Another Afternoon with the Acolytes
It was a typical afternoon at the Acolyte base. Piotr mentally sighed as he walked down the hall thinking to himself. Why am I always the one who cleans up or fixes things around here? No one else seems to do so unless Magneto orders them to. Everyone ignores their responsibilities, like fixing the hole in the kitchen ceiling after they play with the microwave. We all share this base so we should all help keep it neat. Sometimes I feel that if I do not do these things they just won't get done.
Piotr turned the corner and headed toward Sabertooth's room. I wonder why Sabertooth needed the rivet gun? Oh, that's right. He was installing soundproofing in his room. I guess he must be having troubles sleeping due to his enhanced hearing.
Piotr stopped at Sabertooth's door and was surprised to faintly hear some strange noises coming from inside. He knocked on the door, but there was no reply. "Hello?" Piotr found the doorknob unlocked and cautiously stuck his head in.
"La donna è mobile, qual piuma al vento, muta d'accento, e di pensiero!" Sabertooth stood with his back to the door, his stereo providing instrumental backup as he bellowed at the top of his lungs. "Sempre un'amabile, leggiadro viso, in pianto e in riso, è menzognero! La donna è mobil, qual piuma al vento, muta d'accennnnnnto, e di pensier! E di pensier! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-eeee di pensier!"
Piotr shut the door and began to quickly walk away. "Okay, that is disturbing." he gulped. And it explains the soundproofing. He decided to take a break from fixing the ceiling and come back for the rivet gun later. Much later.
Piotr entered the recreation room and saw Remy and Pyro sitting on the couch arguing about something.
"For the last time, whales can not smell things with their blowholes," Remy said.
"Oh course they can!" Pyro defended. "They breathe through them, right? The blowholes used to be their noses, right? So they must still be able to use them to smell stuff."
"Yeah right. What are they gonna smell? The salty sea? A mermaid's perfume?" Remy threw up his hands. "Whales live in salt water for crying out loud! Why would they need to smell anything? It's the same reason whales don't have hair."
"Wrong!" Pyro snapped. "Some whales have hair on their snouts and on their chinny chin chins, despite the fact they don't need it. So they can still use their blowholes to smell things in the air!"
"Oh come on! This is the whale snoring argument all over again," Remy sighed and took a sip of soda.
"Whales snore?" Piotr asked.
"It's true!" Pyro insisted. "I learned it in the Boy Scouts."
"WHAT?!" Remy did a spit take. "You were a Boy Scout?!"
"Yep, sure was," Pyro beamed proudly. "Started out as a Joey, moved up through Cubs and into full-fledged Scouts. Oh, it was great fun and allowed me to get away from my fascist parents once in a while. In fact they insisted I join and get outta the house more often."
"That sounds nice," Piotr noted.
"Yeah, but they were tricky buggers. One time my troop went camping and when I came back my parents had moved to a whole 'nother city without me! Can you imagine that?" Pyro asked.
"Gee, I wonder why," Remy rolled his eyes.
"As a Cub Scout I earned the World Conservation Badge, eighteen Achievement Badges, the Grey Wolf Award and all three Boomerangs," Pyro went on. "After I became a Scout I wanted to earn the Australian Scout Medallion, the highest award in Scouting. I even managed to get the Fire Awareness Proficiency Badge."
"WHAT?!" Remy looked at him shock. "How did you of all people manage to get a Fire Awareness badge?!"
"Oh that's the shortened name of it," Pyro explained. "The full title was Fire Recreation in Intimate Coexistence and Eternal Greatness Awareness. Ya see even back then I displayed such mastery over fire lore my mentors decided to create a new badge just for me! The name was just shortened to fit an existing badge. Plus I argued that the requirements of the original badge were all evil propaganda written by fire extinguisher companies just to make a quick buck by killing innocent flames! It was my Scout duty to make the truth known and not contribute to such wrongs!"
"That's not the only thing that's wrong," Remy groaned.
"Unfortunately, my powers started to act up before I could earn the Medallion and after the little 'Vesuvius' camping incident I was kicked out," Pyro sighed wistfully.
"'Vesuvius' incident?" Piotr repeated.
"Yeah. It was just this accident with a few tents, some cooking spray, a propane lantern and a dozen plugged up dunnies," Pyro explained. "Course nobody knew I was a mutant. They just blamed the kid who had caused an entire grain elevator to spontaneously combust. There was another little accident before when I tried earning my Agriculture badge. Don't ask."
"O-kay," Remy blinked. "And I though I was feeling bad before a few laws of Nature got repealed."
"Feeling bad? Are you sick?" Piotr asked.
