's room is on. Santana can't help but think that her best friend, who has always been tall, looks incredibly small surrounded by all of those machines and that amidst the sea of white blankets she has never looked so pale before in her entire life.
When Santana takes the seat beside Brittany's bed the girl's eyes flutter open, her blue eyes searching the room before they settle on Santana and she open's her mouth to speak but no words come out.
"Hey it's okay," Santana soothes, "don't worry about saying anything. I didn't mean to wake you. I just needed to see you."
Brittany doesn't look satisfied with this answer and instead opens her mouth again, this time managing to get out, just above a whisper, "Sa…"
"Ya it's me, I'm right here," Santana reassures her and, carefully avoiding the IV line, grabs Brittany's hand and squeezes it gently.
Brittany looks at their interlocked fingers carefully before looking back up at Santana and trying to speak again, "Sss…hh..how…"
As Santana watches Brittany struggle to get her words out she can feel her heart breaking into a million pieces, "shh," she quiets the blonde who looks frustrated, "it's okay".
How did things get so bad, Santana wonders to herself. More importantly, she wonders how things got so bad without her noticing and at that thought she can't help the tears that start to fall.
Brittany looks at her puzzled, clearly questioning her with her eyes.
"I'm fine, everything is fine," Santana mumbles and she's not sure who she's trying to convince more, herself or Brittany.
Brittany looks like she wants to protest but she doesn't even try, instead she raises the hand that is still interlocked with Santana's up to Santana's cheek and gently wipes at the tears that are falling. She doesn't lower their intertwined hands back to the bed until the tears have stopped. After which, no words are said and Brittany quickly drifts off to sleep but Santana stays sitting there like that for hours.
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The first time Santana sees the boys with their shaved heads she's sitting in the chair beside Brittany's hospital bed flipping through a magazine and pointing out the interesting stuff to Brittany. Of course she knows that the boys are planning on doing this but it's still somehow a shock when Kurt walks in first followed by Sam, Finn, Puck, Artie, Mike, and finally Mr. Schue. The site of all of them standing awkwardly at the foot of Brittany's bed without any hair is truly amazing and a testament to how much Brittany is loved.
Brittany, whose own head had been shaven that morning in preparation for surgery, struggles to sit up as the boys file into the room and Santana has to gently push her back into a laying position before inclining the bed so that she can see better. As Brittany scans the group carefully tears well up in her eyes and start to fall.
"Hey," Mr. Schue tries to lighten the mood, "I know I look pretty scary but are the tears really warranted?"
At this Brittany's eyes widen and she quickly shakes her head, "no, a..all B..Be..ful".
"She thinks you look beautiful, all of you," Santana translates, "but don't let it go to your head Puckerman."
"Who me? Never," Puck laughs, "though come on, you got to admit that I do rock this look a lot better than the rest of these guys."
Santana rolls her eyes, Finn reaches over and smacks him, and Sam almost chokes on his laughter but it is Kurt who responds.
"Whatever Puck," Kurt says, "you keep telling yourself that, but just for the record you are nowhere near as beautiful as Brittany."
At this statement Brittany actually giggles and the sound has all of them smiling.
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The first time Santana gets thrown up on is actually pretty anticlimactic. She's the only one there, well besides Brittany's mom, because in a shocking twist of events Rachel actually considered other people's feelings in the creation of her chart and put Santana first in the support Brittany through chemotherapy rotation. Not that Santana has any intentions of following the chart but, though she wouldn't admit this out loud, it is kind of nice that Berry thought about her feelings.
When Santana enters Brittany's hospital room that day, Mrs. Pierce is already sitting in a chair beside her daughter's bed and a nurse is fluttering around Brittany, checking her vitals and setting up the IV bag full of chemotherapy drugs.
"Am I late?" Santana asks.
"No right on time," Mrs. Pierce smiles at her in greeting but the smile doesn't quite reach her eyes and Santana can't help but notice how tired she looks.
At this answer Santana shifts her focus to Brittany's bed. If Mrs. Pierce looks tired than Brittany looks down right exhausted but, really, that's to be expected from someone who is recovering from brain surgery.
"Hey Britt," Santana greats her best friend and, taking a seat opposite Mrs. Pierce, adds, "ready to get this party started?"
