Sixteen

Souta noticed the signs before she did. Mood swings, weight gain, swollen ankles, and worst of all, vomiting. She was uncomfortable under the eyes of strangers and once, at the mall, cried openly when she saw a couple she didn't know break up. Kagome was a lot of things but she wasn't stupid. She made average grades at her local high school, had boyfriends, and eventually tried sex; the catch was she didn't try sex with just anyone. Sesshoumaru had been her boyfriend for two years. At first Kagome had been terribly smitten with his younger half-brother Inuyasha, but once Kagome realized it would never work she noticed the one person who had been there all along. Their relationship started out slowly and eventually blossomed into a typical high school romance. She had sex with him for the first time on her sixteenth birthday. And then it happened.

Sesshoumaru was sent to war. His family had a long line of veterans who had been in and survived the war. That's what they were bred for, or at least that's how his father put it. When they first got together they would lay on his bed in his room and he'd tell her of his dreams, what he wished to accomplish when it came to be his turn at war. He went straight through to the Navy Seals. Kagome wrote to him constantly, keeping his faith. Basic had been easy for him, he'd always been relatively fit. What he hadn't expected, he told her, was how even though he went through training and knew this day would come all of his life, he hadn't even been close when imagining the horrors of war.

He wrote to her of his nightmares, his fears, the accidents he'd been in, and the deaths he'd seen. He wrote to her about how often he was able to shower, how his gun worked, and even the number of shoes he'd walked through since he left home. Sometimes Kagome would sit up at night and cry for him and the men who had been lost, because she knew that he never would. She worried even though she knew she didn't have to. Sesshoumaru was a strong man, a fast man, and a smart man. He could handle himself. But even so… she couldn't help but worry. He was only eighteen and barely out of his parents home. The thought of him at war just tore her to pieces sometimes.

So she did what she had to do. She kept writing to Sesshoumaru. She kept writing and she told him what he needed to hear, not what he wanted to hear. She told him that everything was fine with her. That she was looking into colleges, keeping his apartment clean for him, putting together care packages. She told him about the neighbor's cat having kittens and how she decided to keep one, of the man she had seen walking around with barely a stitch on him, about the prom, and the football game. She even told him about what they were talking about on the news, minus the bad things and including the weather, just to give him something to think about besides the war. He laughed at her replies sometimes, but other times he knew she was hiding something. He often sent her back replies telling her that he hoped her day would get better, or that she'd be feeling well soon if she just did such-and-such to her diet for about a week.

But she couldn't do that to him, not while he was at war. He had enough to worry about let alone the fact that she wasn't just looking after his apartment, she was living there. No, she didn't want him to know that once her mother had noticed she had kicked Kagome out. She didn't want him to worry about the fact that she wasn't eating very well because her friends had started treating her differently. She didn't want him to worry about the fact that she cried herself to sleep almost every night because, well, what else was there to do when one was so miserable? No, she kept all these things to herself and talked to her kitten. Mushi understood what she was going through in his own little way. He purred and cuddled at all the right times and he wasn't at war. Sometimes she would write a letter to him, telling him everything that had happened in the last three months but she never sent it. Instead she carefully folded the letter, placed it in an envelope, and put it away in her (or should she say Sesshoumaru's) nightstand drawer.

Thinking of writing him a letter Kagome quickly got out a piece of paper and decided she would tell him today what had been going on since his last R&R, the last time she'd seen him.

My Dearest Sesshoumaru,

I know that I'm only supposed to write encouraging things to you but this is something very important Sesshoumaru, and you need to know. I've been hiding something very, very important from you lately. At first I didn't believe what was happening to me which is why I didn't tell you. The signs were there, sure. But still. I had hope that I was only misunderstanding what my body had already known. The thing is I've been having these symptoms that kind of tell me that I'm pregnant. I know that that doesn't sound possible but… I've had weight gain, and I can't stand the smell of waffles anymore and I used to eat them every day, remember? I haven't had my period for a while, either.

So I went to the doctors office… my mother insisted that I go because she knew, I think, what was going on. We went and the doctor asked me all these questions like was I sexually active and was there a chance that I could be pregnant. I told them about your last night, how we had used a condom, how there really shouldn't be any reason to believe that I was pregnant. How I thought that maybe my periods were acting up because of a cyst or something. He nodded his head slowly, told me to lie down and felt my stomach.

He left after that, the doctor did. I had given a urine sample to the nurse earlier and I figured he went to go get the results. When he came back he told me that I was about two months along. He glanced at me and then looked at my mom and directed his attention to her. I don't remember what they said after that, I mostly just spaced. When I finally realized where I was again there was a nurse talking to my mother. She was telling the nurse that I'd like to know about abortion and adoption…

I'm sorry, Sesshoumaru. I can't do it. I told them that I can't get rid of a beating heart and that I couldn't give away my own child. Mother tried to force it on me but the nurse said that without my consent there was nothing they could do. She gave me prenatal vitamins, I went home with mom, and she told me to pack my things and get out. That little whore wouldn't live at her shrine and disgrace the family name. I'm so sorry I haven't told you earlier. I didn't give you a chance to say anything about it. If you don't want to be a part of our lives I'll understand. Once you come home I'll move out if you'll like.

Just understand that I love you so much I just couldn't bear to kill or give away any part of you… especially right now, when I need you the most.

With all my Love, Kagome

Kagome folded up the letter, placed it in an envelope and then with one more glance, placed it in the nightstand drawer.