Prologue, the History of Shepard
No one knew her by her first name, no one, and she wanted it to stay like that. She even asked her parents to call her Shepard; only one other person ever knew her first name… and that wound was still raw to her. She was a strong woman, dependable; arguably her only flaw was her inability to share. She did not like to talk about herself or her past, no matter how much her emotions were slowly destroying her mind. Serving on the Normandy had been a lifesaver for her. After the previous mission had ended in disaster, she was a broken shell of a person, so when she got the order to serve under Admiral Anderson as his XO, she jumped at the chance, a new lease on life.
No one other than her commanding officer would ever know of the disaster that plagued her every thought and dream. She had a chance, to start afresh, a new life, and new friends. Lieutenant Commander Shepard (as she was known before her promotion aboard the Normandy), was however, well known, some would say "famous" for her heroic actions during the Skyllian Blitz. She thanked the stars every day that her downfall was not then, not a battle which she could not escape from, with daily mention about her heroism. No, Shepard had one other mission following that, classified and need to know. Only the very highest members of the human embassy, Earth's council and the allied council of the Citadel knew. She could never think of that without tears springing up, and she could not swallow, her throat being blocked by an imaginary force. She had lost part of herself that day, arguably the best part. So much loss was incredibly traumatic to the then 24 year old, even though she was no stranger to loss by that point. A week before Shepard turned 16, her father died.
After her dad passed away, her mom Hanna, decided to take a year's sabbatical. She headed out into the galaxy, leaving a young 16 year old Shepard to make the toughest decision of her life, join the alliance military, or progress onto university. Shep really knew the answer; she wasn't particularly studious, though she was incredibly smart; the Alliance was the best thing for her. Though it would be life-changing to serve on a ship as her parents had done, doing whatever she was told. Anyone whom had met the young Shepard growing up would attest to the fact that she was terrible at following orders.
This decision was not to be made alone, Shepard's close friend, Serena Valikarsi, was also considering her career options. The two of them were intelligent, Shepard was far beyond her years, so had been offered an early acceptance to University or the Alliance military; or rather, a choice to pursue an early career. Though if they chose to accept, it was to be kept quiet as the media would have a field day with 16 year olds serving in the military. The decision of a lifetime, in the hands of two young women, girls really; without an older guiding hand, it was always going to be reckless, no matter what they chose. This was their careers, their lives to be dictated by one simple choice.
As both girls were spacers, being on a ship was second nature to them, and they never stayed in one place for too long. They were no stranger to their parents being off on missions, for days, weeks and even months at a time. The Alliance was a great establishment, great career; once you joined, it was family and all kids born during serving, were looked after by al the crew, they were never short of love and discipline. Shep was born and raised for the majority of the time, on the SSV Cannas with her mother Hanna Shepard. Her father moved from one place to another, constantly requested for missions.
Serena Valikari was 2 years Shepard's elder, growing up a spacer, she met Shep when the younger woman was just 8 years of age, making her 10. Serena and her sisters Anya (13), Miko (12) and Kira (5), were Alliance orphans, affectionately known as space rats. They, along with their parents, were originally situated on the warship SSV Deino; which did have some families, though any children on board were kept in check, and were there at risk to the parents. They were transported to the SSV Cannas when the devastating news of her parents' death reached the command centre of the Deino. That ship was certainly no was no place for orphans; it was fortunate that they reached the Alliance docking bay of the Citadel at the time which the exploration vessel, SSV Cannas was in dry dock. The Deino was preparing to deliver the girls to Earth, a sufficiently large dent in their time; that they preferred to pass them off to a more suitable ship for space rats.
After her father died, Shep lost her mother to grief, watched it eat away at the once lively woman. So when Hanna Shepard was offered a year of exploration, with a close friend of the family, Shep begged her mother to take it. Excited that one day, she may again see the woman she used to know. Hanna was concerned about leaving her 16 year old alone in their small Citadel apartment, especially when she had such a big decision looming; she was finally swayed by Serena's promise, to keep Shepard safe. Both women knew instantly what they were going to do; be part of something greater than the two of them could ever be; to join the Alliance.
MASS EFFECT MASS EFFECT MASS EFFECT
Normandy 2186 – Shep Commands the Normandy and is no longer serving under Anderson.
Shep felt a rush of heat rising from her stomach and collecting in her chest; a soft tingling as if her body was being manipulated, triggered by a biotic field. She took a deep breath and swallowed, hoping that would cool the heat. Her heart raced blood around her body; adrenaline seemed to surge from every pore, every fibre of her being. She was confused at the physiological sensations that were positively tormenting her body. What was the cause? Now Shep was not unintelligent, she had an adept knowledge of human physiology and even the anatomy of other species. But she could not for the life of her, discern the feelings and vibrations firing from every nerve. The redhead raised her head, snapping out of her personal world as her eyes instinctively stumbled upon her friend, meeting the chocolate brown eyes of the other woman, her blonde hair flicking around her face. Serena met Shep's deep blue eyes, her warmth sent across an invisible line to Shep. That smile…
Shepard awoke in a cold sweat, her eyes watering in pain, lashes sticking her lids together. Prising them apart, she slowly swung herself round over the edge of the bunk. Rubbing her face she stood up and headed to her bathroom compartment. Looking in the mirror, the red-head was shocked to see how old she looked, the terror etched in the lines across her face.
God… Shep thought, realising that she needed to freshen up, I have a shift in the command centre in half an hour. She stripped out of her regulation sleepwear and stepped under the hot relief, spewing out of the faucet in her shower cubicle. Mentally piecing back the walls in which her memories were sealed, she quickly washed her hair, paying particular attention to her face, as paranoia screamed that her crewmates would be able to read her like an open book.
