"C'mon!" the blob cried, giving a sympathetic expression, "I was just gonna buy some food! I'm hungry!"
Batman ignored the blue blob's cries and proceeded to kick the tar out of the poor imaginary friend, thus retrieving the money and leaving the blob with a black eye and a missing tooth.
"Bloo!" came a voice, belonging to that of an eight-year-old boy, "This has got to stop! You can't keep stealing like this!"
"Lighten up, Mac!"
"How can I lighten up? We're street rats and we have to resort to stealing!"
Bloo sighed. "Street rat, riff raff..."
"Stop singing, this is serious!"
"Geez Mac, you're a bigger downer than that Bat-jerk!"
Slumping his shoulders, Mac replied, "Let's just get back to begging."
Meanwhile, at an establishment known as the Iceberg Lounge, 'legitamate businessman', the Penguin, observed yet another diamond brought to him by Killer Croc.
"Another diamond, Croc?" He placed it down by his elbow. "Very impressive, but not exactly what I'm looking for."
Croc gave an inhuman snarl. "Then what are you looking for, Cobblepot?"
"This." Both Penguin and Croc turned around to see Two-Face, holding a golden scarab in his scarred hand. "Here it is, bird, pay up."
"Very good, Harvey," said Penguin, pulling out a briefcase from under the table, "You shall be handsomely rewarded."
Almost slamming his fist on the table, Croc instead asked, "What's the deal?"
"The scarab supposedly has magic powers," said Two-Face, "It can lead one to the 'Cave of Wonders', but I don't believe that gunk." His face met Penguin's. "I wouldn't put it past you to swallow it, though."
"Gentlemen!" The Penguin snatched the scarab from Two-Face's hand. "If you will excuse me, I have private business that requires urgent attention!" After ushering out the two criminals, Penguin returned to his desk, bouncing the scarab on his palm. "Now, show me to the Cave of Wonders!"
Meanwhile, the mayor of Gotham, a grey hare named Mr. Herriman, looked at the bleak and desolate city, and gave a sigh, thinking of all the crime that had rid this place for so long.
"DADDY!" Herriman noted his daughter, Berry, bursting into the room, "Why haven't you found me a boyfriend yet?"
"In due time," said Herriman, "I have important business..."
"I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER! I NEED LOVE!"
The scarab had led Penguin to a grassy area in the outskirts of Gotham City, where a really awesome tiger head arose. "I am the fabled Cave of Wonders..." it bellowed, "and there is no way I'm letting a lardass like you in!"
"What tomfoolery is this? I demand to be allowed entrance!"
"Sorry! Only the 'diamond in the rough' can enter!"
"And who is this?"
By magic, the Cave made a photo appear in the Penguin's hand. "This is the guy, Blooregard Q Kazoo, street rat, imaginary friend."
"Why should an imaginary friend be allowed access to your treasures? All of them are juvenile morons!"
"That's the way the cookie crumbles," said the Cave, disappearing. Giving a 'humph', Penguin returned home, leaving the task of finding this Bloo to do tomorrow.
The next day...
"I'M SO AWESOME, GIVE ME MONEY, I'M SO AWESOME, GIVE ME CASH!"
"Bloo, I told you singing for food was a bad idea!"
"What are you talking about? The crowd loves me!" Then Batman kicked Bloo in the face.
"If you know what's good for you, you'll stop singing," said Batman, before running off to fight the Joker.
"Geez, what a grouch!" As Bloo sat down for a rest, the Penguin approached the pair, twirling an umbrella in his hand.
"I can not agree more," said Penguin, "Now, how would you like to make some money?"
"Would I?"
"Then follow me, my lad. I need you to do a teeny little favour."
Before Bloo could follow the Penguin, Mac grabbed his shoulder. "Bloo! That's the Penguin, famed criminal mastermind!"
"But money!"
Mac sighed and let Bloo follow Penguin, tagging along to make sure they didn't get in any trouble. Leading them to the outskirts of Gotham, Penguin showed the two the awesome tiger head again.
"Wow, cool!" said Bloo.
"Now, my colleague, go in there and fetch me the lamp inside! It'll be most worth it!" Screaming with joyful brio, Bloo darted inside, with Mac close in hand. After making their way down some murky catacombs, the two came to a chamber, where an old oil lamp lay on a pedestal.
"Hey, maybe there's a genie inside! Wouldn't that be cool?"
"No, Bloo. I don't even want to think about what would happen if you had a genie. And maybe there is no genie, perhaps the guy just wants it to sell it!"
