Helloooooooo everybody. Yours truly has been working tirelessly on a series of sequels to "A Sense of Belonging" This is a one shot, albeit hella long for a single chapter lol. The fics to follow will range from short as hell to medium-ish. I have 4 planned, including this one.
Please do read, enjoy and if you like, leave a comment! Without further ado, here is:
Feet on the Ground
"It happened again." Levi walks into the infirmary, with a piece of cloth pressed to his neck.
"Again?" Hange stands and dons a fresh pair of gloves. "Dammit. Lemme see Levi."
Levi inhales sharply when moving the cloth away. It's still bleeding, but not profusely, which is a good sign.
"Looks like she missed the major vessels."
Hange cleans the wound and applies gentle pressure before taping a gauze patch on it.
"Thanks."
"Anytime, hot shot. Wanna talk for a minute?"
Levi doesn't answer, just sits on one of the infirmary beds and places his head in his hands.
"I don't know what the fuck is happening." He sounds more frustrated than she's ever heard him.
"When she's awake, everything is fine. She's fine. It's after she goes to sleep… I don't know what to fucking do."
"Levi, it's only been 2 months since her assault. Those wounds are still fresh."
He cringes at Hange's words.
"I know, Hange. I'm not saying she should be over this. I just… I don't know how to help her. Nothing is working."
"Have you hidden all of your weapons?" She asks him.
"I don't even keep them in my room anymore. The last thing I want is for her to hurt herself."
"I'm a little more concerned about you, Levi. She keeps missing but one of these nights she's going to slice your fucking carotid and that's a point of no return."
"She's not going to kill me, Hange. Relax."
"Levi I can't relax. This is the third time she's put a knife to your throat. And the fifth time you've landed in the infirmary. I need your self preservation to kick in."
"This is my fucking daughter."
"I'm not saying body slam her, numb nuts, I'm saying take extra precaution."
"It's not her fault. You don't know what she's been through."
"You're right, I don't. Levi, I'm not blaming her for this. Please understand that. I'm worried about the both of you."
"I… I know that. And I appreciate it. Just help me take care of her and then… then I'm all yours. I promise." He sounds desperate. Hange won't get through to him while he's like this.
"Alright, Levi. Just take a deep breath, we'll get her through this. We always do." Hange sits next to him on the bed and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Let's try grounding." Hange suggests after a few minutes of silence.
"What does that mean?"
"It helps bring her back to reality. You try to get her to focus on what's around her. The placement of her body, the feeling of the floor on her feet, her breathing, her state of mind."
"State of mind?"
"Ask her where she is. Is she with you? Or with the monsters? Is she safe? Or in danger?"
"Kinda like what you do with me?"
"Yeah. Just like that." Hange smiles. "Grounding her in reality should snap her out of that… stupor or whatever you want to call it."
"I'll try it."
"Papa, what happened to your neck?"
"Nothing, baby mine. I cut it while getting ready this morning."
Levi hates lying to her. But he has no idea how to explain that she's the one causing all of his mysterious injuries without making her think it's her fault.
"How're your ribs?"
"What? They're fine. Who told you about that?"
She broke two of his ribs last week. But again, Levi doesn't want to make Ina think he blames her for any of this. He's been keeping all of his injuries from her for this reason.
"No one, I saw the bruises yesterday and I got worried."
"It was just a training accident, Ina. Don't worry about Papa."
"You need to be more careful. I don't like seeing you get hurt like this." Ina pouts.
"I will, baby mine. I promise I'll be more careful."
Ina has seen Papa with more bruises and bandages in these past couple weeks than in the whole time she's known him. He's never been this… clumsy before. It's confusing, but also worrying. Ina really wishes Papa would trust her more. He knows everything about her, but sometimes he's so secretive about himself. Something is going on and it's stressing him out. She can see the circles under his eyes have darkened and he's even a little jumpy around her. He's never looked so nervous before.
"Enough about me, how have you been Ina?" Levi tries to flip the the conversation. Anything to get the topic off himself.
"I'm okay. I'm still… still having nightmares. They're really scary." Ina mumbles.
"Have you been talking to Hange about them?"
Ina shakes her head. "No, not Miss Hange. Um… sissy. I've been talking to sissy. She… her and big brother- um Eren- they were both there… there when the monster hurt… when he hurt me." She confesses, her voice a tiny whimper.
