Hi! This is my first Downton Abbey fanfiction AND my first shot at... uh... kissing. Nothing too explicit but I just wanted to see a good kiss between William and Daisy. If it can be improved, please tell me/don't be afraid to throw in suggestions :)
I am not in love with William. I'm not. That would be ridiculous. I am young. There are so many more men out there just waiting for me… I'm not ready for a commitment with my best friend… I can't love him the same way as he loves me. He's going off to war. He's going to die. My heart is going to break. If it were up to me, I would have let the miserable sod off as soon as I possibly could. But no! Mrs. Patmore had to interfere and throw me down the well. I can't crawl out of this disaster now. Oh what a proper, bloody mess I've gotten myself into! I just can't love William back! …but I do.
Suddenly, a soft knock cut through my wondering thoughts. I blinked my eyes, trying to see through the darkness of my bedroom. Who could be outside more door at this time of night? All the servants were asleep in the stillness of the large house. Perhaps I didn't hear a knock… it was just my imagination. The wind outside my window blew as furiously as my mind, crediting to the noise I thought I heard. Just as I was about to relax, the knock came again, proving me wrong. I was not imagining things.
"Come in?" My horse whisper echoed into the chilled evening.
The wooden door slowly creaked open just a crack. Through the slit of the new opening, I saw the shadow of a man. On the other side of the door was a swallowing darkness that gave no hint as to who was peaking in on me.
"Daisy?" Came the low call of… William.
"William?" The name slipped out at a higher pitch then intended. My entire body shook from the frosty air. "What are ya doin'? It isn't proper for you to be visitin' me at night, especially in my bedroom!"
I blinked again, trying to see his face, but all I could do was hear his croaky response of, "Yes, I know… it's just…" He paused for a moment. The time that ticked by hinted at his distress. What could he possibly want! "Oh, may I just come in? Please?"
The slit in the door opened wider as he poked his head into my bedroom. Why was William here? What hour was it? Had anyone seen him come to my door? What was so important that he couldn't wait until tomorrow to say it? So many questions whirled around in my frantic mind.
He had thoroughly piqued my curiosity and despite the firm refusal I should have hissed at him, I found myself saying in shaking tones, "Yes. But be quiet! We can't get caught like this, even if we are sweethearts, we'll be kicked out of the house to be sure."
I heard his nervous, halted chuckle before he entered. My eyes had now adjusted to the shadows. William turned, closed the door gently behind him and walked a few steps into my bedroom. With now wide eyes, I watched him stand awkwardly at the foot of my bed. He was in his pajamas. It was the least, that is, thinnest amount of clothing I had ever seen any man wear. When he shivered under my gaze, that was when I realized I too was just in my bedclothes. This was in no way acceptable. Mrs. Hughes would skin me alive if she were to walk in on this show.
With William still standing at the far end of my bed, I pulled the sheets up closer to my chin. I suddenly felt tiny. He cast his eyes down. I stared at the thin material covering him. This would not do. He came here for a reason, and I had better get him to cough it out before we both got in trouble or he lost his nerve. So to propel things towards an explanation, I cleared my throat. William's eyes snapped up to me, but he didn't speak.
I grew exasperated with our thickening silence. Also, I was getting cold and from the way he kept trembling, I knew he must be freezing as well.
"Look, William, what is it that you want? You can't stand in the corner like an idiot. You must've come 'ere for somethin'." I continued to stare expectantly.
In the moonlight shining through the window, I easily saw William's startled look.
He licked his lips before saying, "Yes… I came to ask…" And then he paused for an insufferable amount of time.
"Well get to it!" I exclaimed in such a loud hiss, I may as well have used my normal voice. "We haven't got all night. Say what you came to say."
"May I sleep with you?" He quickly blurted. Just as the words left his lips, his face contorted into an embarrassed pain.
"William!" I didn't even bother keeping my voice down, I was so surprised by his request. My pulse jumped to top speed. I wasn't sure if it was from fury or nerves.
His eyes widened as well as his poorly chosen words sunk in. One manly hand of his flew to the back of his head. He rubbed his neck and refused to make eye contact with me.
"No!" He said in a higher whisper. "No! …not like that. I mean, not in that way." William attempted to set his blunder strait, but couldn't help but stumble over his words.
