Lovers and Madmen

by Snowlia

If I had any sanity I would be happy that he was late or not coming at all. Deep down however, I knew sanity was far behind me and if he didn't show up, I would probably stay up all night waiting. Lorren/Zach, Slash.

Avalon Web of Magic
"Lovers and Madmen"
Rated T
Category: Romance
Pairing: Lorren/Zach
By Snowlia

Beta: Blodwedd

Warnings: Slash and sexual content. Obviously and unfortunately, slightly OOC.

A big thanks to my editor and friend, Blodwenn who dropped everything to read this at 10 o'clock on a school night to read this, even though she's never read the series. Also Happy Birthday to Zenadora, to whom this fic was originally dedicated to.

HEYHEYHEYHEYHEY EVERYONE LOOK AT THE OBNOXIOUS TEXT! This story is a SLASH. This means that there will be a boy/boy homosexual relationship going on in this story. This is not a lemon but there is kissing and such and sexual undertones. IF YOU DO NOT APPROVE OF THIS PLEASE DON'T READ IT. OK? EVERYONE GOT IT? SLASH MEANS GUY/GUY. I'M NOT GOING TO GET ANYONE YELLING AT ME THAT THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANT, RIGHT? WE GOOD? CAN I STOP TYPING OBNOXIOUSLY IN CAPS LOCKED NOW? Ok then…

"Lovers and Madmen have such seething brains"-Act 5, Scene 1, "A Midsummer Night's Dream."

There was nothing weird about what we were doing. Nothing wrong with it.

We were just two guys being guys, right?

My thoughts seemed to echo off the walls of the cavern as if I had spoken them out loud. In reality the only sounds were the light whisperings of the wind, breezing through the gaping entrance and ruffling my hair from where I lay on the cave floor. Comfort never mattered much to me. I had spent my entire life outside.

Truthfully I missed my little den back in the fairy glen, inside of Okawa. But I knew Drake preferred sleeping up in these mountains, closer to the sky and the stars. And I couldn't do what I planned to tonight in the fairy glen. I doubted the Fairimentals and Okawa would mind, but something still felt wrong about it.

Though really there was nothing wrong with it. We weren't really doing anything wrong.

"Then tell Adriane," a taunting little voice hissed in my ear and I felt my body involuntarily tense.

"It's all her fault anyway," I whispered out loud.

"Arguing with yourself, very healthy."

I wrinkled my forehead and rolled over, pulling the thin blanket closer to my body.

It was the truth though. None of this would be happening if it weren't for Adriane. Everything had started out innocent enough when we were young. A few kisses here and there between battles and her leaving for Earth for months at a time.

Always leaving.

For so very long.

It got…hard, as the years went on. She would be gone for six months at a time, talking to me via Dragonfly once or twice a week. At first it had been just a matter of missing her, of wishing she were there. Then it steadily became a matter of needing her there. I just couldn't be without her there.

When she finally did arrive I'm pretty sure I frightened her a little with my intensity when we finally got alone. Not that she ever complained though.

I rolled over onto my other side, biting the inside of my cheek.

It had taken three whole years of this before I had completely caved though. I thought that kind of determination deserved at least some sort of recognition.

Maybe not.

I turned over once again, so I was staring at the shadowed roof of the cave; a fire speckled navy sky curving along the very top of my vision. Sighing deeply I watched the nearly invisible wisps of my breath float upward and disperse.

Three years it had taken for me to make that life changing discovery. Some days I wished with all my might that all of this had never happened, and some nights I wondered what the hell I had been doing for the past three years that I hadn't figured it out sooner.

It was no use wishing one way or the other. As the Mage of Time I was well aware that what had happened had happened. There was no use changing it.

"But you can always change the future."

It was true enough, though moping and chastising myself for what was happening was far easier than actually putting a stop to it.

"Because you don't want to put a stop to it. You are one sick little puppy."

I yanked on my hair until it hurt. "I know, I know…" I whispered over and over again into the darkness where my words were steadily swallowed by silence.