"Has it been helpful?"
She just nods at first. "A little."
"Is there anything I can do to help, Ina?" Levi leans forward.
"Can.. can I keep sleeping with you?"
"Of course you can, Ina. Whatever you need."
"I… I still have the bad dreams. But being with you… it still helps. I just don't like waking up alone."
"I'll always be there for you, Ina."
She crawls into his lap and curls in on herself. "Thank you, Papa. I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble."
"Ina," Levi wraps his arms around her. "You're not causing anyone trouble, remember that. There's no time limit to your recovery."
"Okay." She takes a deep breath, inhaling the scent of Papa's clean clothes. Something about it is so comforting to her. It always calms her down.
"Look at me, Ina. Look at Papa."
"I won't let you hurt me again…" she chokes. Levi can see the glint of the blade in her hands as she raises it above her head. He can feel her trembling from where she sits on top of him.
"Wake up, Ina. Please. It's just me. I'm not going to hurt you." Whenever he moves she brings the knife lower. So Levi tries to stay still.
"I'm going to kill you." Ina cries quietly. "You deserve to die for what you did."
"Ina wake up. You're not with the monsters. You're with Papa. I'm here to protect you."
She doesn't hear him. Doesn't comprehend anything he says. She brings the blade above her head again, preparing to strike a deadly blow.
"Ina! Don't!" Levi feels panic creeping up his spine. "Wake up, Ina! Please!"
She aims the blade right at the center of his chest, and puts all of her weight behind it. Levi is able to stop her in time, but she's ridiculously strong, even in her sleep. The knife pierces his shirt and manages to break the skin right between his collarbones. It's shallow, but she's trying her damndest to plunge it deeper into his chest.
Levi doesn't want to hurt her. But this is getting out of hand really fast.
"Die! You monster! Die!" Ina shouts.
The knife cuts a little deeper. He can't help the sharp exhale of pain. Levi is left with two choices. Let her cut him or use his full strength to stop her.
"I'm so sorry, Ina."
It all happens so fast. He grabs her wrists and twists them to get her to release the knife. That's when she starts screaming. And she doesn't stop. Levi flips them over and wraps his arms around her.
"Ina it's me! It's Papa!"
Nothing. She just continues screaming bloody murder. Continues calling him monster.
"No! No! Don't hurt me again! Help! Help me!"
Neither of them hear the door swing open. Hange rushes in with Krista close behind her. All they can tell in the dim light of the single lantern is that Ina is in distress and that someone is bleeding.
They work on separating Ina and Levi. Hange pulls Levi away and let's Krista take Ina, who's still screaming.
"Just get her out of here!" Hange yells, trying to keep Levi from running after her.
"No!" Levi yells as Krista carries Ina out of the room. "Ina, I'm sorry!"
Hange doesn't let go of him. When he starts screaming she does everything she can to calm him down.
"Ina!"
"Where's Papa?! Why won't you let me see him?"
"Ina, just wait, we need to make sure you're not injured." Krista can't keep Ina still long enough to check and see where all the blood on her clothes came from.
"Somethings wrong with him, sissy. He hurt himself again! I need to see if he's okay!"
"Ina!" Krista hates raising her voice, but it does stop Ina in her tracks.
"Enough! Let me check your body and clean you up. We'll talk later, understand?"
"Yes, Sissy."
"Raise your arms up." Krista orders.
She removes Ina's bloody nightgown and thoroughly checks for any breaks in the young girls skin. So far so good.
"Let's get you washed up, munchkin." Krista takes Ina into her arms and wraps a blanket around her naked body.
"Where's Papa?"
"Ina, not now. We're going to take a bath and then you're coming to sleep with me and the others."
"But- he's hurt. I just want to know if he's okay."
"He'll be okay, Ina. He's with Hange. One thing at a time."
"Papa… please be okay."
"This is going to sting, Levi."
"You're doing so good. Almost there."
"Alright, the hard part is over. Come on Levi, sit up for me. Then we can put on a fresh shirt."
He grabs her hand when she steps away.
"I'll just be a few feet away, Levi."
He says nothing. Just looks up at her with such sad, broken eyes.
The shirt can wait. Hange wraps a blanket around his shoulders and sits on the bed with him. Levi curls up at her side, never letting go of her. She just holds him close.
"I'm sorry, Levi."
His sobs shake his entire body.
"This isn't your fault."
