Prologue

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Ghost Hunt. Wished.

'Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids
Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs'

- Blinding by Florence + The Machine

London, 1840.

Upon extensive rational thought, Oliver Davis, the twentieth nobleman from the long, blue-blooded, unsullied, Davis line came upon a simple conclusion.

This -whatever it was between them- would lead to nothing but trouble...

And it was not the wine in his system that seemed to be doing the thinking.

"You always think your logic will sort everything out." She spread out her arms as if to indicate the vastness of the problem. "But here it is, Naru. A situation. And you can't sort it out."

More troubling was the mere fact that he wanted the trouble. He wanted to relish every second of it. He wanted to pursue her, wanted her to admit that she desired him and not Gene, wanted to stamp his foot on the ground and demand that she look at him, through him.

"I lied to you." She looked like she wanted to scream. Tendrils of her hair framed her face and in that imperfect moment he knew that he would forgive this one woman anything. "I lied to you! Look at me, Naru. Look at me!"

He felt like he had been transported back to his childhood, rejecting every offer of love and comfort, denying himself every little luxury that he hadn't even thought he craved for. He had never thought that there was a hollow space in his heart. God, he had never thought he had possessed a heart.

It had always been the silence that seemed to understand him the best.

"Do you know what it's like, Naru?" She whispered and he wanted to lock himself in a shell and never emerge, away from her, away from this moment that made him feel so vulnerable. "Always living on the periphery, always wondering where you went wrong, wondering how to look like you don't need anyone..."

He knew.

Thoughts flew in his head, buzzing over one another, a cacophony of sleepless nights, sourceless noise, memories that had never belonged to him.

"Do you know what I think about when I'm not smiling for everyone?" She twisted her pale hands in the lapels of his coat. "I feel like I'm living someone's mistake. As if I breathe because an Earl couldn't control himself around a maid." Her hysterical laugh rang in his head, too shrill, too loud.

Was that how she felt when no one was looking? He had seen the unhappiness lurk in her eyes but had been too busy recovering from her beams to pay much thought to anything else.

It wasn't her fault she happened to be the illegitimate daughter of an Earl.

It wasn't his fault that he had been born to a Marquess and yet he had to blame someone, something for his self-restraint right now.

He kept on staring at her shoes. Shoes were safe. Pristine white against the cobblestones that lined the path. So impractical yet so bewitching. As long as he wouldn't look at her face, everything would be fine. As long as he didn't stare into her eyes, at her face, at the tears that he knew were going to cling to her lashes when she blinked.

As long as he didn't look, he wouldn't remember...

"Why won't you look at me, Naru?" Her tone bordered on desperation but he did not let himself gaze at her, not even when she let her crooked fingers run over his cheek. "Why won't you say anything?"

His self-control would be preserved. He need only close his eyes to escape engraving every little detail about her in his mind.

"I'm not sorry about anything." She hiccuped and he found himself charmed by the small sound. He felt her dash her hand along her eyes to swipe at her tears. "I'm not sorry about lying to you, I'm not sorry about the snowball fight, I'm not sorry about spending my time with you and I am absolutely, definitely not sorry about kissing you that night."

His head jerked upwards and his gaze collided with hers.

Her fists were clenched and she was looking at him as if he was just waiting to injure her at the most opportune moment.

"Because the truth is, I don't regret anything as long as it is with you."

He blinked, owlishly.

For a moment it felt as if the world had upset itself from its axis and then righted itself with a jolt.

"What?"

"I'll refund the money you've paid me so far. I'll make sure your solicitor receives it first thing in the meaning. You'll want nothing to do me now that the truth is out and about." She rambled on, in her typical Mai-fashion, avoiding his gaze and going on and on about money and therapy and tea and a calling card...? Something unfurled inside of him and he found himself regarding her with wonder.

"And I just want you to know that I wish this had turned out differently, that I had been different, but..."

Everything stopped for a moment and the offensive word echoed in his mind.

Why would she want to be different?

For him of all people...

"Mai." He said as calmly as humanly possible. "Wishing for things like that is irrational."

Her mouth snapped shut and he saw a flash of rage in her eyes followed by surprise.

"I've never understood why people spend their lives, aimlessly wishing for things that could never be theirs." His words were so devoid of emotion and for one angry moment, he wished he wasn't this automaton. He wished he could talk about emotion and poetry and love as fluently as he could talk about law and physics and politics. "But now I think I do."

She blinked in surprise.

"Because they want." He was quiet. So quiet that it was a wonder she could hear him at all. "Because they're desperate."

Her fetching lips formed a delicate O.

His mouth twisted into a self-deprecating smile. "Rather like I am desperate for you."

"Huh?"

And there she was, looking up at him with tenderness and surprise that made his legendary self-control snap like a tenuous thread.

"I don't care." He looked down at her, his voice hoarse. "I don't care about your parentage or anything else that you've lied to me about. I want you to smile at me. Not the pained one you give to people you don't know how to fix." He spoke, the sentences jumping over one another in haste. "I want you to tell me I'm not broken, I want to watch you do ridiculous dances in the rain. I want to take you home. Not to Davis Mansion. Home. Forget it, anywhere will do as long as you'll go with me. And lastly," He ran a hand through his hair in desperation, trying to convey his feeling to her. His hair stood on its end and his eyes were wild with some unnamed emotion but he could care less. "I want you to know -"

He inhaled sharply, trying to sort out the rampage in his mind but it was like the final knot had been untied.

"I want you." He blinked. "I don't know how to say it in a poetic way. I'm not sure I will ever be able to but I want you to know that - "

And then she touched his jaw, her head tilted to one side as if she was looking at him for the first time.

"You're so adorable when you're confused."

His unhinged jaw snapped itself shut as he tried to sputter.

"Confused?" His voice raised in octaves as indignation washed over him. "I'm not confused. I'm never confused - "

She smiled tremulously into his wide eyes, threw her arms around him and then she kissed him, her hands slipping into his air, hanging onto him with every last emotion she had stored inside of her, balanced on the tips of her toes and not caring one whit.

And for once, he was at peace with the roaring noise in his head.

But that was before she let go of him, breathing unevenly, eyes closed as if trying to store the memory somewhere in her brain.

Then she looked at him and inhaled.

"I'm leaving tomorrow." She said, biting her lip. "Father has called me to Yorkshire..."

Author's Note: I hardly know what to say. This is my first multi-chapter fanfiction ever and I think reading all the wonderful stories has had me thinking. During class. Not very academic but well - insert shrug- I hope you all enjoyed. Special thanks to the song 'Blinding' by Florence + The Machine (it makes dull classes much more entertaining.

I understand that the time period is not very fashionable but I've always been a historical fiction sort of person (geek alert) so if anything requires clarification, please do ask!

Do leave the wonderful thing known as a review. Follows and favourites are equally welcome.

Hoping to make good memories at this fandom!

- Peony