My Christmas fic for this year. Since I missed last years due to the severe case of Writer's Block. You know, I should just stop blaming the Writer's Block about my lack of updates. Thing is, I lost a lot of motivation to write the last few years. Even more, I lost the motivation to read! How terrible is that? Hopefully next year will see the end of it. As for now, enjoy what I have written up.
Quick Note: Just know that all characters are still welcome in my fics even though they haven't returned in the games.
XoXoX
Jobs, Money, and Disorder
Within the prosperous city of Smashville. A fast food joint just recently opened up. Having a sign of a burger with the letter W in front of it; stood in the parking area of said joint. The burger joint was specifically called "Wario's Burger. Where the Burgers can make you look like me." Not exactly an encouraging slogan, but it was surprisingly doing well within the first few hours of the opening. Then an explosion happened at the back where dark smoke started to rise and the smoke detectors started to beep. Running across the counter was an employee who was in fact on fire and screaming in pain.
This all started when Master Hand found out he had a gambling problem.
Few days earlier
The entire cast of the Super Smash Bros stood within the vast stage where Master Hand holds meetings discerning the consequences of the entire staff. Christmas was just a few days away and not everyone had the time nor money to buy the presents needed. However, many were waiting for their Christmas Bonus so they can at least get a handful of people presents.
"Evening Smashers." The hand greeted as he and his brother floated in the center of the stage. "This year is close to its end and we are about to start a new year and a new tournament!" He shouted; which was answered in cheers. "Hope your skills aren't diminished due to many of you remaining here and doing close to nothing this entire time." He added.
Within the crowds stood a young man. Having dusty blonde hair and a curious cone-shaped hat. This man was no other than Link; who was leaning on his arm, again unhappy of his current situation. The Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom had generously assigned him for a bodyguard job for someone who was in fact; joining the tournament this year. That someone being the Princess of the Cosmos; Rosalina herself. As she had demonstrated several times during the last years; she was in no need of a bodyguard, so he wasn't sure why Peach needed to assign him specifically for the job.
"Well, just think of it as living up the mansion!"
Peach's words continued to echo within his mind. Surly she's having fun tormenting him with her presence. "It'll be lively alright." He muttered to himself referring to the past times she was invited to the mansion as a guest. Now she'll be here all year and Peach is trying to be cupid and start a spark between them. He supposed it would be alright, if Peach wasn't so insistent about it.
Back to Master Hand, "You've already met and acquainted yourself with the newcomers. While several veterans haven't returned to the tournament, they are still among us and therefore, still welcome within the mansion." He pointed out as Wolf, Lucas, and the Ice Climbers still sat within the crowds.
"Enough of this." Bowser shouted, "Where's our Christmas Bonus?" He asked. The only main reason why he attended this meeting.
Master Hand immediately went silent, "The what?" He called out.
"The Christmas Bonus? You know, the cheque with cash on it so everyone can at least get one present this Christmas?" Peach pointed out.
"Oh right, THAT Christmas Bonus." Master Hand answered sheepishly. He would be scratching his head if he could, but alas, he is just a hand with no physical body.
Marth also turned skeptical at this, "You do have them. Right?" He crossed his arms as he questioned the hand.
Master Hand continued to be quiet; "Well, the thing is..." He started out.
"He lost them!" Crazy Hand blurted out nonchalantly.
Outside the mansion; a heavy snowfall began as the snow on the roof and trees fell off as the entire mansion shouted in surprise at the reveal. (In the distance; a mountain avalanche started.)
Back inside the mansion; the outburst caused the hands to fly back towards the wall. As they recovered from the outburst, Master Hand stood out towards them; "It's not what you think." He reassured.
"You ruined Christmas for the kids!" Peach shouted, standing up and stiffening her arms.
The other Smashers continued to cause an uproar as they argued towards the Hand on how and why he lost their Christmas Bonus. Master Hand finally had enough of this, "SILENCE!" He shouted at the top of his voice. At this, all the Smashers were silent and looked at the Hand. "I don't have your Christmas Bonuses, but I still managed to get enough spending money for each and everyone of you." He revealed, causing relief to everyone. "There's just one teensy-tiny condition that each and everyone of you have to do." He replied, causing many death glares from the Smashers.