Levi doesn't believe her. How could he after what just happened? This is all his fault. Ina is still in so much pain, still hurting, and he can't do anything to help her. All he's done is make everything worse. She's probably so confused. So lost. She needs her Papa. But he can't be what she needs. He can't do anything right. Ina deserves better. She deserves the world at her feet.
If only Levi knew how to give it to her. What she's entitled to. Levi thought he knew Ina best. That no one could love her like he would.
Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Ina needs more than Levi is able to give. He can't help her anymore. That realization tears Levi apart. Makes him feel like his stomach is being ripped out of his body.
He sobs relentlessly the rest of the night.
"Why won't you let me see him?!" Ina yells as Sasha and Mikasa block her only exit.
"Ina, just wait for Hange to come back. She'll talk to you." Mikasa tells the young child.
"I don't want to talk to Miss Hange I want to see Papa!"
"Peanut were just following orders. You'll see your pops soon, alright. Just be patient. Everything's alright."
"No! It's not alright. I heard him screaming last night. Somethings wrong!" Ina cries.
Sasha and Mikasa exchange a look. Just as Hange predicted, Ina doesn't remember anything. Doesn't remember how she nearly succeeded in stabbing her father right through the chest. Or how she called him monster over and over again, while wishing him dead.
"What aren't you telling me?!"
The two scouts say nothing. They just look at Ina with aching pity in their eyes.
"No."
"Just for a minute, Levi."
"No." He turns on his side, away from her, and pulls the blanket with him.
"Levi, she's worried sick about you. Are you sure you don't want to just let her know you're okay?"
"I'm fine. Just make sure she eats something. Please… please take care of her."
"I will. Levi, I'm worried about you. You haven't slept-"
"Hange, I'm fine. Just go."
"I'll be back to check on you in about an hour."
"Don't bring her. I can't- I don't want to see her."
"I won't. It'll just be me."
"Thank you, Hange."
"Ina, let's take a walk." Hange picks Ina up after they manage to get her to eat some breakfast. She's still asking about Levi with every breath.
"Are you taking me to see Papa?"
"Let's go sweetie." Hange holds her hand out and waits for Ina to take it.
They walk outside and through the courtyard. For a long moment, Hange says nothing. Just walks in silence beside Ina.
"Why can't I see Papa?"
"He's not feeling very well today. He needs some privacy. Can I talk to you about something serious?"
Ina nods.
"I want you to tell me about these nightmares you've been having."
"I don't want-"
"Ina," Hange slows their pace, but doesn't stop. "This isn't optional."
The finality in Hange's tone keeps Ina from protesting further. She doesn't say anything at first. Just keeps walking, kicking at the small pebbles in her path.
"They're all about the monsters…" Ina mumbles. "The last time… when they hurt sissy and big brother. It's always that time."
"Are they hurting you again in these dreams?"
"Uh huh…"
"Do you fight back?"
"Always…" she squeezes Hange's hand. "I… in the dreams I… find a weapon and pin him down. But… i wake up right before I cut him… every time."
"Ina, do you know what sleepwalking is?"
"Um… no? It sounds like walking in your sleep?" Ina guesses.
"That's about right. Only sometimes, you can do more than walk around. Sometimes you can talk to people or even eat, all while being asleep."
"Really?"
"And the funny part is, you never remember any of it. Everything feels like a dream."
Ina doesn't respond at first. She isn't sure where Miss Hange is going with this.
"Do… you think I sleepwalk?"
"I think you do, Ina."
"Is that bad?"
"In any other situation, no. But with everything you've been through, it doesn't surprise me all that much. I was just hoping that it would have stopped by now." Hange leads ina to a nearby bench so they can continue their conversation.
"Wha… why? Did I do something wrong?"
"Nobody blames you, Ina. But… you've been sleepwalking for weeks now. Those nightmares where you fight the monsters? You've been…"
Hange knew she shouldn't have hesitated. There was no easy way to word what she had to say. She should have just done it quickly, like ripping off a bandaid.
"What? I've been doing what?!"
"You've been attacking papa in your sleep."
"No!" Ina's hands cover her mouth when she gasps. "No! I'd never hurt Papa!"
"Ina, it's not your fault. You've been through so much."
"Why are you lying to me?!" Ina sobs. "Why would you say that?"
