The 100 Years War Parody
Narrator: Between 1337 and 1453, the English and the French fought many fierce battles over who would be the King of France. The English King, Edward III made a claim for the crown, because he was the grandson of the former French king Phillip VI. Although he did have a rightful claim, the French feared that if an English King also became the French King, France would become English territory. For over 100 years, serious and bloody battles were fought between the two countries.
Frenchman and Englishman start fighting/insulting
Frenchman: I'm a wee bit French!
Englishman: You're not French.
Frenchman: Of course I am! Can't you tell from my French accent and the silly armor I'm wearing?
Englishman: O, alright, then, Tweet Tweet!
Frenchman: What idiot says 'Tweet Tweet' during a battle?
Englishman: Tweet TWEET!
Frenchman: Forget it. Prepare to eat sword, you dirty-stinking Englishman!
Frenchman charges Englishman. Englishman shoots arrow but misses terribly.
Frenchman: Was that supposed to hit me?
Englishman: Yes.
Frenchman: You're not a very good archer.
Englishman: You know, it's really not as easy as it looks. It takes time and concentration to load the arrow, and you've got to pull it back just right, and you've got to aim of course. And you know, it's bloody raining out here and sometimes you slip! And I'm not even going to go into the painful splinters…..
Frenchman: …..Really?...I had no idea…..Anyways…
Englishman shoots arrow again and hits Frenchman in head. He falls.
Englishman: Yes! I won the battle!
Frenchman: Not yet, still alive down here!
Englishman: Really? But you have an arrow in your head.
Frenchman: well ya, I think, actually I'm feeling a lot better now.
Shoots or throws another arrow at him and wins the battle
Englishman: Yes! Tweet Tweet! Victory is ours!
End Scene. New Scene. Charles is sitting on a chair/throne. He sighs happily.
Charles: It sure is great to be the King.
Some Englishman runs up and shouts.
Englishman: You're NOT the King!!!
Charles mumbles unhappily and then hangs his head and sighs.
Charles: Boy, the English are kicking our butts. Maybe we should just sign a treaty.
Joan of Arc enters
Joan: Don't give up! You can't give up! You're the king's son, you should be the king, not that Henry the V. guy.
Charles: The English have beat us in every battle! What can I do?
Joan: You've got to fight! You've got to stand up for the good name of France! But you've got to let me lead the attack….. and, oh yeah, give me control of your army.
Charles: (scoffs) Why should I do that?
Joan: Because. I-uh, I-uhh, I read it on the back of a cereal box. Yeah, that's it. I read it on the back of my cereal box…this morning.
Charles: Wellll, I'm not sure, ah what the heck.
Joan and Charles storm the fort of Orleans. Englishman shouts.
Englishman: The FRENCH are coming! The FRENCH are coming!
The French win and go behind Fort Orleans/chalkboard.
Joan: Hoist up the Flag!
Canadian flag is put up.
Charles: Whoa. Since when does our flag have a leaf on it?
Joan: Wrong Flag!!
They put up French flag and play ends.