Title: Joint Custody

Author: The Emcee

Rating K+

Pairing: Khirk/Khark (I prefer the latter since it sounds like 'shark')

Summary: The five year mission has been completed. And now, there's only one thing to wrap up before everyone can go home: who gets Jim when.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: I wanted to write another stupid story, so here it is. It sort of just…came to me when I was hiding out in the freezer at work. I hope you all like it! R&R. Enjoy!

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Joint Custody

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The five year mission has been completed. Several new planets and alien species had been discovered and as much information as could be gathered on all of them has been reported, cataloged, and filed. Some of them were quite peaceful, if not a tad bit boring (Jim doubts that he'll ever forget his first official meeting with the Sloogons, who resembled slugs and like to have very long, monotonous, drawn out speeches in a language that Jim still doesn't understand completely). Others were…well, not as peaceful (like the Triceracks, who had three horns on their head and liked to stab things that offended them, like cranky medical doctors and Vulcans who think they know everything. Luckily, no one was actually stabbed).

Aside from the new planets and alien species the Enterprise and her captain and crew had discovered and research, Jim found that a lot of the excitement came from the crew itself. Specifically Khan and Spock, who often bickered back and forth like a married couple (which, thankfully, they weren't because that wouldn't be frightening) or, at the worst of times, broke a lot of equipment from their 'training exercises', which just happened to take place outside of the gyms. As much of a bother as those two could be, especially when fighting throughout the corridors of the Enterprise, Jim had to admit that their arguments were quite funny. Hilarious, in fact, and Jim couldn't help but laugh whenever he was present for one.

However, the argument they were having right now was anything but hilarious.

Now that the five year mission was complete and Khan had proven that he was loyal and trustworthy to Jim – not to Starfleet, as the super human liked to point out during every single probation hearing he's had over the past five years – he and his people would be able to settle on a colony in space and live freely. Provided, of course, that they wouldn't kill anyone or violate any of the laws or regulations that governed them. Starfleet may have allowed them to live on their own, but that didn't mean that they wouldn't monitor their progress. The colony had been selected and once Khan returned to Earth along with the Enterprise, he could revive his crew and they could begin life anew.

And that was what led them to the argument that was currently going on between Khan and Spock right now.

Jim loved Khan, he really did, and he would probably join the super human once he retired from Starfleet. However, he was still the Captain of his starship and he wasn't going to leave her and her crew, his family, behind. He explained this to Khan, who understood Jim's desire to remain with his family, and to Spock, who argued that Jim's place wasn't among the augmented humans but rather among his crew and his ship. Still, they both seemed to understand that Jim's first thoughts would always be to his ship and his family and they respected that.

They did not, however, respect how Jim was to spend his time now that Khan would be free and able to establish his own colony with his own people.

"What you are purposing is absurd," Spock told Khan calmly, yet firmly. "Jim cannot spend one entire year with you and then one entire year with us. He is the Captain of the USS Enterprise and as such, his presence will be required during missions. He is not retired and therefore still in active duty."

"As usual, Mister Spock, you hear and understand very little. Jim would be allowed to go on missions, of course. But he would return with me to the colony instead of Earth," Khan said smoothly, a small, barely visible smirk on his lips. Jim was accustomed to Khan's expressions by now; if nobody else could see that smirk, he could. "Surely, it would be no issue to retrieve Jim from the colony for a mission and return him once it's over."

Bones rolled his eyes and shook his head before sending a glare Jim's way. How was it Jim's fault? It wasn't as though he wanted them to argue over him! Thankfully, the four of them were the only ones in the mess hall at the time; either Khan or Spock, probably Khan, had demanded that it remain so until everything was worked out. Honestly, there wasn't anything to work out period. In the end, Jim was going to do whatever he wanted to do. At least, that's what he told himself. Khan, unfortunately, had a habit of getting his way a lot.