Brittany smiles tiredly at her, "hi S." and looking over at the nurse who is stepping away from her bed she adds, "I th..think the p..party's started."
In the next hour they play tik-tac-toe, flip through magazines, and Santana tells Brittany all of the latest Glee club drama. She is just explaining how Finn and Rachel have managed to go from off to on three times this week when she notices the way Brittany's already pale complexion goes ghost white. It doesn't take her long to figure out what is about to happen and she reaches for the basin at the same time as Mrs. Pierce does but, since it is closer to her, Santana grabs it first. Mrs. Pierce leans Brittany forward while Santana holds the basin up and they both rub soothing circles on the girl's back while she expels the contents of her stomach.
Santana continues to rub circles on Brittany's back and whisper soothingly to her that she's going to be okay, while Brittany's mom gets a wet cloth from the washroom.
When Mrs. Pierce finishes cleaning Brittany up and leans the girl back against the pillows, she turns to Santana, "Oh Santana honey," she says reaching out and dabbing at the cuff of the girl's sweater, "you got some on you."
Santana looks down and sure enough there is small amount of vomit there but it doesn't take Mrs. Pierce long to get it out.
"S..Sorry," Brittany tells Santana as she watches her mom clean it up.
Santana just shrugs her shoulders, "Don't worry about it, it's not like I'm wearing my Cheerio's uniform," and just like that the two girls burst into a fit of giggles because the thought of what Coach Sylvester would do to either of them if they got vomit on their uniforms is so scary it's hilarious.
Sure, not every time Santana gets thrown up on in the weeks that follow is quite so anticlimactic but the thing is, getting vomited on really isn't that big of deal, she doesn't get why the other Glee clubbers make that face at her when it happens. They act as if she's a saint or something for showing up to all of those appointments. What they don't get is that this, being here for Brittany, isn't a chore, it's not even a choice, and she certainly isn't about to allow some chart to dictate for her when she gets to take care of her best friend. She's not really being fair to them she knows, it's not like they're only showing up because of that chart either, they want to be here too, they care about Brittany too, and it's not like they mind that she's not following the schedule. She just wishes they would quit giving her that look, the look that says that maybe they're just as worried about her as they are about Brittany.
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The first time Santana lets herself truly believe that maybe everything is going to be alright is the day that Brittany returns to school. Santana leads her around the school the whole day and by the time that Glee rehearsal rolls around it is clear that the blonde is exhausted; however, when Santana suggests gently that they skip the rehearsal Brittany vehemently shakes her head no. When they enter the choir room everyone else is already there and when Santana tries to get Brittany to sit down, she refuses. Instead she walks up to each Glee kid, throws her arms around them and carefully pronounces their name. Kurt, Mercedes, Quinn, Puck, Sam, Artie, Tina, Mike, Finn, Rachel, and finally she's back at Santana. They stand facing each other a moment longer than Brittany stood facing any of the other kids before Brittany throws her arms around Santana and carefully says her name too.
Santana lets herself relish in the feel of her best friend's arms around her for a moment before she pulls back, "Yes, we love you too Brittany," she smiles at the blonde, "now will you please sit down before you fall down because seeing you fall on your face once in this room was enough for me."
Brittany doesn't waste any time sitting down after that and the rest of the Glee kids quickly follow suit, save for Rachel, who turns to Mr. Schue who has just entered the room and says that she has an announcement. After Will waves back at Brittany who is waving enthusiastically at him from her seat he gives Rachel the floor.
"As co-captain of this club I just wanted to say that we are very glad that you have returned Brittany and that we all hope you will be in our number for Regionals because, frankly, you're kind of hard to replace," Rachel says.
Brittany's eyes light up at what Rachel has said but there is confusion in her voice when she asks, "really?"
"Of course really," Finn replies for Rachel and the rest of the group, "we need you."
The smile that lights up Brittany's face at Finn's confirmation is brighter than any smile Santana has ever seen the blonde give, and that's saying something.
In that moment, with Brittany smiling like she's been handed the sun, Santana thinks that maybe all of those things the doctors said, like incurable, don't matter, what matters is that today Brittany is happy , happier than she has ever been before and maybe that's all they need to focus on.