I am Gabriella, but I go by Gabe since I am disguised as a man. My small village was peaceful and safe, but when one travels across the land as a woman, alone, many dangers arise. My main problem, men who think they can take advantage of an innocent girl. I am sixteen and hardly a child, yet I have had no training in self defense, so naturally I had to take precautions. Though, I admit I waited a bit too late for that.
Three years ago when I had begun my journey, I ventured into another village that looked much like my own. I figured that I would not have much to fear, but I was entirely wrong. The traders were there and the village was in celebration. The night was young, so I joined in the festivities only to be snatched away by a man who had been drinking way too much. He dragged me away from the boisterous square and into a dark alley where we would have some privacy. I do not even want to mention the details, so I will skip on to where I was rescued.
He looked to be about my age, but in the darkness it was hard to tell. He was not the strongest man, but he still managed to throw the man molesting me a nasty punch. In the middle of it, I was knocked to the ground. It was winter, so I was cushioned by the freshly fallen snow. I saw blood stain the virgin snow near a golden locket. I tried to reach for the necklace, but my hand caught underneath the drunken man's foot. He looked down at me with his bloody nose, his eyes burning with raw fury. Frightened, I weaseled my hand out and ran away, leaving my precious necklace behind.
To this day I wish that I had enough courage to face him. I wish that I had not left the locket behind. That necklace was my mother's, and in my cowardice, I had left behind the only heirloom to my past. I left my village in search for the Varden. I knew they had a fortress somewhere and I intended to find it. My parents hated the King and gave their lives defending the whereabouts of the Varden. For my safety, they never told me where it was, so now, I was all on my own on a quest that was nigh impossible. My heart longed to gain what was lost. It is what fueled me to press on when I wanted to lie down and give up.
For three years I dressed as a man. I am not the most prettiest of girls, so when I chopped off my long, wavy brown locks, I did look like a young man who had not yet begun to grow his whiskers. After the incident with the drunken man, I sought out some training. I found a man willing to teach me, but I was not able to stay long. I never stay long with the people I meet for fear that they will discover my true identity. On my own is when I felt the most comfortable, or at least that is what I always told myself.
I waited patiently behind the tall oak tree until the blond man left camp heading to a nearby stream. He was alone in the woods, much like I was, but he had a pack of food unlike me. I had my bow and arrow and my dagger, but why hunt when I could easily snatch some food? Over the years I have grown accustomed to stealing. My stomach growled with hunger, but I held my ground. I listened carefully to the sticks and leaves crunching in the distance before I began to stir. He poked my head around the thick trunk and saw the empty camp. Step by step, I crept along the trees before I found myself in the open of the clearing.
The pack was next to a bush. I Untied the knot and began to rummage around finding cheese, bread, and dried fruit, but absolutely no meat. I cursed under my breath. What man travels without any meat? I guess he is planning to hunt. I take a bite out of the cheese. It is not stale- rather is tastes quite fresh and delicious. I finish off the cheese before grabbing the bread and dried fruit.
I stand up and am about to dart off with my prize when I hear a sword becoming unsheathed. I drop the parcels, turning around. The blond haired man has blue piercing eyes that captivate me for a moment. He takes a step forward and the movement is enough to allow me to tear my eyes off his. I notice that his blade is bright blue. I begin to feel that I have underestimated this man and am now in grave danger.
I slowly reach for my dagger as the two of us continue to stare at one another. My fingers nearly touched the pommel when the man grabbed my wrist. From my meager training, I learned that the weakest point was between the thumb and the index finger, so after a few attempts, I managed to free my wrist. He seemed surprised that I got free and this time I was able to grab my dagger. He put his sword back in its sheath and tackled me to the ground.
Now, I was trapped. His body pressed against mine and I could do nothing to get him off me. Upon the impact, his facial expression changed. His eyes became questioning and I feared he had discovered my secret. He never commented on that though; instead he asked me why I was stealing.
"It was either steal or starve." I said, making my voice sound as manly as possible. He rolled off me and told me to stand up. With little choice, I obeyed his command. He then asked me who I was and what I was doing in this part of the woods. "I am Gabe, but I will not tell you my business. Who are you, and what gives you the authority to question me this way?"
The man seemed amused by my response. "I am Eragon Shadeslayer." I felt the blood drain from my face. A few months ago I had learned that there was a new Dragon Rider and now I found myself face to face with him. I studied him some more and found myself wondering why he looked so…well average. From the stories he sounded much older and tougher, but this man before me was young and although he was strong, he did not look like he had battled and defeated a shade.
