Author's Note:
Hiya people! Feels great to join the HC bandwagon… I've actually been a DuCainer for quite a while; ever since I watched the first CSI: M episode. I make no effort to hide my frustration towards the current direction of the Horatio-Calleigh relationship in the series, but I did appreciate the Horatio-Marisol pairing; still do, in fact. It burns me to know the writers don't think our beloved H doesn't deserve to be happily in love, or married.
So, here's my take on a little HC fluff. Lord knows how much we need this stuff right now… Well, read on and enjoy!
For Horatio Caine and Calleigh Duquesne, because we all know they belong together, even though others would beg to differ.
Disclaimer:I do not own CSI: Miami, Horatio Caine, Calleigh, or any of the Miami Crew. I bet it's obvious what would happen if I did.
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Tangrams of the Heart
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Tangrams. Brainteasers.
She'd seen them everywhere, from the break room to the rec room, heck, people were even playing with them in the bathroom. It seemed like those tiny plastic pieces were the latest craze. They came in all colors, with seemingly all kinds of designs. A kid got dots on his, Ryan had stripes on his, and even Frank had swirls and stars and god knows what else.
At first, she had been indifferent to the mania that was sweeping through CSI. She had been cajoled a million times, and a million times she had politely declined. Having a hobby was one thing, but this was ridiculous.
It was a bright and cheery Monday, and people seemed crazier than ever. The reception desk was piled with mail, packages, and flowers; the receptionist hidden beneath the tall mountain of incoming parcels, bent over her own set of Tangrams: pink, furry, and with flowers on them.
"Heaven-forbid," she muttered under her breath, "what happened to these people?"
Feeling like the only relatively sane person for miles around, she turned briskly to seek refuge in the firearms lab, but she was even more surprised to see numerous shiny black pieces on top of her work desk; irregularly shaped, of varying sizes, glistening with tiny tulip crystals. Beside the unexpected gift, a card lay bearing her name, and nothing else. Quickly glancing around for telltale signs of her mysterious gift-giver, she caught a lasting whiff of something in the air; something, comfortably familiar.
Cocking an eyebrow, she approached her table and gazed on the innocent puzzle pieces. Carefully examining them for trace or lost fingerprints; she found inscriptions glittering behind every piece. Now vaguely curious, she sat down and began to put together the stray black pieces, now hers."That was close," he whispered.
His heartbeat was going on ten times faster than was usual, the sweat glistening on his forehead.
"I'm getting too old for this," he thought with a grin.
Wryly risking a glance in, he saw her bent over the tangram pieces. "Good,"he thought. He had hoped she'd like them; he'd had them custom-made and all. The color could have been an indication that it was from him, but he didn't know if she picked up the hint. He sighed, then he smiled. He knew she'd figure it out.
He quietly slipped away, intending to relax; wait comfortably in the confines of his safe, secure office. Passing by his CSI's in the break room, he shook his head but couldn't suppress the grin. In all actuality, he was the cause of all this hysteria. He'd loved Tangrams ever since he was young; loved figuring out where the pieces could go, and knowing that he could fix them, complete them all over again.
He was indulging himself one time, trying to piece together a complicated figure when Ryan walked in. Curiously inquisitive, it wasn't long before the whole lab got addicted to the contagiously entertaining simplicity of logic. Silently chuckling to himself, he amusedly watched Ryan and Dan Cooper wrestle over one tangram piece: purple, fluffy, and with butterflies emblazoned on it. He had no idea how things had gotten so out of hand, but he let them indulge themselves because after all, what harm could come from a little fun? They all certainly deserved it.
Pushing his office door open, he slipped inside and crossed the room towards his work desk. There, lying innocently in the middle of all the week's case files, was half the figure of a heart, made up of black tangram pieces; a name glistening up to the sun. He gently fingered the raised crystals on the black marble, and one by one, turned them over. The first part of a phrase greeted him, and he gazed at the words fondly, in deep thought.
He mentally continued the phrase in his head, smiling slowly while fighting the blush that was threatening to creep up his cheeks. He gave out a sigh and faced the glass window behind his chair, the routine sight of people working and walking all over the place relaxing him. Life as a CSI wasn't peaceful, that much was sure. But sometimes, a little ray of sunshine creeps in, when he let his guard down and wasn't looking. It definitely wasn't her fault; he didn't think she knew she had that effect on him.
