Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the Avengers franchise, including that of the Thor movies or its characters.
A/N: Plot bunny got away from me. Also, this is me trying to be funny. Darcy Lewis Funny. Please tell me if I've succeeded.
First, they meet.
Darcy hated going to the doctor. It wasn't some tragic or horrific history that created this negative emotional attachment to the place, rather it was common sense.
Darcy looked at the exposed eye model, the skin pealed back with veins popping out. She wearily examined the heavy metal machinery made to scan her body. Darcy shuffled in the cold metal chair, bars sculpted to hold her body in a laid-back, vulnerable position.
The doctor's office, of any type, was the place to find out what was wrong with you. And that gave Darcy the slightest of heebie-jeevies.
This was why, when she saw the scruffy, adorable-looking doctor with graying side hairs, lopsided glasses, and warm brown eyes enter the room, she smiled.
Bruce loved going to the doctor's. It wasn't because everyone there looked at him with a healthy degree of concern or would be happy to discuss Bruce's questions or concerns regarding the general area of medicine or diseases. It was because there was little or no emotion. It was science. The doctor's office was a mere step down from a stark and pristine laboratory.
People in the office understood the significance of numbers, trials, errors, and cleanliness. Life was organized.
However, apparently optometrists aren't as organized as other doctors. Bruce lamented this prospect as the SHIELD-designated optometrist led him to an already occupied room.
Bruce swallowed his nerves as he gazed upon the young woman in the chair. She smiled wide at him, and started speaking.
"Hey, doc. Nice to meet ya'. I was just twiddling my thumbs here, but its good to see SHIELD's got some ok-looking people working for them. For a second I was thinking a robot with skin would be walking in, ready to drill out my eyeballs. Good to see you look normal. My GP back home has got the same kind of cute fluffy dog look to his hair too. Maybe its a doctor thing?"
Bruce blinked at the vivacious woman. Half-way through her talk he realized three things. First, she does not know who I am because nobody would call the Hulk "normal." Second, she must think I'm her doctor. Bruce belatedly realized he still had on his lab coat. And third, she had the loudest red lipstick he had ever seen.
Shaking himself from his distracted mind, Bruce cleaned his glasses on his coat.
She continued, "Anyway, I'm just here for a check-up, doc. You know how SHIELD likes to keep their minions all spic and span, ready to be beat up by the next crisis. I bet you get to just chill in this comfy office when that comes up, huh? Or, do you have to like work the field? Like nurses during the different wars? I was a political science major. Now, I'm working in HR because Coulson wouldn't let me piggyback with Jane into the super science-y labs on the basement floor. Although, I guess they mostly transferred to the Avenger's Tower now, huh. Hey! Have you met any of the Avengers? I tasered Thor once, so I feel totally entitled to at least a Tony Stark introduction, you know?"
Bruce forced his heart rate to settle. She was invigorating. Her scent of bubble-gum and an exotic fruit filled Bruce's senses. This sweet but complex, petite but curvaceous, woman was a whirlwind, and Bruce felt like he needed to hold onto something. Clearing his throat, he walked over the computer chair and sat down. Logging on was simple, since Bruce had picked up on the general coding within SHIELD after a session with Tony.
He looked at this woman's chart - Darcy Lewis. Bruce never felt so convicted to lie, even when he was in hiding. "Well, Miss Lewis, it looks like you are in need of a yearly check-up. Have you had any issues since your last one that you would like to talk about?" Slipping into his general medical persona was easier than logging onto the clinical database. It felt more natural than becoming the Other Guy.
"Not really, I mean. New York's been attacked a few times, but for the most part, I was able to stay indoors. There was this one time I was out and about, getting poptarts," she rolled her eyes. "Don't ask, it was Jane's lackey's first time with one of her cuckoo periods, so I had to jump in to help the poor guy, you know? Anyway, getting poptarts, and then out of nowhere, this doom robot jumps right in front of me and starts hacking away, it had like an ax thingy. Actually it kind of looked like an ancient Egyptian spear with a bit of a curve on the end. And then while I'm looking for my taser (turns out it was in my other purse)," she looked up exasperatedly, "Captain America jumps right in front of me and slices its head off with his shield thingy. Pretty cool, huh?! Although, I don't think that really counts as an introduction since he didn't even ask my name or anything."