"In what way did you mean it, then?" I attempted to help him get to the point. My own voice was a mix of shock and exasperation. Why wouldn't the man just get to the point! By now my blankets had slipped down to my waist. My blood rushed anxiously to my ears, roaring as a mortified warmth spread through my body.
"It's just…" He began again, with the same amount of distress in his voice that I felt in every fiber of my being. Even the wind screamed against my window, adding to the chaos of our little chat. "I haven't seen you in forever and I'm leaving tomorrow and won't see you for a long while yet. I miss you. I'm afraid… that… this will be the last time… the last chance I have…" William, again, tripped over his thoughts. Those kind eyes of his bounced back up to me. His lips pressed together. In a very William, simply put way he finally came to his point and said, "I want to hold you. We aren't married, so I won't ask you to do more then just let me hold you."
That was when my mouth popped open. Since we started our one sided relationship, William had only stolen chaste kisses from me. Every so often we would embrace as lovers might, but nothing more. Nothing so bold and intimate as holding each other in bed! I couldn't believe what he was insinuating! Should I be insulted and slap him? Everything I'd ever been taught shouted at me to send him away from my presence. He was only asking to hold me, but it would be so easy for him to force more upon me. I would be a fool to let him under my covers. This wasn't proper!
"Oh, I'm such an idiot!" William's voice was loud now. Not so much so that he could wake the others, but loud enough to make me jump. He paced a thudding step closer to me, then turned and went for the door, then back again. Rubbing his neck once more, his inwardly angered tones stated, "I'm so sorry, Daisy. It was presumptuous, and rude, and careless of me to ask for such a thing. Please forgive me…I'll leave you be now."
He turned on his booted heal, heading directly for the door. I got a full glimpse of his barely clothed backside. The sweetness of his words seeped into my thoughts. William had always been quite lovely towards me, always the gentleman. If he only wanted to hold me… then I could trust him. He was leaving tomorrow for God knows how long. He could die! Mrs. Patmore's words came rushing into my brain- Who are you to deny his happiness?
"No!" I shouted just as his large hand reached the doorknob. "No…" I said more gently, with more shyness as he turned to stare at me with quizzical eyes.
"What?" William's emotions cracked on his lips.
"…stay…" I turned my gaze to my blankets, where the mounds of my feet popped up. A shaky breath poured from me. What on earth was I doing?
"Do you mean it? Do you truly mean that, Daisy?" I caught the joy in his voice and looking up, got a plain view of his grin.
Always unable to deny William anything when he smiled, I answered with a small grin of my own. "Of course I do. We are sweethearts, yeah?"
"Yeah." His smile grew even larger. "Yes." He answered more surely and turned towards my bed.
My eyes grew huge as he approached. Walking over to me, William's smile began to fad as his nerves took over. We may indeed be sweethearts, but we were both innocents with full knowledge of the trouble we could get into. …Oh to hell with the consequences, we both seemed to be too caught up with how awkward and innocent we were to get anything done. For the love of God, William couldn't even pull off his boots and get into my bed without a scrap of confidence.
I pushed my covers down, offering him room as I scooted closer to the wall. William lowered his butt to the mattress. A hallow creek bounced about the room as he swung his legs under the covers and trapped me between the wall and himself. Leaning down, he grabbed the blankets up and managed to knock his elbow against my ribs.
"Oh!" I jumped away.
"Oh uh…" He raised his hands to my arm, and then timidly retreated.
Instead of touching me, he just drew the covers over our legs. We sat there, our backs to the headboard and neither of us daring to make eye contact. It was one thing to agree to cuddle. It was quite another to actually do it without accidentally making too bold of a move. We had no idea how to handle ourselves.
In fact, William seemed to be shaking so bad that the bed quivered beneath us. I couldn't tell if he was cold or just as anxious as me. He may be cold, but I was far from it. In fact, I was growing hot. My blood boiled inside of me. William's own body warmth provided another source of heat. He never felt this warm to me before. Was he feverish perhaps? Was this normal?
I cleared my throat again, because we weren't even snuggling and that's what we were supposed to do. We were just sitting there, in my tiny bed that was usually only big enough to hold me. Despite the lack of room, we managed to not touch each other. I could almost cut the awkward and serve it up for the family upstairs.
"This would work best if you let me put my arms about you, love." William coughed weakly and turned his head to study me for an answer.
