Welcome to this Modern Au Oneshot about Ed being relatable while dealing with obnoxious people. Enjoy!

Edward swore to the god he didn't believe in as he stopped himself from passing out on his desk. Mr. Mustang's voice was putting him to sleep. He wished he had some gum, or a pen to click to keep him awake at least. But no! Mustang was lame ass teacher who didn't allow that stuff, claiming it was 'not proper for a learning environment' to chew gum. Though Ed knew that was complete bullshit, Mr. Hughes let them do that in his class, he even let them eat and listen to music in there.

The fifteen year old considered taking a half hour long bathroom break before returning to class, but then Mustang would probably tell his damn mom on him. The chemistry teacher had given up on handing out detentions with him and tended to go right to his weak spot, his mom.

Ed scribbled messy, tired notes with doodles lining the margins as he subconsciously tuned out the teacher's voice. All the guy ever did was go on and on about the same damn things, it all sounded the same and it gave him a massive headache. Mustang didn't know how to teach, he'd take a point and kick it to death.

Ed wondered if he could figure out a way to doze off with his eyes open when something barrelled into him with the force of a bull. Ed snapped out of his haze as his headache grew worse. He wrinkled his nose and furrowed his brows at the one who had disturbed his internal complaining.

"Ling! What the hell did you do that for!?" Ed shoved Ling off of him, the Xingese boy only offering a smirk.

"Awe! Come on Ed! Be nicer! We are partners for the next group project anyhow!"

Ed shook his head and sat up, fixing his braid, "What group project?"

"The one I just thoroughly explained to you Mr. Elric." Edward's face somehow got even more annoyed as the teacher hovered over him, "Were you not paying attention again, or did my words fly right over your short stature?"

"Not that fucking short." Ed gritted his teeth as he stood himself up.

Mustang smirked, "Well, since you are the smallest group, I guess you can join up with the other two people without a group. Greed, Envy. You are in a group with Ed and Ling."

Greed let out a loud sigh as he looked up from his phone. He tapped Envy on the shoulder, causing them to take out their headphones as he motioned for them to follow. Both of them arrived with a frown.

"Fine." Ed groaned, "What's this damn project about anyways?"

Mustang shrugged, "I can't really remember, I hope at least one of your group members was listening then." He walked back to his desk and began typing on his computer with that same smirk on his face.

Now, Ed wasn't a bad student, not at all. He just couldn't stand the subjects when they were taught in the most boring ways imaginable. His reading comprehension skills were off the charts, and he really loved learning the material if he found a way to be passionate about it. He actually had enjoyed Chemistry before that year, he even had the whole periodic table memorized, but Mustang made the class so unbearable he couldn't stand it.

"Don't worry Edward!" Ling's words sliced like his thoughts like a dull knife, slowly and annoyingly, "I was paying attention! We have to make an informational video about the periodic table and how it works! It requires for everyone to speak in the video! It has to have all the facts presented in the notes, and it has to be presented in an entertaining way!"

Ed groaned and put a hand to his temples, "What the fuck…"

After that fateful moment, the group project from hell had officially begun.

Ed found himself extremely jealous of Al's group who had met across the street at Winry's house. He could imagine Al, Winry, Paninya, and Lan Fan all gathered around her kitchen table, with their script ready and notes in order, setting up the camera already.

Yet here he was, munching on slightly overcooked pizza rolls, trying to get some into his stomach before Ling ate them all. They had gone through five bags already, and Ling's appetite was relentless.

Ling looked up to the top bunk of Ed's bed, "Hey Greg! You gonna have any?"

His twin brother Greed, shot him a glare from the top of the room as he paused in his typing, "Don't fucking call me that Ling! And no, I'm still full from the first batch."

Envy let out a little cackle, "Dear god! Greg?!"

"Don't go calling me that, I respect your preferred name, you respect mine. We ain't so different ya know, you're assigned gender at birth sucked ass, and my assigned name at birth sucked ass." The androgynous person shrugged, settling back down into their comfy position against Ed's bean bag chair.

