This is, as I said in the description, is a present for the epic and unforgettable Pip the Dark Lord of All. Technically, it's for both her RL birthday and her fanfiction anniversary, but all the same! She is an amazing friend, and the one that inspired me to start writing insane stories of my own. So, this is for you, Pip.

*bows*

I hope you enjoy.

It began with the opening of the One Closet.

Admittedly, that was a pretty dumb thing to do, seeing as it was Glorfindel's closet, and he threw a ton of stuff in there that should never see the light of day again. Ghastly fumes occasionally wafted out from underneath the closed door, and there were strange noises in there sometimes.

But I digress.

It was a calm, peaceful, etc., etc., etc. morning in Imladris, as it usually was when Elladan and Elrohir slept in late. Every time that they did manage to wake up on time, it was still calm and peaceful because everyone was hiding from them.

Elladan and Elrohir were in Glorfindel's rooms while everyone hid from them, and they were going through his things because he wasn't there. Apparently he was off hugging everyone, or something like that. Whatever. What mattered was that he wasn't there!

"Hey, look at this," Elrohir said, holding up something he had fished out from beneath Glorfindel's favorite pillow, Sir McFluffinator (the name was stitched on the pillowcase).

"Ooh, blackmail!" Elladan exclaimed in glee, snatching the item and examining it more closely. It was a small cuddly Balrog with a happy smile and big eyes, tiny red wings flopping all over the place.

"I don't get it," said Elladan, and threw it back onto the bed.

Then he and Elrohir turned around and stared at the closet.

"What do you suppose is in there?" Elladan wondered, seeing a ghastly fume float from beneath the door and drift to the ceiling.

"Beats me, d'ya think it's dangerous?"

"Probably."

"All right!" Elrohir started for the closet. "Let's open it then!"

"Wait!" Elladan exclaimed. "What if it's a trap?"

Elrohir paused, then said dramatically, "It is most certainly a trap."

"Hey, let's trademark those awesome lines so no one can ever use them!" Elladan exclaimed.

"Okay!"

The two ran to the Official Quotes Trademark OfFiCe and trademarked the quotes. Then they ran back to Glorfindel's rooms.

"Are you sure we should?" Elrohir said in a terrified whisper, hesitating as he reached for the doorknob.

Elladan scoffed. "Of course we should! We're going to prove our bravery; see what's in there that horrifies everyone but Glorfindel – and then there's the most obvious reason."

"What's the most obvious reason?"

Elladan slapped his own face. "Why do I always have to be the smart one?"

"YOU'RE NOT THE SMART ONE; I AM, BECAUSE I'M THE ONE THAT ACTUALLY READS BOOKS."

Elladan raised a dramatic eyebrow. (He might have gotten a plagiarizing suing document thingy for using his father's Eyebrow of Doom, but Erestor was busy and so didn't notice). "Whatever. Anyways, the obvious reason we have to do this is because this story won't go anywhere if we don't! And–"

"Stop stalling," said a voice from somewhere.

Elrohir opened the door. There was a cloud of fog blocking everything inside. It was very mysterious, and it stunk a lot.

Then the twins saw something white and gleaming inside the closet. There was a creaking noise, and they both leaned forward eagerly to see what it was. With another creak, the white gleaming thing toppled toward them.

It landed on them both and knocked them to the ground.

When they both recovered their senses, they pushed the white gleaming thing off them and then stood up to look at it, not realizing what it was until a second later.

It was mostly white and delicate, but there was a sheet of something golden (and, oddly enough, looked like Glorfindel's hair) that covered it hairily. Elladan pushed aside the hairy-like gold stuff and then saw what was underneath it.

A bone-white skull leered up at them, rib bones and various other gross bones sticking out everywhere.

Elrohir promptly passed out.

Elladan managed a few more moments of staring in horror at the golden-haired skeleton before he fell over and landed on top of Elrohir, squishing him.

"Huh," said Glorfindel, staring down at the unconscious twins, hugging each other in their terrified sleep. "Do you think we can wipe their minds and pretend they didn't see anything?"

Erestor kicked the golden-haired skeleton at his feet. "Nope, they've seen too much. We'll have to dispose of them quickly. Let's see, what shall we say to Elrond and Celebrían? Hmm." He scribbled in his notebook. "How about 'It is to our great sadness and depressness that we inform you about your sons, who unfortunately had a skeleton fall on their heads and kill them'?"

"Sure," Glorfindel agreed. "That sounds good. Shall I strangle them as I did her?" Imitating Erestor, he kicked the skeleton for added effects.

