A/N: Ok, this is my first GA fic. It starts after the ferry arc, and goes AU from there. A lot of people blame the ferry arc for the problems of the third season, but I think it was fine. It was what came after that screwed everything up, and that's what I tried to fix. This is a Mer/Der story, and they're the main players. Some other characters show up, but only briefly. Many, many thanks go to my wonderful betas, samsolace and AriaAdagio. Without them, this story wouldn't have been nearly as good. Throws virtual hugs and kisses at betas Thanks, guys! Go read their stories, if you haven't already. They're awesome! Actually, it was reading Aria's "Standing on Solid Ground" that inspired me to write this story! Ok, I think I've rambled enough.

Disclaimer: Obviously, they're not mine. Would we have had that - points to season finale - if they were? I don't think so. I do promise to put them back when I'm done. Except maybe Patrick Dempsey - I may keep him.

Please review!! All flames will be used to toast marshmallows for S'mores!!

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Testing the Water

Dr. Derek Shepherd exited the doors of Seattle Grace Hospital with a long, tired sigh. It was only just after 6 p.m., but he'd put in over twelve hours, dealing with the ongoing traumas from the ferry accident the week before. In addition to his scheduled surgeries, there had been several patients who had required emergency procedures, as well as various traumas that had come in during the normal course of the day. All in all, the day had been long and stressful, but now it was over.

Derek let a smile creep over his face as he headed for his car, thinking of what – or rather, who – was waiting for him at home. Dr. Meredith Grey, the love of Derek's life, had been released from the hospital two days before. Chief Webber had given the young intern two weeks off, both to recover from her drowning in Elliott Bay and also to deal with the death of her mother. Meredith seemed to be doing fine with both, but Derek suspected that they were affecting her more than she would admit, or realized herself. He was looking forward to getting her into the bathtub, her favorite method of relaxation, and maybe getting her to open up about her feelings.

Halfway home – and he wondered exactly when he'd begun thinking of Meredith's house as "home" – his phone rang; he grinned as he checked the caller ID. "How did you know I was thinking about you?" he asked by way of greeting.

"My super secret psychic powers, didn't you know?" Meredith giggled on the other end of the line. "Izzie's working late tonight – she's really loving being off probation – and there's no food in the house. Can you stop and pick up some Italian? I'm starving."

"No problem," Derek confirmed, smoothly changing lanes. "I'll be about twenty minutes, then. I'm halfway home."

"I missed you today." Meredith's voice was soft and hesitant; she was still learning how to open up to him, and Derek cherished every personal admission she made as another step.

"I missed you too," he replied. "I kept looking for you every time I got on an elevator."

"However are you going to get through the next two weeks?" Meredith asked, her tone light and teasing.

"I don't know," Derek tossed back, grinning. "I might have to start taking the stairs."

The banter continued, familiar and relaxing to them both, until Derek pulled into the parking lot of their favorite Italian place and went inside to order food. When he finally entered the foyer of Meredith's house, the warm homey atmosphere reached out to embrace him, instantly soothing away the worries of the day, in a way he'd never felt before, not even in New York with Addison.

He found Meredith in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on the dinner table. She liked to contribute to meals, even if she couldn't cook; she often joked that she was the queen of folded napkins. Derek leaned against the doorjamb and watched as she lit the two long taper candles in the middle of the table.

"Hey," he said finally, after taking a moment to admire the way the candlelight warmed and highlighted her delicate features.

"Hey." Meredith looked up from her contemplation of the candles, a smile lighting up her face. "How long have you been standing there?" she asked, as she moved to him and turned her face up for a kiss.

"Not long," he admitted, happily obliging her. "I got food."

The change was instantaneous; one minute, he was relishing the feel of Meredith's soft lips against his, and the next, his lips and his hands were empty as Meredith bounced away with the takeout bags. "I knew it," he sighed mournfully, an exaggerated pout settling across his features. "You only love me for my food,"

Meredith laughed as she dished the fragrant pasta onto plates and poured wine for both of them. "I've been stuck trying to feed myself all day," she reminded him. "Leftover grilled cheese and cold pizza – sound familiar? I've been dying for some decent food for hours!"

"Ah – so you admit that that stuff isn't decent!" Derek pointed out triumphantly. "I knew I'd bring you around eventually."

Meredith stuck her tongue out at him, and they fell into a happy, comfortable mood as dinner progressed. Derek found himself describing his surgeries in detail, with Meredith asking question after question in rapid succession. "Isn't Cristina supposed to be the surgical junkie?" he joked, pausing to catch his breath.

Meredith shrugged, a guilty flush spreading over her cheeks even as she grinned at him. "We're all surgical junkies," she pointed out. "Cristina's getting her fix by actually being there in all the blood and guts, so I need mine. Can't you convince the Chief to let me come back? I'm fine; I really don't need two weeks off. I'm going to fall so far behind . . . "

"Even if I could, I wouldn't do it," Derek told her firmly, getting up to clear the table. "Your mother died, Mere – and you almost went with her. You need time to process all that whether you realize it or not." He laughed as she pouted at him, her green eyes twinkling under her lashes. "You're cute when you pout, but the answer is still no. Come on, now – I have a surprise for you."

