Tim's minds wandered as he was getting ready for the meal at Nonnatus House. Does the truth imprison us, or does it set us free? One thing he knew for sure was that the truth would hurt so many more than simply lying, or even not saying anything at all. The truth would be so unbearable, one day he hoped the truth would be seen from people's happiness, in their eyes and their words rather than other people's opinions. Facing the truth, his truth would hurt so many more, however as his farther once said 'none of us can improve without knowing the truth, even when it hurts'. All those feelings that kept creeping into his brain, he didn't know what to do. He felt so wrong, he knew what the feelings meant but he knew what would happen if he acted on them – he knew what that would make him if he did. Some nights he just wanted to cry, but no one could see him cry and with the thin walls in the flat he knew that if he shed a single tear someone would know and ask questions. His dad couldn't find out, neither could his mum. He knew it would break them. He saw what happened to Mr. Amos, no matter how much his dad tried to hide it from him it spread round popular like wildfire. Timothy was an observant boy – he saw the pain in Mr. Amos eyes every time he held his child, everyone knew he had love for his chid but that didn't change who he was.

Tim had spent weeks leading up to this meal trying to decipherer his feels, he read medical journals in the hunt for answers. Spending his weekends reading his dads medical textbooks to work out what he could do.

No one spoke about it, no one at school even mentioned it. His grammar school was great but it didn't give him anyone to talk to – he couldn't tell a soul what he was feeling, how confused he was. Oh, how he longed to find someone he could tell. He wasn't used to finding things from his family but he knew he had to be. He knew he didn't have choice, if his feelings were as they expected they were, he knew they weren't going away but he had to pretend they were nothing. He knew he wasn't alone, he read it in the papers all the time about men being charged with indecent assault but he tried to avoid the convocation with his dad, he avoided asking the questions he really wanted to know.

It was on his mind while he buttoned up his shirt and flicked over his hair. He smiled at himself in the bathroom mirror.

"Come on Tim, the nuns do hate it when we are late for Sunday Lunch" Dr Turner shouted at Tim as he made the final adjustments to his shirt and continued to plaster a smile across his face. He was continuing to become more secretive since starting back at school. Doctor Turner had noticed too – he was a doctor, he picked up when his son changed hair products. He spent nights wandering if he should ask his son what was wrong. Timothy spent nights wandering why he hadn't.

Xxx

With lunch underway he still couldn't get it off his mind, he tried. He laughed at the Nurse Crain's attempt at a joke and even made small talk with Trixie, it was the first time the turners had eat at Nonnatus House, since Delia arrived back in popular and since the sister had passed away, the atmosphere was different to before but Timothy couldn't put his finger on why. He liked thinking about why it took away from his feelings and allowed him to concentrate on something else. He watched silently as Patsy and Delia kept themselves to themselves, laughing at seemingly inside jokes. They even had little nicknames that Timothy hadn't heard used before. He continued people watching until the phone rang.

Trixie was on call , so with a glare but no words spoken by sister Julienne she removed herself form the table to get the phone, people carried on as normal. The familiar line 'Nonnatus House, midwife speaking" Hit everyone's ear drums but no one paid much attention to the rest of the convocation. She returned to the table less than 5 minutes after she had left – she looked more flustered than anyone had seen her in a while.

"It was Mrs. Amos" She said causing the table to look at her, with puzzled looks across their faces. She couldn't settle back in her seat, and kept flattening don her uniform as she continued "Mr. Amos killed himself earlier today – it was just confirmed" Trixie's words echoed around the now silent room. The words sat deep in Timothy's mind, everyone knew he was having trouble with the medication and he had tried before. Patsy's face dropped and Delia's tried as hard as she could to keep a face that wouldn't give away her pain, everyone knew they had spent time with Mr. Amos after the events, and everyone knew how openly on his side Patsy was, and so her emotions didn't shock anyone.

"How terrible" Nurse Crain said, breaking the silence. Even when trying to sound caring her face still looked stern and emotionless. Her face didn't feel anyone with warmth like Trixie's did.

