Kurama looked up as Shiori entered his room.
"Hello Mother." He said softly, smiling to cover the fact that she'd caught him unawares.
"I knocked, Suichi, but you didn't answer. Are you alright? You're up very late." Kurama looked over to his clock. Sure enough, it was already gone two in the morning. He sighed heavily and Shiori moved forwards, sitting down on his bed and putting a comforting hand on his thigh. "Would you like to talk about it?"
"I'm sorry, Mother. I didn't even realise how late it was. I was just… Thinking." Shiori nodded understandingly and pulled him close, hugging him tight.
"You mean you were just remembering." She said gently, and he nodded into her arms.
"Mother. I know it's only been a short while, but why won't it go away? I know Hiei didn't mean it and I don't hold it against him. I love his company as much as ever, but as soon as he leaves, I can't help thinking about what happened." She hushed him softly and he quieted as she rocked him back and forth.
"Suichi, I think that first of all you need to get him to do something about that." She ran her fingers over the stop on his neck where she knew the black tattoo rested. He flinched under her touch and she smiled apologetically. "Then, you need to actually talk about it with Hiei. He's a big demon, I'm sure he'll understand the need for closure. And, when you feel comfortable enough, I think you should make new memories together." Kurama blinked up at her in surprise.
"Mother!" He said, the surprise obvious in his voice. "What are you suggesting?" Shiori laughed, waving her hand.
"Well, even without that last suggestion, there's more than enough to be working with in the first two. Please consider them, Suichi; I'm sure they'll help." Kurama nodded slowly.
"I will…" He said, and Shiori gave him a tight hug before leaving the room.
"Please try to get some sleep." She called, and Kurama laid back in his bed. He forced his eyes shut, but they kept opening again regardless of how he tried to keep them closed. Each time his eyes closed, he could see Hiei, and what he'd done… Kurama clenched his fists at his sides. Why wouldn't it leave him alone? He felt his stomach turn again and sat up quickly, running to the bathroom. He didn't make it in time, though, and threw up over the centre of his bedroom floor. Once the spasms in his stomach had calmed, he leant inside his bathroom and grabbed the cleaning things his mother had left there, so frequent was his need for them. He slowly cleaned up the mess and washed out the cloth in the sink, leaning over the basin and staring at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes landed on the black tattoo and his stomach lurched once again. He turned to the toilet and for once his aim was true. After a minute of heaving and panting he leant back, flushing the toilet and putting his hand up to the tattoo. His mother was right; it had to go.
A short, sharp tap on his window made him run back into his bedroom. Seeing Hiei, he leapt forward and wrenched open the window. Hiei watched with surprise at Kurama's enthusiasm. He felt Kurama's arms around his waist as soon as he jumped inside and realised Kurama was kneeling before him, his head buried in his stomach.
"Kurama?" Hiei asked, realising something was wrong. He could smell illness in the air, and the presence of the cleaning things in the bathroom and the sound of water running through the toilet made him more sure that Kurama had been having a terrible night. He had felt the energy of the red head from miles away.
"Please, Hiei…" Kurama's voice was quiet, and thick with emotion. "Take the mark away." Hiei blinked. He hadn't been expecting that. Kurama released his waist and Hiei crouched down before him so they were level. Kurama's face was drawn, his eyes red and swollen and his cheeks were pale and tearstained. Hiei felt his own heart cry out in sympathy.
"I'm so sorry, Kurama… I wish I could." Kurama's face fell, and Hiei felt terrible. He had done something unforgivable to his lover. Searching desperately for an answer, he spoke softly. "I can change it to something else… But I can't do that without…" He trailed off, and Kurama looked up to him to see his gaze on the floor.
"Without..?" Kurama repeated hopefully.
"Without taking you again…" Kurama's face fell. He wanted to, really he did, but he just wasn't ready for that yet.
"Isn't there any other way?" Kurama asked, voice cracking. Hiei hugged him tightly, shaking his head.
"I can only make the branding after having a sexual encounter, and it can only be on the one who shared the encounter with me. I'm sorry, Kurama. I really am." Kurama pulled Hiei closer, then released himself and took Hiei's hand. Leading him over to the bed, he sat down and pulled Hiei to sit beside him. Hiei was looking at him worriedly.
