Forever
Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, Round 1 for Puddlemere United.
Beater 1 Task: Write a writing style you've never written before (diary!entry)
Prompts: (word) homemade, (word) knife, & (quote) 'A fit, healthy body...that is the best fashion statement.' - Jess C. Scott
For shaybae, because you definitely need a new angsty theblaise after recovering from my other one:3 Love you babe & know I'm always in your corner. (also I tried to do your version of theblaise, with blaise as the DE instead of theo :3)
Thank you to Lin, Finn, and June for beta love!
Word Count without A/N's: 2,370
(If I don't make it out safely — if I'm not able to protect my mother and come out of it all unscathed, I want you to have this memoir, love. I want you to make sure nobody ever reads this but you. I love you, forever. I'm sorry.)
And tears were streaming down Theodore Nott's face as he opened the brown journal.)
08/31/1991.
Dear Diary,
Hogwarts starts tomorrow, and I'm really looking forward to it! It'll be nice to see Theo all the time. As far as I know, he'll be the only sane Slytherin dude in our year. I'm assuming Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle will be Slytherins, and they're honestly both as dumb as a brick. Then there is Draco. I think of him as a friend, but he is just...Draco. I can't really explain. Remember the one time he nearly read you? Merlin, I was ready to kill him.
You might be asking how I know I'll be a Slytherin. I know I will. If the hat actually attempts to sort me into another house, I'll set it on fire. Especially if it attempts to sort me into the house of bloody Gryffindorks. I'd rather die than be with idiots like them.
Anyway, point is, I can't wait to see Theo. I also can't wait to get out of this Manor. It's so empty. My mum's never home, probably out gallivanting with her latest lover. I suppose I'll miss being able to roam around the Manor at 3am with no regrets, but it's something I can let go of.
Until tomorrow, diary.
~BZ
09/01/1991.
Dear Diary,
So, my guesses from earlier were right. I was put into Slytherin — which was obvious from the start. The other Slytherin boys in my year are Theo, Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle. Three of which are annoying. Crabbe and Goyle follow Draco around like his bloody henchmen. It pisses me off. Both Theo and I agree on this one. Also, it's literally been less than a day and Draco legit never shuts up about Potter? Merlin. It's like he's in love with him or something. Honestly. He was so pissed off at dinner because apparently he tried to be friends with Potter, but Potter declined his friendship in order to be friends with Ronald Weasley.
Theo and I thought it was pretty funny. Not that we'd ever outright say that — I highly doubt that would end well.
One thing's for certain — Theo'll end up being the one that keeps me sane throughout my seven years at this place, just as he's always been the one who's kept me sane all my life.
Until tomorrow, diary.
~ BZ
(Theo let out a sob at the last sentence, and he continued skimming through the diary.)
11/05/1991.
Dear Diary,
Tomorrow is the first Quidditch match of the year. Gryffindor vs. Slytherin. Draco's so sure that Gryffindor's gonna lose. I said if he keeps talking about it, Theo and I would cheer for Gryffindor — something that horrified him. We actually would follow through with that, too.
Anyways — Harry Potter's apparently going to play in this match? Theo and I thought it was strange how a first year was allowed to play Quidditch. There's literally a rule saying first-years aren't even allowed broomsticks. It just seemed...rather fishy...to me. Of course, while it was fishy, it didn't really bother either of us that much. It irritated Draco a lot though. Then again, literally everything that included Harry Potter in any way, shape, or form irritates Draco.
Lowkey want Gryffindor to win, but don't tell anyone I said that. Especially Draco. And Theo.
Until tomorrow, diary.
~BZ
(Tears ran through Theo's face as he flipped to entries in second year.)
12/25/1992.
Dear Diary,
Mum wasn't home for Christmas. I should be hurt, but I'm not even surprised. I went to spend the Christmas at Theo's house instead, and frankly, I feel more at home there than I do in my cold, lonely Manor. Theo's mum makes the best homemade cookies and ice cream. Just one cookie can improve my day so much it isn't even funny. His mum is literally the nicest person I've ever met, and so is he. They're both # 1, in my mind. It's a shame his dad is how he is.