Jumping out of the shower, Shepard glanced at the time, Crap, she thought as she saw she only had ten minutes to get dressed and run to her station at the other end of the ship, "I'm going to be late" she muttered angrily, a flash of irritation searing through her body as she rushed out of the bathroom.
She reached the command centre a few minutes late, but the perks of being Commander of the Normandy meant no repercussions for the small indiscretion, she found that her team of fighters and squad-mates, along with her helmsman Joker were all waiting for her to begin the briefing, none noticing signs of the night-terrors, which Shepard was so worried about.
She cleared her throat, signalling for the others to stop chatting and to pay attention to what she was about to say. They all turned to face her, listening intently. Shep glanced around at her diverse crew, not many were like them in the galaxy as most species tended to stick to their own.
"We've been asked by the Alliance Generals to head a covert mission deep into reaper controlled territory. I know I don't need to say this, but it is classified and strictly need to know." Shep pronounced to her squad.
She took a deep breath, hating what she was about to announce, knowing full-well the reactions that it could elicit from the room. "The mission…" she hesitated, the words getting caught in her mouth, "Has a direct link to a case that occurred 6 years ago." Her voice quavered, as she tried hard to maintain objectivity, to stop the mental walls from crashing down. Gulping, she continued, "And like this one… it… It was also classified. It involved a select few of alliance soldiers." She glanced at Joker, the only one in the room other than herself, who knew the actions of that day, he nodded encouragingly, as if letting her know it was okay to continue.
"Joker and I, were aboard that mission."
She looked around the large room, at the wide-eyed looks of her friends. It was clear to Shep what their thoughts were, as they all glanced around enthralled at the information they had just received, muttering comments under their breath to one another.
Shepard raised her hand for silence, "That mission was one of the biggest defeats the Alliance suffered since the Blitz, we had numerous casualties, an existential amount of bodies."
Joker cut in, "It was like dinner theatre, to coin an old Earth phrase," a bemused look on his face, typical Joker behaviour, "Shame I packed my lunch in the other shuttle."
Shep raised her eyebrows at him; he always did know how to lighten a situation. But her smile vanished as quickly as it had appeared as she remembered why they were there.
"We didn't make the connection back then, but it was a warning." She quickly blinked back tears and tensed her muscles, wanting desperately to stop the shaking, "A warning, of what we know now. The godlike power the reapers hold and their history of destruction."
She stumbled over her words, her body beginning to shake. God get a hold of yourself, she mentally scolded. But she knew that it was going to be difficult, nigh impossible to articulate what she was about to say, that the mission, involved her. She tried again and again to make her lips form the words, her vocal cords to generate a sound, but she couldn't. This was too much for her, too much for the Alliance to ask, knowing full well the loss she suffered.
"Look, I don't like it either" Shepard declared assertively, "But it seems we don't have a choice, the Council support this mission, so we go."
Shep knew it was a lot to ask of her crew, but like her, they didn't have much of a choice. She felt a psychic "pull" at her eyes, mentally asking her to turn her head, look. Her face flushed and she felt a familiar heat rising from her stomach; she felt a heat, a presence to her right. She turned her head; her heart skipped a beat as her eyes honed in on the Asari, Dr Liara T'Soni.
Shepard wanted to run then, the feelings bringing a rapid flash of imagery, memories from Estana, horrifying pictures. And without warning, she felt herself flashback, relive it all.
"Fall back, fall back now!" She screamed, "There's too many, we're overwhelmed!" Everything slowed to quarter speed, surroundings muted; all Shepard could hear was a slow, steady beating heart. The creatures were pressing forward, their power unimaginable. She turned, rifle in hand and met the eyes of Serena. Her blonde hair falling out of the bun, messily stuck to her forehead amidst the sweat and dirt. Her dark eyes full of fear…
"Erm, Commander?" Joker piped up, snapping her out of the cycle.
"Crew dismissed!" She announced loudly, "You will find access to the full debrief on your private message terminals."
And with that note, she hastily made her way out of the command centre, and as soon as she was out of the sight of worried eyes, she ran. Eyes now stinging with salty tears, muscles violently shaking her whole body, she tried to desperately stop the flashes as she ran. It became more and more impossible to stop the flooding, the white hot pain searing through her nervous system as the memories forced themselves through her barriers.
"No…" Shepard cried as she caught the elevator up to her cabin. "Please, not now, no…"
Sliding down the elevator walls, she sat on the floor, hands to her temple, attempting to control what was happening to her. The elevator dinged as it reached her cabin; she crawled out and clumsily input her door code, slowly losing consciousness on the other side. The memories… those terrible images ran through her mind with no restraint, no breaks. Shep was forced to relive the horror surrounding that day.
"Fall back, fall back now!" She screamed, "There's too many, we're overwhelmed!" Everything slowed to quarter speed, surroundings muted; all Shepard could hear was a slow, steady beating heart. The creatures were pressing forward, their power unimaginable. She turned, rifle in hand and met the eyes of Serena. Her blonde hair falling out of the bun, messily stuck to her forehead amidst the sweat and dirt. Her dark eyes full of fear, her pistol in hand, firing rapidly as she edged back to the safety of the shuttle. All around them their fellow soldiers, friends, collapsed to the dirty soil, dead. Serena reached her hand towards Shep, knowing that there was a high probability they wouldn't make it. Seeing the large creature barrel towards them using only its brute force as an attack, the women ran backwards, firing at will, failing to see the grenade that had just been thrown at them. The seconds counted down, ten… nine… eight… Serena turned to Shepard, a soft smile playing on her lips, six… five… four… Serena slipped in the pool of blood behind her, losing contact with Shep, three… Shepard looked on in horror, racing back to Serena, two… Their eyes met, one…