Bunny Bummer And The Designer Hybrid

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Klaus yawned a little as he lounged on the sofa, uncrossing his ankles and cocking a brow at Stefan as he walked in, going in a bored voice.

"Rippah-"

"Stop fucking calling me that. I'm not some British pony boys bum buddy."

"Oh come on mate. You know how much sexual tension the viewers have picked up on."

Stefan looked thoughtful. "Do I look gay?"

"Do I look gay is the question."

"Um."

"What?"

"In Hex, you did."

"Pft, JoMo was young. Those golden curls-"

"'Golden curls?' You're talking lovingly about them."

"I love your ass."

"What?"

"Nothing mate."

Stefan sat down next to him, frowning. "Do you believe that Julie Plec meant to create the sexual tension shit?"

"I certainly hope not. If so, I'm smashing your ass. Not the other way around. I rather like my peachy, perky backside."

"You pussy."

"You eat pussy."

"Yeah, Elenas."

"No, I meant cats. But yeah, that works the same. Tatias was never much to brag about. Unless you bummed some bunnies? That must have been a challenge."

The pair were silent, Stefan ignoring him, and Klaus' arm got numb, making him stretch it out, resting it behind Stefan who went, cocking a brow-

"Were you pulling 'The Move' on me?"

"Stefan, your gay thoughts are corrupting you."

"You pulled The Move on me."

"I have no desire to let you ride my pony."

Stefan got up at that, and Klaus smirked, sending him a sly wink, going. "Hey there Rippah."

"Are you high?"

"I haven't been snorting coke from the valley under your nose anyway."

"Huh. Well the end of your nose is like a tomato."

"Ouch (!)"

"What lipstick do you use? Rimmel London?"

"Oh go wax your eyebrows."

"Or do you use strawberry lipgloss?"

Klaus scoffed and got up, shaking his head as he snapped. "Look- do you want my ass or not? Because I want the fucking writers to make up their mind!"

"You were the one that gave me the puppy eyes and the whole 'WHY!' when I killed you!"

"Yeah, you killed me lovah."

"Go polish your ass. By the end of S4, I bet I'll be smashing it."

Klaus smirked. "Go buff up your ass mate. We all know I'm the alpha male."

"Your accent doesn't turn me on."

"Damn. Usually works."

"I'm not Caroline."

"Hmm, you mean I can't strip you and draw you naked then?"

"Who am I? Stefan Dawson?"

"I think you meant Rose."

"You're the woman."

Klaus smirked. "And why? Pray, tell."

Stefan cocked a brow. "In that ep, you tortured Elena and went 'Just between us girls.'"

"A script mistake."

"Or you have a vagina."

"I think I'd know if I had a vagina, Rippah."

"Klaus. I'm bored with you now. Go find a box of tampons and leave."

Stefan walked off, Klaus watching him with a cocked eyebrow-

Nice rear view.

Once again! Was a request! Pure comedy, not meant to offend! Hope you like! x