"Poor women, left alone with a baby. He only had to stand by her and do the right thing" Sister Winifred said. Everyone knew her view on the situation, but for youth timothy he had never heard what he had to say first hand. Ass the words left the sister mouth Delia's face dropped faster than a corpse in cement boots. In that instant her skin became greyed, she tried to hide her grief and went on with the silence of the meal.

Doctor Turner always told Timothy that would could tell a person's emotion jut from their eyes, that they were the window to the soul but aren't sat at that silent table Timothy realised something that eyes aren't the window to a soul at all they are just a hole in a wall. That no boy really knows what's going on in anyone else's mind, they just makes estimated guesses and maybe that wasn't a bad thing.

Scanning his head around the room Timothy saw his mum, she looked completely unaffected by his death but she liked to avoid gossip of any sort, she was focused on his little sister who was cooing at Sister Monica Joan Trixie still looked shaken up but she answered the phone after all – she had to deal with the crying wife, her shakiness was understandable. Patsy's face left Timothy's mind wandering, he stared at it, until he stared going cross eyes. Her face was one of hidden fear, untold guilt and a strange type of grief every so often her face smiled flashed with shame, shock and embarrassment. He stared at it for a long time trying to work out where he recognised it. Why he could spot her emotions so easily yet why it was so confusing ad uncertain. He had an emptiness fill his heart, a numbness that pounded his brain why he tried to process why him and Patsy, had the same emotions. Why did they have the same emotions, Patsy's her a lot stronger than his but she knew Mr. Amos and she was better at hiding emotion, she had had lots of practice. All of a sudden it hit him like a ton of bricks – he knew why he and Patsy were making the same unseen facial expression. He let out a short gasp and a fake cough in an attempt to cover it up – the silent table looked at him.

"Timothy" His dad snapped at him

"Sorry" Tim responded. Nobody asked him any questions. He tried not to fixate on his theory but it was eating up at him, he wanted to talk to her about it. He didn't have a reason to talk to Patsy about it, he didn't have a reason to talk to Patsy at all. Other than a few convocations abut scouts they had barley exchanged a single sentence, they didn't need to. Patsy didn't have much to do with the Turners or anybody around popular really just the people that she lived with and the expected mothers that came and went.

Patsy looked in Tim's direction, looked at his eyes. She didn't see what he saw, she didn't see his hidden expressions. He wanted to say something but he knew he simply couldn't, he tried to forget it and focus on the food that was slowly going cold on his plate – he tried to eat it but he wasn't hungry.

Patsy's heart went out of Mr. Amos but she knew she couldn't show the table how much she really cared because she didn't care about Mr. Amos per say but she cared because they were the same, he was like her, like her and Delia but he couldn't get through it. He didn't have anyone like Patsy had Delia. She was trying to get Delia's attention , she needed support even if it wa jut a supportive eye contact just for a millisecond to prove that what they were doing was worth it but Delia was far too busy discussing smoking with doctor Turner, Delia was determined to get Patsy to stop if it was the last thing she did.

The food got eaten in small talk, no one spoke anything more to do with the death and people tried to focus on the future and the year ahead. People avoid any convocation that could start a debate and even resorted to talking about the Easter production the Cubs had put on with the help of other clubs in popular.

Tim couldn't get his mind to stop working, to stop thinking about Patsy how she must be feeling. How he felt. He felt so alone, he didn't know what he wasn't meant to do but he knows about Patsy weather she relied he knew or not, he needed someone to comfort him and tell him it's all going to be okay – the only person he could ask for that is her because she won't turn him into the police or tell a soul because she is one.

On the way out he took a sneaky look at the router to work out when she was next off "Wednesday" He muttered to himself, trying to make sure he remember it, he was going to have to come and see her, with his school still being off for Easter and his parents running the chest clinic, it shouldn't be too hard for him to slip away unnoticed.

Monday and Tuesday ere long and hard for Timothy, he tried to avoid his family and the hard convocations. It had gone round about Mr. Amos death and once again dykes were the topic of convocation – a convocation timothy was very glad didn't have to happen during the school term. Holding his tongue was getting harder as his feelings were getting more settled in his body, they weren't making him as unsettled as they had been before that Sunday lunch. He didn't know what had changed but something had.