Outside, Penguin paced, asking himself what he would wish for. "I'll wish for all the gold in Fort Knox, no, no, the Crown Jewels, no..."
Back in the cave, Bloo decided to ignore Mac and get his genie. He rubbed the lamp, slowly to savour the moment, and thus, a huge cloud of blue smoke erupted from the tip. "Coool." The smoke soon cleared, revealing a little bald man in a purple suit and bowler hat.
Almost laughing, Mac said, "That's a genie?"
The genie tipped his hat. "At your service. The name's Mxyzptlk!"
"Mixy-what?" said Bloo.
"Do I need to spell it out for you?" Mxyzptlk suddenly gained a mortar board and made a blackboard with his name in chalk appear. Pointing to each part of his name with a stick, he pronounced it. "Mix...yes...spit...lick!"
"I thought it was 'Mix-el-plik'," said Mac.
"No, you dolt! That's how they pronounce it in Superfriends! Grrr, I hate that show! They made me a giggling doofus! Just for that, cube head, no wishes!"
"I still get wishes, right?" asked Bloo.
"Of course, your royal blobbiness," said Mxyzptlk, changing into a waiter, "Three wishes, no more, no less. Now, what will we be having this fine evening?"
"Bloo, don't wish for anything! Let's just leave the lamp here and get out of this cave!"
"Hey!" said Mxyzptlk, changing back to normal, "Who said you could give feedback?" With that, Mac's mouth became a closed zipper. Mxyzptlk then changed into a Santa suit and asked Bloo, "Now what do you want?"
Bloo put his hand to his mouth and thought a while. 'Paddleball paddleball paddleball' went through his head repeatedly, but he immediately changed his mind.
"My first wish...I wish I was...the KING OF THE WORLD! MUA HA HA HA HA!"
After much fiddling, Mac managed to unzip his mouth. "Don't, Bloo. Haven't you read the comic where the Joker steals this guy's powers and takes over the world?"
"No," said Bloo, "because I'm not a geek."
This annoyed Mac, but Mxyzptlk laughed his butt off. "Y'know, blob boy, you're my kinda guy! Wish granted!"
At that point, the ground shook and trembled as a giant castle began to rise, as Penguin looked on in awe. "I should have known this would happen."
All over the world, signs of Bloo's new reign popped up everywhere. The Statue of Liberty and the statue of Abraham Lincoln both turned into Bloo statues. The Eiffel Tower turned blue and gained Bloo's goofy grin. Big Ben in London turned into a Bloo statue with clocks for eyes. The Sphinx gained Bloo's head as well as a plasma rifle in its hands. More importantly though, a huge castle with Bloo gargoyles and neon lights had arisen in Gotham City, and loads of flying television screens portraying Bloo's visage had swarmed all over the world.
"My loyal subjects," said Bloo, speaking through the screens, "As your new ruler, my first declaration is...FREE ICE CREAM FOR ALL!" There was much rejoicing.
Especially from Berry, who watched the whole thing with wide eyes. "He's beautiful!"
Batman had seen the whole thing too, which caused an uncontrollable rage to build up inside of him. That little punk had gone too far, way too far. After leaping in the Batmobile, he drove towards Bloo's castle and was prepared to give the bodyguards a sound thrashing until he saw that Berry had already done it.
"What are you doing here, Bat-Brain?" snarled Berry.
"I've come to speak with our new ruler."
"No you won't. He's MINE!" The last word was punctuated by her growing fangs out of nowhere.
Batman sighed. "As if I don't have enough psychotic females to deal with." He turned towards Catwoman, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn, who just happened to be standing there. "Um, no offense."
"Well, that ruler is mine! We're going to fall in love and get married and rule the world TOGETHER!" With a maniacal laugh, Berry entered the castle and Batman followed her.
In the throne room, Bloo sat in crown and robe, making a list of demands.
"From this day forward," he said to himself, "all Harry Potter books will be re-written to include me instead of Harry!"
"Okay, I'm beginning to think you're letting the power go to your head," said Mac, now Bloo's court jester.
"Did I mention I'm outlawing school?"
"Or maybe I should give you a chance," said Mac.
Suddenly, Batman burst in. "I don't know how you've done it, but..."
"Awww!" Bloo rubbed his lamp again, letting out Mxyzptlk. "I wish Batman wasn't so grumpy!"
With a POOF, Batman's bat logo turned into a smiley face and his costume became bright blue and yellow. "TRA LA LA, I'M HAPPYMAN!" and he pranced off.
"Now what will be my third wish?"
"Say, blue boy, I'm a pal, right?"
"Of course ya are."
"So, why not use your third wish to, you know, free the old Mx-man?"