"I highly doubt that Starfleet would allow that, especially if there is a meeting taking place which requires his bodily presence," Spock replied. "The possibility that Starfleet will even allow one of its senior officers to reside on your colony without firsthand supervision is around eight-point-seven percent. If Jim were to live with you and the rest of your crew on your colony, they might eventually believe him to be placing his loyalties elsewhere and could place him under surveillance if they believe he could defect. I was under the impression that you care for Jim and see him as one of your own. If that truly were the case, you would not even entertain the possibility of him living with you."

"Starfleet has been aware of my relationship with Jim from the beginning and as they will only allow my crew and myself to live on the colony so long as we abide by their regulations, they will already be monitoring us very heavily. Besides, if Starfleet requires Jim to be present for any meeting, getting to HQ would not take very long at all," Khan retorted.

"Regardless, one year with you and one year with us is incredibly inconvenient on both ends and would only cause confusion," Spock said before he turned to Jim and added, "I apologize if I offend you, Jim, by using the word 'inconvenient'. It was quite necessary to prove my point, I assure you."

"No problem, Spock," Jim mumbled. Bones snorted.

"'No problem' my ass," he muttered under his breath.

"In addition, should an emergency occur, Starfleet will need Jim readily available and nearby. He cannot be readily available and nearby if he is on your colony," Spock continued.

"If not one entire year with me then, perhaps half of the year," Khan said, his voice confident and sure and icy. It was the same tone he used every single time he spoke to Spock. "I propose that he spend the first half of the year with you and the remaining half with me. Not only would it be fair, but it would also minimize any immediate issues such as emergency meetings and have him readily available. Although, either way, he would be able to return at any given moment."

"Half of the year with us and half with you would not work either, I am afraid. As I recall, most of the important human holidays are in the latter part of the year. Should we go with your new proposal, that would ensure that Jim would spend holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas with you," Spock answered him. The entire atmosphere in the mess hall was getting colder and colder and Jim thought it was probably time for him and Bones to go somewhere else, even though the doctor was still eating.

"As Thanksgiving and Christmas are considered family holidays, it would not be ideal for Jim to spend that time away from the people he considers his family," Spock added, raising both eyebrows at the super human. "Would you of all people not agree, Mister Singh?"

Khan barely reacted. Had Jim not known him as well as he did, he wouldn't have even noticed the tension that suddenly wracked his body and the tightened of his fist that rested on his thighs. Family had always and would always be touchy subject for Khan. Everyone on the starship knew that; Scotty knew that, Chekov knew that, Sulu knew that, Uhura knew that, Bones knew that, and Spock definitely knew that. Anyone who tried to use that against him always left with a bloody nose…and a few broken ribs…and the last time a broken arm.

"Of course Jim would be allowed to spend time with his family. I would allow all of you on our colony and I would allow him to go with you should he so desire," Khan said, his voice colder than ice and his eyes flashing with anger. "As I recall, Jim often prefers to go out while he's off duty, especially with McCoy and the rest of your roundup gang."

He cast a look at Jim and Bones. Jim didn't say anything, but Bones, who was already annoyed and irritated, glared at the super human.

"Now, wait just a minute," Bones growled. "I don't appreciate you talking about us like we're not here and calling us a roundup gang. Besides, in case you morons haven't realized, Jim is right here and has listened to every single word you've said. Why don't you ask him what he wants to do, hm?"

Both Spock and Khan turned and looked at Bones, who was still fuming. Years of working with Spock and putting up with his…well, everything had made Bones feel as though he were working with another Jim, something that the doctor had told the Captain himself. Although, he had also said, Spock was far more cooperative and punctual for his check-ups. However, it took Bones a little while to get used to Khan, as it had for the rest of the crew. Even after years of working and living together on the same ship, Bones still didn't trust Khan completely. But just as with Jim and Spock, Bones didn't put up with Khan's crap either. The only times they ever really butted heads was when Jim and his welfare came into question, like right now.

