Author's Note: Several months ago, I got a review for Hogwarts High that said something like, "Why did you take the magic away?" or something. And my initial response was, "That was the point." The whole idea of Hogwarts High was to see what would happen if they were just normal. But then I got to thinking that it would be just as much fun to still be witches/wizards, yet attend a Muggle school, keeping their magic a secret. So I started writing this; it was meant to be a crackish one shot, but I'm making it into a crackish short story. This is the first part, and it will be concluded in the next chapter...possibly two chapters, depending on my muse.
Disclaimer and Warning: I do not own HP. Also, I'm American, but I decided to do something OMG different by actually respecting the characters and keeping them British, as they should be. Therefore, they go to a sixth form college. Now, the British educational system is different than the American one, and while I did a little research on it, I'm not going to pretend to know that I know everything about it. For example, I use the word "Principal" instead of "Headmaster" because I honestly don't know which one is more common and the one sixth form college I researched had a principal, so I was like, "Um, ok." So, to all you British people reading this, I apologize if I totally screwed up your educational system. Feel free to educate me on the matter if you want.
Semi-Charmed Life
By Siriusly Amused
-- + --
"Oh, I don't get paid enough for this," Principal Matthews mumbled under his breath as he stared up into the rafters of the school's gym.
"I honestly don't know how he got up there," the gym teacher, Mr. Paine, said. "It's far too high to jump and there's nothing that he could have climbed."
"Please help!" the student above them shouted meekly as he clung to his rafter, tears streaming down his pale cheeks. "I don't want to die. Please don't let me die."
"Oh for goodness sake, Perkins, pull yourself together!" Principal Matthews shouted up to the student. "You're stuck in the bloody rafters, not purgatory!"
Perkins whimpered pathetically.
Sighing and massaging his temples, Principal Matthews turned towards the rest of the students who sat in the bleachers, still clad in their P.E. uniforms. Mr. Paine was directing several of the older boys to pull mats out onto the gym floor just incase Perkins fainted and fell from the rafters. Half of the students looked scared on Perkins' behalf while the other half looked amused.
"Well, what are we going to do, Matthews?" Mr. Paine asked gruffly after the mats had been pushed into position under Perkins. "We can't very well leave him there."
"We'll call the fire department, I suppose. If they can get kittens out of trees, they can get students out of gym rafters."
And that was how, fifteen minutes later, Principal Matthews found himself directing a group of firemen to the gym.
"Yes, he's right up there," Principal Matthews said, pointing to where Perkins continued to cling for dear life.
The firemen blinked in shock.
"Now how the ruddy…"
"I haven't the slightest idea of how he managed to get up there," Principal Matthews asserted. The firemen blinked at him as though they didn't quite believe him; however, they ended up going to their truck, then returning with what looked like the top part of a trampoline.
"He can fall onto this," the head fireman instructed.
"Oh excellent," Principal Matthews said as they filed past him. He glanced up to the rafters. "You hear that, Perkins? You can fall onto this trampoline thingamajig!"
"And I bequeath my iPod to Jake, because he's the only one in school who doesn't have one yet." Perkins had taken to verbally drawing up a will while he held onto the rafters. So far, he left his computer to Misty, his Playstation to Tom and his dirty magazines to his younger brother, but only when he turns thirteen. Principal Matthews was amazed that the boy would admit to having dirty magazines in front of fifty of his peers, a handful of teachers, and a few firemen.
"Come now, Perkins. Just let go of the rafters and plummet to your possible death like a good lad!"
Perkins whimpered pathetically again.
"We can shoot a flare up at him," one of the firemen suggested.
Principal Matthews dismissed the idea with a wave. "No, no, I'm pretty sure his parents could sue if we did that. We just have to…"
But at that moment a loud crack sounded and, looking up to the rafters, Principal Matthews saw the remains of what looked like a small firework twinkling down. It was enough, however, to scare Perkins into letting go, and he fell with an effeminate squeal into the awaiting safety net.
A roar of applause and catcalls issued forth from the other students as the firemen helped Perkins out of the safety net. Principal Matthews, however, continued to stare at the ceiling, where the last remnants of the firework faded away.
"What the bloody hell is going on with this school?" he mumbled to himself. He then counted the days to his retirement.
--
Sitting in the bleachers with the rest of her P.E. class, Daphne Greengrass stared at the spot where the firework had exploded, her stomach twisting with nerves. She was sure that she didn't do it. After years of training with her mother, her magic was more or less under control. However, she hadn't seen any other student light a firework and the only other possible explanation for the firework's existence (or even Perkins sudden leap to the rafters in the first place) was magic.