Crazy Hand again interrupted; "You all have to work your butts off to pay off the guys we borrowed from." He once again replied.
Back outside; even more snow fell off the trees deeper in the woods and even off houses in Smashville as the Smashers again shouted in surprise. (A black hole somehow formed in space.)
Master Hand and Crazy Hand were once again acquainted with the wall as the shockwave made them fly back towards it. As he recovered; Master Hand was met with a very familiar scene of each and every Smasher shouting towards him. So again, he let out his loud voice; "SILENCE!" He shouted, causing silence within the room once more. "Now, you can either work for the money or you can have none at all. It's your choice." He gave the choice between take it or leave it.
All the grumbles revealed that the Smashers were in fact, not happy with this arrangement, but agreed to do so anyways.
The F-Zero racer stepped up; "What happened to the money anyways?" He asked.
"About that." Master Hand started; "It's a funny and long story..." He replied.
"He lost them all in a game of poker." Crazy Hand pointed out.
At this point, all the Smashers were silent as they couldn't muster out the words; either because they were in fact surprised that an entity such as Master Hand could lose at such a game, or they were surprised too much this day and figured causing another outburst wasn't simply worth it. Or they were surprised at the fact that Master Hand would even show interest in such a thing.
Master Hand was surprised. He was expecting to fly against the wall again, as he had braced himself once more. Looking over the Smashers, he cleared his throat; "Anyways, the people I borrowed the money from requested your services and even lend us some property and vacant buildings for which you may earn money to pay back. I ask that you guys help each other in this little scenario I accidently caused." He explained.
"If it's your problem. Why are we cleaning it up?" Ganondorf asked.
"Because shut up." Was the only response from the Hand. He cleared his throat again, "Now that everything is explained, you are dismissed." He concluded, "You all start tomorrow." He added as he floated away.
As everyone left the room, they were all grumbling at the predicament they all got in. "This isn't fair." Muttered Bowser, as he slowly walked out of the room.
"It can't be that bad." Lucina replied. New to the mansion, she was still oblivious to the fact of the happenings around the mansion. In fact, she never heard of a Christmas Bonus.
"Want to bet?" Rosalina asked. Being here longer than the other newcomers, she was sure that this little event will be unforgettable to say the least.
The next day
The first Smasher who managed to get a job was in fact Wario. He contacted his crew and managed to get the parts needed for his job. His job happened to be a Burger Joint. He managed to get himself a vacant building that is best suited for a fast food restaurant. His main crew couldn't manage to come help him run it, but he did convince five of the Smashers to work for him. The Smashers were Link, Samus, Captain Falcon, Rosalina, and Lucina. The former three weren't thrilled to work with Wario as they knew of his greedy habits, Rosalina was a bit hard to convince as she knew of his habits as well. Lucina; unknown to her, agreed to help because she agreed to help the other Smashers. Plus she wanted to get acquainted with the Smashers who were here in the very beginning. (She also wanted to know Captain Falcon's fighting technique so she can best him for her father.)
"Alright-a worms. I'm now your-a boss. Anything I say goes. No questions asked." Wario immediately took command of him being the top dog of the business.
"I got a question." Link replied, raising his arm.
Wario immediately increased his head size a couple more inches and intruded Link's personal space, going right up in his face. "I said. NO. QUESTIONS. ASKED!" He emphasized his previous statement.
Link immediately covered his nose as he smelled the garlic from Wario's breakfast in the morning. "What's the name of this restaurant?" He asked.
Wario's head grew back to normal size as he was dumbfounded by the question. "I never-a thought of it actually." He thought to himself quietly. He accessed the deepest part of his brain to figure out the name of the restaurant. Remembering the various tracks he has in Mario Kart, he immediately figured out a name. "I shall-a call it: Wario's Burgers. Where the heavens meets the earth and the burgers make you look like me." He revealed the name and the slogan.
They were all skeptical about the name, "More like The Earth meets He..." Captain Falcon started.
"Anyways!" Wario shouted out. "The burgers aren't-a gonna make themselves, so let's make-a some burgers." He gave out the pep talk.
