"Tara." I whispered longingly into the midnight breeze. I was sitting in
the porch steps of Aunt Pitty's house, the funeral service long over. And
I, once again, was alone. But it didn't matter anymore.
Nothing mattered in my world except Rhett, and he was gone also.
Of course he had assisted to the tear filled funeral, but he had walked away without glancing my way once it had been over. Tears had menaced to fall again, but I had held my head high, totally refusing to let the pain show.
Oh, how I wished to be able to run into his arms and not be refused. How I wished to kiss the tears that had trailed down those hardened cheeks of his away. But I couldn't, and wouldn't because I was an O'Hara. The damn pride of the O'Hara's would not permit me to do so. I would not beg. He would never see me on my knees.
Because an O'Hara has more strong headed pride than sense.
But in the darkness and solitude of my chambers I cried. I cried with all my might. I cried for Ashley, who was pallid and had kept repeating "She left" over and over. I was crying for India, who had always been on the truth and stared straight ahead with her lash less eyes brimming with tears. I cried for all that we had left behind. I cried for the lost Cause, cried over all the dead beaux, cried over Ellen and Gerald now lying in peace...but most of all I cried for myself.
Upon seeing Melanie's casket being lowered into the nothingness that would devour her everything had come rushing back to me. My whole life was relived before my eyes.
It started with Bonnie, Eugene Victoria. With my sweet Bonnie Blue, my dead Bonnie Blue.
I saw her in the chubby pony, trotting, taking her jumps...
And I heard her call once again "Mother, watch me take this one!" I felt once again the helplessness as I tried to stop my beloved daughter from taking the jump that would cause everybody so much pain.
I saw Rhett at her funeral, his eyes bloodshot, but sober. He didn't even try to control his tears.
Everybody knew how much he loved her.
As much as he had loved me.
Why had I been so selfish? Couldn't I see that we were both suffering from the same pain?
I saw Rhett asking me to marry him, his eyes blazing with what I now recognized as jealousy and bitter passion as he bent to kiss me as I will never be kissed again.
Unrestrained memories came, making me dizzy, but I had resisted, like a meritorious O'Hara.
Because that's what I am. A once wild Irish beauty now tamed to total French stillness. A once feral O'Hara now tamed into a sedate Robillard.
Finisad
Nothing mattered in my world except Rhett, and he was gone also.
Of course he had assisted to the tear filled funeral, but he had walked away without glancing my way once it had been over. Tears had menaced to fall again, but I had held my head high, totally refusing to let the pain show.
Oh, how I wished to be able to run into his arms and not be refused. How I wished to kiss the tears that had trailed down those hardened cheeks of his away. But I couldn't, and wouldn't because I was an O'Hara. The damn pride of the O'Hara's would not permit me to do so. I would not beg. He would never see me on my knees.
Because an O'Hara has more strong headed pride than sense.
But in the darkness and solitude of my chambers I cried. I cried with all my might. I cried for Ashley, who was pallid and had kept repeating "She left" over and over. I was crying for India, who had always been on the truth and stared straight ahead with her lash less eyes brimming with tears. I cried for all that we had left behind. I cried for the lost Cause, cried over all the dead beaux, cried over Ellen and Gerald now lying in peace...but most of all I cried for myself.
Upon seeing Melanie's casket being lowered into the nothingness that would devour her everything had come rushing back to me. My whole life was relived before my eyes.
It started with Bonnie, Eugene Victoria. With my sweet Bonnie Blue, my dead Bonnie Blue.
I saw her in the chubby pony, trotting, taking her jumps...
And I heard her call once again "Mother, watch me take this one!" I felt once again the helplessness as I tried to stop my beloved daughter from taking the jump that would cause everybody so much pain.
I saw Rhett at her funeral, his eyes bloodshot, but sober. He didn't even try to control his tears.
Everybody knew how much he loved her.
As much as he had loved me.
Why had I been so selfish? Couldn't I see that we were both suffering from the same pain?
I saw Rhett asking me to marry him, his eyes blazing with what I now recognized as jealousy and bitter passion as he bent to kiss me as I will never be kissed again.
Unrestrained memories came, making me dizzy, but I had resisted, like a meritorious O'Hara.
Because that's what I am. A once wild Irish beauty now tamed to total French stillness. A once feral O'Hara now tamed into a sedate Robillard.
Finisad