A/N: Listen to Even If We Try by Night Beds for this chapter.
Dreams fail but you can't hide the truth, especially from yourself. When I woke up two years into the failed experiment I know as my life, I knew. I had to get out of here. I came to LA so I could become a celebrated music producer, but I was working in a record store making minimum wage.
I had gotten a few DJ gigs. One a.m. in a dingy club for drinks and three percent of the door. That was where everyone told me that I had to start, but I couldn't do it anymore. There was something on my mind, someone.
I opened my eyes, trying to vanquish the image of her face but the secrets in her eyes and the red of her hair lurked just on the other side of my eyelids and I could not find peace. I tried telling myself that she would have moved on by now. I was worthless. My dad had been right and it made me hate him. I hated myself more for giving up the chance to know what it was like. Just to be with her once, that should be enough for me but it wasn't. I left for the West coast the morning after, leaving a hunk of me in that bed, watching light stream over her naked body.
I sat up in my bed, memories making me strong again, and pulled my laptop off the desk and onto my lap. There was no use in trying to convince myself that I would be alright. I needed to go back even if it was too late. I needed to know for sure.
My fingers fumbled across the keys. The chill in the air had frozen my hands so that the already convoluted, harried thoughts that jumbled my mind made me physically slower. Clicking a through a few pages, I found a few doable flights to Atlanta. That is, if I could get my dad to help me pay for it.
A week later I was standing on the curb at Hartsfield waiting for my ride. He pulled up, dressed in tweed as always, the consummate professor. The ride home was filled with a strange excitement. This mixed with the foreboding nerves already at work in my body made me queasy. What would it be like to see her? First I had to find her. Chloe… would she even still be here? Small talk didn't distract me from my thoughts.
A million dead ends, facebook messages, and texts later I found her. My body trembled as I held my phone. Her number was scrawled across the back of my hand, a tattoo of possibility. I hit send and my stomach sank. This was insane. Forcing myself to sit down, my free hand found its way to the comforter, fingers twining in the fabric.
She answered on the third ring. The striking, melodious tones of her voice rendered me speechless. Bile rose into my esophagus and I swallowed hard to push it back down. "Hi." It came out quiet and simple.
"Um, hi," she said. The end of the words rose into another octave. She had no idea who it was.
"Chloe, it's me… Beca."This was a great start.
"Oh my god, Beca! How are you?"
Her excitement brought a thin smile to my face. Even over the phone it was infectious. "I'm okay. You?"
She didn't miss a beat. "Great! I'm great. I totally didn't recognize the area code so I had no idea it was you." She laughed at the end, light and short.
"Yeah, sorry about that. Listen, I'm in town and I was wondering if we could, you know, get coffee or something?"
I could hear the pause, not just experience it, feel it. It was as if her thoughts had flown in different directions and no answer was forthcoming. "You don't have to, of course," my voice cracked. "I just thought it would be cool to catch up." I didn't add my hopes of something more to complicate matters. There would be enough time to assess my chances later.
"Okay, that sounds good."
She paused again but this time I heard something in the background, a muffled voice and I could tell that it was either too far away or Chloe had her hand over the phone. She came back after a second that seemed like ten thousand.
"Yeah, how's tomorrow at the little shop by campus at.. say two?"
I bit my lip and tried to keep the feelings leak into my voice. That was our place. "I'll be there." Maybe her choice of venue was a sign or maybe it was just sentimental.
"I've gotta go now but I can't wait to see you." I could hear the sincerity in her voice but she had never been one to fake that. Chloe Beale was as genuine as real gold.
"Me too, see you tomorrow." I hung up and tried not to jump up and down like a teenage boy who just got his first date but to my mortification, I did fist pump. I was one step closer to getting her back. I knew I was probably on a suicide mission but my heart had been killed so many times, this time I wouldn't be responsible. I was trying.