Disclaimer: I'm using these characters just for fun and not for monetary gain.
Author's note: I'm not sure how this story happened, it just came out. I think all of you readers who asked for more after my last story are partially to blame. I put the rest of the blame on my job currently involving a lot of sitting around bored.
Spoilers: Season 2 Episode 13 "Dead Reckoning". This is a missing-scene, post-episode type story.
After the other bomb went off, the crowd of law enforcement officers collectively shifted their attention to the site of the explosion, making it easy for Finch and Reese to slip out of the building undetected.
They stood across the street, out of sight, for a moment to watch the busy motion of the officers.
"How about a beer now, Mr. Reese?" Finch said faking light-heartiness while looking at Reese sideways to gauge his reaction.
"Another day, Harold." Reese answered, just briefly moving his eyes in his employer's general direction, but not looking at him; he was a thousand miles away.
"Do you want to go to your apartment, then? The Lincoln is parked a street over." Finch motioned toward the car but didn't take his eyes off of Reese. Reese's expression was detached, blank. After they had gotten the vest off, which Reese was now carrying in a bag they found on the way down from the roof, Reese had in just moments time changed his demeanour. Locked in all his emotions, back to business, ready to operate if just to escape from the nearly empty building unnoticed. From looking at him, no one could have guessed what he had just been through.
"Thanks, Harold, I think I'll walk." He said without looking at the other man, already starting to walk away. His use of the first name was the only thing that betrayed his emotional state.
Finch was concerned, but he knew that look and he knew Reese needed time alone to process his thoughts and feelings, while Finch needed to get back to his computers to evaluate the fallout from the day's events.
John Reese walked - quickly, determined, barely noticing his surroundings - towards the apartment Finch had given him for his birthday. The adrenaline still rushing through him carried him on. His mind wouldn't stop racing through the events of the past few days, and the exercise helped to distract him from the thoughts and images frantically hounding his head. Finch was tracking his friend's journey through the streets using the phone he had slipped into his pocket after their exit from the building. He was worried about where John's feet would take him - was he going for something stronger than beer? - and was relieved when the red dot stopped at the apartment.
By the time Reese turned the key to his apartment, the adrenaline was wearing off and he was exhausted both emotionally and physically, to an extend he hadn't been in a long time. Various pains - from current bruises, his head wound and old injuries - were struggling to be noticed through the tumult of thoughts that the walking did not manage to quiet down. Once in the apartment, he went through the motions of a perimeter check. Remains of his training coming through, though right now he was too exhausted to really worry about any more dangers that might be lurking.
His outer clothes were dropping on the floor before he even reached the bathroom. The shower was his goal and it was the only thing he cared about right now. Finally there, he let the warm water rain down on him for a while, propping himself up against the shower wall, not giving in to his body's need for rest quite yet. Then he stepped out, in passing grabbed a towel from the shelf and wrapped it around him on the way to the bed, where he finally succumbed to his exhaustion.
Reese was still exhausted and disoriented when he woke up the next morning. His mind had stopped racing though, and he longed for some normalcy - for what had become normalcy and comfort to him in the past year: Finch, the library, the numbers, Bear. He got up to make some coffee and toast in the kitchen. He couldn't remember the last time he ate. Thus fortified, he made his way to the library. Every step up to their Headquarters helped to dull the acuteness of the memories from the past few days, pushing them further into the past.
He was relieved but not just because he was alive, and free. What else was there?
That the demons from his past would catch up with him had been a given. He had been ready to die before Finch found him, still after he was shot in the parking garage, and even just the day before, on that roof. Finch gave him the chance to use the skills that had destroyed the most important part of him to do good, but he never allowed himself to get too attached to this new life. He considered it a crescendo before the inevitable end that a life such as his deserved. For a little while, he had the chance to still walk in darkness but not for darkness' sake. More the kind of shadow that was necessary anywhere there was light. The very thing he thought he had signed up for when he joined the CIA. To be given such a chance before the end came was more than he had dared to even hope for before that fateful day of the subway incident.
Now, both the repercussions of his new life and his old life had caught up with him without time for him to catch a breath in between. He never expected to make it through this unscathed. After all, he knew that in the end, he was all alone, and no one was coming to save him. The best he could do was to keep steady on his new path - to not let Kara spin that compass of his - until the inevitable end. To save as many people as possible and spoil whatever Kara was planning. He sent that message to Finch not so he'd come safe him, but so he'd help safe lives and stop Kara.
But the maxim he had internalized turned out not to be applicable anymore. Someone had come to save him both from his new and his old demons. It shouldn't have come as a shock to him, but he had lived with the maxim for so long, it was hard to let go of. Because of his .. assets? allies? friends? … he was able to defeat those demons. And knowing that defeating them was possible, and that there were people who cared enough to make it happen, was a feeling of relieve that was hard to put in words. Why were they helping him deal with these demons that were his alone to fight? He realized, it's because it is what he would do - had been doing - for them. They recognized in him someone who was walking toward the same destination as them. Their moral compasses all felt the same magnetic field, even when the needles spun sometimes, they ended up aligned. Looking in the same direction together. Even Fusco's, who probably would not admit it. Finding people like this was special, something worth living for.
Bear came storming up to him and Reese let himself be tackled to the ground. Reese's happiness was more genuine than it had been in years, and he showed it unguardedly. It rubbed off on Finch, who was relieved to see John so bright after all he had been through, after the way he had walked off the night before.
