Saix/Xemnas

Hurt/Comfort

Author's Note: This is going to brutal, violent even. Just so you know before hand, this is about how Saix got his scar and there is little to no comfort in this. You have been warned.

It had been nearly two years since the vow had been made between Lea and Isa. Since then, Saix had dedicated his time, his energy, his everything to fulfilling that promise. Even after the fall, even after he'd followed Lea, and later Axel, into this new version of hell, he'd still given everything he had into bringing that promise to fruition. At first, it'd been hard. He'd felt different, felt the change in him since Xemnas, since the Superior took a special interest in him. He'd done something to him when he changed, pushed something into him though he didn't know what. He'd been bound by his word into silence, forbidden from even telling Lea, now Axel. That hadn't stopped him from trying at first. But when he tried practicing saying what had happened to him out loud, he found he couldn't say it in words. He was bound with more than just his oath, he couldn't tell anyone about what was happening to him.

That didn't stop him. Saix still used every available resource at his disposal to keep the last promise he was capable of making to Lea, to Axel. He spent time with him, trained together with him. Nothing had changed between them, or so he thought. He could feel the distance, not noticeable but still there, waiting to be torn open. He could feel it, the tiny gap between them. He didn't want anything to happen that would widen it, that would tear their friendship apart, and yet he couldn't help but feel that someone else did. That someone was just waiting to tear them apart so they could rip him to shreds. He knew it was needless paranoia but he couldn't shake the feeling. He never let his guard down as a result, sticking close to Axel and sleeping with one eye open when he was apart from him, metaphorically speaking.

He was still caught off guard when the Superior cornered him one day. He felt the hard, imposing wall behind his back, felt what he assumed was the closest he'd get to fear without emotions. He could see the cold, emotionless depths of those orange eyes burrowing into him, could feel the threat radiating off the first Nobody. Everything about this entire situation put him on edge. He couldn't get used to the idea that he was working for this Nobody. Seeing him now, he knew the unlimited cruelty he was capable of and knew that if he'd known as Isa what he knew as Saix, he would have never allowed Lea to get close to him. He would have kept him away from his honeyed words and evil intentions. He stared up at him, trying not to let anything show through the mask of calm he'd perfected over the years. "Superior. Is there something I can help you with?"

Hot breath brushed across his face. "You left the Castle today." The words held a finality over them that left Saix cold.

Ignoring the premonition, Saix squared his shoulders in a rare attempt to stand up to the Superior. "Yes I did. Missions are something every Nobody must complete."

"I specifically told you when I first chose you; you are not to leave Castle Oblivion under any circumstances unless I give you express permission. Did I not make myself clear?"

Saix's eyes narrowed slightly. "Why am I special? I can't stay here forever with you."

He felt his back slammed harder into the already imposing wall behind him. He winced, not even seeing the Superior's hand shoot out to hurt him. He hissed softly, the pain bothering more than he thought it would. "You will stay in my reach. I want you close by. Do I make myself understood?" Throughout all this, his voice remained deadly calm even as his fingers dug into Saix's shoulder painfully. His expression never changed, never faltered, never showed any signs of anger. If anything, he seemed bored.

"If Lea… If Axel is going on missions, I am too." Saix managed to get out, although his voice was shaky and weak from the pain.

With cool precision, the Superior summoned his weapon. He held it up before Saix's wide eyes. He waved it in front of him a couple times until he was sure he had his full attention. Then, with deliberate slowness, he turned it and began to slowly etch a mark through Saix's skin. His screams from the sheer torture of the pain echoed down the hall and came back to his ears, amplified pleas for mercy and help. As he cut into the flesh, Xemnas spoke to him, timing his words to be deliberately as slow as his cutting. "You seem to be under the impression you and Axel will remain friends no matter what." He finished the cut and ripped the ethereal blade out of Saix's face. Tears mixed with blood as Saix stared in pain and in horror at him. He opened his mouth, wanting to protest that it was the truth. Xemnas slammed his head into the wall.

"You are nothing but a doll now. Mine, my personal Nobody which I will mold and change to suit an image I find acceptable. You belong to me, you belonged to me the moment you stepped into the darkness and accepted my offer. I took the pain away and in exchange, you threw Isa away. There is no more Isa. There is no more Lea. Your precious relationship, while it might have once existed, though I sincerely doubt it, no longer exists for you. You are Saix, will always be Saix, until the day I achieve my goals and return to you your heart."

The words cute deep, deeper than the scar on his face but he wasn't done. Slamming Saix's head into the wall again, Xemnas began a slow, deliberate cut on the other side of his face, clearly making an 'x' across his face. Again, the cries rang out and Saix felt himself, his very being ripped apart as he'd tried to fight so desperately against. The moment of doubt, the single moment where he'd wondered about the truth of Xemnas' words, was all it took. He felt the strange thing, the other heart stirring inside of him. Not a beating heart but something else. It moved, threatening to forever blot out Isa and destroy him. He fought desperately against it but he felt his world slowly fading to black. His screams grew louder but somehow, he could still hear Xemnas' voice over the din. "You need to be punished. You need to be taught a lesson of who's in charge, of where your place is and what happens to those who disobey orders." He wrenched the blade out of Saix again, letting his weapon fade to nothingness. "Remember your place, Saix. There are no second chances."

As he began to walk away, the edges of Saix's vision began to blur and blacken. He fought against it, knowing he needed to stay conscious. He wasn't sure what would happen but he knew if he passed out now, something would change. He'd lose something. "I am Isa…" He told the world weakly as he blacked out.

And then there was no more Isa. There was only Saix, Xemnas pawn. When he woke, it was to a concerned Axel shaking him awake. He wanted to know what happened, why there was blood caked on his face, if he was okay. He wanted to know every detail that had led up to him finding him like this nearly a day later. Inside, in his heart of hearts (metaphorically speaking), still small and unable to grow inside of him, Isa saw this and rejoiced. In this place that none of the Nobodies knew about, Isa, the real Isa, could see the hearts of all the Nobodies, including Axel's. He could see Lea, small and trapped inside his own heart but he soon realized Lea couldn't see him. Saix pushed Axel away, made the distinction clear then that they were nothing now and that they would act like they were nothing in front of everyone. Behind closed doors, they would still pursue their goal but otherwise, they wouldn't interact with each other. Isa fought to explain, to tell Axel what happened, what was going on, but he found himself trapped in an ever growing darkness. Xemnas had sealed away the last remaining portion of his personality.

Isa was really gone in the eyes of the world and the other Nobodies. All that was left was Saix.