"Ina, I'm sorry if this is hard to hear. Really, I am. I'm telling you now because I want to help you get through this. I want to make sure that both you and Papa are okay."
"Oh god!" Ina leans back on the bench and runs an exasperated hand over her face.
"All the bandages… are you… I broke his ribs?!" Ina connects the dots.
"I did all that terrible stuff to him?! Miss Hange what's wrong with me?" Ina leans forward and sobs into her hands. This can't be happening. This can't be real. Never in a million years did she ever think something like this was even possible. How could she do this? How could she hurt Papa this way?
"Ina, honey look at me." Hange pulls the young girl into her lap. "I meant what I said earlier. This is not your fault. Papa doesn't blame you for what happened, nor do the rest of us. Nobody here could ever understand how much you've suffered. No one else bears as much pain as you. Sweetheart, you were raped and beaten within an inch of your life barely 2 months ago. Nothing is wrong with you, Ina. You've just been through a lot. And sometimes, the mind will try to protect itself in different ways. Sometimes, we don't even realize what we're doing or what's happening."
"So… all those times I was fighting the monsters in my dreams… I was… fighting Papa in real life?"
"Yes, honey. You've been physically acting out the battles in your dreams."
"Oh god!" Ina keeps repeating. "I cut him! That's why he had all those bandages! I cut Papa!"
"Ina, we're going to get through this together. We're going to figure out how to stop the nightmares."
"Where is he?" Ina cries. "Where's Papa?! Is that why I couldn't see him? Is he hurt bad this time? I stabbed the monster in my dream did-" She Let's out a horrified gasp "NO! DID I KILL HIM?!"
Ina jumps down and takes off running. She's full out sprinting and even Hange can't keep up with the little girl at her top speed.
"Somebody grab her!" Hange yells to any and every person she runs past, hoping someone can catch up to Ina before she gets to Levi's quarters.
"I'm serious you bastards help me catch her!"
Soon almost a quarter of the scouts on base are trying to catch the little girl. But she's always been fast. And since her strength is returning, she's able to duck and weave to avoid nearly everyone.
Luckily, a few scouts had a pretty good idea where Ina was headed, so they manage to cut her off. Eren is the last person standing between Ina and Levi's door. Next thing Ina knows, the entire 104th has her surrounded.
"I just want to see Papa." Ina pants, tears still streaming from her eyes. "Please. I need to see him."
"Ina!" Hange finally catches up to her. She bends over with her hands on her knees to catch her breath. "Goddammit Ina. That wasn't cool." Her lungs are burning and her legs feel like jelly. Sprinting is not one of Hange's favorite pastimes.
"Just let me see Papa." Ina says as the members of the 104th close in on her. "Please."
"Ina."
In all the commotion, no one heard his door open. He hasn't come out, and can't be seen from the crack in his door. Hange imagines he doesn't want to be seen right now. But Levi must have realized he's the only person that can calm Ina down.
"Papa! I'm so sorry! Are you okay?!"
"Go with Hange and the others, Ina."
"But- Papa. I just wanted-"
"Now, Ina. Do as I say." Everyone can tell he's crying, but nobody says anything. "Just go."
"Papa…"
His door slams shut and the lock clicks.
Ina feels like her body is melting. She feels everything. And nothing. Her chest hurts from all that running but also from something else. She doesn't know what, though. Her legs haven't helped her move that fast in so long. Wow, now they won't move at all. Funny how that works.
Eren catches her when she collapses. He carries her to the infirmary, Hange and the rest of his former cadet class close behind him.
It's been a week. Levi still refuses to see Ina. Ina wants nothing other than to see Levi. Hange is stuck in the middle, trying to take care of both of them. At least she has the 104th to help with Ina. But she has to help Levi on her own. He may trust those kids, but he's through being vulnerable in front of people.
"How is she? Did she eat? Did she do her physical therapy? What about-"
"Slow down, hot shot. One thing at a time." Hange stops his barrage of questions.
"And speaking of eating, I brought you some lunch. This is nonnegotiable, pancakes." Hange sets a tray down on his bedside table.
"I'm not hungry."
"What the fuck did I just say?"
"Tell me how Ina is doing."
"Eat your fucking food and I might."
Hange relaxes a little when Levi begrudgingly starts to eat. This is his first meal in almost 24 hours, and she can tell that despite his protests, he was pretty damn hungry.
"She's still beating herself up over all of this." Hange starts.