With a particularly painful jerk I pulled my head back to look at the sky. He was late. I groaned as I released my head. It shouldn't bother me. If I had any sanity I would be happy that he was late or not coming at all. Deep down however, I knew sanity was far behind me and if he didn't show up, I would probably stay up all night waiting.

Pathetic.

"And you still claim all of this is just because of Adriane?"

"Yes." It was a complete and utter lie, but denial felt much safer than admitting what was actually going on here.

My devil's advocate was preparing for another volley when a movement in the shadows caught my eye. Involuntarily I froze, but not with fear. His shadow shifted along the opposite wall, elongating his form and making him even taller and lankier than he was in real life. Almost without my consent my eyes fell closed and I stilled my breathing in a façade of sleep. He was almost completely silent as he moved towards me, but I could still feel the flicker of his shadow.

Sealing my eyes tight, but trying to look as natural as I could, I ignored him. Everything was silent for a minute or two and I resisted the urge to open my eyes though I was fairly certain he knew I was only faking. I shifted slightly away from where I thought he had stopped, acting as if it were only an unconscious movement of sleep. Then I waited again.

Was he going to get annoyed and just leave? Was he going to wait me out and see who cracked first? Or was he just going to call me out or kick me or something? The answer suddenly seemed very important.

He did none of that as it turned out. The lightest of touches brushed my jawbone, tracing the line from my chin to my earlobe and up the curve of my ear. Whether in shock or arousal or some combination of the two, I went completely still, holding back a shiver at the light skin on skin contact.

"You are the first person I have ever seen blush in their sleep, Zach."

I scowled before opening my eyes, about to snap back with a witty retort-albeit probably not a very good one in my current condition-when I stopped dead. He was lying right alongside of me, his body just far enough away that I couldn't feel his touch, but close enough that I could feel the heat. Sometimes, he was just too damn stealthy.

He gazed down at me calmly with one eyebrow arched high above his black mask in amusement. His elbow propped him up above me, his cheek resting easily on one of his fists. A black mane of hair hung around his face, highlighted green in some spots where the star's light reached inside the cavern. I suddenly found myself with nothing to say.

"Are you mad?" His voice itself held little emotion, almost as if he were asking about the weather or how my day had been, but I saw the cringing around his eyes. The back of his hand trailed down from my ear and across my neck before he broke off the contact.

"I missed you, Lorren." I hadn't planned on saying that but somehow it tumbled out. You, not Adriane.

His eyes widened and gleamed black in the dim light. I liked his eyes better in the day, that unbelievable green that I had never seen anywhere else, but we could only meet at night, and at night his eyes dilated, large and black, like a cat's.

"I missed you too," his words were soft and comforting. Conversely his hands were rough and calloused from sword-work and riding; nothing like Adriane's soft, petite fingers. I could never have pretended to mistake them, no matter what I told myself. I fought to not let my eyes fall closed as his fingertips brushed my cheek again. There really was no need to swoon.

"Do you really think he would mind?" It wasn't so much a matter of him minding that I fall into the submissive position as it was a matter my remaining dignity staying intact. "Dignity went out the window long ago."

I couldn't much argue with that, so I pretended I hadn't thought it.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Lorren sighed and I opened my eyes a bit wider, trying to see his dark face clearer. He sounded so…tired. Tired and defeated. "I got held up."Something told me not to press.

Instead my eyes flickered down to his lips, drawn tightly in a frown. I closed the distance between us, slowly so he would have time to pull back, and pressed my lips against his.

Instantly his reserve was gone as he sighed against my skin, pulling my bottom lip between his before we parted a second later. I allowed myself another moment of darkness behind closed eyes as I ran my tongue along my swelling lip, his nose brushing mine as we both pulled away. The air filtering in through the entrance was cool, but I was on fire.

Trying to be subtle I started to push the thin blanket off of me but stopped when I felt instead of scratchy wool, smooth silk. Startled I looked down to find Lorren's cloak draped over my own blanket. My shock shown clear on my face but I tried to wipe it clean as quickly and smoothly as I could.

How had he done that without me noticing?

"Why did he do it?" There was that pesky voice again, there to ruin a good thing for me. It was stupid concern; he was still my best friend after all. Of course he cared about me.

"Best friends, is it now?"