Bruce forced himself to take cool, calm, breaths. Never has he been so worked up over a single fangirl, awing over Steve. He returned his attention to the computer screen. Taking note of her current glasses intensity, he maneuvered to the scanning device. He "hhmmed," at the right moments during her story, but Bruce really wished this crazy woman would just stop her admiration of his colleague. He set-up the machine and started the eye exam. For the most part, the use of the mechanism quieted the young woman, but then Bruce noted her green v-neck. The monster inside of him cooed at the thought.
Feeling slightly pacified by his alter-ego, Bruce turned off the machine, moving it so he faced his sudden patient. "Well, Miss Lewis, it looks like your current prescription is going to be the best for you for another year. Shield usually makes a few extras just in case the unthinkable happens and they get broken. Do you need a few extras?"
Darcy smiled her flashing smile once more, and laughed. "Oh, no, please. I've got like five of them now, and haven't even broken one pair. Thanks for the thought though, you are really sweet." She gave him one more smile and a kiss on the cheek. Bruce was stunned into a frozen statute.
She grabbed her bag and maneuvered around him. "Thanks, doc, big time. This is the first time I've not been scared in a doctor's office. Super glad you weren't an alien robot."
Bruce turned slightly and smiled disparagingly. "Who says I'm not?"
Her full-bellied laugh echoed behind her as she left the room.
Second, they really meet.
Bruce was stewing in melancholy. This was not a far cry from his usual state of somberness. Tony's entrance to the room only provided a basis for contrast. His jolly smile and step caused a deep sigh to emerge from Bruce's person.
"OH, come on, big guy? What's got you so much more down than usual?"
Bruce tried to shake of his morose musings, but the image of one Darcy Lewis had not left his mind for days. The other guy would grumble and groan at the thought of forgetting it. He could feel the pull to look her up on SHIELD database (or even just sniff her out, like the other guy was itching for) but Bruce held back. It was dangerous, he constantly reminded himself. HE was dangerous.
"Nothing. Just the usual lamenting and regretting, Tony. Loss of normality, the forever unreachable simplicity of life. Nothing new." Bruce responded, more frank than standard considering his irritability with the persistence of his other half.
Tony eyed Bruce wearily. "Alright, whatever you say, big guy." For the next few hours, the two fell into an easy discourse regarding the nature of their current experiment and technology research.
Just as Bruce was about to pack up for the night, Tony reached over the desk. He placed a silver watch on the counter. "Here you go, a gift, from me to you. Two way communication on a secure channel, voice recording, GPS location tracking, and FM radio." Tony's smile warmed Bruce's heart a little.
"So, essentially, its a high-tech walkie-talkie?" He responded with the normal twinge of amusement and dry humor.
Tony nodded, taking the item back in between his two hands. "And its super stretchy!"
Darcy nodded along to her mental checklist.
Tuxedo Mocha with a splash of Caramel? Check.
Earth-defying, reaching supernova level of awesomeness, chocolate chip scone? Check. And met expectations.
Avoid possible New York-destroying decimation in the form of some psycho attacking (Aliens, again. So cliche)? Check and with a tid bit of flair (courtesy of her taser upgrade, called Marvin).
Now, she was onto her next item, which was her morning run. Back in the intern days, Darcy hated running. She would avoid all physical exercise as much as possible. However, with the Asgardian campfire man, and the other baddies she's met along the way, Darcy realized that running had its uses. Hence, her desperate attempt to get better at it.
As Darcy ran through the park, she noticed an odd trembling in the concrete pathway. Seeing some cracked concrete in the shape of a large foot, Darcy's adrenaline rushed through her limbs. It seemed she was following in these giant footsteps, and the thing was right in front of her.
