((A/N: Burbs' fic~

Disclaimer: neither I or Burbs own squat.))

Leaving

1. Bleak Outlook for Tomorrow

It was kind of amusing actually. Looking straight up in a moving car; the clouds changing angles from the corner of the window and how it feels like your spinning around. It was slightly overcast but the sky still peeked through with it's brilliantly dull blue color.

I choked back a sob.

It was gone, wasn't it? Everything sort of faded and melted and distorted. It was painful, but it was still beautiful. Looking up as the trees pass, a glowing green under the suns peeking rays. One second it was out, embracing the world under its warmth, and then in a flash it was gone, causing all the colors to dull to shades of gray.

All of a sudden my eyes were wet again.

Mixed in with some happiness it felt like tragedy.

I mildly wanted to scream. To beat the shit out of the nearest object I could find.

I was in the backseat of my parents car, I couldn't throw a fit. Self-control ached at my raging mind, easing the tides.

Ike was playing some game on his PSP, making beeping and bopping sounds mixed with the low volume of the radio, playing some oldies song my dad loved. It was nostalgic he said defensively. Not that I necessarily disagreed with him, the slow soothing melody lulled me into a calm state of mind, numbing my heartache.

I bet no one in the car even knew I was upset. A sardonic smile played off my lips and I stared back up at the sky again. I shook slightly as I squeezed my eyes shut, I didn't want to be here.

I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home.

I blinked a tear down my cheek as I watched the sky turn dark and our car drive off into the night.

The first star I saw I automatically and childishly began to wish on, star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, wish I may, wish I might, may I have this wish tonight...

I wished desperately with all my might, I don't care if I was being childish, if there was any way possible, any option available, I was taking it.

I fought back a cynical laugh when I realized it had been a plane instead of a star. Despite being depressing, it reminded me so much of you that I ended up cherishing that moment as my heart fell.

A dull thud, thud, thud, was what lulled me to sleep that night. Each thud ached inside my chest, each rise and fall stung with each remembrance of you.

I didn't want to leave you, I didn't want to leave Stan, I didn't even want to leave Cartman, as ridiculous as that sounds. I was going to miss it all. I was going to miss Butters annoying babble, when Craig would flip someone off, Wendy's activist movements, your rare smile when your hood wasn't covering your face, Kevin's buzz-kill Star Wars reference, Tweek Tweak's twitching, the way your eyes twinkled when you were talking about some porno or another, Stan pinching his nose, Cartman's get-rich schemes, your face on your birthday, saving Christmas every year even though I'm Jewish, Clyde's taco obsession, Mr. Garrison's annoying teaching, seeing you look cool even with your underwear over your pants.

Everything, everything, everything, even the stuff I hated.

I was eleven and watched my world fade away through the top-left corner of my parents mini-van.

In no way did I believe things would work out.

((Ending Notes: Whoo-hoo! Likey? Hate? Flame thrower? Gouging out eyes? Cooing with appreciation? I need feedback peeps

-a slightly nervous Burbs))