"It's not her fault. She has to know that."
"That's not how she sees it. Every single one of us has told her that she had no real control over any of this. She doesn't want to hear it Levi. She's inconsolable."
Levi downs the glass of water after finishing his meal.
"How has she been sleeping?"
"She hasn't. Levi are-"
"Yes I'm sure Hange. I can't help her. I've caused her nothing but anguish. I won't hurt her again."
He's been through this with Hange already. There's nothing more he can do to help Ina. After last week, he just feels like anything more he does will only hurt her more. Levi will die before he hurts his baby again.
"You never hurt her, Levi. You could never do that." Hange shakes her head.
"Yes I did! You saw what happened that night!"
"I saw your daughter trying to stab you, Levi."
"Don't you dare turn this on her!"
"I'm not! I'm telling you what I saw that night. What did you see, Levi?"
"I saw… I saw Ina in pain. I saw her crying, begging for me not to hurt her again."
"Levi you know she wasn't talking to you, right? She was still asleep that entire time."
"That's a fucking technicality." Levi rolls his eyes.
"You two are just alike." Hange massages her temples. "It's like twice the frustration."
"I didn't ask you-"
"Don't finish that fucking sentence. I'm your friend, Levi. You're not a goddamn chore. You know that's not what I meant."
He just drops his head. "Sorry." He knows how much she cares. How much she just wants both him and Ina to be okay. Hange would do anything for him and Levi knew that from day 1.
"You're both stubborn assholes is what I meant." Hange clarifies. "Both of you think you've hurt the other when that couldn't be further from the truth. You're the only one who can talk sense into her but your fucking bruised ego is keeping you locked up here like a hermit."
"This has nothing to do with my ego." He argues.
"I heard she called you a monster. How did that make you feel, huh?"
"You don't fight fair, Hange."
"You just proved my point though! God, I knew that's what it was!"
"Alright you win. It hurt like a bitch to hear her call me monster over and over. You happy?!"
"I'm always happy."
"You think I'm frustrating?"
"You are the most infuriating person I've ever met, Levi. But that's beside my point. You had to have known she wasn't talking to or about you right?"
"It didn't matter. At the end of the day there was only me and her. No monsters. It's just… considering what that word means to her…" Levi shrugs. "It hurt. I don't know why, and I know I'm being a little bitch about it, but it just… made me feel really shitty."
"Ya know, Levi, you're allowed to have hurt feelings. Being humanity's strongest doesn't make you exempt from natural emotions."
"It's really not that big of a deal Hange. I'd have gotten over it eventually."
"No, you'd have learned to hide it eventually, but you forget that your best friend is a genius. I know you too well."
He moves his tray out of the way and sits back against his headboard.
"It's not her fault. I'm not upset with her."
"You and I both know that Ina wasn't all there that night. We know that she wasn't looking at you, her father, with hatred and disgust. But what we know doesn't always line up with what we feel. Levi, it's okay to admit that she hurt you."
"No!" He vigorously shakes his head. "No, she didn't hurt me."
"Levi, it's okay. Admitting she hurt your feelings doesn't mean you resent her for it."
"No. She won't see if that way. She'll blame herself for everything. It's not her fault." He keeps repeating.
"It's not her fault."
"No, it's not, but you know what else, Levi?"
She waits for him to look at her.
"You're not a monster. I need you to know and understand that before you go see her."
He nods, but that's not acceptable to Hange.
"Out loud, pancakes. Say it. Speak truth to power."
"I'm not…"
"You're not what?"
"I'm not a monster." He's just barely whispering.
"Come on, Levi. Louder for the people in the back!"
"I'm not a monster." Levi speaks up. Speaks truth to power.
"I'm not a monster!"
"Damn skippy you're not. I swear to Sina I will slap you silly if you get your underoos in a twist like this again."
"That won't be necessary." Levi rolls his eyes at her antics.
"Hey man, you don't know how thin I'm stretched right now. I was two seconds away from drowning the both of you. My god, you're not blood related but that little hefer is just like you. I swear she's so stubborn it drives me crazy."
"I… I'm sorry, Hange. I know that… I wasn't trying to give you a hard time." He's never sounded so ashamed. She doesn't like it. Her Levi is proud. He's strong. He's confident. He has nothing to apologize for.
"Hold your horses hotshot I didn't mean it like that."
