Title: The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny: SSBB Style
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters used in this songfic. I do not own the song, either.
Summary: It all started with Bowser attacking Peach's castle. Again. Song: The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny by Lemon Demon. Rated T for language and violence. WARNING: TOTAL CRACKFIC.
Old Godzilla was hoppin' around
Tokyo City like a big playground
When suddenly Batman burst from the shade
And hit Godzilla with a bat grenade
"Bwahahahaha!!" Bowser roared gleefully, spewing more flames at the fleeing Toads in Peach's castle. "I always get a good laugh out of hearing those little pipsqueaks' screams!" But his joy was cut short as a burning sensation suddenly spread throughout his leg. Roaring in pain, he turned to see Meta Knight stepping out of the shadows, holding a Bob-omb.
Godzilla got pissed and began to attack
But didn't expect to be blocked by Shaq
Who proceeded to open up a can of Shaq-Fu
When Aaron Carter came out of the blue
"Hey! What the hell was that for!?" Bowser snapped angrily, the fire beginning to fill his mouth again. But before he could attack, Donkey Kong appeared from behind him and proceeded to pound Bowser's skull in. Meta Knight watched from the sidelines, wondering how on Earth Donkey Kong had gotten in. He didn't have much time to wonder though, as he was forced to dodge as Wario made his grand entrance on his motorcycle.
He started beating up Shaquille o' Neil
Then they both got flattened by the Batmobile
But before he could make it back to the Batcave
Abraham Lincoln popped out of his grave
Then, for no reason at all, Wario jumped off his motorcycle and started beating up Donkey Kong, who had stopped beating up Bowser once the garlic-loving goon had arrived.
"Wahahahaha!! Take this! And this! And this! And…"
SPLUT.
Nothing more was heard from Wario or Donkey Kong as Meta Knight rode off on Wario's motorcycle, leaving the two with tire tracks on their bodies. I must get back to the Halberd, thought Meta Knight as he sped along the corridor, his cape flying in the wind. But before he could reach the castle door, the ground in front of him opened up, causing him to brake angrily and fall off the motorcycle. Out of the hole jumped Fox McCloud, leader of team Star Fox.
He took an AK-47 out from under his hat
And blew Batman away with a rata-tat-tat
But he ran out of bullets and he ran away
Because Optimus Prime came to save the day
Without so much as a hello, Fox whipped out his laser blaster from his belt and fired it twice. Both blasts struck Meta Knight, once in the wing, once in the foot, causing him to collapse on the ground. But when Fox tried to fire the finishing shot, all he got was a click. He tried several more times before checking the energy gauge. It read empty. Fox almost immediately felt his heart drop into his stomach as more footsteps sounded from behind him. He fled just in time to avoid a missile coming from a certain Power Suited woman.
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny
Good guys, bad guys and explosions as far as the eye can see
And only one will survive I wonder who it will be
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny
Meanwhile, Link and Yoshi were taking a stroll in the garden when part of the castle wall blew up, sending debris everywhere and the green duo scrambling for cover.
"What the… Is there a war going on in there or what!?" Link yelled in surprise.
"Yoshiiiiiiii!!" Yoshi squeaked, pointing inside. Link blinked the dust and smoke out of his eyes to see what the dinosaur was gesturing to.
"Oh. I'm guessing this is where we jump into the heat of battle for honor and fame?" Yoshi nodded. Link sighed and slapped a hand to his forehead. "I don't get paid nearly enough for this."
Godzilla took a bite out of Optimus Prime
Like Scruff McGruff took a bite out of crime
Then Shaq came back covered in a tire track
But Jackie Chan jumped out and landed on his back
Back in the castle, Bowser was once again rampaging through the halls when he ran into Samus. Eyeing the cannon that made up part of the right arm of her Power Suit, he lunged. Caught by surprise, Samus didn't react until it was too late and Bowser was in front of her, his mighty jaws clamped over her weapon. Shocked, she yanked it out of his mouth, breaking off part of it. As Bowser chewed up what part he had managed to break off, Donkey Kong, motorcycle tire tracks and all, came charging into the room. Suddenly, Yoshi jumped up and landed on Donkey Kong's back, not intending to move very soon.
And Batman was injured and trying to get steady
When Abraham Lincoln came back with a machete
But suddenly something caught his leg and he tripped
Indiana Jones took him out with his whip
In the midst of all the chaos, Meta Knight was trying to steady himself on his feet when he saw Fox coming back with a beam sword. But before he could get within swinging range, something caught his leg, tripping him up and throwing him face down into the ground. Fox leapt to his feet angrily and turned to see his attacker. Standing proud with his grappling hook in his hand was Link.
Then he saw Godzilla sneaking up from behind
And he reached for his gun which he just couldn't find
'Cause Batman stole it and he shot and he missed
And Jackie Chan deflected it with his fist
Link had himself a bit of a dilemma. Bowser was sneaking up behind him, ready to scorch him, and he couldn't find his bow and arrows. He looked around frantically, trying to see if he could find them. He didn't have to look long; a few yards away, Meta Knight had picked it up and was shooting at Yoshi, who was still holding on to Donkey Kong. Half the time he missed, and the other half Yoshi managed to deflect the arrows. Link groaned; Meta Knight was going to have to pay for the next batch of arrows.