"Oh!" I blinked. "Yes. How silly of me…"
I frantically squirmed my legs. Slowly, I leaned to my side and slipped my arm under my pillow and head. Now I was facing the wall. My full, barely clothed back was exposed to William. The next thing I knew, he had placed his large hand on my waist. The warmth there wasn't even warm, it was scolding. His hand weighted against my ribs and he pulled me closer to him. He was gracious enough not to press me completely against himself. I don't think I could have borne that. We were spooning now. I let out a long sigh. I wasn't sure what to do. Was this really what he wanted? To lay here, too jittery to fall asleep and too aware of society's rules to do anything else… I wasn't sure if I liked this.
"Daisy?"
"Yes, William?" I looked out of the corner of my eye, hoping to see him, but of course, all I got was a clear view of the dark ceiling.
We were sharing a pillow and every time he breathed, I could feel it in the rise of his chest and the slight breeze that hit me. "…I'm… sorry." His boyish voice was hot against the back of my neck.
"Whatever for?!"
"For this!" His heated hand squeezed gently, but firmly at my waist. More sweetly, but full of barely masked upset emotions, he added, "I know that you don't love me, not as I love you that is."
"William, I-"
"No, Daisy." He sounded on the verge of tears, which made me feel horrible. Before I could try to say anything else, he went on. "It's true, you don't love me, so don't deny it. I'm sorry for the boundaries I've crossed, but… I'm going to miss you. You have no idea how much I appreciate you letting me hold you." At that, he buried his face closer to my hair. Not quite in my hair, but very close to it.
I remained silent, but his words were shaking me. Tears were coming to my eyes, building up in an emotion I didn't know how to define. William was such a wonderful human being with the biggest, most considerate, far from selfish heart I had ever seen. I swallowed back a shuddering sob. William's arms contracted around my waist. It wasn't a possessive hold, but more… like he just wanted to hug me straight but didn't want to cross anymore lines. He didn't want his heart broken anymore then I wanted mine broken. He didn't believe that I loved him. He saw through my acting, but… was it all acting? I did love William. I did… and this realization made the tears stream steadily down my face.
Without a response from me, William sniffed. He started again with an edge to his tone. "So thank you… when… if I ever come back, I won't push you into a marriage with me. As soon as I leave tomorrow, you're free of me. You're young and I'm sure you'll find plenty of men you could actually love. Thank you, Daisy…" His voice grew hushed, reverent. "For this." He allowed himself the liberty of pulling me a little closer.
I sniffed, cutting into the long silence. My hands shot up to wipe the moisture from my face. I couldn't bear this any longer. To my surprise, and William's, I suddenly wiggled around so I was facing his broad chest. I paused only a second, to stare in shock at the bit of hair creeping out of the top of his shirt. Then, I looked up into his confused eyes. That adorable, completely innocent face was what made me love him, I think. And so, with the most determined expression I could muster, I grabbed both sides of his baby face and laid a right smart kiss to his lips.
It was warm. Our lips brushed only a second before I pressed our faces closer together. I couldn't hold myself up on one elbow and hold his cheeks forever… unfortunately. So with my strength giving out, I let go of him and leaned away with a revelation on my tongue.
"I never did anything I never truly wanted to do, William." My gaze firmly held his while my voice was serious, commanding of his attention. "I may be gullible and naïve, but if I pretended to be your sweetheart it was because it made you happy."
He blinked, dazed a bit. "I know but-"
"No, I want to finish. I am young, and there are other men out there, but I couldn't love any of them." As I spoke, his expression was starting to melt into that elation he beamed with the first time I had ever kissed him. I plowed on though, "Not like I love you. I may be free of you tomorrow, but when you get back, you won't be free of me. You won't get rid of me that easily." Then I slowed my speech down and faltered. My next words where the truest and scariest things I would ever say in my life. I lowered my gaze to his chest again. My hands were already on his strong arms, so I clutched to the material there for strength. "You're so sweet and you went and made me fall in love with you, so I will wait in worry like a proper lover until you come home, safely to me. Don't you dare disappoint me and go and die before you can get back here. I won't have that."
With a sharp breath, I came to a stop. That was all I had to say and he wasn't responding. Fear struck me at his silence. Looking up, I trailed my eyes past his strong chin and upwards towards his joyous eyes. Relief washed over me.
"Do you mean that, Daisy?" He smiled and moved his large hand to my small arm. If I felt like a child before, this new position made me feel like a doll. I felt completely helpless against his large size. Nevertheless, though, he was gentle as he stroked my forearm that rested near his waist. Goosebumps rose in a trail on my arms wherever he touched.
