A/N: I know I haven't written anything in along time and I'm very sorry, but my internet has not been working well, I lost someone close to me in August that only a few selected people knew as my boyfriend and recently (was recent when I wrote this), like novemer 20, I got a new boyfriend…(so soon, I know) … but it's Thanksgiving break (or was) and the first time I've been able to actually write anything. I will continue my other stories soon I promise, but this is a little something to help you all until I get to them. Love you all and please review for me!
Disclaimer: no money, no owning YYH
HOPING FOR HAPPINESS
Dear Reader,
She has been gone for a little over a year and I know I should move on, but I can't. There have been chances to do so, but I feel so guilty. No matter what I do or go through she will always be the only one I want to be with. It's always been that way.
When we met I wanted nothing to do with her; she was just someone I had to work with for a while. Well, a while last for over two years. Sometime in that span of time I got to know her and I just could not bring myself to leave her.
I'm still not sure what pushed me to do it, but I told her how I felt and she started crying. At first I thought it was rejection, I'm not the best with girls, but she kissed me and I knew I'd found happiness or at least for a little bit.
We spent almost every waking minute with one another. She was perfect to me. Like everyone else she had flaws: she was clumsy, loved to gossip, incredibly girly, and so much more. I loved every thing about her, good things and bad. One thing she was good at was making me laugh or smile. No matter the situation, she wouldn't even have to try and just looking at her knowing she was mine brought a smile to my face. Which was un natural to me, might I ad.
Then she went to the cities to look for a new job and was killed. I never thought I could cry so much. With her gone there was nothing left for me in this world. Why did they have to take her? She never did anything in the world to cause harm, only joy… but they still thought it was better if she left.
I know now she watches over me. From time to time I see her in my dreams and I'm reassured that she is alright. Although it truly hasn't been that long since she has passed on I think she would want me to move on. At least until I can see her again.
But how would anyone except me? I am cold hearted, rude, in plain terms I'm an asshole. Botan, why did they have to take you from me? You were so wonderful, the only thing I truly ever held dear to my heart. How am I supposed to move on when I can't help but think of you everyday?
If you find someone you love, never let go. Even if you are completely different, there is still the chance you can work things out. Don't ever give up right away with love. Stop looking for love, it will find you when the times right, and don't expect it either. If your situation is like mine then listen closely because many don't know what I have actually been through.
If you loose your loved one, they will watch over you and they are safe. In all truth they want you to move on and for you to be happy. Don't hold back from moving on, it might just make things worse. It will be hard but it's what they want, believe me.
Botan was the greatest thing and never would I want anything but her in this world.
Never would I want her to think I left her and didn't love her anymore. I do but, how do I say this in a few words that I haven't already said, we can't be together until my times over and in that time I need happiness and she wants me to be happy until I see her.
So please understand what I'm asking, don't let go of your loved ones. If something does happen try to stay happy by all means. It might seem weird that I am saying all this, but Botan has opened up places inside that I wanted to share with all of you. I just hope you will all find someone at least half as wonderful as she was to me.
Hiei Jaganshi
(please reveiw.. i want to know want you all think)