Mordor Tours Inc.
The Fangirls of the Ring
Prologue
Addie was excited; she was on an overcrowded plane the size of a small SUV, which smelt like wed mud and sweat, wobbling through the air and trembling fitfully as it struggled to remain airborne. Her fellow passengers were terrified, if not by the now dangerously swaying plane, then by the snarling voice which erupted sporadically from the cockpit. It also just happened to be the happiest day in her life, so Addie was willing to overlook the horrible conditions, which in the light of her excitement, seemed little more than small inconveniences. The three hours crammed into a seat, crouching more than sitting thanks to the dilapidated state of her chair, had not phased her.
When the plane landed, skidding forward uncertainly for a moment before stopping abruptly with a loud crunch, she was the first out of her seat. The other passengers glanced around nervously before following her lead, confused even more by the garbled message that came over a set of loudspeakers which had been clumsily positioned around the cabin.
"We have arrived at our destination," a gravelly voice hissed. "Welcome to Mordor, Land of Shadow, home of the Eye. The current time is… dark. Thank you for flying with Fell Airlines." A screech cut off the end of the message and the menacing flight attendants, who looked suspiciously goblin-like, began rounding everyone towards the doors. A pasty green Orc, smaller than the burly flight attendants, was shoving pamphlets into the passengers hands.
"Here," snarled the green flight attendant, forcing a grubby pamphlet into her hands, before she was suddenly ejected from the plane, landing face-down in the black dirt. Addie jumped up quickly, just in time to move as the next passenger was shoved off after her. Looking around, she noticed many people rubbing sore spots and brushing black, sandy dirt from their clothes. Orodruin was visible in the distance and a quick look at the environment confirmed the pilot's words; it wasdark, almost Apocalyptically dark.
A shriek sounded from behind suddenly, and the group turned as a whole to spy out the source of the noise. A small brunette was gasping, a thrilled expression plastered on her face. Her look of absolute enchantment faded, however, when she took a huge breath of the sulfurous air and promptly began choking. Turning her attention away from the choking tourist, Addie inspected the paper that the disgruntled Orc had handed her.
Mordor Tours Inc.
The RedEye Co. offers tours to many of Middle-earth's most sinister dwellings, from Angmar to Umbar. And now, with the cooperation of White Hand Enterprises, even more evil destinations await you! Formerly the fortress of the most elite of Dark Lords, Mordor, along with many other menacing places, have become open to tourism. These Tours of Evil™ will encompass the following EVIL! Places:
Barad-dûr
Orodruin
Mordor
Dead Marshes
Minas Morgul
Dol Guldur
Dunharrow
Isengard
Misty Mountains
Barrow-downs
Angmar
Umbar
Near Harad
These horrifying destinations, as well as some surprise Tours of Evil™ to be hosted by Mordor Tours Inc.'s surprise guest, are all part of Mordor Tours Inc.'s new tour package, Tours of Evil™: Non-fatal Edition. This is your chance to tremble in awe of Middle-earth's greatest power, while paying Him to be allowed the honor, and to create what will become memorable, if slightly traumatizing, life memories.
NOTE: Mordor Inc's 'Tours of Evil™: Non-fatal Edition' may be fatal to those who incur the wrath of the Dark Lord in any way/shape/form
Sighing blissfully, Addie followed the group of tourists, all gathered into one large crowd, facing the ominous Black Gates. It didn't take long for the remaining passengers to be forcefully ejected from the plane (once they had actually seen their destination and it's larger quantity of Orcs, many of them had tried to remain on the plane). Once they were removed, a loud creaking erupted from nearby. Everyone turned to gawk at the Black Gates, from which a large assembly of mounted warriors poured forth.
Addie had successfully forced her way to the front of the group, which was rather easy, because most of them were doing the sensible thing and backing away. Once she was close enough to recognize the leader of the large assembly, she clasped her hands together in bliss and adopted an awed expression.
The figure himself, however, seemed immensely less enthusiastic as he stopped before the now cowering tourists, Addie being the exception; she was looking as though Elvis had suddenly materialized in front of her. Sighing, the figure set on his face a look of steely determination (which would have been more effective if his face had been visible) and spoke.
"My master, Sauron the Great, bids thee welcome." Although these words were completely devoid of any emotion aside from forced enthusiasm and were delivered in a deadpan voice, Addie could not contain the squeal of delight that escaped her. Her face was glowing with happiness.
She continued to exude contentment as the now slightly more frightened tourists began to follow the Mouth of Sauron through the Black Gates, giving impressed sighs as they passed through into Mordor. The giant Gates creaked shut once more and immediately the cracking of whips began, followed by the encouraging screech, "Move it, maggots!"
1 - The Welcoming Party
It was a typical day in the shadows of Mordor - Orcs were growling, minions were serving, Dark Lords were brooding, and people were suffering. Among those suffering was Addie, self-proclaimed fangirl of evil. It wasn't because of the whip-wielding Orcs at her back, or even the mounted host that encircled the tiny group of tourists - Addie was suffering because she couldn't seeanything. The exhausted tourists around her and the horses and their riders blocked everything but the black sky from view. She had tried once or twice to climb up on one of the horses, hoping that the added height would allow her to see the Mouth of Sauron, the leader of the sinister company. After managing to cling to the saddle for a few moments, Addie's dreams were crushed when the rider, who looked suspiciously goblin-like, painfully deposited her back into the crowd of panting travelers.