Mum did get me something though — my very own potions kit. I've always wanted one, and I'm really excited to start experimenting with it! It's the only reason I want to go home, really. Other than that, I'd stay in Theo's place over mine any day.
Until later, diary.
~BZ
05/08/1993.
Dear Diary,
The Heir of Slytherin. That was what everyone's been talking about — and of course, it's the Slytherins that are blamed. Well, for a while, people actually suspected Potter. Potter. The thought was laughable in my opinion. I don't know why people even considered it. A monster that wanted to attack all muggleborns. Hm. Clearly, the so called 'Heir of Slytherin' would petrify only muggleborns, and why would Potter even try to do that to Hermione Granger?
I had a ...weird dream… last night. I dreamt of my mum. I dreamt of a man using her, hitting her, abusing her. I know how my mum works. She uses guys, dates them, takes their money for the sake of the family. So why would I have a dream like this? I thought this would be the other way around … either way, it actually scared the hell out of me. I couldn't really sleep much after that.
I had ended up staying up late that night, listening to Goyle's disgusting snoring and wondering if the dream was just that: a dream, or if there was any truth to it. I could always write her, asking if she was okay, but she'd more than likely cover up and say she's perfectly fine.
And that's something I definitely don't want. Theo had stirred around 4am, when I was up, and I told him about the dream. He listened. He's always been a great listener, unlike the other oafs I share a dorm with. Well, Crabbe and Goyle are good at listening, I guess. They certainly are good at listening when Draco decides to go into a rant about Harry Potter. I literally just walk away when that happens. Lowkey done with him, honestly.
Theo and I have a five galleon bet that they'd get together by graduation. He thinks that they won't at all.
Until later, diary.
~BZ
(Theo let out a bitter chuckle. Blaise would've won that bet. If only he were here now. Fuck the battle. Fuck it all. He skims through the pages once more.)
08/31/1993.
Dear Diary,
Shocked is the only word that I can say right now.
Theo and his mum have been on holiday in France all summer, and they just returned a week ago. I don't exactly know what happened while they were in France, but …
Theo went from pretty decent to hot as hell. And a fit, healthy body...that is the best fashion statement ;)
Anyways. I haven't really thought much about...sexuality. Like, I've never actually liked anyone, besides that short little fling I had with Tracy Davis at the end of last year, let alone other guys. But I really thought about it when I saw Theo. He's always been such an amazing friend, but I thought...could he...be something more?
(If you ever tell anyone I said sentimental stuff, I'll rip you into pieces. But I'm sure you knew that already.)
Whatever I feel, I know for a fact I have to keep it hidden. If there's one thing I know, it's that Theo doesn't feel the same way. For one, he's probably straight. For two, he deserves much better. Far better than the likes of me. And most importantly, for three — I have no idea whether this is simply a man-crush.
You've probably had enough of my rambling.
Until later, diary.
~BZ
02/21/1994.
Dear Diary,
Remember how once in August I told you that I had a crush on Theo, and wasn't so sure if it was true or not? Well, now I'm one hundred percent sure it's true. I, Blaise Zabini, have a crush on Theodore Nott, and here's how it began:
Daphne fucking Greengrass. She was one of my best friends, and still is, I guess — but ever since she started going out with Theo, I just couldn't stand her. At first, I was dead sure it was going to be a fling. I have flings. Flings are fun. But then they'd been together for more than three weeks. They're showing no sign of stopping. They looked so in love.
And there was nothing I could do about it. They're my best friends, and if they're happy together, then so be it.
Is there a part of me hoping they break up? Yes.
Am I going to act on it? No. I'll continue being the (somewhat great but not really) friend that I am.
Until later, diary.
~BZ
09/08/1994.
Dear Diary,
Blaise and Daphne broke up yesterday. I pretended to be sad about it, but a part of me is happy. That's not even the best part of it all — Theo told me the other day that he was considering himself as bi. That obviously doesn't mean I have any chance with him, but the zero percent chance went up to a one percent chance, if you know what I mean.