As the only witch at her old school, Daphne had alternated between feeling superior and feeling alone. Her loneliness eventually got the best of her, and her mother, with a smirk and sparkle in her eye, moved them to a new community with a new school. 'You'll feel more at home here,' her mother had said as she dropped Daphne off at the school on her first day. Daphne had rolled her eyes at her mother's comment, but now she was starting to wonder what her mother had meant by it. She glanced around at the other students in her P.E. class. Was there another witch or wizard in the school?
"Do strange things like this happen a lot at this school?" she asked the boy sitting next to her, a blonde who was slouching, his back and arms leaning against the bleacher behind them as his legs spread out on the bleacher in front of them. He slowly turned his head to look at her, his gray eyes roving up and down her frame, almost appreciatively.
"From time to time," he drawled, his lips tugging into a smirk.
Daphne nodded and immediately resumed glancing around at her fellow students, wondering which one could possibly be a witch or wizard; the cluster of Goths seemed too obvious.
"You're new here," the blonde boy next to her commented.
"How very astute of you," Daphne replied sarcastically, not bothering to look at him; he looked like a rich prep, not a wizard.
"Sarcasm. I like that in a girl."
Daphne turned to face the boy and offered him a look of disgust.
"You are not trying to chat me up," she told him.
He raised an amused eyebrow.
"I'm Draco," he introduced, holding out his hand.
Daphne stared down at the proffered hand with distaste. "Daphne," she replied, refusing to take his hand.
Draco was staring at her once again, his eyes sizing her up as though he was searching for something.
"So when these strange things happen, who's usually in the room?" Daphne asked him as she continued her search for the other witch and/or wizard. This was made slightly difficult seeing as Mr. Paine was calling the students to return to the locker rooms and get changed; all around them, their classmates stood and thundered down the bleachers.
Draco leaned closer to her, gently taking hold of her wrist to keep her from leaving. "Me," he whispered next to her ear.
Daphne slowly turned to stare at him, wondering if he was just showing off or if he was really admitting it. Draco smiled, released his grip on her wrist, stood and thundered down the bleachers with the rest of their gym class, leaving Daphne with a thousand questions in her head and hope in her chest.
--
"I may or may not have done something stupid," Draco announced, flopping down on the couch.
"What else is new?" Harry echoed back through the thick steam of a potion.
Hermione glanced up from her Advanced Transfiguration text book to roll her eyes at the boys. It was a Wednesday evening, and like most of their Wednesday evenings, they were congregated in the Weasley basement in order to riffle through old magical text books and practice spells, charms, potions and the like. Harry and Ron were currently hovering over a very complex potion that would age them ten years for two hours if done correctly; they hoped to get into a club that Friday night. On the other side of the basement, Ginny and Luna were practicing their Legilimency, a tool that made them the school paper's best writers. Draco remained on the couch; he pulled a half-eaten box of chocolates off of a nearby table, placed them on his chest and began eating.
"So is no one going to ask me about the stupid thing I may or may not have done?" he asked, slightly disgruntled.
Hermione sighed and tucked her legs under her. "We already heard about the Perkins incident in your P.E. class, Draco," she said.
"Yeah," Ron nodded, looking up from his potion. "The next time you decide to do something like that, text me so I can sneak out of class and join in on the fun."
"Ron!" Hermione scolded. She was growing increasingly frustrated with her friends; they used their magic to play pranks on classmates, get into clubs and collect juicy gossip for the paper, whereas she used her magic for…well, she really didn't use magic all that often.
"Come off it, Hermione! You don't like Perkins either!" Ron retaliated.
"I still haven't informed you guys of what I did that may have been stupid yet!" Draco exclaimed suddenly from the couch. "And seeing as it may or may not put you guys in danger as well, you might want to know."
Silence fell upon the basement as everyone stared at Draco.
"Draco, what did you do?" Ginny asked in a harsh voice.
Draco took a deep breath, as though he was bracing himself. "I fell in love," he announced.
"Well that's not so bad," Harry mentioned. "Unless you start breeding," he added as an afterthought. Draco pretended not to hear him.
"And I may or may not have admitted to the object of my affection that I was the one who put Perkins in the rafters," Draco continued.
"Well which one is it?" Ginny asked huffily. "Did you or didn't you?"
Draco glanced around the room at every one, took a deep breath and said: "I did."
There was a chorus of groans and curses, and Draco winced.
"How could you, you bastard?" Ron asked angrily, stomping over to the couch and fisting the front of Draco's shirt.
"Ron, wait," Hermione called out, getting up from her seat and coming to restrain the red head. "Draco, what exactly did you tell her?"
