'I have won, so why do I feel so bad?'
By,
Inu's Hanyo
Chapter 1 'She is me'
"Kikyo. . I love you."
I've only heard those words in my false dreams, but now, I hear them aloud. Coming from the lips of the one man in this reached world I love. He tells me this. Taking my pale and chalky hands in his warm larger ones. He looks straight into face, his molten gold eyes burning into mine. I know he means what he says. I need no further proof. He loves me, even after I have once left this world. He loves me for me.
I give him oath in return, trying desperately to tell him just how much he means to me. But not finding the words. He touches my face with the back of his clawed hand, whispering my name. as he leans in to kiss my cheek. . . something catches me eye.
A girl, younger than myself, hiding in the bushes. Tears running down her childlike cheeks and into her white blouse. I know who it is. I know the face, for it is my own. She is me. she is who I can never be. She is alive, born from her mother and brought to this time through the sacred well. She is beautiful, a mere 15 in age. She is pure, unscathed, protected and loved. By all those who know her, loved by all, including the man in front of me. I look back into his golden eyes, he searches for an answer to my saddened expression.
I know what ive done to be wrong, but I love this man, with all my being. And yet I know, as does she. The girl who is better than I, in every way shape and form, she is better. She is what ive always wanted. With her face like silk and her hair as black as night with no light. true, she resembles me, but she is more.
It has always been there, though she may not have known. His feelings for her. It was me against this angel. Me against something much, much better. Even if she doesn't know, or doesn't want to accept it, it was there. That look in his readable eyes told me everything. She gave him what I could not. She was there, when I was not able to be.
So why did it end here. Why was he here now? Telling me that he loves me, that he wants me over her. Why? It should not end like this. I love him. I really do. But that look in that girls face, it can make a demon cry. A demon. Me.
What I have done. Trying to take a larger place in his heart, as I am doing now. It feels so right to be with him, to be near him. But is it wrong? To hurt an angel the way I am.
I watch as the crying girl turns and starts to run into the thicket, salty tears marking her trail. He raises his head, realizing her presence for the first time. His eyes look away from me and towards the spot where she had been standing moments before. His nose twitches and his eyes go out of focus. He suddenly realizes what I had been seeing. He looks back at me, I can see the pain in his beautiful eyes. He knows he has hurt her.
I nod my head, telling him its ok. Answering the question his eyes had asked for him. His body turns away from mine, and he is gone. He is going after the girl. I don't know what he is going to do. He has told me that he has chooses me over her. As much as I don't believe him, I must trust him to know what he is doing.
-c-
I keep my eyes in line, tracing leaves on the wet ground. It has just stopped raining. He has come back. Back to me. he tells me the girl is gone. That he told her that he wanted me. that he wanted me over her. I cant believe what I'm hearing. I'm happy. Can you blame me? I've won. I've won his heart. . it's true. . then why do I feel so horrible now.
He takes my hand, and kisses my lips. He is warm, soft, soothing. He is mine.
But
If all this is true, that he loves me, that he wants me.
Why do I feel so bad?. Bad for her? Feel bad that she feels bad? Do I regret my place in his heart.?
-blah-
(A/N im done with this chapter. Sorry its so short. Ill try to make the next longer. Please read and review, I would like to know what you all think. Bad or good, I want to know)