The aliens this morning were small, large firepower for their size, but easy to avoid. Not like this. Thing.
This thing that apparently Darcy ran straight into.
Gasping and pulling herself up from the grass she had inadvertently fallen onto, Darcy stared.
It was the big green guy. Hulk, if she remembered correctly.
"Hey, big guy," Darcy cooed. If he was anything like her psych studies of primates, a gentle voice should prevent any outbursts.
"TON-yyyyy," the sound of gravel in a blender responded. His large green eyes looked her form up and down. His tone indicated he expected someone else.
Taking a deep breath to calm herself, Darcy inquired further. "Tony? Is that who you are looking for? I'm sorry. I'm Darcy. Nice to meet you. You are the second official Avenger I've met."
Darcy debated over offering her hand, considering a handshake with the giant might very well break her bones.
He grunted and nodded.
"Oookk, well, I haven't seen a metal guy flying around here lately, but if I do, I will let you know, ok?"
"Broke." The jolly green pointed to a silver band on his wrist. Hmm.
"Is that a phone for the guy? Hmm. Could I see?"
He lowered his tree trunk of an arm to the ground. Walking slowly up to it, Darcy gently laid her hand on the metal. It seemed to face had been smashed in.
"It looks smashed," she said aloud.
"SMASH." A huge grin overtook his face. "HULK SMASH."
Darcy laughed at the cute proud look the Hulk wore. "Yeah, you are so good at that, Hulk. Well, is there something else I can do? Call someone? Hmm. maybe I should just call Coulson. He might know what to do." As she spoke, she pulled out her cell and dialed.
The Hulk just lowly mumbled, "COULSOOOON."
Darcy nodded. Then her big boss answered. "Coulson. Darcy. What is it?"
Darcy almost laughed at the bullet-like sequence of Coulson's tone. "Hey, big boss, just went walking through the park, and found something of yours. The big green bean? And... what do I do with him?" She tried to keep her cool, continuing in soothing tones.
"Stay right there. We are tracking your phone."
Darcy rolled her eyes. "Of course you are." She looked at her phone to realize that Coulson had already hung up. Turning back to the giant genetic experiment, she smiled. "So, what do you want to do until they get here?"
The Hulk plopped down on the grass, caused a minor crater. "DARCCYYY GLASSES."
Darcy nodded casually. "Yeah, I am one of the many people these days who wear glasses. Is that some sort of a big surprise?"
Hulk shook his fluffly mossy hair. "NO GLASSES NOW."
Darcy's eyes widened. "OH, yeah.. Hmm. How did you know that I normally wear glasses, then? Oh, anyway, I don't like to wear them when I run. Too uncomfortable. Ha, I guess I'm afraid of them just jumping off my head!" Darcy laughed, taking a slow step toward the giant science experiment.
"PRETTY DARCY."
Darcy heart started to race for a different reason than adrenaline. "Ha, well, for some reason, the idiot SHIELD men of the big apple don't agree with you. Haven't really had any action since that random intern in London." She shrugged as if to say, what can you do?
"STUPID BRUCE. STUPID MEN. SMASH INTERN." The large face above her starts to morph from admiration and despair into fury. The kind of fury Darcy recognized from the news.
Darcy held up her hands to try to placate the giant. "Hey, hey now. No need to go all smashy over one guy who never called." She looked around the lush park once more in an attempt to see if any SHIELD stealth agents were nearby. She walked one more step closer and patted the ginormous arm beside her. "It's alright big guy. I still have hope there isn't one idiot man willing to see what else this taser-wielding ex-intern can offer!" She smiled at the big green eyes and relaxing countenance of the Hulk.
"PRETTY. SPUNKY. DARCY." The green man seemed to coo and he ducked his head. Light pink spots on his cheeks clashed with his dark emerald skin.
Darcy laughed. "Oh, my god! Hulk, are you blushing?! This is so awesome! I tasted Thor and I made the Hulk blush! Sweet!"