Then he jumped in the air and he did a somersault
While Abraham Lincoln tried to pole vault
Onto Optimus Prime but they collided in the air
Then they both got hit by a Care Bear stare
Yoshi finally decided to detach himself from Donkey Kong's back, launching himself into the air and doing a somersault. Unfortunately, he didn't see Fox, who had grabbed a random pole and was trying to pole vault onto Samus's back (why he needed to pole vault to accomplish this, no one knows). The result was a Fox-Yoshi midair collision, a comical "SPLAT" noise, and a lot of swearing on Fox's part as he fell back to the ground. But as the two tried to regain their bearings, Peach materialized out of nowhere, broke a Smash Ball that just oh so conveniently happened to be there, and pulled off her Final Smash, sending the two into a deep slumber and causing it to rain peaches.
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny
Good guys, bad guys and explosions as far as the eye can see
And only one will survive I wonder who it will be
This is the ultimate showdown…
Back outside, the two Fire Emblem warriors Marth and Ike were taking a walk around the grounds, discussing battle strategies. As with Link and Yoshi, the wall of the castle exploded, sending huge bricks and other crap flying through the air. As the dust cleared, the two peered inside… And found that total chaos now reigned supreme. Link was chasing Meta Knight around, trying to get his bow and arrows back, Yoshi and Fox were asleep, Samus and Donkey Kong seemed to be locked in a fight to the death, and Peach, Bowser, and Wario were nowhere to be found.
"Ooooookaaaayy…" Marth drawled, chuckling nervously. "That was really, really random."
"Yeah, it kinda was. Shall we go get something to eat before we randomly decide to join the fray?" Ike asked, looking first at the bedlam within the castle, then at the blue-haired prince beside him.
"Sure."
Angels sang out in immaculate chorus
Down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris
Who delivered a kick which could shatter bones
Into the crotch of Indiana Jones
Suddenly, the ceiling crumbled, leaving a large hole and forcing several Brawlers to get out of the way as Pit floated gracefully through the gap singing (albeit very off-key) "Halleluiah" at the top of his lungs. As the others stared slack-jawed at the angel before them, a large beam of light shone through the hole in the ceiling. Accompanied by a chorus of "oooh"s and "aaah"s, Solid Snake descended from the heavens above into the battle-ravaged castle.
"Ooooooohhh… Aaaaaaaahhh… Ooooooooohhh… Aaaaaaaaahhh…"
"EEEEEEYAAAAAHH!!" Link suddenly howled out of extreme pain. Surprised, the other Brawlers turned to see that Snake had unleashed a very powerful kick at Link. Unfortunately for Link, that kick had landed right where he least wanted it to land.
Who fell over on the ground, writhing in pain
As Batman changed back into Bruce Wayne
But Chuck saw through his clever disguise
And he crushed Batman's head in between his thighs
All the Smashers looked on, semi-sympathy in their eyes, as Link fell to the ground in pain. Meanwhile, Meta Knight was taking off his mask and such, and very soon looked like a normal Kirby. But as he was trying to sneak away, Snake took one look at him and immediately saw through the identity change. The next thing he did was so gory that I'm not even going to write it down. Let's just say, two minutes later, everyone in the room was splattered with blood.
Then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White
And Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight
And Benito Mussolini and the Blue Meanie
And Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie
Robocop the Terminator Captain Kirk and Darth Vader
Lo Pan Superman every single Power Ranger
Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan
Spock the Rock Doc Ock and Hulk Hogan
All came out of nowhere lightning fast
And they kicked Chuck Norris and his cowboy ass
It was the bloodiest battle that the world ever saw
With civilians looking on in total awe
Snake stood in the middle of the open-mouthed, blood spattered Smashers, seemingly daring them to come closer. But before anybody could make a move, the castle wall crumbled (again), and Marth and Ike charged in, followed by Melee competitor Roy, Mario, Sonic, R.O.B, and a whole myriad of other characters. And the first thing they did (and the scene still haunts the Brawlers who were watching to this very day) was start whaling on Snake, giving the veteran agent no opportunity to fight back. A few minutes later, they had beaten him to a bloody pulp and had started attacking each other and the Brawlers that were already there.
The fight raged on for a century
Many lives were claimed but eventually
The champion stood; the rest saw their better
Mr. Rogers in a bloodstained sweater
The battle went on with renewed intensity as the Smashers scratched, clawed, sliced, punched, bit, kicked, and blasted their way to, hopefully, victory for one of them. But after so many Smashers knocked down, so many items used, so many Final Smashes unleashed, the clear champion stood in the middle of the smoldering wreckage. Bowser weakly lifted his head to see who could have bested him, the Koopa King, in the all-out Brawl of the century. "N-no way," he growled feebly as the smoke cleared to reveal the last man standing. "You mean I was beaten by that twerp?"
Standing in the middle of the devastated battlefield was Toon Link, his cartoonish gait comically contradicting the achievement he had just earned. His catlike eyes darted around the area, trying to detect any other Smashers who might still be standing. Seeing no others who still had the strength to fight, he turned and waltzed off the battlefield, leaving behind the defeated Smashers he had bested. After watching him disappear out of sight, Bowser picked himself off the floor, grumbling obscenities under his breath. "Stupid brat…" he rumbled. He heard a small groan of pain coming from next to him, and he glanced over to see the adult Link still smarting from his precious' encounter with Snake's foot. Suddenly something dawned on the Koopa King, and he wondered how the thought had ever escaped him before. "So that's why he always uses that weird shriek to communicate.
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny
Good guys bad guys and explosions as far as the eye can see
And only one will survive I wonder who it will be
This is the ultimate showdown (This is the ultimate showdown…)
This is the ultimate showdown (This is the ultimate showdown…)
This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny
A/N- Thanks for reading, and please review. It's my first fanfic, so please let me know of things that I could improve. Also, I know it can get very random and seem like I just got lazy at parts. I added those parts in for humor. So please review and critique. Just no flames, or I'll have to send Meta Knight after you in the Halberd. Once again, thanks for reading!