The only consistent thing about their work so far was Ling's constant crunching on various snacks from the Elric's pantry.

Ed so far had been the only one doing any damn work, he'd been doing all the research, and planning for the script.

Yet Greed decided to stick his nose in it whenever possible, Ed seethed every time he opened his damned mouth, "Listen, you may be the one doing the work, but I'm the leader around here so I get to make the big decisions. You are more just the subordinate that carries my ideas out."

Ed grit his teeth, "I'm sorry Greed, but who the hell died and said you were in charge?"

"Nobody, I've always been in charge."

Ed bit his lip as he was reaching his limit as he exhaled roughly, "Oh really? Always? Remember that time I shoved you off the stage at kindergarten graduation? Were you in charge then?! Huh Greed?!"

The former rolled his eyes as his twin laughed, "Haha! I remember that!"

"Oh! Oh! I don't! I moved here in middle school! Tell me about it!" Envy grinned and leaned closer to Ling.

"Well it started whe-"

"Don't you dare finish that fucking story Ling, or I'll-"

"Or you'll what Greg?"

A groan, "I hate you."

A chuckle, "Awe! I love you too!"

Greed had eventually shut Ling up and gotten Envy to stop pestering him about it, and Edward was very close to throwing himself out a window. It was past dark now and they were all hungry for dinner, but Ed couldn't focus, Greed only wanted to focus on specific things, Envy didn't want to focus at all, and Ling could only focus on food.

Footsteps thumped up the stairs hurriedly as Al threw open the door to his room, "Brother, have you seen my-..." he looked around at the occupants of the room, "What are they still doing here?"

Ed sighed, "Destroying my mental health, what do you need?"

Al frowned at him with concern, which worried Ed, "Brother… you did see the forecast, right?" It was then that Ed had realized what Al was wearing, a thick winter coat, warm sweatpants, and a hat in his hands, his clothes were all wet.

Edward jumped up for the first time in hours and ripped open his curtains to reveal over a foot of snow on the ground. "Oh FUCK!" Ed yelled, kicking a pillow across the room.

"It's a blizzard, I decided to stay a bit longer after my group had finished their project but I didn't realize how fast the snow was piling up, I'm glad I was able to get home cause I was only across the street."

"Wait you finished?! How!?" Ed gaped.

"It was easy? We just stayed on task and got it done pretty quickly-but I sorta need my inhaler, you now how my lungs get in cold weather-"

"Oh! Shit! Sorry Al," He snatched the inhaler off his desk and handed it to Al, "Here you go, you left it here a couple days ago."

"Thanks brother, but you should probably have Ling and Envy call their parents so they know they are gonna stay the night."

Ed looked at the irritated Envy and Greed and sighed, "Well I guess this Project from Hell just Turned into the Sleepover from Hell…"

Ling leaped up at the idea, "Woohoo! I'll meet you guys in the den!" he whipped out his phone and dialed a number quick as a rabbit, "Hey mom! I'm staying over tonight." the muffled phone voice sounded questioning, "Yea! Greg too!"

Greed groaned as he followed his brother downstairs, Envy in tow as well. Ed was very tempted to stay up in his room until, "Edward! Bring down the stuff! You can't do this project without us can you!?"

At Ling's voice, Ed found himself standing up, gathering all the notebooks, his textbook, and his laptop before heading downstairs himself.

He found Ling seated at the table in his usual spot, Greed sitting as far away as possible from Ling, and Envy between them. He reluctantly took his own seat as his mother passed by, carrying some potted plants, presumably from outside to be safe from the storm.

"Hey mom number two, what's for dinner?" Ling asked, leaning back in his chair.

"I'm thinking some burgers from the griddle, and some fries on the side, and since there's so many guests, maybe some cookies and hot cocoa for desert."

"That sounds wonderful! I can't wait!" he replied with a grin as Ed scribbled on his notes trying to figure out how the hell to translate the words into a script. Not just any script either, an entertaining one.

"I fucking hate this." he tiredly exhaled, blinking far too heavy eyelids.

