Allllrighty then. This right here is but another mass of blithering drivvle, spewed forth from my mind for the use of one such friend of mine who goes by many name - one being Sparkle. Now, digs aside, I offered to write up an idea of mine just for him, because I am an amazing friend and member of society who never wishes ill upon anyone.
I LIED.

Anyhow, enjoy the latest retardation I have created, it's sloppy, shit and will most likely make no sense.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or you know, anything really because I am not awesome enough to concieve such ideas and creatures and I am not the embodiment of Capcom, however much I wish to be. 'twas a sad time when I realised this. This is also a mantra I recite every day in tearful woe. That is all.

Prologue: Devil May Pls.

"Dante."

"No."

"Dante come on."

"No.

"Come on Dante."

"No."

"Dante please."

"NO TRISH."

"Please Dante."

"TRISH NO."

Pouting and crossing his arms, the devil hunter turned his nose up at the blonde woman with annoyance. She'd already cornered him in the shop and she'd been on his back all bloody day – literally, yapping in his ear until he slammed her into a table and locked himself in the bathroom while she crawled to her feet, still blathering on. Bloody women. He had however left the bathroom soon enough when he realised it was better to look at her when she was talking to you because then you can get distracted by her breasts. Mm, he did like him some tits.

"But Dante, we have no other way of getting this shit done." Her previously mentioned breasts swung in time to her words in a non-existent breeze. Being separate entitties (hurr-hurr) from Trish herself, each one had its own brain, liver, lungs and other crucial organs; explains the size and all, and also their ability to move of their own accord. Oh how I envy those bouncing buddies. Anyway, Dante stared out of the corner of his eye with a tiny perverted smile twitching about his lips.

One of her boobs growled at him and he quickly looked away.

"I'm sure there are other ways to deal with this – never had to go down this kinda route before."

"But this is a special case Dante, we have to do this."

"No we don't, I can find another way."

"No Dante."

"Yes."

"Dante no."

"Trish fuck off, yes."

"Dante pleas—"

"TRISH WILL YOU FUCK OFF."

"No Dante."

With the fury of a thousand wild bulls and one lone, sexually frustrated minotaur, Dante punched Trish through several walls and one unsuspecting elderly lady - but it's fine, she was going to die soon anyway.

Leaving Trish to brush the remnants of both building and human entrails off of herself, Dante stormed off to go order a couple of large pizzas to take his mind of things – because come on now; motherfucking pizza! But goddamn it if olives appeared on any of the bastards this time. He'd shoot the pizza 'til it died.

Then probably eat it anyway because it's pizza and pizza is like sex; better with bullet holes.