The story is set soon after 5x24. The first chapter is Blair's PoV. I intend to write the story with Blair's PoV, but I may insert a chapter or two from Dan's PoV as well.
Paris, June 2012
Blair Waldorf is sitting quietly in the middle of the bed in a hotel suit in Paris. She is thinking about her life choices and wondering if she is as smart as she believes she is, because she is lost and cannot seem to find her way around. Last month when she made that promise to Chuck Bass, the love of her life, it all seemed so effortless. It was easy to say that she was all in, but with every passing day, it was getting more difficult to live up to that promise.
It is not like that she is not trying, she is doing everything she can to help Chuck. She has liquidated half her trust fund to help Chuck with raising liquid cash through gambling to start up the fund necessary to take back the Bass empire, she even tolerated his slime ball of an uncle, she followed him across the globe, Paris, London, Rome, Abu Dhabi and Hong Kong in past one month, she is saying and doing all the right things but it is just not bringing her any joy. After the first week even Chuck, who was waiting for the other shoe to drop, seemed a bit relaxed around her – as if he knew that this time around she is here and she is here for good – but after that first week, something changed within Blair, she was doing everything right but she felt as if she is waiting for something to fail.
After three weeks of traveling, numerous meetings and maneuverings with financiers, Chuck was finally able to secure two major sources of finance in Abu Dhabi. He came back to hotel, ecstatic over his victory and he wanted to celebrate. He popped open a bottle of champagne and kissed Blair. It was the first time since she returned to him that he showed any interest in her except for some perfunctory pecks or chaste kisses which were for the benefits of others. Instead of being happy or excited Blair, who thought that she was waiting patiently for Chuck to be ready to be intimate with her, panicked. She broke off the kiss and started hyper ventilating, something she never did in her entire life. Proper ladies like Blair Waldorf do not hyper ventilate. Chuck, though a little awkward, just gave her a look and left saying that she perhaps needs more time to come to terms with them being together again. She was left wondering why she needed more time now when she never needed it before.
While Chuck was out she pondered over her strange reaction to Chuck's kisses. Come on, this is Chuck Bass, the guy she lost her virginity to. She cheated on Nate with Chuck, She cheated on Louis – her fiancé – with Chuck, and they played all those crazy power games and had sex in the strangest places across Upper East Side. Heck, she is no prude in general and even less so when it comes to Chuck Bass but something was different this time.
It happened again a week later. Chuck and Blair had returned to Paris and Paris in June is everything one can dream of. The weather was perfect, Chuck was finally in a good place, Blair was in her most favourite city in the world they tried to resume their love making. This time Blair did not panic but she froze – like a solid lump of ice. This time Chuck was less accommodating and made a snide remark about her losing her touch. Their third attempt at sex was followed a couple of days later. It was Blair who initiated it this time but she burst into tears 90 seconds into the foreplay. She really thought she was ready for Chuck's love making but apparently she is not. Sex was the easiest thing with Chuck, now it has become almost impossible.
Chuck was NOT happy and he came near her, cupped her face in his hands and looked at her, really looked at her. He then laughed and said, "I know it can't be me because I have been with you before and I know what kind of effect I have on you. It must be your slumming it out in Brooklyn that is responsible for this below par performance."
He looked at her for a couple of more minutes and left.
Blair Waldorf, who always had a witty rejoinder for everything just sat quietly. If truth be told, she has been kinda quiet since she left Manhattan a month back.
It was the first time in a month that she allowed herself to think about the man she left behind in Brooklyn. It was the first time she said his name – Dan – out loud and it felt strange; very alien yet very familiar. It was then it hit her why getting back with Chuck was so easy in the past. It was because she never knew a Dan Humphrey. She never knew that there could be life beyond Chuck Bass. She never knew that a man could love a woman as selflessly and as simply as Dan had loved her.
It was here, sitting in the middle of a bed with rumpled silken sheets in a luxury hotel suit that Chuck rented, that Blair Waldorf admitted to herself that she cannot give herself completely to Chuck Bass because she loves Dan Humphrey. She may have made a conscious decision to go all in for Chuck but her heart desired one certain Muppet haired Dan Humphrey. It is so strange that when she had Dan all to herself, she never realized how deep her feelings were for the man. She did not even realize it when she left him for Chuck, it took her inability to respond to Chuck for her to to realize the true depth of her feelings for Dan.
'Oh Dan, what have I done!" She moaned.
She then made a decision, packed her bags and called her father.
"Daddy, can I hide out in your home for a few days?" asks Blair.
.
A/N: I know, I know there was no Dair in this chapter but rest assured, there will be plenty of Dair in the next chapters.