Yes, that's what she was to him. His little glimmer of light in a dark world without hope. She definitely didn't know it. And to think, until only a few days ago, so did he. At first, he didn't know what to think of it. There were so many questions swirling in his head, messing with his reasons, especially since the few answers available to him were either vague or unaccountable. The last thing he had wanted was to fall in love, but his heart had begged, pleaded to differ. He didn't think to pursue any of it, but his mind was driving him crazy with cruel, fleeting thoughts of 'what if'.
And so, he decided to gamble. For the first time in his life, he chose to risk going after what he really wanted, personally; no longer just watching from the sidelines. For once in his life, Horatio Caine decided to take the plunge.
And hoped she wouldn't break his heart while he did.
The puzzle wasn't going as easy as she thought. There were so many possible combinations, and this was the first time she handled a tangram. Temporarily giving up on the inscripted side, Calleigh Duquesne turned all the pieces over and stared. Suddenly struck with an idea so simple and so obvious, she felt stupid in the process. Shrugging off thought of "You're just human," she started again, this time trying to form the image of her favorite flower.
Unconsciously functioning on autopilot, numerous thoughts drifted in and out of her head. Fleetingly, the image of someone's face faded in and out of her mind; she tried to put the pieces together, but try though she might, all she got was a blur. She closed her eyes and deeply inhaled. The familiar scent was till there; faint and fleeting, but distinct nevertheless. Calleigh couldn't place the scent, but whoever it was, she was sure he was someone she knew.
Eric, perhaps?
"No," her mind countered, "Eric doesn't smell this familiar."
Ryan?
"Nope, Ryan doesn't smell this serene."
And dad never reeks of anything except alcohol…
Frank?
"Err… Not even going there…"
Jake?
"Nah, Jake doesn't smell this comforting."
Who is it then? Alexx smells homey, but not like this…
"Maybe its-"
She was stopped from her one-sided dialogue when her hands slipped the final piece into place. "It's pretty," she thought, smiling. Her thoughts diverting to what lay beneath, she carefully flipped the pieces over and gazed in silent wonder. The soft, caressing words seeped through her soul, and then she had no doubt whom they were from.
With a soft smile, she affectionately traced the glittering script, closed her eyes, and decided. She was going to confront him. She stood up, took one last long look at the tangram pieces, and proceeded out of the Ballistics Lab. Behind her, twinkling innocently; the warm, familiar scent remained. And glistening in the darkness, were words once left unsaid.
"But she was what I needed…"
He had lost track of time as he stood there, gazing at endless steel, glass, and machinery. By now, his heart had returned to its normal rhythm, but the mixed feelings of dread and hopeful anticipation had remained. Case-wise, today had been a good day, with only one or two petty crimes; nothing to get CSI all shaken up. It was relatively quiet, with only the muffled humming of the AC and a few piles of paperwork to keep him company.
Earlier on, he had seen a ruffled Eric rushing to keep up with a giggling Natalia, the sweetest smiles on their faces stirring a deep longing within his heart. He sighed and wistfully shook his head. He was glad for his CSI's, especially glad that everything had worked out for them in the end. Eric had found a home he could return to, and Natalia had finally find comfort, trust, and security. Horatio could only wish his story would end up just as happily.
He was cut off from his musings when he spied the object of his affections hesitantly making her way to where he was. He nervously toyed with his signature shades, resisting the urge to pace back and forth in paranoia.
"Deep breaths, Caine," he murmured to himself.
Closing his eyes, he tried to calm his erratic heartbeat, and prepare himself for the encounter that lay ahead. Eternities seemed to pass as he waited. Suddenly, there were two gentle but firm taps on his door, and he stiffened.
"Horatio?" A Southern lilt called out, breaking the heavy silence.
Opening his eyes and bracing himself, he thought, "And so the final curtain rises…" He felt shivers move down his spine, and he shuddered.
Clearing his throat, he answered, "Come in, Calleigh."
