The Adventures of the Sailor Senshi of America
Episode 1: The Itchy Etchi Grass
(PG 13) By: sweet saturn
It was just another beautiful day in Little Tokyo. Four girls were sitting in a little kawaii cafe' after school, drinking tea and gossiping, except for the short blue haired girl, who had her head buried in a text book.
"Ami! Get your head out of that text book, and join in the conversation!" said the tall, long brown haired girl, named Makoto. Ami though was too engrossed in what she was reading, that she didn't hear a thing Makoto had said, and coninued reading. Finally the average height, blonde haired girl, sitting next to Ami grabbed her book away from her and hit Ami on top of teh head with it before tossing it acros the table.
"Ouch! Minako! Why on earth did you do that?! I was studying for our test next week and I'm only 45 chapters ahead!" exclaimed Ami.
"Because you study to much Ami, that's why! You need to get out and enjoy life more," replied the rather short, violet haired girl next to Minako. "The test is only over the current chapter we are studying not, what's 45 chapters ahead."
"Well you never know Hotaru, and ummm," said Ami looking for some excuse to continue studying. "I need to keep studying because if I'm not ahead then I won't be prepared for our finals and I might not score so well," she added while trying to get her book back. Unfortunately for her Minako quickly snatched the book away and refused to give it back to her.
Meanwhile some nasty hentai villian was plotting on how to takeover the world (doesn't everyone want to?), and turn it into a nasty etchi world filled with disgusting hentai, in other words Hentai Land. This evil villian was now working to create some horrid hentai monster. He mixed miracle grow, grass, itching powder, and hentai together. With a poof of smoke a very tall clump of grass appeared appeared.
"Hmmmm....what is this creation I have concocted?" said the rather idiotic nasty hentai villian, who then stupidly jumped into the grass to see it's effect instead of using one of his minions. "Ahhhhh," he shouted in agony as the grass engulfed him. Itchy red welts began to appear all over his skin, and then the grass began to do something extreamly nasty, which will not be mentioned due to the fact that this is NOT a hentai story. Finally he managed to escape the horrendous grass, and then set it loose to reek havoc amongst the people of Little Tokyo.
"What the Hell is goin on here?!" demanded Minako.
"I don't know!" cried Hotaru. Suddenly a something rather large came crashing down into the middle of the fountain. Minako, Ami, Hotaru and Makoto went over the fountain to investigate. They found a giant flying fish swimming around in it.
Suddenly it spoke, "The time has come for you all to awaken as the Sailor Senshi of America!"
"OH MY GOD THE FISH CAN TALK! THAT ISN'T RIGHT! NO WHERE DOES IT SAY THAT FISH CAN BE THIS HUGE AND HAVE WINGS, LET ALONE TALK!" Ami screamed hysterically.
"Oh be quiet Ami, and let the fish talk!"exclaimed Makoto. "Now what were you saying about us being some sort of Sailors?" she said turning back towards the fish.
"I said the time has come for you to awaken as the Sailor Senshi of America! I am Alfred, guardian of the American Senshi!" the fish replied.
"Cool beans!" said Hotaru. With that the fish waved his fin, and in front of each senshi appeared a silver triangle brooch with a crystal rose made of a precious stone representing them embedded in it. A brooch with a sapphire rose appeared in front of Ami signifying her as Sailor Mercury, a brooch with a emerald rose appeared in front of Makoto signifying her as Sailor Jupiter, a brooch with a topaz rose appeared in front of Minako signifying her as Sailor Venus, and a brooch with an amethyst rose appeared in front of Hotaru signifying her as Sailor Saturn.
"Now," the fish directed, "Say your planet's name then say Kawaii Power Make-Up!" So with that they all shouted their henshin phrase one after another and then shouted in unison, "American Sailor Senshi Kawaii Make- Up!"
They then all struck a pose, and went into their little speeches.
"I am Sailor Mercury and I stand for love and exams! I have a major exam which I am only 45 chapters ahead of next week and you're taking up the precious time I need for studying!" exclaimed Sailor Mercury.
"I am Sailor Jupiter and I stand for love and good cooking! And whoever cooked you up must really suck at cooking!" shouted Sailor Jupiter.
"I am Sailor Venus I stand for love and beauty! And you sure as Hell aren't beautiful!"
"I am Sailor Saturn! I stand for love and destruction! And I'm gonna have to destroy you for trying to turn this beautiful clean hentai free land into a nasty etchi hentai filled land!" declared Sailor Saturn. With that she whipped out her Silence Glaive and shouted "Silence Glaive Slice!" She then spun her glaive and began neatly slicing the grass to shreds. When she was through she held her glaive,a nd admired her her work which she was very pleased with, but to her astonishment the grass regrew ten times taller. Suddenly a long blade of grass shot out and grabbed her. "Let go of me you etchi piece of shit!" she screamed furiously trying to free herself.
"I'll help you out Saturn!" said Sailor Venus. "Venus Love and Beauty Shocram!" she cried flinging a heart-shaped shocram (which if you watch Xena you'd know it's a little circle frisebee like thing that is a blade). The shocram shredded the grass up, but to her and Saturn's annoyance the grass grew even taller.
