Undisclosed
Although he didn't really need to be studying the book he held in his hand, not to mention did he not have a need to go to college in the first place, he still kept his eyes focused on the pages. Sometimes I used to think he would do these sorts of mysterious or sometimes just pointless things to either amuse me or confuse me. I found myself watching him read, and he knew I was doing so, which may explain another reason why he was reading that Physics book.
I swallowed, becoming nervous again. It would go away in a moment, but every so often I would feel uneasy around him. Ever since he waltzed into my life a few weeks ago, I had found myself stuck in a position in which I found impossible to move away from. I can not hide anything from him, and he is the only soul on this planet which I can't do so. At first it slightly annoyed me, and I felt like he was invading much of my privacy when reading my thoughts. But I quickly got used to it, and became more relaxed around him than any one else I have ever met.
Regarding the fact he had already worked out who I was, stalking me for two weeks and learning god knows what about me, Asakura Hao seemed to already know me before he had even met me. With a perfect understanding of my existence and accepting me instantly for who I really was, it gave me enough reason to not find myself killing him the moment I knew who he was and what he knew about me. Also, he offered me much more power than I already owned – with the ability to read minds and also owning the same power my shinigami Ryuk possessed over me, he gave me so much when I gave him so little. And with no real price for his services, Hao and I have found simply being together enough to satisfy us.
At first I was certain Hao wanted my notebook, and there is still a rather big chance he still does, but so far I have seen no sign he wants anything from me at all, apart from my company. I instantly enjoyed my nickname he gave to me, as 'Lord Kira' is normally a label given to me by people who have no idea whom I am, being told to my face by a man who is rather capable of overpowering me with his own two hands was much more satisfying. He knew from the first time he called me by that name I liked it, which would explain why he still calls me that now.
Even though I have asked him a number of times to tell me exactly how he feels about me, I have never received a strait forward answer. From meeting him for the first time, I had already began to realise I was feeling much stronger feelings than just friendship for the guy, however no matter how many times I tell him how much I really care for him, my response is a simple touch of his lips to mine.
His attitude towards me can simply be described as 'I don't care about you'. He does not give me full-on replies to my start of conversations, yet does he respond fairly to any of my accusing or curious questions. If I would expect a reaction to a kiss to be satisfying from him, I probably would be hoping for too much. If I was expecting a reaction to my absence away from him to be disappointing, I would be shocked to see him shrug and say 'Meh, what ever.' Though I used to question if he really cared about me or not, I soon decided it was rather obvious in some ways that he did. Though he will not show it, he does care and I'm sure he knows that I know that. I suppose it is not his fault that his personality to show affection to someone else is harder than others find it to be. And from the time he asked me to attempt to read his mind, I concluded that was his way of telling me that he does love me back, but I had to see past his 'not bothered' expressions, and his sometimes hurtful comments, and really see through him and see exactly how he feels.
From the day he started at my college, following a three day absence of his whereabouts, I began to realise Hao really did want to hang out with me after all. When he had left me alone and confused a few days earlier, I had been forcing myself to try and forget him and move on, as I did not believe I would be seeing him again. After burning my arm just so I would let him leave, I was almost certain Hao regretted ever meeting me, and after he had kissed me, I had thought that to be so. However on the day he came back into my life, no matter how confused I was the moment he walked though my class room door, I began to get hopeful that he really did want to be with me in the end.
There is just one flaw in our desire to be together, and his name has now emerged to be Lawliet. I already knew how dangerous it would be for Ryuuga to see Hao with me, especially if it did come to killing him with Hao's aid. The NPA are aware of everything I do, everywhere I go, anyone I talk to and everyone I know. Though I had managed to divert the suspicion away from me during that time surveillance cameras and microphones had been placed in my room, L was not convinced I was 100 innocent, and had come forward to spend most of my time with me. Only if Ryuuga found some real need to follow me home from college would he spend my free time at home with me. Either that – or I go with him to the NPA HQ. The first time Ryuuga saw Hao, he already instantly became suspicious of him. That is one rather interesting talent of Ryuuga's; he seems to know who is worth being suspicious of and who is not. I simply told him he was being paranoid of his accusations and his disliking of Hao, though of course Ryuuga was not easily convinced. Therefore, with no real effort, Hao had already made the first move. And L was watching.
From that time, I was so desperate to finally speak to Hao again that I forgot all about Ryuuga and fled to be by his side. Hao, being less stupid than me at the time, continued walking to our first class of the day without allowing Ryuuga to see us together. Luckily for us, L did not have the same lecture as us that morning, and once he was out of the picture, we left the building to be alone at last.
Again, during that time alone with him, I did not receive any definite confirmation of his feelings towards me. He allowed me to reach out to his hand, his reaction being a brief grip of my fingers. Once we were settled comfortably on a grass field in the local park, I experienced another one of those moments I had been longing for since I last was with him – again this amazing kiss followed my asking of did he love me or not.
"Lord Kira," he muttered, glancing up from the book now and looking at me. I blinked out of my daze from watching him, and smiled.
"Yes?" I happily replied, noticing this time it seemed to be him who started a conversation.
"Why do you keep watching me so?" he asked, smirking slightly. He always seemed to be smiling, that's one thing about him. I love his perfect smile… I quickly shook my head, concentrating on what he was saying to me rather than his lips.
"I don't know, I – I'm sorry." I stammered, feeling stupid to stutter in front of him. He is always so calm and extremely well poised. I am normally like this, though I change a lot when I'm with him.
I changed my glance to out of the window, wondering what he was going to say next.
"Have you ever read a page of a book, and then realised what you just read you didn't actually take in?" he muttered, blinking his eyes and seeming to read the page he just read all over again.
"Yes, it happens a lot." I replied, my eyes finding their way back to where he was lay across my bed in front of me. I was lay on the other side of him, my feet close to his shoulders, yet his legs where knelt in front of him, though he was leant back looking relaxed.
"I think I just read the same page about five times." He sighed, reading it over again.
"Oh really? Why is that then?" I asked, amused slightly and grinning at him.
"Because you keep looking at me." He said, looking up from the book and glaring at me. I sighed, smiling sympathetically.
"I'm sorry." I apologised. After a moment of his warm glare fixed on my gaze, he shrugged.
"Doesn't matter. I don't care." – I knew what he meant by this, and he meant he didn't care about reading the book, and he did not mind me looking at him at all. Of course, if he did care, he would have told me a while ago, and wouldn't have bothered reading the same page over and over again. I smiled.
"Do you love me, Hao?" I asked. I waited a moment to see his reaction. He sighed as if I was a bother to him, closing the book and dropping it to the floor. I sat up a bit, knowing what was coming.
He put all his weight forward and brought himself to be knelt on his toes. He leant forwards and thrust himself onto me, quickly wrapping his arms around my neck and gripping a hand behind my head to pull me into his embrace. I lost myself into his warmth as he kissed me, my eyes closed like his were already and I let him hold me. I held him to me too, tightly, and I didn't want him to let go. Though I knew that he would, eventually.
After another moment which stretched into forever, he let go of me completely and fell back into his relaxed lay down position. Again, his expression seemed to show he was not bothered in the slightest at what he had just done. He bent down and picked up his book, leaning back comfortably and opening it to a random undisclosed page.
After a minute of silence, I got up enough courage and asked him, "Did you… like that?"
Turning the page, he simply shrugged, "Meh, what ever."