"What's the matter Ed?" Ling asked, leaning towards him.

"How the hell am I supposed to make this information entertaining?!"

Ling tapped his chin in thought, "Hm, well I have an idea!"

Ed perked up, "Really?!" happy to hear any possible helpful input from any group member.

"Yea!" Ling grinned, "So picture this…" Ling became expressive with his hands, "Two guys walk into a restaurant, one says, 'I would like H2O,' the other says, 'I would like H2O too.' Then the second guy DIES. The end."

Nobody at the table knew it was possible for facial expressions to change as fast as Ed's did. "Ling…" Edward spat, his hand to his temples, "That was a JOKE Mustang made last fucking week."

He could hear the muffled voice of his mother call, "Language!" from the other room.

To which he called back with, "English!"

Ling tapped his chin for a few minutes, "You know what? That actually makes sense, I knew I wasn't that creative…"

It was extremely tempting for Ed to begin smacking his head against the table to numb his pain.

"SLEEPOVER TIME!" Ling fell into a bean bag chair, having returned from the kitchen with new snacks. Dinner had come and gone and they had retired to the den downstairs, though Ed was hard at work, doing his best to figure out a script.

Ling's munching grew louder as the Xingese boy peeked over Ed's shoulder, "Oh! Come on! I don't wanna play Carbon!" he whined, "Give that to Greg."

Ed gritted his teeth and swatted Ling away, "Well too bad, cause you're gonna! Whether you like it or not."

Ling pouted and he shoved another handful of Funions into his mouth.

He walked back over to his spot crowded with snacks as he continued to munch, looking to Envy.

They were well entertained as they had hooked up their phone to the Elric's Apple TV, and were now using airplay to blast memes. Ling smiled and laughed at the vines and videos.

"Where do you find this stuff Envy?" He asked.

Envy grinned, "I'm what you'd call… a meme enthusiast." they shrugged as Ling lit up.

"SAME PAL!" the two let out a hearty laugh. Meanwhile Ed glared at his work as if it burnt down his house again, soiled his crops, and cut off his hair with a pair of safety scissors.

Ling grinned as a practically evil idea entered his head, he picked up the camera he'd brought, and began to film.

Ed continued to write and delete different parts of the script as the night went on, Greed stayed on his phone, Envy continued to play memes in high definition, and Ling proceeded to laugh at the memes.

At some point though, Ling seemed to grow bored of that. Though they should have really seen it coming, Ling eventually gets bored of everything, but eating. The whole night Ling had been suggesting sleepover activities such as Twister, or Truth or Dare, and even Giant Jenga. Ling had left it at Ed's house once and never took back home. The games usually ended with an injury to someone's head due to big wood blocks toppling over top of them.

Oh Ed could only dream to have that kind of luck.

However he got the next best thing at least. As his nearly dead eyes gazed emptily at the screen, a rough smack to the back of his head was delivered.

"Haha! You lose Edward!" Ed gave a confused look of disgust to Ling who was standing above him with a couch pillow.

"Ling!? WHAT THE HELL!?"

"Pillow fight!"

"Ling. NO."

"Ling. YES."

The time went from eight pm to one am far too quickly as Envy decided they wanted to watch classic movies, which Ling did not object to. They scrolled through Netflix and argued a bit until they settled on Sharknado, one of the ultimate meme movies, and agreed to watch the whole trilogy before sleep happened.

Ed was somehow having even more troubling focusing, as he heard Greed yell at his twin brother for smacking him with another pillow while shouting his obnoxious war cry. The screams of the 'horror movie' didn't help either. He decided enough was enough.

He stood up and walked in front of the television, blocking Ling and Envy's view and throwing the remote at Greed to get his attention.

"Listen up! I'm trying to get our damn project script done so we can fucking pass! You aren't being of any help whatsoever and I think you need to do your parts!"

Greed looked mock offended, "Hey! I'm the leader here."

Ed seethed at Greed but was interrupted before he could speak, "I would do something if I understood any of the notes…" Envy shrugged.