"You Baka!" Saturn shouted at Venus, as the grass quickly seized her (Venus), "You saw what happend when I shredded it, and then you do the exact same thing! All you did now was make it angrier, taller, and got yourself caught!"
"Don't worry I'll save you guys!" Jupiter said, "Jupiter Thunder Crush!" The grass was then crushed to a pulp, but it stayed crushed for only a short moment, before seizing Jupiter. Meanwhile itchy red spots began to appear on the skin of Saturn, Venus, and quickly spread to Jupiter. Suddenly, being the etchi grass it was, began poking and pinching the three senshi.
"Ow, Shit! Excuse you but that's private property right there!" exclaimed Saturn slicing the etchi blades of grass.
"Ouch, what the Hell do you think your doing?! Get away from there!" screamed Venus in outrage shredding the etchi blades as well.
"Ow! Damn it! Don't you dare go there!" shouted Jupiter crushing the etchi blades of grass.
All the while Mercury had been scanning the grass with her computer and taking down notes from her observations, when suddenly the grass lunged for her causing her to drop her mini computer and lose her notes.
"Now look what you've done you etchi piece of shit! Now I have to start all over! So you're going to have to pay! Mercury Soap Bubble Spray!" exclaimed Mercury blasting the grass with soap bubbles. "There that ought to clean you up!" she said satisfied, but as she was about to walk away she was quickly seized by the demonic grass. "Ahhhhhhhhh!!!" she screamed.
Suddenly four figures appeared out of the mist.
"Hey where'd all the mist come from anyways?" said Jupiter. "I dunno, maybe the author knows," said Venus, "Hey author where's all this mist coming from?"
"IT'S COMING FROM THAT LITTLE BUCKET OF DRY ICE IN THE DEEP DARK CORNER WHICH NO ONE NOTICES UNLESS THEY LOOK REALLY CLOSELY. ALSO IT'S BEING HELD BY THAT ONE DUDE WHAT'S HIS NAME? OH YES, REMECIO!" replied the loud thunderous voice from above.
"It's ROZARIO! And I better be getting paid for this!" shouted the guy in the dark cloak hiding in the corner whose name no one could remember. "WAIT A SECOND! I KNOW HIS NAME NOW IT'S........."said the loud thunderous voice from above pausing dramatically. The guy looked up hopefully. "RAFIKI!" she shouted with glee. Anime sweat drops appeared on everyone's head, the largest being on the guy in the dark cloak hiding in the corner's head, "OOPSIES WRONG SHOW!"
"IT'S ROZARIO! ROZARIO I TELL YOU! GET IT THROUGH YOUR STUPID THICK SKULL!" the guy shouted throwing the bucket of dry ice down while jumping up and down.
"I HEARD THAT! GUARDS GET ME A ROPE WITH A NOOSE!" exclaimed the loud thunderous voice from above.
"Just a joke just a joke! All hail the all mighty and powerful author!" Remecio said panically while doing a stupid little dance.
"OK GUARDS NEVERMIND!" said the loud thunderous voice from above. "RAHSERIO HERE IS MY SPECIAL EFFECTS PERSON WHO YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT. OK FORGET I JUST SAID THAT!" said the loud thunderous voice from above, "OH AND ABOUT YOUR PAYMENT! YOU DON'T GET ANYTHING! UNLESS YOU LIKE LINT WHICH I HAVE PLENTY OF, LINING MY POCKETS AS WELL AS THE LINT TRAP IN MY DRYER."
"WHAT?! That's not fair! Not only does no one remember my name but now I have to do all this work for nothing except lint?!" the guy exclaimed. "You cheapskate lousy dumbass writer!" he muttered under his breath.
"I HEARD THAT! GUARDS GET ME A WOODEN STAKE, SOME ROPE, AND A FIRE!" declared the loud thundrous voice from above.
"Just a joke just a joke! All hail the all mightly and powerful author!" Remecio said panicking again while doing the same little stupid dance he was doing before.
"NEVERMIND!" said the loud thunderous voice from above.
"Ah'hem, pardon me but haven't you forgotten the most I mean four most important new characters? And shouldn't you be continuing the story instead of arguing with the dude who does the special effects?" said a really hot guy in black and violet armour.
"QUIET! I AM THE ALL MIGHTY AND POWERFUL AUTHOR AND I CAN INTRODUCE AND FORGET YOU IF I WANT & WHEN I WANT! RIGHT NOW I'M IN AN ARGUEMENT WITH THE SPECIAL EFFECTS GUY SO IF YOU DON'T MIND CAN IT!" ordered the loud thunderous voice from above.
"NOW BACK TO YOU, WHAT'S YOUR NAME? OH YES REMECIO..."
"It's Rosario," corrected the guy.
"YES YES YES, REMECIO, ABOUT YOUR SALARY, YOU DON'T GET ONE! YOU KNOW WHY BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ANIME CHARACTER I'M THE ALL MIGHTY AND POWERFUL AUTHOR YOU WORK FOR ME AND DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO BECAUSE I CONTROL ALL! YOU GOT THAT?! MWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she exclaimed as she gave an evil laugh.
