It's almost painful to look into his eyes but I never stop, from the moment I enter the room to when we finally succumb to sleep, we never look away. They're ice blue with flecks of sapphire around the pupils that are as black as pitch, this small drop of colour confined with in a rim of slate grey. They're cold, diamond hard and full of demons. Haunted by his past, by all he's seen, all he's done. They're a reflection of the torment I know that's inside, I can almost smell the fear, and taste the loathing in his mouth. The two most prominent of a tapestry of emotions, like each individual feeling has its colour, but although the colours are plenty his tapestry is dull and broken. Everything in his world has become grey, grey and blue.
I run my hands through his hair, the tangles in his curls snagging on my finger tips, the soft strands that have knotted together loosen with the slightest pressure. He's so cold I can almost see my breath billowing into smoke like clouds of frost, he's so cold but his every touch burns, his kisses like fire, every caress like a brand. Where my breath almost turns to mist, his is like steam with each hissing whisper in my ear. He lets out a small hot, gasp of pleasure as I stroke his bottom lip with the tip of my finger, something I have done since the first night. He shudders and his hair falls in front of his eyes, but still he watches me, even as I lean into kiss him his eyes never leave mine. I don't want them to; I have fallen in love with his eyes, just like I have fallen in love with the rest of him.
He is a commander; I have seen him shout orders at soldiers, pouring contempt at any display of even the slightest amount of incompetence. He's the kind of man people would follow to the ends of the earth, maybe they would have done if he had any compassion for the people, he exudes power. And yet, he would come running to my every call, hurrying to carry out my smallest request, not to please me but for some unknown reason. I could have him killed with a wave of the hand, he knows I would never look back as they dragged him away kicking and screaming he is not one to go quietly. Still it is not why he bows his head in submission, assaults me with his searing kisses the moment I close his bedroom door. He may hate every single second he spends with me but he never flinches, never recoils from me, he wants me.
He is under my total control, living for each night, answering the door a fraction of a second after my first knock. As if he sits there just waiting for me to come to him. I love the power I have over him; I do not know what made me kiss him that first night when the sheriff sent him to me. I do not know what overcame me, but he was there and gave in to me, shocking me with his heat. I do not know what made me go to his room the following night, and then again and again, but soon his haunted eyes began to haunt me. I longed for his unbearable heat and his numbing coldness, hungering for him even when I had him in my grasp, nothing ever quenching my thirst even when I was drinking in as much as I could. I wanted to see him kneel before me, yielding to my strength and my control. I knew that one day I would be king of this country, the people bowing down before me, worshipping me, loving me.
My father loved me, no one else did but he saw that I was different to my older brothers, they betrayed him. I hated every single one of them. They hated me, I was the youngest yet my father saw me as the most worthy, they were jealous and rebelled against him. Even my mother disliked me she much preferred Richard; he was good and kind, full of love for the people he knew he was destined to rule. He did not want power he wanted what he thought was best for his homeland, he claimed it was his birthright to have an entire country obeying his every command. He was wrong, it is mine and my father knew it, my mother fell for Richard's act and never saw that I too deserved her love. She took him to France with her, leaving me behind as if I were some insignificant child, not her own son.
My nurse maids neglected me; they beat me for even the smallest things, mocking me claiming my father would "kiss it better". They thought my father was wrong to love me, but he did love me. Only he loved me, when everyone told him of my faults, told him Richard was much more worthy of his love he didn't give it to him. When he died he took his love away and I was left alone and hated by all, my brother rode in front of adoring crowds who threw flowers in his path, while I rode behind like some page boy. I was the son of one of the greatest kings to live, he died and they forgot him for my brother, I never forgot him. I never forgot his love. One day I will take this country from my unworthy brother, who has abandoned it to fight the Saracens, they will see that my father was right and finally they shall love me.
I crave love but no one truly gives it to me, they lie to me and I see it in their eyes, I have never had their love. He knows it and sees it in me, he sees that I need it, he sees too much but I can't look away. He doesn't know that I find love in him, he may not love me it is the closest I have ever come, I control him but he could still laugh in my face. He can pity me. His skin looks like marble in the moonlight as I pin him to the bed, his fingers interlaced with mine as I push them backwards, and I take one more of his scorching kisses. I close my eyes to shut out the look on his face, breaking contact for the first time, my kiss is passionate, urgent and desperate as I know this will be my last taste of love. I break off and get up still not looking into his eyes as I walk towards the door. I take one last look as he lies shattered where I left him, as if he knew what I had to do.
Everyone he ever loved betrayed him, they left him alone, and by never doing this I was different. He looked into my eyes as if the power of his gaze could hold me in the room, stop me leaving and I never did. Until now. He always knew that no one would ever stay with him; he had begun to believe that maybe I would always be there; by leaving now I was cutting him deeper than anyone ever had before. Except Marian, he forgot her when he was with me, but now my betrayal would make it all flood back.
I walk back to my room; the guards never ask questions about my night time walks, knowing too much is dangerous. I lay back on my bed shivering, I can't help but think of him and the warmth he gives me, but I had no choice. I had to look away. I almost let myself believe he loved me, I showed too much of the truth, what's hidden behind my changeable nature. The one that makes me so dangerous. It was the love that drew me to his room each night, which pulled me back once I got to Nottingham. When I arrived here I went to his room without thinking, needing him and needing to be with him. His eyes that followed me round the room whenever I entered, every detail of them frozen into my mind, always with me even when he's not there. I see them now, and I see the knowledge that I let him have, the knowledge that has sealed his doom. Tomorrow my guards shall drag him away for all to see; the people of Nottingham will rejoice at his death, I will not. I must not let him get in the way, he distracts me from what I must do, I must become king of this land because my father wished it. Because I must have love. Not the empty mockery I gained from him, no, he must die.
There's a commotion outside my door as someone tries to pass my guards, my head snaps up and I look out to see who it is. His haunted eyes greet my own; the demons are on full rampage as he stares at me, accusing me. In an instant his death sentence has fallen away. I order the guards to let him in and the door swings shut behind him; once again our eyes are locked together.
"Do you love me?" I am taken aback by his question, I ask it everyday, knowing every single yes I receive is a lie. I can see that he needs the truth, he too had his love taken away, the heroes get the girls and Guy is not a hero. Still I can see that needs me, just like I need him. "Yes" I reply; his mouth collides with mine as we sink to the floor together burning with true, real love, needing nothing but each other. For the first time since my father's death, I had been given the gift of love.
A/N: Hey, this is Rocky this is my chapter of what will be a collection of small fics from either Guy's or PJ's pov of their relationship (I am in love with Toby Stephens and Fang loves Richard Armitage so when we discovered they were in a programme together we couldn't resist) anyway we think they make a gd couple even if the actors were different. I hope you like this there's one from Fang coming which will be Guy's pov of the first night and another one from me of Guy's pov of this night and there's a v small chance there'll be a PJ one about the first night we're not really sure. Anyway enjoy (oh and tell us if u want the other chapters cus Fang's is a definate but the others are optional, we may be over doing it a bit) Also although not based on it I realised halfway through writing this how well Nights of Love by Papa Roach fits this really well, it's where the title comes from, so check it out great song amazing band (if your interested Carry Me by the same band fits really well too)