I wrote this on a really bad day while listening to "Open Eyes" by Debby Ryan. My friend comforted me like this, and it seemed to fit with Garcia/Reid instead of my usual Reid/JJ. Its kinda old (like, from February 2nd) and I found it buried with a bunch of stories and thought I had something going right here. I decided to finish it. It probably sucks and is probably all over the place, but what the heck?
Garcia looked up at Reid, who was helping her in her office. Reid was sitting in a dark corner of the office, his knees up to his chest.
"Reid, are you okay?" Garcia asked. Reid slowly looked up.
"I'm fine," his voice cracked.
"Talk to me sweet cheeks," Garcia said. She moved closer to him.
"Last night..." Reid paused and took a deep breath. "I had a flash back."
"Of what?" Garcia asked.
"When I sent my mom away. I-I feel guilty every night as I'm in the-the freedom of my apartment while she's under everyone's watch in a hospital. I shouldn't have sent her away. I-I should've been stronger," Reid said. Garcia rubbed his back.
"You were strong Reid. You took care of her for 10 years, but, it's hard to go to college across the country while caring for your mom," Garcia said.
"I wasn't strong Garcia. I really wasn't. I-I broke every day. Promise not to tell anyone else," Reid said.
"I promise," Garcia said.
"Every time she was having an episode, I'd hide in my room. I'd cry and wish I can get rid of it, but I never could. I'd hope and pray that if I knew about schizophrenia better I could help her get better, but I couldn't. I would cry because I had no one whatsoever. I didn't know my family at all, so I was stuck. When I was 13, I sat there in my room one day and found a broken picture. That's when I, I...I just broke. I picked up a piece of glass and I cut myself. It made the pain from my heart go away, and it made me scared. I was scared of what was going on in my mom's mind and scared what was going on in mine. What made me turn to cutting myself? It was such a stupid thing to do, yet I kept doing it and...and I never got help. I stopped though," Reid said.
"When?" Garcia asked.
"When I sent her away," Reid said. He rolled up his sleeves and showed Garcia. There were faint scars on his wrist and forearm. "It wouldn't stop. It never stopped. I kept crying and trying to stop, but I could never stop! I could never stop! I wanted to. I couldn't stop. I just couldn't." Reid became hysterical at that moment.
"Shh Spencer, its okay," Garcia said. It was the first time she had ever used his first name, and it was different for the broken boy to hear from her.
"T-Thank you Garcia," Reid said.
"For what?" Garcia asked.
"For being here. For listening. And for just being such a good friend," Reid said.
"I have a question," Garcia said. Reid looked up at her. "Do you still wonder about your family besides your mom?"
"Everyday," Reid said.
"With your permission, can I look?" Garcia asked.
"Please," Reid said. She pulled him over to the computer and typed in his information. She got information on his mom and then on his grandparents.
"Your mom had a brother. Steven Hestline. He died in 1984 from suicide. Your Grandpa died November 23, 1979," Garcia said.
"...And my Grandma?" Reid asked.
"She, uh, died. April 14, 1984. Reid, I'm so sorry," Garcia started.
"I-its okay," Reid said. "I need some...air."
"Reid, wait," Garcia said. She followed him to the roof of the BAU. As soon as he was outside, he collapsed in tears.
"It hurts," Reid said. "Deep inside, it hurts. It hurts so bad, and it seems like no one understands. My dad didn't, he didn't care about me and my future! He didn't care how much this would take a toll on me physically and emotionally."
"Spence, look at me," Garcia said. Reid looked at her. No one called him Spence except for JJ and Lila. "You gotta let go of the past and try to move on."
"It's hard to let go of the only thing I know," Reid said. "My mom has meant everything to me my entire life, yet, she's why I am the way I am right now."
"I know how you feel. I was 18 when I lost my parents. I took them for granite for such a long time, and suddenly they're gone. I hated myself for not being there, not telling them to stay back for one minute. Not preventing the accident. I wanted to die. But I did this," Garcia said.
"What?" Reid whispered. Garcia helped him stand up and faced him to the sun.
"Close your eyes. Let it be, and it'll fade away," Garcia said. "Tell me what you feel."
"Pain. Sadness. Anger," Reid said, his face scrunching up a little bit.
"Take a deep breath. Let it all go. Now, what do you feel?" Garcia asked. Reid did as he was told.
"Warmth," Reid said. He opened his eyes to find himself drenched in the sunlight on the roof of the BAU. He turned around to find Garcia had already left.
"When the clouds are gone, not a storm in sight, you'll be drenched in the sun with open eyes."
I based this off of some of my struggles (i.e. depression and cutting, which is long gone and in my past now) So I just wrote it from my POV if I had been Reid. And why did Garcia randomly leave at the end? I don't know? Tell me what you think happened (besides 'she just left')