"Where is you dragon?" By now I am concluding that the man may be impersonating the rider to frighten me off.
"Saphira went off to hunt and will be back soon. We are heading to the Varden."
My ears perk up. "The Varden? You found their location then!" My outburst startles him. "I apologize, but I have been trying to find the Varden for years."
Eragon gives me a suspicious look, so I figure I should explain myself a little more. "My parents served the Varden and three years ago, they were killed. Since then, I have been searching for the Varden to offer them my services."
"You want to avenge your parent's death."
"Yes." I spoke too quickly. "No! I mean…" I sigh, "It's complicated."
He nods, but does not press me further. He offers to take to the Varden, and as proof of his identity, he shows me his mark on the palm of his right hand. I apologize for trying to steal from him, but told me that he understood what it is like to fight for survival. I hear a strange sound and when I look up, I see a large sapphire dragon diving down towards the camp. I freeze unsure what to do.
When she lands, she inspects me with her giant orbs. In her claws, she held a buck. Eragon introduces me to the dragon and asks her if she could give up some of the meat for me to eat. She growls, but not necessarily viciously- it sounds as if she is annoyed. I tell Eragon that I would be find eating the bread and fruit, but he insists.
That evening, I stayed the night with the Rider and his mighty dragon. The next morning, we headed off towards the Varden, me holding on for dear life upon the back of Saphira. When I had met up with Eragon, I was near the woods of Du Weldenvarden, and when I asked Eragon where the Varden were located, he told me they were in Surda.
For days we traveled. Eragon said that if it were not for me, he would already be at the Varden. I felt terrible delaying such an important figure and pleaded with him to let me travel alone once more. He always refused my request. He said that he did not want me running off to tell others that I have met the rider. I told him that he could make me swear an oath that I would not tell others, but he still denied me. After a while, I gave up and accepted that I would be stuck with him until we reached our destination.
Eragon was a charming young man and when I had asked, he said that he was seventeen. He also said that he used magic to make him spear to be human when in reality his features should look more like that of an elf. At the mention of the Fair Folk, my eyes widened. I never knew they existed until then. He said that there were also dwarves that dwelled under the Beor Mountains.
Over the campfires, Eragon and I had discussed various subjects and I was amazed by how educated he was. I was taught well by my parents, but there was still so much that I had yet to learn about the world around me. After getting to know him, I began to feel bad that I continued my disguise. I was on my way to the Varden and traveling with the Rider himself; there was no denying that I was safe and within days, my dream would finally come true. Still, I could not bring myself to tell him that I was actually a woman. I have been dressed as a man for too long and I became scared to get in touch with my feminine side once more.
I decided that once we were safely at the Varden, I would tell him the truth. I would tell him that I lied to him not because I did not trust him, but because I was still being a coward. I had a feeling he would understand, but that did not make it right. It was like with the stealing. In a way, by impersonating a man, I am stealing who I truly am- a young woman with decent looks and complexion.
It was another few days before our food supply became very low. Eragon, Saphira, and I discussed several ways to replenish the food and eventually settled on a plan. Eragon and I would enter one of the villages to buy food. It was a simple plan, but it was still dangerous. Every guard was looking for them and if caught, they would be forced to flee, causing a great commotion as to their whereabouts.
It was nearing evening when Eragon and I entered the village of Lorinsa. It was a larger than we liked, but we had to suck it up and carry on with our plan. When we had purchased our food, we started to head out only to find that the gates were closed. This was not good. Eragon contacted Saphira to inform her that we have to stay the night. We made our way to the local inn and got a room.
It was loud, warm, and stank of sweat, but it was our only choice. We locked our supplies in our room before entering the pub for dinner. Eragon ordered the meal while I sat quietly in the booth. Every time I came to a bar, I always felt on edge. I think back to when I was molested and shiver. A barmaid delivers our drink, winking at me. I roll my eyes and grab the mug, devouring the contents. Eragon laughs.
I slam the mug down and wipe my lips before speaking. "What?" I ask defensively.
He puts his hands up and says, "Nothing." I narrow my eyes feeling very uncomfortable. I eat as fast as possible anxious to get back to our room. Eragon eats quickly as well, but he does not seem bothered by the surroundings. I cannot deny how natural he looks and wonder if I am standing out with my odd behavior.
