Me, You, and My Medication
CloudxTifa
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Disclaimer: All characters in this story are property of Square Enix and the title is derived from 'Me You and My Medication' by Boys Like Girls.
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It was one of those times when you wake up and you don't know you've awoken. Those seemed to be happening to me a lot recently. Not that my bedroom above the 7th Heaven Bar was anything like the place I drifted to in my nightmares…but you couldn't really tell when you woke up delusional in the darkness. I swing my legs over the side of the bed, throwing the covers away from myself and let my bare feet touch the cold of the wooden floor as I breathe hard. That's right Cloud, breathe. But you know, breathing is kind of hard when you can't even think.
My eyes dart around in the darkness as I try to grasp my surroundings, but it's so dark that the only things I can see are objects, hazy at best, out of my peripheral vision. Even mako enhanced eyes couldn't make out a thing. But the general feel of the room tells me I'm home and not in that place. I blindly turn to my left and use my hand to sweep across my night-stand, knocking over a few things here and there until I feel a small, plastic container brush under my fingertips; bringing it to myself, the sound of pills rattling around in the tube sounded enormously loud in the dead-silence.
Popping off the lid, two of the little semi-powdery, white circles fall into my sweaty palm and I stare at them as my eyes finally begin to adjust. At first, these tablets were the only thing that would get me to sleep dreamlessly at night…they kept the nightmares at bay. But now, it seems like these dark dreams don't like being kept away…they steadily began to return in full force after about a month. Now, it seems like I only take them out of habit. The nightmares are worse than ever and there's nothing I can do about it.
"Damn it…," I mutter under my breath as I angrily send the whole container across the room to collide with the wall, creating a small indentation before the worthless, white tablets rolled across the floor in multiple directions. My bedroom door creaks open slowly as one of the pills stops before it.
"Cloud…are you awake? I thought I heard something…," Tifa's hesitant voice calls from the doorway, instantly recognizable even in the darkness.
"I'm here," I respond, trying to keep a level head. She walks in and almost steps on one of the tablets.
"What's this," she murmurs as she leans over to pick it up lightly. From the startled gasp I hear in her direction, I guess she realized what it was. She looks up at me with a confused expression and I can't meet her eyes, so I find an interesting smudge on the wall adjacent to my bed.
"Cloud, what's wrong," she asks, moving across the room towards me…and I shift uncomfortably, casting my glance to the floor.
"I'm fine. I just couldn't sleep. Go back to bed."
"But the doctors said…," she presses, but I cut her off.
"The pills stopped working, Tifa! They're useless," I snap angrily. And then my face flushes as she suddenly looks…scared. This is unlike me…I never get angry, really. But tonight…I don't know…I actually felt myself loosing it for a moment…
She sits down beside me, the frightened expression she wore before has softened into an understanding smile. Tifa places her hand on mine and I wince. This is not unlike the time that Marlene and Denzel were kidnapped...it's like that scene is replaying itself, but something is different this time.
"I'm sorry," I apologize. And I really am. She shouldn't have to worry over me…
"No, it's fine. I got angry with myself and wasn't thinking straight. I'm fine now. Please, go back to bed, Tifa."
"…but the nightmares are back, right?"
But I don't want her to know…or acknowledge that she already knows. A couple of nights ago, I heard Marlene asking Tifa why I was sad. I'm not…like I used to be and I know that I'm doing better…but what happens inside my head when I sleep is something I can't control and apparently, it's something that drugs can't control either. Tifa continues to talk to me and I try to listen…but images keep flashing through my mind and I feel myself getting nauseous.
"Cloud," Tifa calls softly out to me in the darkness as I put a hand to my forehead unconsciously, "lie down. You're not feeling well."
I attempt to protest, but I should know better than to argue with her. She gently presses me to lie back and I do, allowing myself to sink into the mattress and pillow. She picks up the covers that I had thrown back earlier and drapes them over me…and I feel like a child. All I can do is stare blankly up at her concerned face as she brushes a piece of hair out of my eye.
"What are you…" I start to ask, but she simply smiles.
"Go to sleep, Cloud," she commands softly as she continues to play with that strand of hair…and I notice that she still has not let go of my hand…
I don't know how I went to sleep or when, but for the first time in a while, I had no more nightmares. And I think I know why…
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Author's Note: I'm baaaaaack! Miss me?! And before anyone asks, I WILL finish 'Haunted'…but I need to get back into my creative groove! Tell me what you think!
Much love,
Cassidy