The door opened slowly, and she stepped in. Her cheeks were a bit flushed and her hands were fidgeting as she looked once into his eyes, and then just as quickly glanced away. He felt the wind knocked out of him and found himself speechless as thoughts ran in his head, over and over again.
"She's so beautiful…"For the first time in years, there was uncomfortable silence between the two people currently standing inside the vacant office. Not because of hostility, but because of so many things that hung in the balance, depending on so many words left unsaid.
Calleigh, having previously just decided to finally confront her fears, gingerly stepped forward until she was mere inches from the man called Horatio Caine. He towered over her, she a full head beneath him. Simply looking at him like this, in close proximity, she longed to reach out and touch him, but formalities remained. First and foremost, he was her closest friend and confidant, but the fact still remained that he was also her boss, and CSI's dayshift supervisor. He was such a complex puzzle; one she wanted to understand and figure out. There were so many facets to his personality: brother, uncle, husband, friend, citizen, police officer, CSI… And they all fit together exemplary well, forming the human demi-god they affectionately called "H."
Gazing into his deep, soulful eyes, Calleigh felt loved, wanted, alive.Losing herself in swirling blue depths, she felt she belonged.
All her life she had experienced heartbreak at every turn, losing faith in love in the process. Because as a child she had dreamed of princesses and castles and knights on white horses. And she had grown believing love was a fairytale. That's why her heart shattered every time reality destroyed her illusions. Because they were all she had. But she still kept on dreaming, even though someone had once told her, that dreams were for the unfulfilled. Still she kept on dreaming, because one day she'd decided that dreams were all she'd need. She knew then, that she'd be lying, but she'd been so tired, so sick, had enough of it all. And if lying was the only way she could live on, she'd decided she'd rather fool herself and move on. Because love was a hoax, an illusion; and John, Peter and Jake had proved it over and over again. But here she was falling, and she hoped she didn't have to do it all over again.
And for a moment, she believed; for a second, everything wasn't as bad as it seemed. Because although life was no fairytale, and against everything she ever believed, love was good, love felt great; love was better than all of her dreams. And even though forever was just this moment, Calleigh decided she'd take what she could get. Because something would always be better than nothing, and she'd rather have this moment than live with the regret.
She smiled sadly, and remembered: something will always be better than nothing, even if that something turns out to be nothing at all. Because, she recalls, the truth isn't better than her illusions. And she'd rather have her illusions, but she hates them all the same; because she knows they're not real, but they're better than the pain. And then she feels tears start to form in her eyes, and she takes a shaky breath.
And she doesn't know how things got so mixed up, but she's reminded that love doesn't need to make sense. Then the tears start to fall, one by one; they feel warm against her skin; she closes her eyes and tries to hide, but a gentle warmth caresses her face.
"Calleigh," he murmurs, "Calleigh, it's okay…"
And he's worried and confused and unhappy, because she's here, but she's crying, and he'd rather see that smile on her face. He'd thought she'd be happy; he'd thought she'd feel the same way. But maybe that was just him, or just her, and somewhere along the way, it ceased to matter.
"I love you, Calleigh," he whispers as he takes her in his arms. He's expecting her to squirm, to flee; but he's surprised when she leans into him and releases all her tears.
In a soft shaky voice, she answers, "Are you sure, Horatio? Because this is everything I've ever dreamed of…"
He holds her even tighter, and he can't believe that all that's happening is true. Because he's choked with feeling, but he wants to tell her, she's all he's ever dreamed about too. And they both want the moment to last forever, but they both know it has to end soon. Because sans hope, sans love, sans dreams; it's against protocol, and that's something they can't risk breaking at the moment. And it's ironic, that that thought enters their minds right now, but their professionals, and should be proper, and from now on they'll have all the time in the world.
At least that's what he wants to say, wants to offer her, to promise so that she'll stay. But he knows, as well as she does, that he can't promise her that right now. Maybe in another time, another place… So he runs his hand through her hair, and says what he can say.