"No, I was thinking more along the lines of punching them in the face," Erestor said. "There's a way to do it so you can smash the cartilage up into the soft tissue and kill them instantly–"

"I don't like killing people when they're asleep," Glorfindel said. "It goes against my morals."

"Morals? You accidentally hung your sister with her own hair because she was stealing all of your fame," Erestor said, writing in his notebook again.

"I resent that statement!" Glorfindel exclaimed.

"So you're saying it's not true?"

"No, but I still resent it!" Glorfindel looked again and the sleeping twins, now snoring away happily, and he sighed. "I just can't kill them – they're too adorable!"

"Fine," Erestor sighed. "Wake them up and then strangle them."

"Okay!" Glorfindel picked Elrohir up and hugged him, then dropped him and hugged Elladan.

It took about two seconds for them to wake up from the amazing power of Glorfindel's hug. They both shot to their feet, gasping.

"Did I really see what I thought I saw?" Elrohir exclaimed.

"DID WE?" Elladan shrieked.

"No, you didn't," Erestor said soothingly, writing something in his notebook. "Glorfindel, strangle them now."

Elladan looked down and saw the golden-haired skeleton at his feet. "YES, WE DID," he screamed, then promptly passed out again.

Elrohir rubbed his eyes and stared at the skeleton, then looked at Glorfindel. "Why is there a skeleton in your closet?" he said.

"Because I put it there," Glorfindel said.

Erestor jotted something in his notebook.

"I'm sorry, I just found out that I can't strangle them, conscious or not," Glorfindel said apologetically to Erestor. "They're just too adorable. Can I hug them instead?"

"NO," said Erestor. He wrote one last thing, then put his notebook away.

"Why would you want to strangle me?" Elrohir said, sniffling.

"Because you found out my secret," Glorfindel said.

"What secret?" Elrohir said, his eyes lighting up.

Erestor made a slashing motion across his throat.

"You want me to kill you?" Glorfindel whispered.

Erestor shook his head and raised a finger to his lips.

"Put my finger in front of your face?" said Glorfindel, confused.

Erestor growled exasperatedly and clasped his hands in front of his mouth.

"Strangle you?" Glorfindel exclaimed in a whisper.

Erestor hit his head against the wall.

"So, what's the secret again?" Elrohir said.

"I accidentally hung my sister with her own hair because she was stealing all of my fame," Glorfindel said. "And then I put her body in the closet, where she turned into a skeleton, but her hair stayed golden and glorious, unfortunately."

"YOU HAVE A SISTER?" Elladan cried, waking up.

"But no one ever said you had a sister!" Elrohir said.

Glorfindel shrugged. "We did a permanent mind-wipe of everyone in Middle Earth, so now no one knows."

The twins both gasped. "But how did you do that?"

Glorfindel tossed his glorious hair and smiled. "We had a lot of super powerful people on our side, who also accidentally killed their sisters and put them in their closets."

The twins screamed and ran out of the room.

"Le gasp," said Glorfindel depressedly. "They got away."

Erestor scowled at him. "You totally messed that up – forget it, I'll go solve this problem myself." He pulled a knife out of his boot and stabbed Glorfindel in the shoulder, then stomped out of the room.

Glorfindel put the skeleton back in his closet and shut the door, then sat down. He pulled the knife out and ate it, then wrapped a bunch of his golden hair around his shoulder.

He took a deep breath, and then began singing in a muy muy soft voice. "Flower, gleam and glow..."

The golden flower emblem on his tunic flashed. His hair slowly started to shine from the top of his head, and the glow started down…

"...Let your power shine..."

The glowy glowing stuff reached the end of his golden hair and engulfed his shoulder in glowy glowing stuff.

"...Make the clock reverse..."

The wound slowly knitted itself back together, the blood disappearing from his hair.

"...Bring back what once was mine..."

The wound healed completely and his hair glowed one last bright time.

"...What once...was...mine."

Glorfindel finished the song and stood up, tossing his hair back over his shoulder. Then he looked down where the wound had been and gasped. A moment later, his voice echoed through the Halls of the Least Homely House.

"COME BACK HERE ERESTOR; YOU GOT A HOLE IN MY SHIRT!"

*gasps* What's going to happen now?! Is Erestor going to catch the twins? Where are the twins going? What's the evil conspiracy behind it all? How can Glorfindel do that...thing...with his...hair?! Why was there a skeleton in Glorfindel's closet? Am I ever going to stop talking? All will be revealed in the next chapter - be prepared!

If you loved this chapter, just remember...it was beta-ed by *drumrolls* the most fabulous Sixty-four K! All hilarity was proof-read by her and (I hope) given her stamp of approval, which is something one longs most earnestly after.