As I've told you already, I've been trying to get over Theo ever since he started going out with Daphne. My feelings seem to have just grown stronger, instead, to be honest. His always being there when I need him, his perfectly structured face, and his laugh. His laugh is amazing. It sounded like bells.
(As I've said a thousand times, if you tell anyone I've been saying this sentimental shit, you'll be burned in a fire. Blaise Zabini doesn't do sentimental).
Where was I? Oh, right. I covered the face. I covered the personality. The laugh.
Oh, yeah. He is a Drarry shipper as well. Now I've covered the common interests.
To sum up this entry: Theo Nott is too perfect for this world.
Until later, diary.
~BZ
12/25/1994.
Dear Diary,
Tonight was the absolute best night of my life.
They say "ask and you'll receive." Well, I'm certainly doing that more often, because I asked Theo to the Yule Ball as a joke, thinking he'd say no.
But he said yes. I was prepared to laugh it off, but then he said yes and obviously I went along with it because I was going to take Theo to the ball, and I've wanted to do something like that for almost two years now.
And I was determined to make sure that this night goes perfectly. I'd bought some flowers, a lovely suit … Draco was teasing me earlier for how sappy I was being.
I told him to fuck off and go be with Potter. Needless to say, he didn't talk to me all night. Whoops.
As I was saying, the night went perfectly. We went to the Great Hall, and ate a nice meal, talking about basically everything under the sun. Then we danced. Seeing as we were both forced to take mandatory Pureblood dancing lessons, we knew what we were doing. And it was definitely the best dancing I've done in a long time.
Then we took a moonlight walk, and I did something so Gryffindor, but so worth it. I knew that I might have lost Theo's friendship. Again, I didn't know what got into me to be so...Gryffindork.
I leaned in for a kiss and kissed my best friend full on the lips.
I expected him to pull away. Reject me. Peg me as bloody insane. But instead, he kissed me back, and confessed to me that he secretly liked me since third year but was too afraid to act upon his feelings because of how many flings I got into. Me! I can't believe I was giving him the wrong impression all this time. He was the one dating Daphne Greengrass, and he told me he only did that so it looked like he didn't like me.
He thought I was straight.
I thought he was straight.
Apparently not. We're dating. I can safely say this was the happiest day of my life.
(The diary ended there. There were no more entries. Theo skimmed through the many blank pages, before his eyes rested upon one last one.)
08/09/1997.
Dear Diary,
It's been a long time since I've written, but I'm scared. I'm scared as hell. I've taken the Dark Mark. I was told that if I didn't take it, they'd take my mother away from me. I can't have that. I can't have them take my mum away, no matter how neglectful she's been over the years. I just can't. Despite all her faults, she's always tried to be there.
And Theo.
God, Theo. I had to leave him to join. I threw nearly three years of relationship down the drain. I had to leave him to protect my mum, and it was the worst decision I made in my life — he probably hates me now.
I'm thinking about hiding my mum safely and then turning. I know I might get killed if I do. I might get killed either way.
I'd rather die than have my mum die, or have Theo wrongfully thinking that I would leave him on purpose.
I guess in a way, I'm a Gryffindork. I don't know.
All I know, is that I'm fucking scared.
(Theo closed the book. He hated himself. He hated himself more than anything for casting away the love of his life. Now there was no Blaise, he was dead, and he was forever left to wallow in his guilt. And it sunk into him like a knife.)
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Assignment # 10 - Women's History - Write your fic in the style of a diary entry.
Insane House Challenge - 986. (food) ice cream
365 Prompts Challenge - 300. (style) journal
Scavenger Hunt - 5. write about your OTP.
Writing Club:
Shannon's Showcase: (title) forever, (theme) love.
Showtime: 36. Empty Chairs at Empty Tables - (emotion) grief
Count Your Buttons - (pairing) TheoBlaise
Shay's Epic Board Game Challenge: 18. Cannes - write something in a style you normally don't use
Please R&R :)
-Ana