There was a garbled shout and the party halted. Many of the tourists collapsed where they stood, too tired to be afraid. Addie, who had just barely managed to avoid being flattened by the stomping horses, was nearly knocked over by a large Orc who was carrying a dirty looking leathery thing. He promptly shoved the leathery item into the hands of a dark haired girl. She took it, holding it with reverence as the guy next to her rolled his eyes and turned away. Seeing that others who had been given similar items were drinking from them (after being threatened into doing so and with various looks of disgust at the taste, but she ignored that), she approached them.
"Hey, can I have some of that-"
"No! This is mine, the Orc gave it to me!" Startled, Addie prepared to back away.
"Don't worry about her," Extending his hand towards her, the guy smiled politely. "She's an Orc fangirl. No idea how it happened, but it did."
"Oh, okay. Makes sense. What are you a… uh… fanboy of?"
"Evil in general." Raising an eyebrow, Addie inspected him closer. Scrawny and pale with a tuft of red hair, he looked more like the cousin on the Brady Bunch than an evil fanatic.
"Okay then. I'm Addie, Mouth of Sauron fangirl."
"I'm Hendi and this is my step-sister, Emma."
"Hey, aren't you the girl who almost choked to death earlier?" Addie asked cheerfully, recognizing her. Emma glared and after a few uncomfortable moments, Addie looked out over the expanse of black terrain they had covered.
"The stupid tour pamphlet didn't mention anything about all this running. Wonder how far we've gone by now."
"Only about 10 miles. I'd say we're heading for Barad-dûr, which should be about 85 to 90 miles that way." Hendi pointed slightly left of the direction they had been going in, but nothing was visible yet because of the huge mountains surrounding them.
"Wow." Addie praised. "How do you know that? Are you some sort of Super Boy Scout?"
"Nope, I studied up on everything before I left. Didn't want to wander unsuspectingly into the fortress of a powerfully evil Maia knowing nothing about where I was, you know."
"Yeah, sure." Addie looked guiltily around at the rest of the tourists, wondering how many knew as much as Hendi seemed to. She hadn't done anything to prepare for her journey other than packing a couple of outfits - which was redundant, seeing as she hadn't seen anyone even glance at the pile of bags that had been thrown off the plane.
Their conversation was interrupted by another garbled order and just as soon as they'd stopped they were off again, pinned in by the dark mountains.
Gasping and panting they finally arrived at their destination. Hour after hour of mindless trekking through black mountains and they finally stopped outside the doors of the towering, well, tower. Spiky, black, and creepy, it's effect was lost on Addie as she struggled to suck in enough air. Emma lay on the ground beside her, the leathery water skin long forgotten, wheezing. Hendi was in the best shape out of the three of them, but he was still doubled over, coughing. The air in Mordor was much, much hotter than they had expected and they were still miles from Mount Doom.
With a disdainful tsk at the state of the party, the Mouth of Sauron took his place at the front, standing dramatically in front of the black doors.
"Welcome to Barad-dûr, fortress of Sauron, Lord of Middle-earth." Maybe it was the proximity of his master that made the Mouth more eager, or maybe he was just glad the trip was over, but more fervor had been injected into this one sentence than they had heard the entire time. Addie labored to keep him in sight and breath at the same time, too worn out to even squeal. The doors began to open just as she pulled herself from the ground and, with the help of Hendi, managed to get Emma through the entrance.
"This is a cheat!" Someone complained. "No air-conditioning?" The heat outside was more concentrated inside, but it got cooler the farther down they went.
"I bet this was all a hoax," Emma scowled, stumbling as they trudged over the uneven floors farther and farther down. "We're headed for the torture chamber or something else equally horrible."
"We have already passed the torture chamber," A mocking voice informed them and the Mouth of Sauron swept up from behind them. Addie shoved Hendi out of the way, taking his place closer to the Mouth. "But we haven't gone far - if you'd like-"
"No thanks!" Emma assured him in a high-pitched tone of voice just as Addie replied, "Yes, please!"
"No, no." Hendi said, taking Addie by the shoulders and attempting to move her away. "She's mental, ignore her."
"I'm not mental, you jerk, get off-" Picking herself up off the floor, Addie met eyes with the Orc she had run into. Large and fanged with mottled skin, she was less afraid of it than the oversized machete it was wielding.
"Oops." Smiling amiably, she felt Hendi grab the back of her shirt and pull her back into the safety of the group. Emma was looking at the Orcs with an expression of admiration.
"I toldyou you're mental." Hendi hissed. Addie's side of the argument was interrupted by a loud growl. Not having noticed the Orcs arrival during their fight, they were surprised to see two of them standing on either side of another set of doors. The Mouth of Sauron had disappeared, presumably behind the doors.
Addie rushed impatiently through them once they had opened enough to admit her, followed hurriedly by Hendi and his sister. Allowing her eyes time to adjust to the light, it took her longer than usual to recognize her surroundings, but going by the horrified gasps of the others, it was no where good. Blinking rapidly she finally took in the features of the room she had previously been so impatient to enter.
"No bloody way."
This has taken FOREVER. I think I started this in the middle of last year and I just now finished the first chapter. I still think it's a little short but I did cut off a part I had meant to include to save for chapter 2, resulting in a sorta cliffhanger. I wrote about 80% of this all within the last 10 hours (cause I'm a slacker and couldn't pay attention, plus I woke up at 3 PM), so I haven't had time to brood over it for the usual week or so. Please forgive any errors, I type too fast when I have ideas, and extra letters sometimes make their way in. No idea when the next one will be posted because it'll depend on the response to this chapter. I have everything planned out generally speaking, even including a possible sequel, so plotline and things aren't a problem, but I'd like to know it isn't a waste of time.
I know not everyone likes to review, so I won't ask you to, but if you do, awesome. Any ides or suggestions, no matter what they are, are welcome and encouraged.