I see drunken men toy with the barmaids, their laughter booming across the bar. I do not understand why some women have to sell themselves like that. I have never been very strict with my morals, but I still held myself to higher standards as opposed to the women who allow strange men to touch them. Virginity was something I valued and I wanted to lose it to a man I loved, not to some drunken slob. I shook my head to clear my thoughts.
When I had finished my meal, I stood up and began to head off to the room. Eragon said that he would join me when he finished. I never made it to the hallway without being stopped by the woman who served us the drinks. She had blond curly hair, chestnut eyes, and a fair complexion, but had large breasts that stuck out. I asked her nicely to let me pass, but she twirled her finger in her hair and batted her eyes, ignoring me. I started to walk around her. I felt her grab my hand and it took a lot for me not to strike her.
She asked me why a cute guy like me would pass up a girl like her and I told her to leave me alone and babbled on about how she is not my type. She let out a pathetic moan and I heard her say that she was every man's type. I told her once more to back off. She mentioned how I needed to stop being so coy and then I saw her lean in. Her lips pressed against mine and I felt my stomach flip in disgust.
I panicked. I had no choice but to push her off me and I ran off to my room, mortified. My heart raced violently and I felt hot tears roll down my cheeks. I wiped them away telling myself to get my composure. Down the hall, I heard footsteps approach. Within moments, the door opened and I heard Eragon ask me if I was all right. All I could do was nod. I heard him sigh as he closed the door behind him.
"You know you do not have to keep this up." I caught my breath. Somehow Eragon had figured out that I am a woman.
"How long have you known?" I cannot bear to face him, so I keep my face turned against the wall. I hear him walk over to his bed and unpack a few things.
"Since the day we met. Your looks are deceiving, but there are four other senses. I caught on right away. I never asked you why you are dressed as a man because you made it apparent that you wanted your secret kept."
"Don't you find it strange?" I want to know what he thought of my facade.
"No. You were traveling and it is common knowledge that it is dangerous for a woman to travel alone. I do not mean to say that you cannot take care of yourself, for you have for many years, I just mean in general." His voice quavered at the end, and I knew he was trying to avoid offending me. It did not matter because what he said was true, and I knew that all too well. I felt my nose become runny as more tears brimmed my eyes. I could not help myself.
I took a deep breath to calm myself before turning to look at Eragon. He had unpacked quite a bit and I began to wonder what he was looking for. Before I could ask, he began to speak again. "It's funny we should mention this topic. A few years ago…" he stopped and I saw his brow crinkle as he became deep in thought for a moment. He raised his head and glanced at me, his eyes suggesting that he must have come to some startling conclusion. "It was three years ago."
I waved him on to allow him to continue. "Three years ago I was at home in Carvahall celebrating the time when the traders came on their winter annual visit." I was smiling when he had begun telling me a story from his past, but my smile dropped. No! It can't be him-the boy who saved me. "Nothing at all seemed out of the ordinary until I saw a young girl get dragged off by a drunken man. I had a feeling she was in trouble, so I snuck around looking for them and when I found them, they were in an alley." I saw him clench his fists, his speech quickening. "He was trying to take advantage of her and I had to do something to stop him, so, I punched him. He was so drunk that every time he swung at me, he missed. The girl, I remember, was knocked to the ground and within a minute, she was gone. Fled. The drunken man stumbled off eventually yelling curses at me and I was about to follow the girl's track until I saw something lying in the snow. It was a gold locket necklace."
I saw Eragon lift the necklace out of his pack at that very moment and hand it to me. "I followed her tracks after, but I never found her. The locket she left behind I kept hidden all these years. I often wondered what had happened to her." His eyes locked on mine and I faltered under his gaze. I looked down at the necklace in my hand, memories flooding my mind. There was no fooling Eragon this time about who I was. His hand presses against mine, folding my fingers over the necklace. "I never found her until now."
I do not know what to do. I do not know what to think. His hand is still upon mine. My mother's necklace is in my hand. So many different emotions are coursing through me that I feel confused. So long I have been running away from my past and now it has caught up with me. That is what I was really doing. Finding the Varden was the perfect excuse for my actions. My parents kept the location hidden to protect me-that is why we lived in a small village. When they were killed, I refused to stay in that village. I never mentioned that my parents were killed far away from the village in which I lived to Eragon or Saphira. I just said they were killed.
Leaving the village to find the Varden was folly. I knew that. I was so young and naïve. Years later, here I am reflecting upon my course of action with someone else from my past. As I think about Eragon, I begin to question myself why I really wanted to keep my identity from him. Whether he figured it out or not, I still wanted him to see me as a man, not a woman. I am looking at the locket when I reach a revelation. I tear my eyes off it to look at Eragon once more.