Draco shrugged. "She's new in school and asked if strange things like that typically happened. I said they did. She asked if there was anyone who was usually around when the strange things happened. I said me."
"Is that it?" Hermione asked.
Draco nodded.
"You didn't come right out and admit that you're a wizard?"
Draco shook his head, and the others heaved a collective sigh.
"So she probably doesn't know anything other than you're crazy," Ron reasoned, nodding his head in satisfaction. "That's good."
Draco glared at him.
Hermione bit her lip. "Well, if she's smart…she could figure it out."
Harry looked alarmed. "Do you honestly think she figured it out?" he asked. Hermione shrugged and Ron started cursing Draco under his breath.
"And that's where we come in," Ginny announced. She brandished her wand with a flourish. "Luna and I will use Legilimency to see how much she knows."
Anxiety welled up in Hermione's chest. "I hate it when you two use Legilimency on Muggles. It's so dishonest."
Hermione's words fell on deaf ears, however, seeing as Harry and Ron were nodding encouragement to the idea, and Draco was requesting that they find out whether or not this new girl thought he was attractive while they were at it. Throwing her hands into the air in her frustration, Hermione stormed back to her book.
"Just don't get caught," she warned.
--
Ginny Weasley stormed across the school's courtyard with droplets of water dripping from her long hair into her eyes and Luna trailing in her wake. After a few minutes of furious searching, she found the six foot blonde she was looking for.
"You bastard," she said, narrowing her eyes at Draco.
Draco pushed his wet hair off of his forehead and glanced lazily at Ginny. "What are you on about, Weasley?" he asked.
"What am I on about?" she echoed. She turned to share an incredulous glance with Luna, but the blonde girl appeared to be preoccupied with staring at an interesting-looking cloud overhead. Ginny rolled her eyes and turned back to Draco. "The fire in your history class," she explained, placing her hands on her hips. "You're the one who made Mr. Jones' trousers catch fire, which subsequently caused the school sprinkler systems to go off, which is why we're all out here in the cold. Soaking wet. You sodding prick!"
Draco gazed at her indifferently for a long moment. "That wasn't me," he said at last. "That was your brother," he added, jerking his thumb at Ron, who stood just behind him.
Ron turned and grinned at his sister.
"Admit it, Ginny; it was bloody brilliant! And now I don't have to turn in my history coursework until Thursday!"
"Speaking of history," Luna piped in very suddenly. "Doesn't that cloud look a lot like Napoleon?"
The others glanced up, but no one said anything. Draco redirected his gaze towards Ginny.
"So, did you do it yet?" he asked.
"Do what?" Ginny snapped. She was ringing out her jumper and cursing her brother under her breath.
"Use Legilimency on Daphne!" Draco answered in a whisper.
"No," she replied. "And I'm not in the mood now. I'm wet and cold and the school better be closed so I can go home and change and have lunch because I'm ruddy hungry too."
"I'll Imperious some people to make sure we get sent home early," Draco said. He placed his hand at the small of Ginny's back and turned her to her left. "But first you'll have to do me a favor." He pointed to where Daphne stood with her soggy algebra class.
"Draco!" Ginny whined.
"Come on," Draco coaxed. "We have to know if she knows what I am. And if she does, we're going to have to do a memory charm. Come on, Gin. If she figures me out, she can figure the rest of you lot out as well. Then we'll all be in trouble."
Ginny sighed. "Alright," she consented at last. "But we better get to go home early."
"We will," Draco assured. "Just make sure you find out what she thinks about me."
Ginny narrowed her eyes in warning at Draco before turning and walking slowly over to Daphne. She needed to get eye contact if she wanted it to work, which meant that she'd have to talk to her. About what, Ginny had no idea, but she improvised before and, dammit, she could do it again.
"Daphne?" she asked, tapping the girl on the shoulder. Daphne Greengrass turned around, her blue eyes glancing at Ginny in a scrutinizing manner.
"Yeah," Daphne replied simply. Ginny forced her mouth into a perky grin.
"Hi! I'm Ginny Weasley. We have…" she paused, raking her brain for a class she shared with Daphne, "…lunch together."
Ginny caught Daphne's incredulous stare and immediately plunged her wand hand into her pocket, wrapping her fingers around her wand and concentrating on getting inside Daphne's mind. She was just penetrating the outer layers of Daphne's subconscious when walls were suddenly thrown up and she couldn't go any farther. Ginny blinked in confusion, then noted Daphne's alarmed look. Realization dawned on her: Muggles weren't supposed to know Occlumency, which meant that...
"You're a…" Ginny breathed, but she was unable to say anymore as a powerful spell knocked her to the ground and her whole world went black.