Ed opened his mouth to say something but, "I'm the camera guy. And the moral support guy, we need more spirit! How about some group bonding activities?"

Ed looked as if he could randomly combust at any moment. "I'M SO FUCKING DONE WITH YOU AND ALL OF THIS! I HATE YOU AND THIS DAMN PROJECT!" Ed slammed his laptop closed and stomped up the stairs.

It was silent for a moment before Greed commented, "Yeesh, no need to get so pissy." Envy only shrugged as Ling lightly trailed after Ed.

"Don't worry I'll encourage him!"

Envy and Greed turned back to their activities and tried their best to ignore the anguished screams of Edward that were sure to come up soon.

"Hey Ed-"

"Leave me the FUCK alone Ling. I'm too tired to deal with you."

Ling frowned, "Listen Ed, I came up here to possibly offer you some help, even though I am doing the filming and video editing, I suppose I can help with the script too."

Ed's head was wedged in between his knees, deep breaths were audible. "You are really gonna help?"

Ling grinned, "I may be a useless ass sometimes, but I can help with the entertainment value." he looked over the script, "And holy hell the length too, Ed this is way too long."

Ed huffed, "Well I want it to be good enough."

Ling cracked his knuckles, "Well I can make it even better…"

By the time morning came, Ed found himself waking up on his living room couch with his best friend snuggled up to him. He opened the computer on the coffee table to find a shorter, more manageable script to his relief. He yawned as he slid out of Lings grip and walked downstairs, finding Greg fast asleep on the couch, and Envy asleep, snoozing in a chair.

His stomach grumbled as he decided to make himself some breakfast before everyone else woke up and began to drive him up the wall again.

He settled on a couple toaster strudels that took way too long to pop before he cut open the icing packet and poured the contents all over the breakfast pastries.

He took a savory bite out of one and hummed tiredly, relishing in the calm silence that the house was in, until-

"Hey! Why don't you share Edward?"

Ed glanced up at Ling, his mouth full, "You know where they are, make your own damn food."

Ling shrugged with a grin as he went to the freezer and grabbed twice as many packets as necessary. As he waited for the toaster to pop, he sat beside Ed in excitement, "It's recording day!"

Ed sighed, "Yea, let's hope we can get Greed to cooperate."

"If he doesn't, I'll figure something out." Ling shrugged, eating icing straight out of the packet as incorrectly as possible.

Ed took the time left until Ling's toaster strudels popped to mentally prepare himself for the bullshit that lied ahead.

Once the toaster popped, it was go time. Greed and Envy were awoken, well Envy was woken at least. Greed just kinda opened one eye, made direct eye contact with Ed, then turned around and pretended he'd never been awake.

The recording didn't go easy as Ed had expected, Envy couldn't get their lines out correctly, Ling was far too ecstatic, and Greed wasn't there at all.

Though Greed had finally joined them around noon when it was a bit too late to reshoot the scenes where some people had to play more than one element. Greed made one appearance in the video, saying his few brief lines in a monotone voice.

By two in the afternoon, Edward happily shoved everyone out of his house, relieved that it was finally over…

He sighed as he flopped onto his bed, tossing an empty snack bag to the other side of his room. At least Ling would be editing it.

No more pain from the damn project.

The next morning Ed walked drowsily into his Chemistry classroom, taking a seat at his desk and immediately placing his head comfortably in his arms.

It was a double block and his group's project had been under Greed's last name which began with a 'Y', so they were going last.

As expected, Al's group had a wonderful video with some funny jokes and nice editing which had nice reception from the class and Mr. Mustang.

Ed's fingers twitched anxiously as he asked for the Yao Group's Video, and Ling handed him the flashdrive. Ling bounced over and sat next to Ed instead of in his own seat with a grin.

Ed knew that was no normal grin, the pit of anxiety in his stomach grew, "What did you do?" he uttered.

Ling only held his smile as he replied, "I edited the film I got yesterday, I'm sure we'll get a good grade on the entertaining part."

Edward turned away and the words 'OH GOD' flashed through his mind as the video began.