"Oh yes yes! All yield to the shiny head!" said Remecio without thinking.
"DID YOU JUST SAY ALL YIELD TO THE SHINY HEAD?! I DON'T HAVE A SHINY HEAD, THOUGH I HAVE SHINY HAIR!"
"Oh no I said all yield to the all mighty and powerful author with the shiny hair!" Remecio quickly replied while doing the stupid little dance, then he smacked himself and muttered,"Wrong line!"
"OH I SEE. WELL NOW IT'S BACK TO THE STORY!" she added as she calmed down.
"I still wanna know where all that mist came from!" demanded Jupiter.
"Hey who are those four guys emerging from the mist?" asked Hotaru.
"We're the SKOA and here to save the day!" announced a guy sitting on a tractor with a sword in hand.
"Ok that was corny!" said the guy in blue and black armour.
"DON'T QUESTION MY ATUHORITY!" shouted the loud thunderous voice from above.
"Here we go again," said Venus rolling her eyes.
"I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO ARGUE BECAUSE THIS STORY WILL NEVER GET FINISHED AND PLUS I HAVE AN ALGEBRA TEST TOMORROW! SO I'LL JUST DEAL WITH YOU ALL LATER! MWHAHAHAHHAHAHA!" she added.
"I am Zagato, Saturn Knight, and leader of the SKOA (Sailor Knights of America) and this is Lantis in the blue, Rymin' Ryco better known as tractor man on the tractor, and Ferrio in the green."
"I hope they don't go into long introductory speeches," said Mercury because I am really sick of being held captive by this itchy not to mention etchi grass.
"I think they are," said Hotaru.
Suddenly Lantis stepped forward, "I am Lantis, Venus Knight, and..." Before he could even get midway into his speech Venus interupted him and shouted, "Just shutup and save us!"
"Ok," said the guys in unison as they shrugged their shoulders. So they quickly freed the senshi with their specially designed ithcy etchi grass cutting swords, and Tractor Man with his tractor as well.
"Now what are we going to do about this itchiness! " demanded Jupiter as she scratched at the welts.
"I know!" said Mercury, "Benedryl! $Cha-Ching$ (for all you who don't know I make this sound everytime I cash in by using products such as this in my story. Hey I need endorsement. It costs a lot to write fanfics these days!) And it always works and gets rid of the itchiness due to insect bites, or plants such as this grass!" Then Mercury pulled out a bottle of Benedryl, $CHA-CHING$ , applied it to her rash causing it to disappear, and then handed it to the other senshi who used it as well, and recieved the same results.
The grass by now had completely freed itself from the ice and was heading directly towards the senshi and guys.
"Now what are we going to do about the rest of that grass?" questioned Makoto.
"I know what to do!" exclaimed Venus. She walked over to a pay phone, inserted the money, and dialed 1-800-Grass-Be-Gone. "Hello, this is me V, we got a seriously major bad problem with some itchy etchi grass! Send one of the guys out here immediately, we're in central Little Tokyo." Soon a truck with the words Exterminators printed on it's side along with company number drove up. A really cute guy stepped out and went over to Sailor Venus. He talked to her for a brief moment, and then left in the truck.
Sailor Venus then turned to face the other senshi, "Now what we're supposed to do is use this new power we've got," she explained, "We have to join hands and shout Sailor Special Pesticide Attack, and then the grass will shrivel up and die. Got it ? "
"Got it," replied Saturn, Mercury, and Jupiter in unison.
"Ok we'll take it from here," said Saturn. The Senshi then joined hands.
"Sailor," said Ami.
"Special," said Saturn louder.
"Pesticide," said Venus even louder.
"Attack!" shouted Jupiter. A huge blast of pesticide was launched at the grass and hit it directly. The grass then shirveled up and died.
"Damn it!" shouted the evil nasty hentai villian as he slammed his fist down on his throne, "Well next time I will be more prepared, and then after I eliminate those pesky senshi, hentai will rule! MGAGAGUCIYACAYA!!!" Meanwhile the senshi had detransformed and gone back to their tea and conversation, but this time they were accompanied by the four guys.
"Hey wait a second!" said Rymin' Ryco stopping them. He quickly drew his sword and carved into a wall his sign. It looked like a "T" crossed over an "M".
"Hey that's a pretty cool idea! Let's all do that!" Ferrio said prpeparing to imitate Tractor Man.
"No you can't do that!" yelled Tractor Man.
"Why not?" said Ferrio. "Because I'm the only one who does that and is sposed to do that plus it's like Zorro's only better, cuz I'm cool and Zorro sucks!"
"Who says so?!"
"I say so!"
"Well I say who cares if you say so!" shouted Ferrio getting ready to carve his intials into the wall.
"WELL EVERYBODY CARES IF I SAY SO CUZ I'M THE ALL MIGHTY AND POWERFUL AUTHOR AND WHAT I SAY GOES! MWHAHAHAHAHA!" So Ferrio and the other SKOA (with the exception of Tractor Man) didn't get to carve their intials into the wall, and they had to go home living with it. The SSOA on the other hand went home and lived happily ever after.
THE END(for now)