"I love you, Calleigh… Sweetheart, of that I'm sure. I've loved you since I met you, even if I didn't know at first. But love has a funny way of creeping in our hearts, and pretty soon my heart was screaming for you. And it's true, Calleigh, because you weren't what I was looking for, and right here, right now, there can be no mistaking it; you are what I needed, and always will need…"
She nods, because she doesn't know what else to say; then she buries her head even deeper into his chest. She mumbles a few words incoherently, and he strains himself to hear. She giggles with tears still in her eyes and looks up to him with a smile. He looks at her with a confused look on his face, and she reaches out to touch him; his eyes, his nose, his mouth, his hair… And he can't help but let out a sigh.
"Thank you," she finally says, "Thank you, Horatio.." Then she wraps her arms around his neck and whispers in his ear. "I didn't use to believe in dreams, but now I know they're real…"
And he chuckles because he's happy; because her breath tickles his ear. And he thinks it's funny it ended like this, because it's so surreal. To think it started with a tangram and tulips and- 'no, wait,' he corrects that thought. It started a long time ago, it just took its time to grow. And it's ironic because he's usually so good with puzzles, but this took quite long for him to figure out. But he's glad they're here now, that she's in his arms and-
"I never did say it though, did I, Handsome?"
Her sultry voice caresses his ear, and her giggles send warmth down his spine. He closes his eyes and enjoys the moment, giving her a little "hmm?" to acknowledge he's listening. She sighs and for a moment, he's confused; but then she turns and buries her face in his neck, inhaling his scent.
"It really was him all along," she thinks with a smile.
"I love you, Horatio Caine…"
Her voice is but a whisper, and her words were a bit out of the blue; and he's a little surprised, but definitely happy; and the warmth that shoots through him feels so incredibly good. In fact, it's the best he's felt for a long time. And so he says nothing, but holds her even closer; because there's no empty space between them now, but the proximity is still not enough.
She wonders at his reaction, and starts to pull away; and he lets her, but still holds her, at least an arms length away. She sees the brightness in his eyes, and he sees the flushed color of her cheeks. And they laugh, content and free; and it seems that all is right in the world.
He cups her cheek and starts to lean in, but she sees something glistening on top of his work desk. Her heart pounding quite as much as his, she gingerly steps away and moves toward the table. He's confused, but he stays where he is; silently watching her, taking in her every detail. Suddenly, her eyes light up when she recognizes the half of what she's made; and she finally realizes what he meant.
"She wasn't what I was looking for," she read out loud.
And he then comes up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. He murmurs in her ear; a warm, deep tone that reverberates around the room, "But she was what I needed."
Calleigh leans on him for a while, thinking, and letting it all sink in. Slowly, she flips the pieces over and lets out a little gasp at what she sees. Her name written perfectly in cursive, the tulip-colored crystals shimmering in her eyes.
A few seconds pass by in uneventful silence when she suddenly spins around, gives him a little peck on the lips, and then scurries out of the room, saying, "Be right back, Handsome! Just gonna get back half of your heart!"
And he stood there, quite stunned; the image of her smile seared into his mind, the feel of her lips embedded into his soul. He gently traces his fingers to his lips, lost in thought; then he chuckles. He strides over to where the window overlooks the different labs below, and watches the woman of his dreams rush into Ballistics.
"No, scratch that, she's not the woman of my dreams…"
And he gazes off into space, lost in reminiscences.
Horatio watched as Calleigh retreated from the Ballistics lab, looked up at him and smiled; carrying half the pieces of his once-broken "heart".
"Yes," he murmurs, "She's no dream." Then he smiles and raises his hand in greeting, just as she walks back to be with him. "She's the real thing."
For his mom had once told him, that dreams were wonderful things. And he'd loved dreams, needed them, reached for them, and lived in the process. But in the here and now, he'd decided, he suddenly didn't need them anymore.
Because he finally had something better.
He had found love.
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Author's Note:
Done, and done!
Whew..! I feel so accomplished. Heehee. My first CSI:Miami fic, and its Horatio-Calleigh too. I hope you guys enjoyed the ride, even though it might have been a little confusing. I added, (or at least tried to add), bits of humor in there too, so it's not all fluff n' angst.
We-ell… Hope y'all liked it!
Review, if you'd like. I'm happy when I make my readers happy, but I wouldn't know that unless you guys told me, now would I?
All my love,
kiuna'yukina