"Eragon, I should have told you who I was when we met, but I was scared. I wanted to wait until we got to the Varden, but I might as well tell you now. I have been dressed like this to avoid male attention- to stay safe. I knew that I was safe with you, but I still was afraid to tell you."
Eragon chuckled. "Gabe, I…" He gave me strange look and it took me a second to realize why.
"Oh, right, my real name is Gabriella." I felt myself blush.
"Gabriella, I did discover that you were a girl when we met- remember?"
"Yes, but you still went along with my façade anyways. If I had known you knew, I probably would have stopped dressing like a man, but alas, I did not know. Besides, I know now that the real reason why I kept this up for so long with you is because…" I pause for a moment. "Because I was slowly falling in love with you. I never admitted that to myself until now, but it has to be true. I was afraid that if I dressed like a woman you would see my emotions more clearly, and in turn, maybe fall for me too." I felt my hand become cold and I realize it is because he had let go of it to place his fingers under my chin. He lifts my head up making me face him.
"Dressed as a man, I still could see your emotions. What happened this evening, when that woman kissed you, I knew I had to tell you that I knew your secret. I could tell it was bothering you. I feel bad for waiting this long, because maybe that could have been avoided."
I had almost forgot about the woman. Now that he mentioned her, I became even redder. I bury my face in my hands and collapse on the bed. "No, I should have told you sooner." I feel the bed sink as he sits down beside me.
"Life is always full of the unexpected. That is what makes it both terrible and wonderful. I never expected to see you again. Life your quest to the Varden, it seemed silly to think that we would meet each other after so many years had passed, and yet here we are. Both of us had our deepest desires answered, and in such a remarkable way." I feel him lift my hands off my face. He gently takes the necklace from me and maneuvers himself until he is sitting behind me. The cold metal feels good against my burning skin as Eragon clamps the necklace around my neck.
I feel a smile cross my lips. I shift myself to face him and say, "You are right. Tomorrow we can buy a dress and as soon as we get far away from this place, I will put it on."
We did just that. Eragon bought me a beautiful light blue dress and by the end of the day, I am now hidden behind some bushes and trees stripping myself of the men's clothes. I put on the dress and I cannot help but to feel naked. The dress itself is modest, but I am not used to wearing dresses after years of shirts and pants. I walk over to a stream to clean off my face and to look at myself. Despite my short hair, in a dress, I do look like me- a woman.
I feel a sense of pride seep in as I gaze at the necklace. It too is very beautiful. I allow my fingers to trace the intricate designs. The locket is in the shape of a heart and on the heart were floral designs. A ray of sun emancipated through the trees making the gold glisten.
"Gabriella?" I answer Eragon telling him I am decent. I hear him approach and do not see him until he is behind me and I can see his reflection in the water. I see his smile. "You look wonderful."
"Thank you." I smile back.
"You know, I never got to finish my story from last night." I cocked my head, confused. He took my hands in his and stared deep into my eyes. "After so many years, we have been brought back together. When I had met you over a week and a half ago, I found myself in a peculiar situation. Here was this amazing girl dressed as a man and I could not tell her that I knew her secret because I was afraid- I was afraid that if I told you, you would begin to dress like a girl again. I was afraid of how I would act if I saw you in a dress because it might give it away that I am falling in love with her. But you know what? I do not care anymore because I know now that she loves me too."
I feel my heart flutter at his words. His face is so close to mine, our foreheads already touching. Instinctively, my eyes close as he begins to lean in, his hot breath brushing against my skin. His lips were soft and delicate, not at all what I had expected. The previous kisses I have experienced were forced and in my panic, never paid attention to what it felt like having lips pressed against mine. Of course, who would want to remember such kisses? This is the one that I have marked as my first kiss. In a way, it is; it is the first real kiss I have ever had, and the best part, I wanted him to kiss me.
I feel his hands wrap around my waist holding me close to his chest, mine making their way around his neck. I felt him pull away after several long seconds only to kiss me again immediately after. The second kiss from him felt more intense-more passionate than the initial one and it suddenly occurred to me that this must be his first kiss as well. I relished the thought of sharing something so sweet and intimate with him for the first time.
I felt safe in his arms. With him I can be me- Gabriella, not Gabe. I finally knew what I wanted in life. No more aimless wandering around and pretending. We have only been together for over a week, but I had a feeling that this was only the beginning of a long and beautiful relationship. That is what I desired now, more than anything.