The five looked at each other before shrugging their shoulders and went to the back kitchen.
One hour later
The Burger Joint was going fine actually. They already had a line up of guests who were looking forward to eating burgers from Wario's. However, there was one tiny little problem.
"What do you mean none of you know how to cook burgers?" Wario shouted at the five who were doing several activities related to fire and burnt burgers.
Link was attempting to flip the burgers. But it was always met with him accidentally knocking it off the grill and in the moments of anger, flipping it hard enough for it to launch all the way at the ceiling and getting stuck there. (He had thirty patties stuck up there.) Rosalina somehow managed to burn a tomato with it being black and without juice inside it. (Instead of burning it into a crisp.) Captain Falcon was doing something decent; if unique. He placed several raw meat in a sack, hanged up said sack in form of a punching bag and he was punching the bag. In an attempt to tenderize the meat. Lucina was also actually doing something unusual, but decent. She was using her sword to cut up the meat. As for Samus; she was being attacked by a mob of fat men who ordered burgers half-an-hour ago.
"FALCON PUNCH!" Captain Falcon shouted as he punched the bag with all his force. Which caused the bag to rip apart and having the raw meat fly all over the place. He looked around before finding Wario who was covered in the meat; "Too much force?" He asked.
Wario slowly wiped the meat off his face. He thought he would be getting a good business having these five working for him. Yet, he didn't know that none of them knew how to work a grill or do things properly. "This can't get any worse." He muttered.
Later
Everyone switched positions and now it was Captain Falcon's turn to get harrassed by angry customers. Lucina was now attempting to cook with Link still trying to flip burgers. Samus; who was battered up, was now making patties; giving them to Link to cook. (So far the only one doing something correctly.) Rosalina was in the back using her magic to carry all of their deliveries to cook. Wario gave a satisfying smirk as things were actually going smoothly. Except for the fact that Link added another ten patties onto the ceiling.
Rosalina was doing fine. Using her magic to carry in all their products was no big deal. She brought in another handful of boxes which would have taken five trips for one man. So she had to take in another last five boxes and she was done for now. So she opened the door and saw a startling sight. A horde of mice appeared and it looked like they were trying to get under the boxes so they can carry it. She was curious as she always knew mice would break into the boxes instead of carrying them away, so she decided to follow them. She was sure that Wario wouldn't notice their absence as they were in fact doing a bit better and managed to fill in a couple of orders. So it was likely he was counting his gold coins in his office. So without further notice, she started to stalk the mice.
As Rosalina predicted, Wario was in his office counting his gold coins over and over again. "I better make-a sure I counted correctly." He replied to himself and started counting again. However, he smelled something burning and just as he smelled that, the smoke alarm started to beep. Grumbling evil curses to himself, he got up from his seat and went to investigate. When he opened his door, he was immediately met with an empty restaurant and smoke all over the place. "What in the world?" He muttered and went to the kitchen. When he got there, he saw that Link and Lucina were trying to get the fire out that they started on the grill. "What happened?" He asked the two.
"I don't know. All I did was put a cheese on the grill and it went poof, then went ablazing!" Lucina explained, using Link's hat to get the fire out.
Link was panicking too much to notice that his hat being used as a fire swatter as he grabbed a fire extinguisher and was trying to pull the pin. "It literally went poof." He managed to say out. He was still struggling with the pin as it was stuck on the extinguisher.
"Where's Captain Falcon and Rosalina?" Wario asked as he noticed the absence of the racer and the cosmic lady.
Samus was in fact, not panicking at all and was still focusing on her job and cutting up the meat still. "Rosalina didn't bring in the next shipment yet, so something has happened. As for Captain Falcon, I think I see the customers carry him outside." She explained.
Link finally managed to get the pin out, but at the same time he pulled off the top and it started to shoot around the place. First hitting Wario in the head; knocking him out. Lucina watched the fire extinguisher fly around and saw that it hit Link in the back, sending him into the fire and causing him to catch on fire. Screaming in pain, he ran back and forth from the counter. (Yes, that was him in the beginning.) Wanting to help him, she waited for him to slow down so she can help put him out. Just then, the fire extinguisher hit Samus in the head, causing her to go face first into the raw meat and tossing the knife into the air. The knife manage to go towards Link and hit him in his foot. With the new pain, he tripped onto the floor. Taking this opportunity, Lucina went down and started to pat him, trying to get the fire out.
