Author's Note: Just my prediction for how Rick will get out of prison. As always, tell me if Rick's in character or not and I hope you enjoy. (P.S. If this all is what really happens, it's proof that I'm the Messiah.)
"What are you in for?" The purple alien next to Rick said.
"Everything."
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
It had been six months since Rick turned himself in to the Galactic Federation and was sentenced to life in maximum security. Now every day follows the same routine; get up, shower, eat, do whatever, eat again, downtime, eat, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat until your sentence was over. For people like Rick, that day was supposed to never come.
But Rick had been carefully analyzing the prison, biding his time, until it was right to strike. Prison sucked. The boring routine, the gross food, and worst of all, no booze.
Not anymore, Rick thought to himself as he sharpened the bone of an alien meat with his teeth. He planned on using it as a makeshift shiv until he could get his hands on something more dangerous.
Still hung up in the maximum security area of the prison, the all too familiar buzz of the dinner bell rung. The prisoners were systematically floated down, unchained from their platforms and escorted to the cafeteria. Rick stowed the bone in his sock and joined the rest of his fellow inmates.
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
The cafeteria was just as evil looking as the rest of the facility, decorated with ominous shades of black, purple, and red. It was relatively normal besides the color scheme, though.
After Rick methodically paced through the meal line, got his food and sat down, he began surveying the area.
The one alien Rick concluded to be the head honcho of the whole prison was an enormous, squishy yellow blob with piercing green eyes. On his back were orange sacs that pulsed. Where his hearts are stored, Rick thought to himself. He had seen that species before on an adventure with Morty. Which one, his aging brain couldn't recall.
"Hey Sanchez!" The alien said. "Get outta my seat!"
"Just go find another one," Rick replied, not looking up. "Don't be such a baby."
"You got the balls to call me a baby?" The alien shouted. "You're gonna get it Sanchez!"
When the alien attempted to pounce Rick, he slid to the side so his attacker missed. He reached for the sharpened bone in his sock and stabbed one of the orange bulbs on his back.
Neon green blood squirted out from the wound. Rick soullessly punctured the other sacs and watched as the alien bled out.
How was this guy ever the leader of anything, Rick wondered. He pushed the body out of the way and addressed the alien's gang. "Prison rules say you're my bitches. Now what you're gonna do is help me escape."
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
The plan? To cause the biggest riot ever.
After the prisoners were escorted back to their cells for downtime, Rick gathered his two gang members, their names being Niji and
Kojo, who both appeared to belong to the same species of pegasus type aliens, with wings to match.
They broke out of their cells and stepped out into the minimalistic lighting of the hallway outside, giving the pathway an eerie appearance.
"This place is giving me the creeps," said Niji, folding his dark blue wings against his identically colored body.
"Oh wow," Rick sneered. "You call this scary? Better watch out, there might be a fucking razor blade on the ground, just waitin' to get ya."
Niji's face transformed into a look of shame, his black hair hanging in his face. Rick grunted at the sight as the three reached a corner leading to the elevator that would take them to the main cell block.
"Hey, Grayface, fly over to the elevator to make sure it's not booby trapped or something." Rick ordered.
"It's Kojo." Kojo replied. He, however, still obeyed the command and flew around the corner to the elevator. He fluttered in place while inspecting it.
Niji noticed a light next to the elevator illuminate. "Kojo, I think that means trouble." he said in a loud whisper. He pointed a hoof in the direction of the light.
"What are you talk-" Kojo began before being interrupted by a ding from the elevator. Kojo landed, making eye contact with a burly armored guard.
"You idiot! You blew it!" Rick shouted.
"It's not over yet!" Kojo turned around and bucked the guard in the face. "Run!"
The three piled into the elevator, Niji pressing random buttons on the panel. "Come on, close!"
The guard, recovered, retrieved a walkie talkie from his belt. "Three maximum security prisoners have escaped. Repeat, three maximum security prisoners have escaped. Dispatch all units to all floors that service elevator three goes to."
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
"What button did you push?" Rick asked.
"I don't know!" Niji said. "I just pushed one in the hopes of getting away."
Kojo looked at the panel. "Well, you got lucky. The first stop is the main cell block."
The elevator banged to a stop and the doors opened, revealing an ocean of purple clad guards.
"There they are!" One of the guards shouted.
You would have had barely any time to blink with how fast the guards stormed in.
"You motherfuckers want some?" Rick manically shouted. "Come get it!" Rick got out his bone and midway into stabbing a guard in his armored chest, Rick retracted his arm. He knew that it wouldn't work.
He noticed a gold ray gun on the guard's belt. He dodged a punch to the face and used the minimal recovery time to gouge his faux shiv into the guard's eye.
While he shrieked in pain, Rick stole the ray gun from his belt and finished him off with a surprisingly powerful blast from the weapon.
"Let's go!" Kojo said, flying ahead of the two still in the elevator.
"Get on my back," Niji offered. "We'll be faster that way."