As Jim's best friend, and after having known him for longer than anyone else on the ship, Bones felt very protective of the blonde and worried almost obsessively over him. His numerous reactions, most of which boarded along paranoia, were all because he hated seeing Jim get injured and being in pain. While Bones would admit willingly that Jim was often the cause behind almost all of his injuries, that didn't mean that Bones worried any less. But he knew that Jim was a big boy who could take care of himself and who would always go after whatever he wanted. That was part of the main reason why Bones was more accepting of Khan than most people. If Jim wanted Khan, he would go after him and no one, not even Bones, would be able to convince him otherwise. And that was something that Spock needed to learn. After five years of trying to drill it into the Vulcan's head, Spock still didn't seem to get it, and if he did, then he hasn't accepted it yet.

"What? You two are lookin' as though you've just noticed Jim and I are here," Bones said. He rolled his eyes and turned to Jim. "Haven't you figured out by now how to stop 'em or something?"

"I've tried, Bones," Jim told him, sounding drained and tired. "Nothing's worked."

"Jim?" Khan spoke first, keeping his eyes on the blonde's and giving him his full attention.

"Yeah, Khan?" Jim asked. Seriously, this argument between his boyfriend and his First Officer was not funny at all. Total buzz kill.

"What is it that you want?" Khan asked him. Well, he hadn't honestly expected that, not when Alpha Male One and Alpha Male Two were too busy arguing over their joint custody agreement. Sitting up, he looked at both Khan and Spock, who were staring at him expectedly. Bones merely rolled his eyes and finished his meal, mumbling something under his breath about 'green blooded hobgoblins' and 'Superman'.

"Well Khan, I planned on spending my retirement with you, as you already know," Jim said. His words made Khan swell with pride and superiority. "But until then, I figured that I'd spend my time with you whenever I can. From what I've been informed, you're allowed to travel between the colony and Earth and, technically, you'd still be a member of the crew, so you could come with us on missions, right?"

"You would be correct," Khan said.

"Captain, you could not mean to have Khan assist us while he is also building a life for him and his people on his colony as well. He would not leave his people to assist us," Spock injected.

"Even after all this time, you still think I wouldn't come to aid my mate in his time of need?" Khan seethed, his eyes narrowed dangerously.

"I am merely suggesting that you could compromise yourself, which could possibly result in doing something that would force Starfleet to look upon you less favorably," Spock replied, his own voice tight and cool.

"Unlike you, Mister Spock, I do not allow my emotions to have free reign over me and what I do. I use them to enhance everything that I need to accomplish my goals," Khan retorted.

"Okay, okay. Enough," Jim said. Immediately they stopped and Bones shook his head.

"As I was saying, since you're allowed to travel to Earth as well as accompany us on missions, I don't see why we can't make this work out between us," Jim told Khan, giving him a small, tired smile.

"I had no intentions of letting you go, Jim," Khan stated simply, his deep voice causing Jim to shiver and shift in his chair.

"Good, because I wasn't planning on letting you go either," Jim replied. "Anyway, does it really matter if we're on Earth or at the colony so long as we're together? And I'm sure we can work out the holidays. This year or whatever, you and your crew can come down to Earth or me and my crew can go to the colony. It doesn't matter to me, really, so long as I get to see you."

"If that is what you desire," Khan said, his body relaxing. Jim wasn't fooled though. He knew from person experience that Khan was always ready to attack and defend at any given moment.

"It is," Jim said simply.

"Jim, are you sure?" Spock asked him. Jim appreciated his concern, really he did, but Spock needed to stop picking fights with Khan on every single thing.

"I'm positive," Jim told him. Spock turned back to Khan and eyed him coolly. Or rather, as coolly as a Vulcan could eye a super human. The sentiment, of course, was returned in equal measure by Khan.

"Then I suppose that we have reached an agreement at long last, Mister Singh," Spock stated.

"It would appear so, Commander," Khan replied.

"Oh, goody. Why don't we all just hold hands and sing Kumbaya," Bones grumbled as he got up from his chair.

Jim couldn't help but grin at his best friend's words. Some things, thankfully, never changed.