Hange assumes the 'stretched thin' comment struck a nerve. She doesn't want to make him or Ina think that they're a bother to her. She does this because she loves them, not out of any obligation.
"You and Ina are my two favorite people in this tiny, messed up world and I'd do anything for you. Don't either of you ever forget that."
"But I know between the two of us you probably haven't had much of a chance to breathe. I just… I'm sorry for taking up all of your time like this."
"Oh hush I breathe all the time." She appreciates his gratitude, but doesn't find it necessary. Real friends shouldn't have to thank each other. It's a given that Hange would be there in Levi's time of need. She knows that, but she needs this thick moron to realize that too before she throttles him.
"Come on and get cleaned up. We're going to see our cupcake." Hange stands and walks to his closet. "Let's move it, buddy." She throws him a clean shirt and pair of pants and even underwear.
"Alright then get out, dammit." He points to his door.
"There's my cranky Levi." Hange smiles. "I'll see you in half an hour." She takes her leave.
"Pumpkin? Just one more bite and I'll get out of your hair." Sasha's goal was to get Ina to finish half of her soup. She's just about accomplished that. Ina opens her mouth to just barely accommodate the spoon. Sasha waits for the young girl to swallow.
"Wonderful Ina! I'm so proud of you. Mika will be by in a little bit to start your physical therapy okay?"
Just a short nod.
Sasha kisses Ina's forehead, collects her tray of barely eaten food and takes her leave. Her legs fail her when she exits the infirmary, the tray in her hands slipping to the ground and creating a huge mess. Sasha barely notices it, and can hardly marvel at the wasted food. She's so worried about Ina that nothing else seems to matter anymore. Nothing else feels important.
She hates seeing Ina this way.
Sasha just starts to cry as she collects the broken pieces and other fallen items.
Ina's recovery has been extremely difficult, but this rough patch she's going through is affecting everyone. Her depression is like a cloud over the entire base. No one can really focus much on work or other responsibilities knowing Ina is lying in the infirmary torturing herself over something she had no control over.
It's so unfair. Ina's just a kid. She shouldn't have had to go through all that she did. She deserves the chance to be happy, and feel loved and wanted. Everyone here wants to give that to her and more. But she's just so broken. So lost.
They know that she's not doing this out of spite. They're well aware that even after all this time, accepting help is still something she hesitates with. And she probably always will. But still, ever since she was kidnapped, nothing has been the same. All the progress they made with her had been erased. All of her fears have come back to haunt her.
Sasha can't help but feel like she failed Ina. Like she hasn't done enough to help her. It's so shitty feeling this useless.
"I'm so sorry, peanut." Sasha cries and focuses on cleaning the tomato soup she just spilled everywhere.
"Great…" she sniffles and unfolds the cloth she'd brought in case Ina needed it and starts on the mess.
Sasha sees someone approaching, but from her position on the ground doesn't see higher than their training boots. She's too focused to look up and see, not to mention she's crying and would rather not interact with people right now.
Just her luck, those pair of boots stop right at the edge of her soup disaster.
"I'll be out of your way in a minute." She mumbles.
"Take your time." Fuck no that can't be.
"Shit." Sasha wipes her tears and runs her hands over her face. "Sorry, Captain. I just- I tripped. I'll get it all don't worry." She resumes her task with renewed vigor.
He kneels in front of her, but Sasha avoids eye contact.
"I told you I'll get it all, Sir."
She freezes when his hand covers hers.
"Uh… is something wrong, Sir?" She keeps her head down.
"Thank you for taking care of Ina."
"It's nothing, Sir. We love her. You don't have to thank us." She physically cannot lift her head, but she feels his eyes on her.
"It's not nothing. I appreciate all you've been doing for her."
Much to his relief, she finally looks at him, her eyes glimmering with unshed tears. Levi doesn't know what it is but seeing her so upset over all of this just about breaks his fucking heart. These brats care about Ina to the point where it hurts them. And he can't even put into words how meaningful that is to him. How grateful he is that Ina has so many people to lean on.
"But I'm not- it's not enough." She bursts into tears, covering her mouth and looking away from him.
Levi has no clue what compels him to do this, but doesn't hesitate in attempting to comfort the stressed teen in front of him. He moves next to her, careful to avoid the soup still splattered on the floor, and pulls her into a hug. Sasha holds onto him for a short while and continues to cry. She'd been bottling up all of this anguish for a while. Any other time she would be straight mortified to break down like this in front of the captain, but it seems that he's just what she needed.