"Don't be sorry. We will change it together some day. Soon, hopefully. In the meantime…" He looked to the side, knowing that the already tough night was about to get a lot harder on both of them. "I think we should talk." Hiei knew immediately that Kurama meant about that night by the sorrowful tone in his voice. He felt unsure; he didn't want to hurt Kurama any more. And he still wasn't sure what had happened. Maybe talking about it would help him remember. Not that he particularly wanted to. He looked up to Kurama's hopeful eyes and sighed. He didn't want to remember, but he had to take some responsibility. Kurama could see the internal struggle happening within Hiei and continued softly. "If you think it's alright… I'd like you to use your Jagan eye." Hiei's head shot up.
"No way." He stated firmly, bluntly. "Absolutely not." Kurama sighed. This would be a hard argument to win.
"Hiei, the best way to do this is for you to see what happened in person. And… you'll be able to see what I thought. And I'll be able to see what you thought then, and what you think as you're watching. Please, Hiei. I need you to do this…" He took Hiei's cheeks in his palms and made their gaze meet. "For me." Hiei sighed, shifting uncomfortably.
"Kurama, I don't think that it's worth it…" Hiei said, only realising his mistake after he'd spoken.
"You don't think it's worth it?" Kurama repeated, annoyed. "You mean you don't want to face what you did to me because you don't think you can take it. You mean that I'm not worth it." Kurama was only forcing his voice down to stop his mother being roused from her sleep.
"No, Kurama." Hiei said firmly. "To invade you with the Jagan eye now would mean making you relive it again as if it were real. The Jagan will amplify it for both of us, and that's something that although I don't want to do, I think will hurt you much more." Kurama's temper burned away as he looked into red eyes.
"Sorry…" He said slowly, and Hiei shook his head.
"Don't be sorry. You have every right to be angry."
"Please." Kurama said, leaning forward and pulling Hiei into a hug. "I can't live like this…" His words were quiet, but Hiei heard them and felt like he'd been hit. Hard. He was suddenly aware that Kurama's body was shaking, and he recalled the smell of vomit as he'd entered. Kurama was looking paler, thinner. He hadn't been to school at all in the past week. It had, Hiei knew, felt much longer than a week to the poor kitsune.
"Alright… But if it gets too much just tell me and I'll stop it." Hiei relented, and Kurama nodded. Hiei closed his eyes, but paused and leant back from the embrace. "Maybe we should lie down." Kurama leant down on his side, his hands resting in front of his face. Hiei ripped off his headband and took Kurama's hands tightly as he leant down to face the redhead. Closing their eyes, Hiei's Jagan glowed brightly.
Kurama shifted uneasily as he felt Hiei enter his thoughts. It wasn't uncomfortable, but he was all too aware of what was about to be witnessed. Kurama ran through his thoughts as he was running home with the antidote, and then stopped as he reached the door. Setting his thought into motion, he sat back and watched, his fists clenched inside his mind.
Hiei watched as the scene unfolded before him, and felt a new revulsion at his own actions. He felt Kurama's pain as his own, and could hear his thoughts in his own head. Kurama, meanwhile, was listening in on Hiei's thoughts. He felt a certain amount of comfort in knowing that Hiei's stomach was also turning. He could feel his body crying out on his bed. Within Hiei's thoughts, Kurama picked up on the odd arousing comment, but for the most part there was only horror and fear and sorrow. As it came to the tattoo being burnt, Kurama felt his neck burn back on the bed in remembered pain. He felt his body cry out. Hiei's energy flared and a sting of pain washed over Kurama's mind before Hiei contained it. Kurama could feel Hiei's energy pulsing as he watched himself fall asleep. Hiei watched as Kurama ran to the toilet in his mind. Kurama sat up suddenly in bed and ran to the bathroom, throwing Hiei out of his mind as he vomited into the toilet once again. The toilet flushed, but it took Kurama several minutes to compose himself. Hiei waited, tears streaming down his cheeks. As Kurama stood in the doorway, Hiei stood from the bed. They watched each other for several moments, and then closed the distance between them, hugging tightly and falling to their knees in the middle of the floor. They held each other close as they cried together, and even as the light started shining through the window they continued.
After what seemed like forever and yet like no time at all, Kurama rested limply in Hiei's arms. Hiei smiled fondly, brushing his hair from his eyes as he slept. He lifted him into his bed and settled beside him, hugging him closely. Kurama's arms wrapped around him subconsciously as he slept, and Hiei was lolled into sleep as well.