So this was it; Phoebe was going to die. When they found out, Piper had laughed. Then stopped. Prue, of course, had gone on laughing. As had I. Well, it IS Phoebe, don't forget you guys. I mean, had it been Piper who was going to die, I think we'd all be a large amount sadder. Ooh! Like in the season finale - that bit where Piper dies and Leo has to go down to tell Phoebe and Cole she's dead. Well, Phoebe knew it was Piper that was dead just by looking at his face. So... do you think if he was smiling when he orbed down, she would have thought it was Prue? Let's face it, I think he would be smiling if it was the mentally unstable Prue, but lets not get into that. The point is, Phoebe is going to die. All because...

She ate too much pie. Really, it's true. And the doc said that if she goes on like this, she'll be dead on a stick by the time she's 32. Fair enough. I say she should go on like this, no? After all, I'm sure she's had a pretty good run, wearing all the fluffy pink hats, half an inch long skirts, see through everything, and pink pink pink to think she's had a reasonalbly happy life. Anyway... we are about to join the Halliwells at a very sensitive time, since they just heard that their, ahem, 'beloved' littlest sister is about to snuff it. Oh woe.


Prue's laughter finally subsided.
"Oh well fine!" Phoebe yelled, "if that's how you feel then fine! I'll just go away and slit my wrists if you want me to die even faster!"
This only caused Prue to laugh harder than ever. She bust a gut, but when life doles out comedy like this, she thought she could survive without the hospital just yet. Even Piper, unlike her usual 'oh isn't that a nice wall - I think I'll stare at it for four hours straight' self was snickering quietly.
Phoebe pulled out her letter opener and placed it along her wrist purposefully. She knew she wasn't actually going to do it, but NO ONE WAS UPSET AT THE FACT SHE WAS GOING TO DIE and it was MIGHTY PISSING HER OFF!!!! Anyway! She astral projected out of the room.
"What the **** are you doing you stupid *****?" Piper asked her. She still hadn't managed to shake that swearing thing.
Phoebe looked up. Then slapped her forehead. "Oh yeah!" she announced, "It's PRUE that can Astral Project - not me!"
Prue bitch-slapped the idiot. Go Prue! Wow did I just say those two words? Ahhh unclean UNCLEAN! "Phoebe," Prue started, "I have ALWAYS taken you with a grain of salt." Piper rolled her eyes. Here we go AGAIN! Prue continued: "On your birthday, when you asked me to do a strip tease to the theme from mighty mouse, I did it. On that hotel prom night when you asked me to sleep under the bed in case your mother burst in, I said okay. And even at my grandmother's funeral, when you told most of my relatives you could see her nipples through her burial dress, I let it slide." Prue grabbed Phoebe's ear and pulled her close. "If you think I'm gonna suffer any more of your **** with a smile now that we're broken up, you're in for some serious ****ing disappointment."
"Gyyeah Prue!" Piper bitch-slapped her older sister. "I have always taken that ****ing speech with a grain of salt! Will you quit it for ****'s sake! Mallrats was six - count 'em - six years ago! I'm sure Rene is dead, an embolism popped in her brain or something."
"Scooby, Scooby Doo, where are you?" Phoebe sang. God she had a bad singing voice. Oh god, I just had an awful thought; imagine Phoebe had once released five albums which mostly flopped but were huge in Japan... but that was Alyssa 'Bootface' Milano, so let's leave the crap to her. What's been going on with Milano at the mo'? I hear she's been doing a great job as a bitch in a straight-to-video sequal animation! Oh the joys...
"Prue, don't you have a doctor's appointment today?" Piper asked nonchalently. Whatever that means.
"What?" Prue asked, squinting at Phoebe.
"Piper's over there" Phoebe pointed at Piper, over on the other side of the room.
"Right," said Prue, and turned to face the wall. "Piper, are you talking about my eye exam? Cos my eyesight is perfect." Prue walked into the lamppost outside the manor. "How did that get so close? It was really far away before..."
"Prue, get your stupidhead ass to the doctors. And while your at it, you better sort out that bust gut you got there" Piper said, engrossed in a small crack in the wall.
Prue simply glared at Phoebe's right leg, muttered something under her breath and left the room, but not before she cracked her nose on the cupboards and twisted her spleen on the table.
"What is a spleen anyway?" said Phoebe as soon as she was gone. Piper bitch-slapped her. She kept it quiet the fact that she didn't know what it was either.