Finally, Rosalina came back, apparently panicking. She ran into the door, nearly getting hit by the still flying extinguisher and stopping her in her tracks for her to take into account of the chaos that is currently happening. However, before she could ask whoevers available, various tiny arrows flew past her, causing her to take cover behind the counter where Samus was. Speaking of, Samus came to and lifted her head from the meat. Before she could see what was happening, she felt a sting at the back of her neck. Flinching at the pain, she felt behind there and pulled out what appeared to be an arrow. "Tranquilizers?" She muttered quietly as she felt back unconscious.
Finally the attackers came and appeared to be super intelligent mice as they came marching in with bows and arrows their size. Seeing as their arrows won't do much to harm a human, they coated them with a substance that'll cause immediate drowsiness before succumbing to paralysis and finally getting knocked unconscious. Captain Falcon also came running in, but from the front door. Not taking account of the fire, he dived through the server window and rolled behind the counter, next to Rosalina.
Back to Link and Lucina, the latter finally managed to kill the fire on the former, but was knocked unconscious by a similar arrow that hit Samus. Before standing up and taking into account of what is now happening, the extinguisher came back around and hit her at the back of her head, knocking her unconscious and collapsing on top of Link. Back to Rosalina, she noticed the Ylisse Princess on top of Link and despite all the chaos happening around her, got an idea to get Peach to leave her alone.
Captain Falcon still didn't notice the chaos and looked over the counter only to see the same mob of angry customers come back with pitchforks and torches. Seeing an unconscious Wario nearby, he did a combat roll towards him and picked up the large man, placing him on top of his shoulder with his rear facing the mob. "Say hello to my large friend!" Captain Falcon shouted as he squeezed said large friend and he let out a very disgusting sound, followed with green smoke. Taking account of the fire, it lit up the gas and caused a huge explosion. Rosalina quickly covered her face as the explosion caused by Wario's fart escalated upon the scenery.
Back at the Smash Mansion, Master Hand gave a deep sigh as he saw a huge mushroom cloud form in the distance. "First of many." He muttered to himself quietly.
"Only on the first day too!" Crazy Hand piped up. He then looked back to a random rock that hand playing cards placed in front of it. Crazy Hand looked at his own cards and saw that he had the losing hand again. "Best 5 out of 7?" He asked the rock.
Master Hand gave another deep sigh.
The next day
"We are lucky that Wario's fart has a mysterious effect on Non-Smashers. The mob doesn't remember what happened the other day." Dr. Mario explained as he looked at the reports for the six Smashers.
"I don't feel very lucky." Samus muttered as she was in a hospital gown with bandages wrapped around her head.
Captain Falcon had his leg raised and his right arm was in a cast, "Is the hazmat suits really necessary?" He asked as Dr. Mario and Peach were in hazmat gear.
"Sorry, but we don't want to risk contamination after you were all hit point blank with Wario's gas." Peach explained as she was attending to Link's burns, who was asleep at the moment and wrapped head to toe in bandages to heal his burns. Only his face remained unscathed and was left out for all to see.
Rosalina had her ankle badly sprained, so she had to stay off it for a while, but she was fuming because Peach had to put her next to Link's bed. Lucina was to her right and had her head bandaged as well as her hands as she suffered minor burns from putting Link out.
Wario had his own room as it was completely shielded off from the others and despite it being the other day, still had green smoke emitting from his body.
Mario and Peach then headed towards Wario to attend to him. Peach looked back, "Now your all going to be here for a while, so take the best of that time become better acquainted with each other." She joyously replied and gave a knowingly smirk towards Rosalina, who scoffed as she looked away.
Peach finally went into the room and Rosalina decided to put her plan into action, "Hey Lucina." She called out, causing the Ylisse Princess to look towards her. "I've seen you and Link the other day in amidst the chaos." She started out.
"It all started when I put that cheese on the grill." Lucina muttered, hoping this won't put her in the terrible first impressions category.
