Infinite
'My father was a monster. And so am I. That's why you have to marry Rajan.'
Wolfgang is wrong, of course, Kala thought. He was not a monster. And even if he had been, that did not mean that she had to marry Rajan. It was not a matter of being with Wolfgang or marrying Rajan. That was not the choice.
She did not want to marry Rajan. Honestly, she had never wanted to marry him. Therefore, she broke off their engagement. It sounded so easy; it was not. She hurt a lot of people. This could have been prevented if she'd spoken up sooner, but fear had stopped her. Kala decided, then and there, that she would not let fear make her choices for her anymore.
Now, to figure out the rest of her life.
If Wolfgang remained steadfast, her best hope was to find someone else she could also love. This was trickier in many ways. For one, she did not want Wolfgang to pop up when she was in the middle of kissing someone else. Considering how easily their connection was made, that was perhaps impossible.
Troubling too was the fact that she doubted that she would ever feel about someone the way she felt about Wolfgang.
More troubling still was that she didn't want anyone else. She only wanted Wolfgang.
Fear hissed that he might not share her feelings. Fear spoke of the blood on his hands, his dangerous existence, and his unfamiliar morals. Fear talked to her incessantly – sometimes through her family and friends. Kala listened and decided for herself. She bought a ticket, boarded a plane and took a taxi from the airport. Because life was too wonderful a thing to waste.
Wolfgang seemed happy to see her. He swept her up, into his apartment and covered her face with kisses. Until, suddenly, his face clouded over and he turned away from her.
'Wolfgang? What is wrong?' she asked. He shook his head.
'You shouldn't be here. I told you what to do.'
'I know. You told me to marry Rajan,' Kala said. Wolfgang glanced at her. Sharp. Afraid? He was a difficult man to read.
'Have you?' he asked.
'I have not,' she replied. Wolfgang sighed.
'Then you made the wrong choice,' he stated.
'But that was not the choice,' Kala disagreed. 'The choice was not to love you or to marry Rajan. I could have done both. I could have done neither. Though, admittedly, the latter would have been harder by far.'
Wolfgang looked at her. He seemed weary and confused.
'What was the choice?' he prompted.
'You told me to marry Rajan to protect me, yes?' Kala put forth. He nodded.
'You think that if I marry Rajan I will be safe from you. And over time our connection will weaken and I will forget you. Well, you're wrong. It doesn't end. My love for you,' she explained. He regarded her, impassively, but she forged on.
'You think that my choice was a choice between two men, but it was a choice between being who I want to be or being who everyone else wants me to be. I chose and now I am not lost anymore. No, quite the opposite. I have finally found myself.'
Neither of them said anything for a while.
'Who do you want to be?' Wolfgang eventually inquired.
'I don't know yet,' Kala confessed with a smile. 'Not entirely. I do know, however, where I want to be. With you.'
'You're right: that's not what everyone wants. Least of all me. You have more important things to do than be with me,' Wolfgang insisted. Carefully, Kala touched his face. He stared at her intently, but didn't move away as she traced his jawline with her fingers.
'Don't you love me?' she asked. He knitted his brow angrily, as if insulted by the very question. It almost made her laugh.
'Ah, but you think that you are not good enough for me?' Kala guessed. 'That it is a mistake to love you?'
She slipped her arms around his neck and lightly pulled him closer. He allowed it to happen. With her breath ghosting over his parted lips, Kala told him what she thought about his low opinion of himself.
'You are wrong again. You are enough,' she whispered. And then – when she knew he believed her – she kissed him.
The end.