She continued smiling at his form as he started to shrink and his coloring lighted to normal tanned skin.
Darcy gasped as the face of the super hot/cute optometrist appeared before her. She knew the Hulk had an alter ego named Bruce Banner, but she never saw a picture of him, til now, it seemed. And what a picture! A nearly naked Bruce Banner with stretchy black shorts wearily glanced up at Darcy's furious form.
She took the time to admire his abdominal assets before speaking with a dry tone. "Hey, doc, nice to see you again." She scoffed angrily. "Apparently heroes are supposed to be honest and trustworthy, huh? Remember me, Darcy? Well, it doesn't matter, because I'm never speaking to you again!" With a stomp of her foot she started turning and ran from the woozy scientist.
Third, they fall in love.
Darcy wanted to kick herself. She met the Hulk! And she met his alter ego three days ago. Unfortunately that alter ego was a jerk. He totally lied to her about who he was? Grrrrr. Even around SHIELD meeting an avenger was a major win in cool points. Darcy had met two of them! And she didn't even realize! Looking back, she understood that she may have overreacted a little bit to seeing Dr. Banner adorably sprawled out on the grass, but she had a very low tolerance for lying men in her history. She never expected a doctor and a superhero to fall into that category.
After getting back to her apt, showering, and throwing on some clothes, Darcy decided to call her bff. Jane.
"Can you believe he did that!" Darcy nearly screamed in frustration after detailing her encounters with both egos.
"Darcy," a small hesitant sigh came through on the other line. "He may have lied to you, but don't you think he could've had a good reason?"
"Yeah, name one," she stated, thrusting pop tart crumbs into her mouth before grabbing her things for her shift.
"Groupies, fear of him, the whole thing was just a accident, he really does fill in for optometrists. Even though his research was groundbreaking, I heard he actually did learn medicine while on the run."
Jane's voice turned light and curious at the end of her speech, which made Darcy all the more frustrated. "Yeah, well. That's no excuse!"
Darcy's irrational response earned another tired sigh from the astronomer. "Darce, really now. That's four very plausible excuses. Give him the benefit of the doubt. You have no data to base your conclusion on, yet."
Darcy couldn't help but roll her eyes at the logic. "Well, he better hope he never runs into me again!" She nearly hung up to reinforce the effect of her edict, but she wanted to catch up with Jane on the Thor issue.
The next day, she hopped into her favorite coffee shop for her usual, when something vey unusual met her gaze. Two dark brown hazel eyes full of shame and worry met hers.
Nearly growling in frustration, she made to turn and leave, but his scarred fingers grabbed her arm before she could. "Darcy, please. I just want to make sure nothing happened. Did he hurt you?"
His soft, sweet voice threw Darcy into another fit of rage. "He? He hurt me? No, Bruce. He was nice. It was you, who hurt me! How could you let me meet you, talk with you, and not tell me who you really were! That would've been so cool! And yet, I sounded like an idiot instead because of you!" She yanked her arm away from him and stormed off into the street. She would find a different coffee shop, even if it killed her.
As she stormed away, she realized something. Bruce Banner hated himself. Hmm. No wonder he lied about who he was, she thought. Gasping she came to a full stop. How dare he make me compassionately justify his actions! She continued her storming to the nearest Starbucks, seeing too much red to really focus on coffee.
She decided later on that day to list his injustices to Jane, so around lunchtime, Darcy made her way to Stark Tower. As she walked through the white and clear glass sliding doors, Darcy paused. She knew that adorable scruffy hair. She knew that deep, soft voice. Her heart nearly melted at how relaxed he sounded. It made sense, he was in his element.
Darcy cleared her throat as she entered. He looked up in surprise and a flash of excitement. In those milliseconds, she decided to make a decision. "Hey, Jane, howya doin'? Just came down to talk about how this super cute but lying guy ambushed me at my favorite coffee place. Had to get Starbucks, which is always a bit too sweet. Did you know he didn't even apologize for lying to me yet? I mean, I would totally forgive him if he did, but apparently he's just got too much going on in his super large brain to humble himself to do so."