The camera shook a bit as Ed appeared on screen, "Hi I'm Edward."

The camera cut to Envy, "I'm Envy." Munching was heard audibly in the background.

The camera cut to Ling, leaping in the air as he exclaimed, "I'm Ling Yao!" and lastly a still image of Greed cashed out on the couch appeared afterward. Plain times new roman was above his head with the text "gReed"

The video clipped a bit in the audio as Ling jumped into view, "I'm Hydrogen!"

"I'm Hyd-Carbon?" Ed corrected side glancing Ling a quiet "that wasn't your line" was heard. Ling shrugged as Envy came into view.

"And I'm…" it was silent as they seemed to blank, "Sulfur!"

Ed sighed as the clip cut off and Ling appeared on screen, "And I'm Oxygen! The four of us are non metals!" The next shot was a lot darker and appeared to be Ling smacking an aggravated person over the head with a pillow.

The lighting got brighter again as it returned to the room the rest of the shots had been taken in. Edward appeared, "Though we are the same type of elements, that doesn't mean we are in the same family though."

Envy and Ling walked into the shot and said, "Nah!" Ling animatedly waving his finger with his words.

The shot cut to Envy who seemed to be looking away from the camera, "Families are the verto-vertical columns on the Periodic Table." they leaned closer to the camera and squinted, "There are several different families."

Edward appeared in the next one, "Some of these families include the IA family, made up of alkali metals, or the VIIA family, composed of halogens."

The dark room from before appeared back on screen, the ominous crunching from before as well, zooming in on Ed he was uttering, " No, no, no." to himself as he flipped through pages as Ling's voice cut over him.

"Denial."

It cut to Ed ripping up old notes and tossing them away muttering about, "Not being able to read that shit." Ling's voice, once again…

"Anger."

Ed was shown once again, this time trying to gather up the notes in an attempt read them.

"Bargaining."

Edward was then shown looking dead inside, gazing emptily out the window at the snowstorm.

"Depression." Ling's voice echoed ominously once again.

The video suddenly ended up in the original recording room, Ling in the shot. Edwards mother was vacuuming in the background, "The horizontal rows are called periods." The scene suddenly clipped to Ed looking to the floor in defeat while Sharknado played in the background.

"Acceptance."

Suddenly Greed was on the camera saying a hurried line, "Periods don't have much in common other than being in order of atomic numbe-"

The video then focused on a large shot of the room where Edward was seen before, the camera zoomed in on Envy and Greed, "Two people walk into a restaurant, one says, 'I would like H2O,' the other says, 'I would like H2O too.'" A picture of Greed asleep appeared on screen, Ling's voice overhead, "Oh my god he's dead!"

The video cut to black as credits began to roll.

'Script by Edward and Ling'

'Video Editing and Creative Ideas by Ling'

'Greed and Envy were there too, we watched Sharknado and memes'

THE VIDEO FINALLY ENDED.

Ed was not a happy camper as the lights came back on. The class was laughing and confused the whole time and he wasn't sure which was worse. He was ready to die from embarrassment when The teacher's voice split into his ears.

"Well, your group managed to meet the minimum of all the requirements so… a C plus."

Ling leaped up, "Hell yea!"

The bell rang and people filtered out of the room, talking about the video they had just seen.

Once out of the room, Ed turned to the three people behind him, "I never want to see any of you ever again, never appear within my line of sight again."

Greed shrugged, "That works for me."

"Sure, whatever." Envy verbally rolled their eyes.

Ling opened his mouth to say something but never got the chance to, "ESPECIALLY YOU! YOU ARE THE WORST LING YAO! STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" Edward proceeded to turn around and walk down the hall.

Ling shot him a grin from behind as he called, "Okay Ed! I'll see you tonight!"

Ed kicked the hallway door open and walked away with a small aggravated yell. Ling turned to his brother, "You wanna join us tonight? Ed's dad makes really good chicken stir fry!"

Greed rolled his eyes, "I'll pass."

Thanks For Reading! I'd really appreciate any feedback you'd like to give! I hope you enjoyed!