Xxx

He walked up to the steps slowly, confirming there was only 1 bike in the shed he slowly opened the large wooden door to the house. He jumped back a little when he saw Delia in the hallway, minding her own business. Delia was just as shocked as he was, and they both didn't know what to say.

"Sorry to be a pain" Timothy said "Is Patsy in?" His voice sounded quiet and soft, he sounded almost scared when talking to Delia.

"Yes, she's upstairs. We are playing cards, that's if I can find where they have been hidden" Delia said smiling at Timothy.

"I found them Deels" Patsy screamed

"Pats, Timothy is here to see you" She paused for a moment waiting to see if her girlfriend would reply, facing silence she continued "Can he come up?" Delia asked. She wasn't sure if there was rues against it but she wasn't sure what to do, she had never come across a lost teenage boy in the corridor before, never mind one asking for Patsy.

"Sure" Patsy screamed back. Tim let out a sign or nerves and fear.

He followed Delia up the wooden stairs to the door Patsy shared with Trixie.

Patsy was playing one of Trixie's records, lay casually on her bed smoking a cigarette.

"Pats, put the cigarette out" Delia said, her soft welsh voice masked the seriousness of the sentence but Patsy did as she was told

"Is everything okay?" Patsy's asked Timothy, she was genuinely concerned about the boy, she didn't consider yourself close to him, in fact in her opinion she didn't know if from Adam yet here he was in the doorway to her room looking terrified.

"I-I I was wandering if I could get advice?" He asked her, Patsy looked at Delia and Delia looked back at Patsy.

"Well don't just stand there come in, sit on Trixie's bed. Just don't get shoe marks on the covers" Patsy said, smiling. Her mind started to race about the things he could possibly want advice over. Timothy did as he was told and Delia shut the door behind them, the tension in the room could have been cut by a knife.

"Mr. Amos" Timothy said breaking the silence. His heart hammered though his chest but his face stayed casual with no hint of hesitation.

"What about him?" Patsy asked

"Why do bad things always happen to people like him?" Timothy asked, it wasn't the question he originally set out to ask but he needed to start somewhere. Delia had now sat close to Patsy as they both we facing Tim on the opposite bed.

"Bad things happen all the time Timothy" Delia said, giving Patsy time to think a response that wouldn't give her or Delia away.

"Why is it such a bad thing what Mr. Amos did?" Tim then asked, he was getting closer the question he wanted to know. Patsy was no good with caring or subtle responses and she couldn't bring herself to answer but she could see the confusion on Timothy's face.

"Because what Mr. Amos did is illegal, no matter what peoples personal opinions are" Patsy said, she really wished she would have finished that cigarette.

"Would you consider it a risk worth taking?" Timothy asked, he was slowly losing fear in his voice and was gaining confidence as he spoke.

"I'm scared" He suddenly said before either of the girls had time to reply. Delia gave a quick glance at Patsy who looked in amazement and horror back at her. Patsy and Delia were way out of their depth but they couldn't leave him scared, he was a teenage boy not a criminal.

"Things will get better, they have too because we are regular people, all 3 of us and we won't have to live in hiding forever. If you remember that then It makes everything a little easier" Delia said, placing her hand over Patsy's, on the bed.

Timothy smiled as he took in the words Delia said, he finally for the first time felt like he wasn't alone. Patsy who was now looking straight at timothy could see the hidden pain wiped across his face, it was a pain that needed to stay hidden at least for now.

"Gosh young man you need to stop worrying, it's scary we know and we both want it to get easier but I am sure one day you will meet a nice fella who will treat you right – you have just got to be very careful" Patsy said. She didn't want to open up to Doctor Turners son, it felt strange but he needed to know that he wasn't alone, no matter how he felt he would never be alone.

Tim still looked uncertain but not like he did before, he looked back to how Patsy remember him looked in the previous times she had seen him – uncertain was just the way he looked because the harsh reality was that was going to be his primary feeling for most of his life.

"If you need anything at all, you know where we are sweetie" Delia said, her voice was softer and less harsh than Patsy's