"Of course I mean it, William." I whispered to his throat.
And that was the night William lost a part of his control. To my utter shock, William grabbed me around the sides and rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him. I was firmly pressed against his chest, his stomach and his legs. He pressed one hot hand to my lower back, pulling me even closer.
Locking my eyes on his, I gasped. He saw my face and let out a chuckle before wrapping my lose hair around his free hand and pressing his lips to mine. This kiss was not usual to my William. This was different. The components were the same- energetic and a bit sneaky. But there were some new ingredients… hot and tingly. I couldn't understand the feelings bubbling up inside of me.
Williams's lips moved forcefully against mine. His arms wrapped around me like a coiling, possessive snake determined to keep me forever, but despite this he remained gentle enough. Once over my initial shock at his boldness, my lips began to move in accordance with his. He let out a little moan at my participation. This made me smile.
I was far from not liking this. Sure, the emotions whirling around me were foreign, but I believe I enjoyed it. I liked where my hands were. I liked the feel of William's warm neck under my fingertips. I liked lying on top of him. It was lazy, and yet so daring to anything I had ever done.
William's hands raked from my hair, brushing his fingers through the strands until he found one of my shoulder blades. He gripped me there, making me breathe raggedly. I couldn't breathe. I was panting. Pulling away, I wrested my forehead to his broad shoulder, trying to fill my lungs again. He just trailed his kisses to my neck. That was when panic sprung to life. That's when the tingles left my toes and began to coil harshly at the pit of my stomach. William's sure lips at the side of my neck confused my system. Surely, this would lead to something more unforgivable then kissing in the odd hours of the night.
Before I could protest, William's grip tightened and the air left my lungs. He gently, but quickly flipped us over. As I gasped, William groaned. I was now pressed between the heated mattress and my large, mammoth of a sweetheart. Fear struck me. I was weak, small in William's hold. It would be so easy for him to take advantage of me and I would be defenseless.
Then William moved his legs on either side of mine, still lost in whatever thoughts he had. He didn't realize the terror in my eyes when he moved his wet lips from my jaw and back to my mouth. With just that passionate kiss, all of my fears flew away and I was back to enjoying our moment. Eagerness bubbled inside of the man on top of me. He was holding back. However, when my fingers went to his blonde hair, nails scraping his scalp, William lost some more of his control. His tongue shot out and danced gracefully over my lips.
"William!" I gasped.
With my mouth sagging open, William poured his tongue in. He was now inside of me, past my lips and rubbing my tongue with his. My eyes squeezed shut. A tight, sickening feeling warmed my entire body, but I didn't stop him. After the initial shock of his intrusion, I began to enjoy it I think.
When William began to swirl his tongue around mine, sweeping the roof of my mouth three times, was when I embarrassed myself. An animalistic sound ripped from my throat. With a pop, William pulled his face away from mine and stared at me with wide, darkened eyes. He looked sleepy, but never more awake.
"I'm sorry!" He managed to get out between his gasps. At my confused look, he continued hastily. "I got carried away. I'm sorry, that wasn't proper."
It wasn't proper kissing me? It wasn't proper to love his sweetheart before he went off to war? William loved me. He proved it in his kisses and restraint to not compromise my innocence. He deserved me love and it was high time I showed him just how I felt. I may not want to go further then this wild kissing, but he did deserve to know that I enjoyed it a lot.
"Don't be, sorry!" I stared him straight in the eye. I may be the small one, pinned between my mattress and a huge man, but in that moment, he seemed to shrink. I was the larger person as I pointed my finger at him and said firmly, "You come back to me so you can marry me and we can finish this the right way." I grabbed his face and pulled him down for a brief kiss before saying, "Okay?"
Still on top of me, still looking like a gentle giant, William blinked. He gulped. He studied me, searching for a falsehood. I raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to not believe my truths. I had let him into my room, and my bed, and my mouth. He better believe me when I said I wanted him to come back.
William seemed to see my determination and honesty, because he smiled. He smiled with awe gracing his reddened face.
"I love you, Daisy." His voice came out sounding husky. I think I caught a glisten of moisture pooling at the corners of his eyes.
Pulling him back for another kiss, I said, "I love you."
I'm sure I saw him cry before burying his face in my neck.