"C'mon! What if I want something?"
"If you want something, you can just ask one of your servants! You rule the world, don't you?"
"Well, um...other people may want to use the lamp!"
"Like you share!" said Mac.
Insulted, Mxyzptlk floated back to his lamp in a huff.
"Great, Bloo, now look what you've done!"
"Oh Master of the World!" Berry then leapt in, with a bouquet. "I saw your broadcast and you look like a berry good ruler! How about I be your fairy princess?"
"See, Mac?" said Bloo, "Someone appreciates me!" Interpretating this as a compliment, Berry leapt into Bloo's arms, stroking his chin.
"You're so handsome...and so powerful!" As she kissed him frantically and repeatedly, Mac just rolled his eyes and left the room. Unbeknownst to Berry and Bloo, Penguin had snuck into the castle, what with all the guards unconsious and all, and had snatched the lamp while Bloo was smothered by Berry's affections.
"OK, Heather..."
"Berry.
"Heather. I got to get back to...WHERE'S THE LAMP?"
"Ah, great!" said Mxyzptlk, finding himself in the Iceberg Lounge, "First a blue blob jerk, now a fatso that looks like a bird!"
"Enough insults, down to business! My first wish is that you will dethrone that brat!"
Instantly, Bloo's magnificent castle disappeared, as did his monuments, causing him, Mac and Berry to fall to the ground with a thump. "What the?"
Mac groaned. "I knew something like this would happen!"
The three heard a malevolent smirk, and turned around to see Penguin, pockets filled with money and gold. "So sorry your little playtime was cut short, but at least you learned that some people are more deserving of power than others." Still smirking, he kicked Bloo right in the face, enraging Berry.
"I'LL KILL YOU!" Berry leapt to attack, but Mxyzptlk popped out of the lamp and froze her.
"Think that a freebee," he said to Penguin, "You still have one wish left; how about giving me a taste of freedom?"
Penguin thought. "Well, I don't like to think of myself as a greedy man, and I am in a generous mood right now, so why not?" Mxyzptlk rubbed his hands together in glee, but Bloo rose off the ground, diving for the lamp.
"Noooo!" he cried as he dove and were this a cartoon, he would have done it in slow motion. Before Penguin could grant Mxyzptlk his freedom, Bloo grabbed the lamp off his gloved hands.
"I suppose you want to be Grand Poobah again, doncha?"
"Better!" said Bloo, "I wish..." He pointed to Penguin. "...he was a genie!" Mxyzptlk groaned as he used his magic to transform Penguin into a genie, lamp and all. "HA HA!" cried Bloo, clutching Penguin's lamp, "Now I get three more wishes!" The lamp was then snatched from his grasp.
"That will be quite enough power abuse," said Mr. Herriman, who had just appeared, "I will be taking care of this lamp, thank you very much."
"But I wanna be King of the Earth!"
"Megalomania is not a healthy attitude, Master Blooregard!"
"Hey, Bugs!" cried Mxyzptlk, "How about freeing a teeny weeny genie over here?" As he yelled, a piece of paper fell from his pocket, which Mac read aloud.
"Things to do once I'm freed: Torture Superman, cause random acts of weirdness..."
Mxyzptlk grinned sheepishly. "How'd that get there?" Mac then wrote KLTPZYXM on the back of the paper and asked the genie what it said. After reading it aloud, Mxyzptlk and his lamp went back to the fifth dimension where they came from.
"That's one genie taken care of!" said Herriman, "Now what to do with..."
Batman as HAPPYMAN then appeared. "WISH FOR A PARTY!"
"Very well."
Just then, there was a big party with lots of loud music, balloons and snacks, which everyone in Gotham went to.
"Great party, Mr. H!" said Bloo.
Mac sighed. "I guess, but still, even after all that, we're still street rats!"
Berry rushed to Bloo and squeezed him. "You still have me though! I'll always love you, even if you don't rule the world!"
The party was a roaring success, but Mr. Herriman used his second wish to wish everyone was like him. The world regressed back to the nineteenth century and everyone in the cosmos was a snooty clean freak.
"A true happy ending, I must say!"
I'm sorry if I offended any Superfriends fans out there (I sorta like the show, since it's so stupid it's fun) but I really think the Mxyzptlk from the 90's Superman cartoon (the version used in this story) is truly superior to the Superfriends version. And didja know Superfriends Mxyzptlk was voiced by the same guy who voiced Abu and 90's Mxyzptlk was voiced by the same guy who voiced Iago?
Also, I'm sorry for not including any Carpet or Iago characters, but I didn't think they were needed.