Rick rolled his eyes at the prospect, but obeyed. He was right, after all. They would be faster. Niji took off in the direction of the gray pegasus creature with Rick on his back.
More guards charged at them from all directions. One plucked Niji's small frame from flight and slammed him and Rick against the ground, leaving a bloody stain on the floor.
Against this many government assholes, we don't stand a chance, Rick thought.
"Now, if you surrender, we'll take you back to your cells, and you might live to see the sun again." A ray gun wielding guard said.
"Fuck, I'm shaking in my boots." Rick said. His eyes darted to a bright red fire alarm lever.
This'll be easy. "Ssss, fireballs and pansies, I don't know," Rick said while backing up towards the fire alarm. "Ssss 'cause you're all fucking idiots!"
Rick pushed down on the lever. A loud bell reverberated throughout the facility and a harsh rain shot from the ceiling. The three sprinted for the main cell block.
Rick knew that the cells automatically opened in the case of a fire. That's what he wanted.
"You. Fly me to the ceiling." Rick ordered Kojo. He hopped onto his back and the two flew up as high as they could go. Rick hated being on the backs of these two, but it was necessary, and admittedly, convenient.
Rick pointed his ray gun up to the ceiling and shot to silence the commotion.
"Listen up motherfuckers!" Rick announced, the prison now quiet. "Feathers, down there! Make sure the guards can't get in!"
"Why can't he call us by our names?" Niji muttered to himself.
"I have the best deal in your meaningless lives. Help me escape, and you might not die. And you don't get a choice."
"That's not a deal!" One alien said. "Why should we listen to you anyway?"
"You wanna fucking test me?" Rick, with no hesitation, fired at the outspoken inmate. With no armor, he disintegrated upon contact.
"Anyone else wanna join him? 'Cause I got a lot of charge left in this thing and enough sociopathy for everyone."
"Any chance to escape sounds good to me." An alien said.
"Everyone else in agreement?" Rick asked. No one said anything. "Good. Bluefucker, unbar the door."
"Now that was just rude." Niji said.
"Just do it." Rick thought about how much Niji reminded him of Morty. His oversensitive and whiney nature sealed the deal. But Morty was the reason he was doing this.
"Land." Kojo landed at Rick's request. The only human dismounted from the blond haired pegasus and faced the door.
Before Niji could open it, the barricade was rammed down by the guards outside.
Niji's face held recognition. "Steven? What are you doing?"
Steven, a purple praying mantis type creature, gave Niji a sadistic black eyed stare. "What happened?" Niji shouted, his green eyes glassy from unshed tears.
"What are you talking about?" Steven growled. "I've never been better. I should be asking what's wrong with you! Attempted escape from the prison is a serious offense."
He started slowly closing in on Niji. The blue pegasus backed up out of fear until he hit another guard. Steven whipped out his claws, poised to attack.
"You need to be disposed of." He said coldly. Niji screwed his eyes shut in anticipation of the attack.
"No!"
He opened his eyes again to find Kojo hovering over him. Niji also saw a purple blade impaling him, his gold eyes slowly losing light.
"Kojo," Niji whimpered, holding the gray pegasus' head in his hooves. "You didn't have to do this."
"You know I'd do anything," Kojo grunted. "...For my little brother."
Rick blankly stared at the "heartbreaking moment". What was this, an obnoxious soap opera that he frequently found his granddaughter watching?
Steven slid Kojo's body off of his claw. "That was very good, Steven."
Steven stepped aside and kneeled with his many legs. "Thank you, Mistress Absentina."
The other guards also stepped aside to make way for the woman to come.
Absentina. The bitch warden. She looked like a hybrid between a gray-purple wolf and a human wearing a black and white feminine business suit. Rick remembered her. That bitch had an obsession with him. She'd come into the maximum security area, order that his platform hover down, and grip his face and mess with him.
You're nothing, she'd say. One day you'll be my slave, she'd say. Trying to break him. It was just annoying to Rick.
"Fuck it," Rick said under his breath. "Charge!"
A mass fight broke out between the prisoners and the guards. One punched Rick hard in the gut, knocking the wind out of him.
Don't sink to your knees, he thought to himself. He sucked in a breath and fired the ray gun haphazardly, not caring about the casualties.
Rick heard what sounded like a generator running, and then he felt something hot and painful whip harshly against his back, knocking him to the ground.
When Rick was about to rise, Absentina stepped on his back and dug her jet black heel into it, wrapping up her electric whip also. The pain was excruciating, but Rick clenched his teeth to cope with it. He felt a warm liquid trickle down his back. He was bleeding.
"Did you really think you could escape under my watch?" she asked, a slight British accent to her voice.
"Gee, I don't know, maybe because you barely have any lackeys patrolling the place." Rick quipped.
"You don't talk to me that way!" Icy blue eyes blazing, she flipped the handle of the whip to now wield an electric dagger. She drove the blade straight into Rick's right shoulder and dragged it down his arm.
He remembered Niji being taken away and something about anger issues before he fell unconscious from the pain and blood loss.