"You're wrong about that… You're so wrong." Levi's voice is soft, only for her ears. She'll probably never hear him talk to her this way again, so she takes it all in.
"Without you, Ina would never know what a smile is. She'd never know how to express herself. You guys are beyond enough. You're fucking incredible. Please don't ever forget that."
"I uh… Wow…" She takes a deep breath and actually laughs a little. "Thank you, Sir. That… That means a lot coming from you."
He pulls away from her, and is satisfied when she doesn't hesitate to look at him.
"Are you alright?" He asks.
"Yes, Sir. I'm much better now." Sasha grins.
"You're sure?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Good." He nods. "Now clean this shit up."
She laughs that loud, obnoxious laugh he knows she picked up from Hange. But it's a sign to him that she really is feeling better, so he lets it slide.
"On it, Sir." She gets back to cleaning, but doesn't feel the weight of the world on her shoulders any longer.
Ina heard the crash of the tray outside but barely reacted to it. Normally she'd go see if Sissy was okay and try to help somehow, but she just… doesn't feel like it.
She doesn't feel like much at all these days. Doesn't feel sleepy, or hungry. Not angry or sad, but not happy either. No, not very happy.
She just turns onto her side and faces the window. Sometimes seeing the sunlight stream through the curtains makes her feel a little. But not much. No, not that much. From the small opening between the curtains, Ina can just barely see the branches of her favorite tree. If she felt like it, Ina imagines she'd go outside and climb it. She remembers all those times sitting high up in the tree with Papa. How on some occasions they didn't even say much to each other, yet still managed to have a wonderful time. How she would lay her head on his chest to listen and feel for his heartbeat. Ina can still remember how when he held her hand, his thumb would run little circles over her palm. If she felt anything, Ina would remember how much she misses that.
The door to the infirmary opens, but Ina pays it no mind. There's always people coming in and out. It's probably Mika. Ina didn't realize an hour had passed already. Time really is getting away from her.
She hears the privacy curtains surrounding her bed being pushed aside. Mika doesn't say anything. She must be waiting for Ina to turn around to greet her.
Ina really thought she had a little more time before physical therapy. She heaves a great sigh before mustering up the energy to turn over. If she cooperates then they don't bother her. They do what they have to and leave. Ina has come to appreciate the long stretches of time by herself. She doesn't really think about anything during these stretches, but has come to enjoy the silence and solitude.
When she turns over, Mika isn't who she finds standing by her bed. Ina immediately turns back on her side, curling in on herself, as though the smaller she becomes the less likely he'll see her. He hasn't said anything. Maybe he'll see that doesn't want to talk and he'll go away.
Instead she feels the bed dip slightly as he moves to lie next to her. He molds his body to hers, wrapping his arm around her waist. She feels his heartbeat thumping softly against her shoulder blade. Strong and stable, just like always.
He doesn't say anything. Not for a long time. When mikasa comes by for Ina's therapy and pulls the curtain, she turns right back around. She then let's everyone know that Ina shouldn't be disturbed for a while.
"Papa…" she sounds foreign to her own ears. "Are you okay?"
"I am." Ina can feel the vibration of his voice on her back. "And you, Ina?"
"No…" if only lying with Papa wasn't so comforting. If only it didn't make her feel again after days of feeling nothing. She'd have gotten up and walked away otherwise.
"I'm sorry I hurt you." Ina whispers. Ina really hates that with Papa being here she's starting to feel again. A lump forms in her throat, and the more she tries to ignore it the more she can't breathe.
"I'm okay, Ina. I'm sorry I was avoiding you."
No. Papa can't apologize. He's always the one saying sorry. Always the one the one admitting he was wrong when in truth she can never do anything right.
"Stop apologizing."
"I'm not just saying it to say it. I should have been honest with you from the start. I shouldn't have let things get as far as they did."
"I was being selfish." Ina is finding it harder and harder to speak.
"There's nothing wrong with wanting someone to protect you. I love you, Ina. That's why I'm here."
"I know… I know you do. But I was raped." Just hearing her say it aloud causes all of the blood in his body to catch fire.
"I knew… no matter who it was that being around a man, especially at night would… it would make things worse."