"What kind of surprise? Derek-" Meredith's questions were cut off abruptly as Derek pulled her close and kissed her deeply, letting all his passion for her come through. The intensity of it left Meredith floating in a daze, unable to protest as he led her to her room and told her to undress before disappearing into the attached bathroom. Meredith did as she was told, allowing the flush of desire that rose in her to keep her warm against the chill of the air.

It wasn't long before Derek's voice beckoned her into the bathroom, and she entered to find him in the tub, grinning like a little boy as he created a mound of bubbles with the running water. Candles glowed from strategic points around the room, creating beautiful contrasts of light and shadows. It was a thoroughly romantic scene, and yet it created a vague sense of unease in Meredith, something dark and formless that she couldn't quite name. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, hoping to calm herself and ease her sudden discomfort. She smiled as she recognized the scents of vanilla and lavender, her favorites, rising around her and combining to create a scent that –

-almost choked her as she got out of the ambulance, a mix of smoke and fuel that combined to make her want to vomit, it was so strong –

"-all right?" Meredith's eyes flew open to see Derek cock his head curiously at her from the tub. "I thought you'd drifted off right there," he said, grinning at her. "I know interns can sleep anywhere, but I didn't think you could do it standing up."

"No, I'm awake," Meredith assured him. "I just . . . I was admiring the candles. You really went all out with them; it's nice."

"I wanted to make it relaxing for both of us," Derek admitted as he shut off the water. "It's been a hectic day. We're still dealing with some of the long-term cases from the ferry crash."

Meredith was only half listening as she approached the tub, the other half of her mind lazily appreciating the way the light from the candles glowed on the water as it rippled in the tub. She wondered idly how she'd gotten so lucky to finally be there with the man she loved more than life itself, who would run a bath for them at the end of the day, complete with candles, that –

-spread an almost unholy light across the water, as the fires from the collided ships consumed the fuel supply of both. Combined with the choking fumes, it felt like they had stepped into some lower circle of Hell –

"Meredith?" Derek reached out and grabbed her hand, a puzzled frown creasing his face. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine," Meredith said instinctively, trying to ignore the way his wet hand made her shiver. She fought the urge to yank her hand from his and continued on. "Really, I am; I'm just tired." Shaking her head, she stepped into the tub, curling into Derek's body automatically. "I don't know why I'm still so tired; I've been getting twice as much sleep as I usually get the past few nights."

"You were dead for over three hours, Mere," Derek said softly, running a hand up and down her arm. "Not to mention everything it took to get you back. You're going to tire easily for a while; that's why Richard gave you the time off, to recover."

Something in his voice made Meredith turn and look up at him. There had never really been time to discuss it, what had happened to him during the time she'd been dead. She reached up, bringing her hand up out of the water –

-reaching blindly for the air, the promise of life, reaching for something to grab on to. But there was nothing-

"Mere?" Derek took her hand in his, cupping it against his cheek. The physical contact broke the memory, and Meredith blinked back into herself with a gasp.

"I'm fine," she repeated, wishing she felt as certain as she tried to sound. "Just tired." Suddenly, she couldn't bear it any longer, and stood up. "I'm going to bed." Stepping out of the tub, she reached for a towel and began scrubbing at her body, unaccountably desperate to remove all traces of the water from her body.

"Meredith, what's wrong?" Derek reached out for her, confusion washing across his face. "Maybe we should talk. I can-" he started to get up, but she waved him back down.

"No, you relax; I know you need it," she insisted. "I'll just be in bed when you're done." She fled the bathroom before he could protest any further and wasn't sure whether to be relieved or disappointed when he didn't follow her. Slipping into her favorite Dartmouth T-shirt and a pair of pajama pants, she climbed into bed. She hadn't really lied to Derek – she was tired, even with the extra sleep she'd had. Even so, sleep proved elusive. She was still awake, her mind running in circles a half-hour later when she heard Derek come out of the bathroom. He spoke her name, his voice soft and questioning; she didn't answer, hoping he would think she was asleep. After a moment, he sighed and got into bed; the mattress dipped under his weight, and then she was being pulled into a pair of warm arms. Despite what had just happened in the bathroom, and her own continued sense of unease, Meredith couldn't help smiling as she spooned into the only place she'd felt safe in a long time.

"I love you, Mere," Derek whispered, his breath warm against the back of her neck. "Just remember that, and everything will be ok."

Other people had said that to her, and it was just words. But when Derek said it, Meredith believed it could be true. She closed her eyes, fervently praying that it was true. But as the darkness closed in around her, words that she had spoken months ago returned, ghosting through her mind with a fairy's touch.

I have a feeling . . . . .