Things Not So Sonny at So Random
Chapter One
"Sonny Munroe was killed today," said Annoying Reporter Guy. "It is a pain to us to have to say this. Mr. Condor is facing murder charges. Not that anyone suspects him himself of committing the murder, just that he hadn't had the sense enough to ensure that his employees were all free from murderous thoughts before hiring them.
"So who is the murderer? Well, the first thing to figure that out is who would have the motive to kill Sonny Munroe. Could it have been Zora Lancaster, a co-star on the TV show So Random, who was tired of Sonny hogging the spotlight? Or how about Marshall Pike, the executive producer of the show, who was angry at Sonny for ruining his chances at being a star himself? Or maybe Nico Harris and Grady Mitchell did it, in order to sell her heart on eBay with a starting bid of $10,000. Of course, that's our next story, so we won't spoil it for now.
"The person with the biggest motive, however, is Chad Dylan Cooper, Sonny's ex-boyfriend, whom she dumped when he ordered a recount at the Tween Choice Awards. Obviously she couldn't bear the thought of losing to the more popular star of Mackenzie Falls, and she kicked him out the door. Too bad for her that he had a murderous streak in his family, and now she is in the grave. Well, not quite yet as her funeral isn't until tomorrow, but she will be in the grave soon enough. It is quite possible that Chad thought that murdering Sonny directly would give him kidney disease or something, so he probably ordered his stunt double, Chaz Milton Looper to do it. One must feel sorry for the poor kid given such a horrific name. No wonder he was willing to kill Sonny Munroe. Parents, you should always give your kids names that won't make them want to be killers one day. Of course, if you're already a parent,, it's probably too late. Oh well.
"Hopefully this mystery will be solved before Sonny is six feet under. Now it's time for a few messages from our sponsors. When we come back, we will answer the following questions: Was the heart Nico and Grady claimed to be Sonny Munroe's and sold on eBay legitimate? Will eBay allow such a transaction to take place? What kind of sicko bids on the heart of dead actresses? And who stole Dakota Condor's bicycle? Or is she lying about that? Like I said, when we come back…"
Chad was rehearsing for an episode when Mr. Condor came in and stopped him.
"I need you to take Sonny's place on So Random," Mr. Condor said.
"But…what about Mackenzie Falls?"Chad asked.
"Kid, let me ask you something. What means more to you, Sonny Munroe or Mackenzie Falls?"
There was a time when Chad would have hesitated, but that time was not now. "Sonny, of course."
"Then do it for her. She would have wanted you to."
Chad didn't know how to respond to that, but he was certain that Mr. Condor didn't care about Sonny at all. Maybe there was an ulterior motive going on. But he couldn't accuse his boss of killing Sonny, not when he suspected Sonny's male co-stars, probably jealous because she had dated him instead of them. Or maybe it was Zac Efron for the same reason…that celebrity tennis tournament could have been set up just so he could meet her and plan to kill her…
The one thing Chad was sure of was that whoever was responsible for Sonny's death would pay, and pay dearly.
Nico and Grady were sitting on the couch in front of a laptop as Tawni approached them.
"What's that you got there?" Tawni asked, peering at the red mass of stuff in Grady's hand.
"This? Oh, it's just something Nico and I are trying to sell on eBay."
"You're joking, right? No one would buy that unless they needed something to make a room uglier. And who would want to do that?"
"Oh, I think someone will buy it all right," Nico said. "It's all in the advertising." He rubbed his hands together.
"Next you'll tell me you can sell rubber duckies by saying that they'll keep one alive when 2012 comes," said Tawni.
"Actually, a guy named Arnold Peterson did just that. People bought rubber ducks by the barrelful," Nico said.
"I thought towels were supposed to keep one alive," Grady said.
"You've been watching too much Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Towels aren't going to do no good when the world ends."
"Well, I for one will be sitting on a towel at the beach on the day the world is supposed to end," Tawni said.
"The day it's going to happen is December 21, 2012. Not a good time for beaches," Nico said.
"I'll go to Atlantis, then, where it's summer during December."
"Uh, Tawni, Atlantis is mythical. I think you mean Australia."
"Oh, no way am I going there. Too many Sheilas."
"Welcome to the show," Zora said to the boy and girl who had just arrived.
"That's the spirit, Zora!" Marshall said, slapping her on the back and causing her to nearly choke. Turning to the boy and girl, he said, "I'm sorry you had to come at such a miserable time for the studio. As you are undoubtedly aware, Sonny Munroe was killed earlier this week. I do wish the others were in better spirits for showing you around, but Zora's just as capable of doing it as they are."
"Well, let's begin the tour," Zora said, grabbing an arm each from the boy and girl and pulling them along. "This is the room where we practice our sketches. Right now there's no decoration but there will be when we're ready to prepare for a show."
"Who's that funny man with the weird headgear?" the boy asked.
"Hmm? Oh, that's Izzy. Go to him whenever you're in trouble and he's sure to get you out of it."
"Really?" the girl said.
"Yeah, for a price," said Zora.
"Money?"
"Nah, not money. Izzy only wants things like integrity and willpower. You know, things that actually have value."
Zora enjoyed seeing the expression the boy and girl exchanged at these words. Scaring people was so much fun!
She grabbed two T-shirts from a rack. "Here, put these on."
The boy and girl took them.
"Hey, the one you gave me has a pink dog thing on it," the boy said.
"That's a Snubbull. Surely you've played Pokemon?"
'Poke-what?'
"Oh gosh. At least tell me you recognize the creature on your shirt?" Zora said, turning to the girl.
"Sure I do," she said, displaying a blue serpent with horns sticking out of its head, gill-like projections all over its body, and a tail fin. "It's…the Loch Ness monster?"
"No, it's a Gyarados! It evolves from Magikarp!"
"Sounds like gibberish to me," the girl said.
"You people sound as if you never heard of video games."
"We're actors," the boy said. "We don't have time for other forms of entertainment than film."
"Well, that will things awkward when we do a video game sketch," Zora said.
"You can give us references to Chokemon and Zario and Furby and Hilda when the time comes," the girl said, patting Zora's shoulder, as if all the stuff she incorrectly named were beneath her.
"Let me show you the prop room," Zora said, shaking the girl's hand off. "There might be a lot of things you don't recognize there, since you two are actors, but that's just a matter of course."
She led them to the room she had indicated, and she felt saddened. A lot of Sonny's stuff was still around. There had not been time to move it yet. She also hoped no one would blame her for the crime. She feared someone might think that she'd want to get back at Sonny for stealing that boy from her, that mini-Chad whom she couldn't believe she had ever liked. But that was ridiculous; she could never kill anybody.
Grant Mitchell stared at the face of the girl on his dartboard. "Yesss, dear, you did everything in your power to turn me off. But you forgot one thing. I always get what I want in the end. And if what I want is Sonny Munroe, I will have Sonny Munroe."