She stood, hip cocked and fist resting on it. Her accusatory glare towards the superhero resulted in a bashful glance to the white tilted floor. Jane looked between the two and lowly stated, "I'm going to lunch."
Darcy nodded, to let Jane knew she was heard. "Well?" she asked the still silent doctor.
He coughed and ran a hand through his salt and pepper locks. "I'm...I'm sorry, Darcy. I'm sorry I lied to you about who I was. I just." He exhaled loudly and ran his eyes around the room.
"You wanted to feel normal," she supplied. "I get it. I just needed to make sure you understood that you hurt me. Now, lunch?" She smiled a little to show him that he was forgiven.
His responding grin was like a spotlight on his rugged features. His eyes lit with hope.
Pointing a finger at him, she added, "But if you ever lie to me again, that's it. We're not friends. I take truth-telling very seriously. Ok?"
He allowed his grin to stretch slightly farther on his face. "Yes, Ma'm."
Bruce was confused. Very confused. He supposedly hurt this woman, yet a few hours later she finds him and forgives him. They spent their lunch together talking about his projects and his journey to Stark Tower. He mentioned his work with Jane for the rainbow bridge and what it's like working with Tony. He heard about how Darcy met Jane, tazed Thor (her favorite story to tell to anyone who will listen), and became a part of SHIELD. Bruce was enraptured. It occurred to him that being friends with him would not be a walk in the park, and he told her so. She responded that she met Hulk in a park, so she didn't mind either way.
They spent the next week having lunch together. Sometimes Jane came with, and sometimes she didn't, but no matter what, Bruce always came back from lunch feeling lighter.
Of course Tony noticed. And of course Tony forced Bruce to invite "the tazing chick" to an impromptu party without a reason. Like Tony needed a reason.
All the Avengers and their significant others were invited. Bruce braced himself for the awe Darcy would have for the others. He asked himself many times why he felt so discouraged when she would marvel over them, but he avoided answering.
However, contrary to his prediction, Darcy stayed with her arm in his the whole night. Bruce even found himself sending her wry smiles a few times. Indeed, he was completely captivated by her. Her curves fit smoothly into the dark green cocktail dress she was wearing. The dress matched her eyes and flowed with each movement. It wasn't that low, not like Natasha who had little care as to what was modest, but for some reason, Bruce couldn't take his eyes away from her.
At the end of the night, Bruce walked Darcy to her apartment door. She decided to broach the subject Bruce was praying and hoping she wouldn't. How consistent of her to be unexpectedly inconsistent.
"So, was this like a date, or something? Cuz if so, then I'd say we've been dating for a whole week without even a kiss, and that is a true travesty." She smiled easily, so easily.
Bruce sighed, "And why is that?"
Darcy laughed slightly, "Cuz, doc, you are h-o-t hot. And I'd definitely want a piece of that."
Bruce ran a hand through his hair in frustration. How could he. How could he not. "Darcy, you know it wouldn't...I couldn't really.."
"Hey," she put a black manicured hand on his button-up shirt. "I understand. You're worried about me. But don't. I totally helped beat up that alien robot thing, and I can handle whatever being with an Avenger throws at me. Seriously. Also, if you're worried about you, don't. We all have issues, yours are just superhero sized, but not impossible."
Bruce moved a dark brown hair behind her ear. How could she be so understanding of my position so often? How could she be so compassionate, and sweet, and strong?
He stood there under the stars, looking into her eyes in wonder. "I'm serious, Darcy. Do you really want this? To be with me?"
Darcy slowly lost her small smile, matching his serious look. "Yes, I'm serious, Bruce. I do."
With his heart in his throat, Bruce leaned down and kissed her. He had never felt the entirety of his being be so unified in feeling. This is right. It is so right, and even the Other Guy agrees.