He doesn't remember when her first realized he loved her. It came slow, like the return of spring—slow and sneaky and suddenly there as if there had never been a time when warmth, sunshine, cherry blossoms, her was not with him. There was never a start, just a slow growing passion that continued with her constantly on his mind (there, always there).
A shadow of short brown hair and dimples and a promise of ohana.
But there's a deep pain in his chest—a haunting of a promise broken, of an apology long forgiven, but still not forgotten. And there is guilt in his heart for a time he left her without his words, visits, his guidance. He was supposed to be there, he promised to be there, but he wasn't. And he can't quite recall why not.
And he's in a small interrogation room (dark, so dark) and everything has come crashing down, and he's yelling out at her, panic escaping his mouth in a form of anger, but she's built walls around her heart too high for him to scale, and she stares expressionlessly back at him. There's a glint in her eye, a jut in her jaw, but her eyes glance down, and away from him. And he is suddenly terrified that she is afraid of him.
And now there's Lori—who slapped the cuffs on her because he couldn't, couldn't, and she is just blonde hair, and small smiles, and a dangerous temptation, but there is a slender brunette who keeps him from giving her what she wants.
North Korea had been just a mistake—he had been too caught up in her to realize the deception. Jenna mentions family and ohana and he remembers her and what he didn't do so he promises to go (go and save the world). But he is captured and tortured and beaten, and in a way, it feels like punishment for what he did to her.
He is back (home) now, nothing but a sling on his left arm and the absence of Jenna, (Danny's voice: Steve, Steve, where is Steve) and the reminder of the jungle accident. Catherine is still here, but just a blur in the background, a reminder of days long gone, and though he still goes with her, his mind is often found elsewhere, in a place where he has all the answers.
But this work is intense, distracting, to some terrifying (Danny, and Little Grace), and it keeps his mind away from things forbidden but so desired.
They were a team, a team, but not he wants more than that, and doesnt have any of it. He doesn't remember when he began to love her. But he thinks he always will.