Levi has no idea how to respond to that. She's absolutely right. He remembers not even being able to meet another man's eye. At that time, he was glad that Kenny had disappeared. Levi imagines that he wouldn't have been able to cope with Kenny being so near to him. Interacting with him. Sleeping in the same space as him. Any encounter with a man, no matter how brief or meaningless always made his nightmares the following night unbearable. Always made him feel like he was back in that house. In that room. Ina's behavior is similar to how Levi believes he would have acted had Kenny still been in the picture. He's really not surprised at how similar she is to him as a child.
"We can just try to move forward from here. Recovery doesn't move in a straight line."
Ina's tears flow into the pillow.
"I'm so sorry, Papa." Ina sniffles. "I could have lost you forever."
She starts sobbing.
"I'm so sorry!"
Levi sits up and brings Ina with him. He leans on the headboard and repositions Ina in his lap. He won't try to console her. Won't tell her not to feel what she's feeling.
"I forgive you, Ina." Levi whispers and kisses her forehead.
It takes her 20 minutes to stop crying. Afterward she's exhausted. All this feeling. It's a lot after over a week of being numb.
"I'm going to do better." She mumbles, her voice hoarse and scratchy.
"It's good to be proactive but you shouldn't feel like you have to rush. These things don't happen overnight."
She nods as her hand reaches up the front of his shirt. She undoes the first button and pushes his cravat aside.
The shallow stab wound looks better than she thought it would. Ina isn't sure why she imagined it would still be mangled and bloody after the time that's passed.
Levi feels her fingers run over the scab of his wound.
"It's healing quite nicely." Levi tells her. "They all are."
Ina leans forward slightly and presses her lips to the outer edge of the wound.
"To make them better." She looks up at him.
Levi pulls his cravat loose to bare the scars on his neck. He leans his head to the side while she kisses the two healing scars. He chuckles slightly, which startles Ina a bit.
"Sorry, I'm ticklish in that area."
Ina laughs. And wow it feels so good to hear her laugh again.
1 month later….
"How are you, Papa?" Ina asks Levi as they take a walk around base, hands joined.
"That's my line, you little brat."
"I'm your little brat." She says this every time he calls her 'brat'. But he likes that response. She is his little brat. That'll always be the case.
"That much is true. But really, Ina, how have you been?"
"Better. Much better. The nightmares are still happening, but not as often as they were. I'm not sleepwalking anymore."
"Ina, that's fantastic. I'm glad you're doing better."
"But… I miss you, Papa."
"I miss you, too. I won't lie it's a little lonely without you, but I don't worry about you like I used to. I know you're in good hands."
"I am… they're really helpful. But… they're not you."
"If you want, we can spend a little more time together during the day. If I finish my paperwork early than I'm all yours."
"Can we?! I just want to see you more."
"Your wish is my command. Come on let's go back inside, it's chilly out here. I don't want you catching a cold." He removes his jacket and places it over her shoulders.
"Don't be a wimp, Papa this is nothing." Ina shrugs off the jacket and carries it on her arm.
"I mean, I know we've both experienced colder."
"Exactly, this is like summer weather!"
"No not exactly you stubborn child. You've been living indoors, your body's grown used to that. I'm still getting you a coat next week."
"What's a coat?"
He could laugh and cry right now. She's so cute, but so unwillfully ignorant. Just seeing how much of life she missed out on because of everything that's happened to her. It's shitty. Normal everyday things that seem like common knowledge are completely foreign to her.
But family was a foreign concept to her too, and now she has a whole host of people ready and more than willing to take care of her.
"It's like a jacket but for colder weather, so it's thicker."
"I don't need that."
"This is nonnegotiable."
"But it's such a waste. Besides I'd get hot wearing that thing."
"Hange was right, you're almost more stubborn than I am."
"I'm not stubborn! I'm just… practical."
She can say and define practical but she can't for the life of her say 'responsibility'.
"Avoiding luxury you're entitled to isn't practical it's foolish."
"That was a lot of words…"
"You're getting a coat dammit."
"I'm not wearing it!"
"We'll just see about that."
The two bicker all the way back to the dining hall.
Fini
Heyyyy everybody. This is the first in a line of several sequel fics I have planned. Some are one-shots, some are... 2 shots? And I haven't even broken down the third fic yet. The third and fourth fics I have planned are multichaptered, but short. I'm talking less than 10. Lol I'm so extra. Thank you for reading.