Hello. So this little number is based on "Some Things Last a Long Time," a beautiful song by Daniel Johnston. I would recommend giving it a listen; sometimes it just breaks my heart. I thought it very fitting for a drabble describing how Remus feels about Sirius and his supposed betrayal after the deaths of James and Lily. Give it a read, and if you wouldn't mind, how about a review, eh?
Disclaimer: I own nothing, although I very much wish that I had a Remus Lupin of my own.
Your picture is still on my wall.
It's the brightest thing in the entire dingy one-room apartment. A haven of color, of life, in an expanse of dirty wallpaper, brown and peeling away from the drywall beneath it. After they died (because of you, how could you do it?) I sat there for hours staring at this picture of you, fully intending to rip it from the wall. But every time that my fingers came within an inch of the blasted thing, it was as if there was an invisible barrier. I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to remove you from my wall, from my memory, from my life, no matter how much pain you caused my friends (how could I think they were yours too?), no matter how much pain you caused me.
The colors of the photograph are bright, bright as they ever were. The strong reds of the Gryffindor scarf that you continued to wear even after we graduated from Hogwarts, juxtaposed beautifully against the brilliant, pure blue sky. So different from the picture I saw in the Daily Prophet of you as they led you off to Azkaban. No matter how hard I try to tell myself that this newspaper photo was the real you, that the young man in my picture on my wall is long gone (was he ever there?), I can't help but to continue to think of you in such a way. Some things last a long time.
Your picture is still on my wall.
I think about you often. More often than I would care to admit, more often than I know I should. Sometimes these thoughts lead me to a very dark place. All of the times I should have seen it coming, all of the times I should have known, should have been able to see that you were not the friend, the lover, that I thought you were. I spend hours agonizing over a single look that you once gave me, a turn of phrase that seemed so simple and harmless at the time, but in hindsight seems to condemn you.
But then there are other times, times when my eyes can't help but to wander to the picture on my wall. Even though I know that Sirius Black is gone, I can't forget all the things we did. The ten years of friendship that you showed me, the moments of love that I never fully felt that I deserved. Even though I know that man is gone, replaced by an unfeeling traitor deep within the cells of Azkaban, I can't help but remember you as you once were, to remember the way that I felt when I was with you then, to remember what we shared. Some things last a long time.
It's funny that I would keep a picture on my wall of the man that tore my life apart in one single night, but it's true. It's true, but it's not funny. Your picture remains as a constant reminder, I can always see it out of the corner of my eye; it always captures my attention. I know that you have done horrible things, but I just cannot let you go. Why can't I let you go?
Time, it comes and goes. Days turn into weeks, and weeks to months and my grief, that grief that you caused, carries on. And all the while, I still think of you. Just as I cannot remove it from my wall, I cannot remove the image of your face from my mind. Some things last a long time.
Your picture is still on my wall.
Even now, now that years have passed since that horrible Halloween night, the colors are bright, bright as they ever were. Dust has collected on its glossy surface, but the colors stand out even more as the surrounding wallpaper continues to fade and fall from the wall. Much like the colors of the picture that refuse to fade, my memories of you, of the way you were, the way we were, refuse to leave my thoughts. All of the things we did… I can't forget.
Some things last a lifetime.