"Not really," Remy sighed. "I'm just a little bored. Like things are just too routine around here, ya know? We've been stuck in the base for weeks and there's nothing interesting to do around here." He slumped deeper into the couch.
"Hmmm," Pyro thought. "Ah ha! I know what you need!" He jumped to his feet.
"A trip to Monte Carlo?" Remy guessed.
"Nope. You need a Soul Injection!" Pyro grinned. "Hold on, I'll be right back!" He ran out laughing.
"Do we want to know what he is up to?" Piotr asked.
"No, but we'll end up finding out anyway," Remy sighed.
"What are you two doing?" Magneto stormed into the room.
"Nothing," Remy said. "Why?"
"Because it's your turn to clean out the refrigerator and you haven't done it yet!" Magneto glared. "I just opened it and nearly passed out from the smell! Things in there have mutated so much they're even beyond my understanding. You need a bio-hazard suit just to go near it!"
"Oh come on. It can't be that bad," Remy scoffed.
"The anchovies are spawning in the mushroom soup and the pickles have grown hair," Magneto told him.
"That is bad," Piotr blinked.
"Look, it's not my job," Remy protested. "It's Sabertooth's. He lost the bet about whether he could drink a whole bottle of pure pepper oil without going crazy."
"Oh really?" Magneto gave him a look. "That explains why all the ice cream is gone. And why I now have to get a new freezer."
"It was pretty funny," Piotr chuckled.
"Yeah," Remy snickered. "One minute Sabes is screaming and gulping down ice cream like mad and the next he's jumping around like a lunatic yelling about Brain Freeze."
"Hey guys!" Pyro popped back into the room. "Guess what time it is?"
"Dinner time?" Piotr guessed.
"Nope," Pyro grinned and pulled out a polo mallet. "It's time for Acolyte Tag!"
"Yes!" Remy cheered and jumped up from the couch. "Now you're talking!"
"NO! Not again! You are not playing that stupid game in here again!" Magneto roared.
"I get first up!" Piotr shouted as he grabbed a volleyball Pyro tossed to him.
"Not if I get the Nine Yard Base Flags first!" Remy declared running out of the room.
"Oh no you don't!" Piotr ran after him.
"Tally-ho!" Pyro shouted as he chased after his teammates.
"I don't believe this," Magneto groaned as he sank into a chair. "Why do I even try?"
"Alright! Here we go!" Pyro was heard shouting.
"Bring it on!" Remy yelled.
WHACK!
"You're It!" Piotr shouted.
"No I'm not! I hit it over the Partition Line! Both of you are It!"
"Well you're It now!"
THUD!
"Ha! Missed me!"
"Get back here!"
"I hate this game," Magneto moaned while holding a hand to his head. "I really have to start keeping some knock-out gas around here."
"Look out!"
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
"Hey! No charging racquetballs until your score is Twelve M!"
"But I entered the Energized Zone! So I can use them now!"
"Colossus is It!"
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
"Great. There goes the repair budget for this week," Magneto groaned. "Well at least they're not using greased watermelons this time."
"WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING?!" Sabertooth was heard shouting. "GET OUTTA MY ROOM! OW! ARE YOU PLAYING THAT DUMB TAG GAME AGAIN?! WATCH IT!"
SMASH!
"MY STEREO! AND MY ITALIAN OPERA CD! YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"
CRASH!
"And of course Victor gets dragged in," Magneto moaned as he pulled out a bottle of aspirin. "I could have hired someone else to look over these maniacs like I did with the Brotherhood, but noooooo! I decided to take a more hands-on approach. Boy was that a mistake!"
"Sabes is It!"
"I'M NOT PLAYING YOU NITWIT!"
"Watch out!"
"There he is!"
"Yay! Sabes stumbled into the Bombardment Sector! Let him have it!"
"YEOOOWWW! STOP IT WITH THE RACQUETBALLS! OW! THAT STINGS!"
"One of these days," Magneto muttered to himself. "One of these days I'm just going to leave these lunatics and get another team. A loyal, competent, sane team…OW!" he yelped as he was thwacked on the head with a dodgeball.
"Hey, Mags is It!" Pyro yelled.
"THAT'S IT! THIS GAME IS OVER!" Magneto screamed as he started to chase after the Acolytes. "GET BACK HERE! AND DON'T CALL ME MAGS!"
"Alright! We got Mags to play this time!" Pyro cheered as they tried to stay ahead of Magneto's wrath.
"Great!" Remy grinned. "We should try this the next time we want him to play Yahtzee with us!"
Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "La donna è mobile". Acolyte Tag was inspired by the game Calvinball.