The two men brought each other up to speed on the events of the previous day, each telling their side of the story, starting with Finch's attempts at reaching Detective Carter after the car crash.
"Finch, what if Carter needs medical attention? She can't hardly go to the hospital and explain her injuries. What if something like this happens again?"
"What do you suggest, Mr. Reese?" Things were back to normal, last names and all.
"We give her the address of our private 'clinic'." He was referring to the medically well-equipped safe house where a retired doctor on Finch's payroll lived.
"Do you think it's wise to involve Detective Carter in our activities even more? Maybe we should give her a break."
"I never wanted to put her in danger, or for her to risk her career. But she made up her mind to help us out of her own free will, and it is her decision to make. I made it clear a while ago that she would always have our support, whether she was with us or not, and she is well-aware of the consequences that working with us might have."
Finch nodded.
"Very well then, I'll see to it that a closet there is stocked with spare clothes for her, and will send her medical record to our doctor. And I suppose Fusco's too, while I'm at it."
Reese smiled that genuine smile again. Carter and Fusco weren't just assets anymore. His brain still couldn't come up with a word that fit. Asset plus? Asset with benefits? Friend?
They continued their briefing until they got to the events on the roof. Recalling the events from the previous night let out that flood of emotions again, but Reese was better able to deal with it now.
"Finch? Thank you."
"Please. Don't mention it."
Reese sat in the library for a while longer, enjoying the return to normalcy and the new feeling of lightness he had, and the company of one of the "no-ones" who had come to save him, while said "no-one" worked on his computers. Then he decided he should see Detective Carter.
"Could you locate Detective Carter for me?"
"Certainly." After a moment's typing, Finch gave him the address of a park near her precinct. "Are you going to talk to her?"
"I think I should, I'll see you later."
Finch nodded and Reese left, taking Bear with him.
Carter was standing by the park gate eating a sandwich for lunch and watching the people go by when Reese found her.
"Enjoying your sandwich, Detective?"
Carter turned to look at him, briefly stunned. She couldn't believe he was standing here in front of her now, alive, looking stunning as ever, looking happily at her, out for a walk with his dog like the past few days never happened. After the bomb had gone off, she had feared the worst, but it had soon been clear that this one couldn't have been John's. Since there had not been another explosion, she had figured John must have been able to disarm his bomb in time, but she'd not had a sign of life from him up until now. Somehow she had expected him to come find her though; it was the reason she had decided to take lunch in the park.
"John!" She exclaimed, eyes widening.
She couldn't stop herself from stepping up to him and giving him a big hug. He put his arms around her in turn and gave a light squeeze. That made Carter flinch and an "Oww." escaped her. Reese moved his hand right away and looked at her questioningly. Bear pushed his head in between them to see what was going on and in the hopes of getting some affection as well.
"Souvenir from the car crash." Carter said as she looked down and rubbed Bear between the ears.
"If you need to see a doctor and don't want to explain what happened, you can go here." He slipped her a sheet of paper with the address of the safe-house. "It's where I get fixed up when I get injured."
She gave him a quizzical look. "What is this place?"
"It's one of Finch's houses. He pays the doctor who lives there. Part of my benefits package." Reese showed a little grin.
"And he's okay with me making use of it?" She sounded dubious.
"He's got the place stocked with spare clothes for you."
She raised an eyebrow. She was going to ask how Finch knew her size. Of course he knew her size, what didn't he know? She paused for a moment to think. Accepting this felt like nearly as big a step as tampering with Donnelly's evidence had. Her crossing the line had still felt temporary then, even though there had really been no turning back for her even then - she knew what side she was on - yet it had felt not quite final or real. But this piece of paper she was holding meant her vigilantes knew what side she was on, too. She was officially part of the Reese-Finch team, her feet firmly planted on their side of the line. She studied the small sheet of paper and the handwriting on it, before looking back up at Reese.
"I'm dying to see the clothes your friend bought for me." It was her turn to show a little grin, but he didn't get the joke, or didn't think it was funny.
"Have you had that shoulder looked at?" He was looking at her intently.
"Nah, it's nothing."
Reese let his lips twitch with a hint of a smile. She was just as unwilling to admit vulnerability as he was.
"Don't hesitate to make use of the safe house. Finch pays a lot of money for the service and the medical equipment and supplies, someone may as well use it."
She laughed out loud. "Yeah, because you never get yourself injured."
He smiled. "Maybe we should both make use of it more often."
"Thanks." Carter said, looking at the note before putting it away in her pocket.
"No, thank YOU." She looked back up at him, momentarily puzzled. He was still looking at her intently and clarified: "For everything you did for me this week. It was more than I'd ever expected." He had been feeling grateful a lot lately, and he wasn't ashamed to admit it.
"I want you to know that the use of the safe house, as well as my continued backup, are not conditional on you helping Finch and me. Whatever decisions you make, you're not alone Detective Carter. I still mean it."
"Neither are you, John." That brought a smile to his face that she didn't know he had in him. He smiled like he believed her. This warranted another hug, which he accepted happily.
"I have to get back to work now." She said disengaging the hug and rubbing Bear's head one last time.
"My desk is cluttered in paperwork I have to catch up on, so don't you get in trouble until at least tomorrow. Take the day off or something." She started to turn away.
"We'll see. Take care of that shoulder." John called after her.
She smiled turning partially back at him and waved her hand to acknowledge she had heard him.