"It's not your fault. We were all inexperienced." Rosalina reassured, "Anyway, I saw what you did to him." She pointed out.
"I was just helping put out the fire on him." Lucina answered, still looking at her.
Rosalina looked away, she figured Lucina wouldn't be a heartsick type, not after taking a quick glimpse of her biography. However, she continued to base her plan around that, "I mean after that. I'm sure it was unintentional as you were hit in the head at the time, but you were in fact laying on top of him." She pointed out.
Lucina immediately blushed at this revelation, "My God, are you serious?" She asked. "Did anyone else see?" She immediately asked. She still wanted to give good first impressions and lying down with one of the original fighters is not the way to do it.
"I won't tell anyone else." Rosalina reassured. "I just wanted to say, he's not a bad catch." She replied looking towards Link; who was still asleep.
Lucina immediately looked at her, "Excuse me?" She asked, unsure of what she said.
"He's a handsome young man. Properly suited for a pretty young woman such as yourself." Rosalina pointed out.
Lucina still wasn't sure what she was hearing, "Where are you going with this?" She asked.
"I've read of the future you've been through, I'm sure with him at your side, you will never have to fear such a future again." Rosalina replied, looking towards the Princess who had her head tilted, "What I mean to say is. If you want to pursue him, go on right ahead. This could be a once-in-a-lifetime chance." She managed to say out.
Lucina finally registered what she said, "Oh no. I never came here to look for a chance at love. I just came here to test my fighting skills against the Hero King and the Radiant Hero. Plus many countless combatants here with peerless skill. If I want to protect my future, I can hone my skills here and be ready for anything." She explained her reason to join the Smash Bros.
"I'm sure you'll enter a whole new level spending your time here. But will you just look at him?" She continued her pursue, "His nice, wavy hair. Eyes as blue as the skies. Features unmatched by many. The very symbol of elegance. Just looking at him will probably cause you to see bubbles and steam rising in your vision." She explained, detailing his many features.
Lucina looked at him and saw that he was sleeping with his eyes half-opened, his hair was dirty and unkempt, he was snoring, and drooling in his sleep. She looked back at Rosalina to make sure that she was serious.
"Don't give me that look. His features are really nice. You just caught him at a very terrible time." Rosalina pointed out, crossing her arms.
Lucina gave her another look, "The way you make it sound like, you have your sights set on him." She pointed out as she described the mans features.
Rosalina immediately scoffed, "Don't be ridiculous. It will never worked." She answered, looking at her, "We're complete opposites." She added.
Lucina looked ahead, "Really? You both seem like the calm and composed types to me." She replied and laid back.
Rosalina opened her mouth to say something, however...
"Will you two be quiet? I'm trying to catch up on my sleep." Captain Falcon interrupted.
So Rosalina decided to leave the subject at hand and laid back as well. Lucina looked at her and gave a victorious smirk. Even what she said was correct of the man, she wasn't blinded at the fact that the two were involved in several predicaments from the files she read. Even if Rosalina was denying it, she did think something of him. That she was sure of. Looking back ahead, she then wondered what other adventures awaited her here?
Fin
XoXoX
My God! I actually wrote and finished a story in just a mere two days! That's much better than taking the better part of the year to write a story.
Anyways, I actually didn't want to start relationships right away, but I figured I should include sub-plots within the main plots being to collect money to pay off their debt. This fic was inspired by the Dissidia Final Fantasy story "Jobs, Money, and Chaos" by "sin2cos21" While this is not going to be a copy of that story, but with Super Smash Bros characters instead. This is also not going to be as goriest and black comedy-ish, but I will do my best to make it as funny and humorous.
I originally wasn't going to include Lucina within the Burger Joint and I still don't know what caused me to include her aside from the fact I like using her. Also, in the scene where Lucina uses her sword to cut the meat, it was just a play on the support conversation in her game with one of her possible male siblings where they use her sword to cut fruit and she chastises them for it.
I hoped you enjoyed and if you did, please leave a review. I will try to update this at least two times a month with more chaotic adventures within the Smash Mansion. If you liked, you can request me to tackle a job with a certain character and Smashers involved.
Once again, I hope you enjoyed. Later!