One of the first things I learnt about Grell once we started dating was that he was broken.
During the night, he would stir, in the midst of a dark nightmare that clawed at his subconscious, and he would whimper, crying out for someone to hold him, but as I did, he woke, scratching at me with his vivid red nails as if I were an attacker.
I kissed his forehead, and he gradually calmed down from the raging fear inside him, instead clinging to me for dear life as he sobbed uncontrollably. I just smoothed down his soft hair, whispering small things that he probably never understood in the moment, but it seemed to calm him down enough for him to fall asleep.
I was shocked the next morning as he returned to the same Grell I was used to, perky and cheery and a bit annoying. He kissed my cheek and went off to make us breakfast, as if his nightmare never happened.
Another time, I came home late after overtime to find him crouched in front of the mirror, the reflective panel smashed and blood of my love's favourite colour dripping from his hands. He was crying, holding himself tightly. I didn't speak any words, just kissed his head softly, helping him to sit on the bed before going to find the first aid kit to bandage his wounds. He let out small sobs, but didn't cry out in pain as I disinfected the cuts. Soon after, he fell asleep again, his cheeks still streaked with black from his makeup.
I cleaned up the shards of fragmented glass, for the third time that week.
But after each moment at night when he'd break, I was amazed to see him at work the next day as if he was truly happy in everything he did, as if those moments of terror, fear and sadness didn't exist to him. He'd smile cheerfully at Knox, play-flirt at Eric and laugh along with something Alan said, smiling widely and happily.
None of the others noticed he was broken.
Every night, he'd cling to me, sobbing for reasons I couldn't understand. I tried to understand why Grell would break, but someone as naive as I about feelings struggled to keep up with someone as emotional as Grell. Eventually, I figured out if I called him beautiful, he'd calm down sooner, but every night without fail, he would break again.
But every time, without fail, I would put him back together again.