I tensed but ignored my thoughts again. Of course we were only best friends, we just happened to be…helping each other out. With our girlfriends so far away, and with so much else to do when we finally got to see them, we needed some sort of release. It only made sense.

"Maybe," it conceded uncertainly "if it were only touching and kissing, and if it were really about the girls. Even then, it's a questionable excuse."

Inside I squirmed. In the beginning we used to always talk about Adriane and Kara, because that's what it had been-was-about. Neither of us had mentioned the girls for over three months now.

"Are you alright?" Why did whispering make everything sound so much more…sensual?

"Yeah, I'm fine." Pushing all annoying voices and confusion behind me, I stared hard at his dark eyes. Reaching up, I traced the line of his mask across his face, while he remained stone still. At the corner I pulled it away from his face, letting it fall to the floor. I flinched without meaning to.

He was as unbearably handsome as always, but there were dark circles under his eyes and small red veins snaked across the rims of his irises. "Are you alright?" I countered.

His smile was amused, but his eyes still looked sad and tired. "Yes, just worn out."

Very worn out, but I didn't push it. In fact, I wasn't even quite sure what to say. I opted once more to not use any words.

Lorren was quieter when I kissed him again, placid and subordinate. It was awkward and arousing at the same time, his submission. I moved my lips harder against his and he let me. Encouraged I slipped my tongue between his parted lips. His gasp drew the breath from my mouth and a moan rumbled deep in my throat. In hardly a second, he was back, his tongue drawing against mine. We were back to our old game of fighting for dominance.

I broke away first, his eyes were still closed as I moved onto his neck. He drew in a sharp breath and I felt his Adam's apple move against my lips. My hands shook as his own slid through my hair. Kissing and nipping his neck, I slid my hand down his lanky frame to rest on his sharp hip, running my fingers over the bone.

"Zach…" he whispered even quieter than before and I couldn't hold back my small shiver.

My chest was burning, my heart pounding far harder than it had any right to. I met Lorren's eyes for a split second and felt my energy deflate, replaced with something far less pleasant: guilt.

I could tell he was having just as good of a time as I was, but he was absolutely exhausted. His arm propping him up was shaking, and I doubted it was from excitement. I knew it was my fault, at least partially. I could have easily positioned the mirror of the Fairy Realms up in the cave with me, but instead I had set it a good hundred foot climb down.

I knew I should have put it up here with me. Lorren wouldn't have had to do anything to reach me. He shouldn't have to do anything to reach me, but some part of me-probably the part with awkward thoughts and advice and chastising comments-liked to think he'd come no matter how great the challenge.

Before I could say anything, his mouth was back on mine, hungrily pulling at my lips and pushing for entrance. With a will I didn't know I had, I kept my mouth closed.

He pulled back, defeated, with a look of confused hurt on his face. Before he could ask I cut him off. "You are about to fall over dead."

He rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion. "I am fine," he insisted, moving forward again but I leaned back.

"Have you been sleeping?"

With a huff he leaned back again, looking highly annoyed. "Are you my mother now?"

"You have some serious problems if I am." That got a laugh.

"Alright," he sighed. "I've been sleeping…just not well." He trailed off looking uncomfortable. Uncertainly I traced circles around his hip bone and a smile twitched at his lips.

"So you are tired."

Now his mouth was at my neck, pulling lightly at the skin just below my jaw. "Never too tired for you."

I didn't remember moving my hand, but somehow I was trying to restrain him and myself at the same time, my fingers gripping his hair tightly. "Cut it out." I jerked my head away, pretending his advances had no effect.

Holding Lorren at a safe distance, I studied his face again. He really wasn't looking so good. I loosened my grip a bit but he didn't fight me. "Fine," his breath sounded pained and he looked so crestfallen that I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from promising him whatever he wanted, just to bring his smile back.

Silently he brought himself up to a standing position, his mask in hand.

I sat upright. "What are you doing?" I blurted, too late before I caught myself. Face burning I looked to the floor. Of course he was leaving, why wouldn't he? That was all this was after all, two boys turning to one another for their basic needs when their girlfriends couldn't satisfy. If he stayed, when I had obviously turned down any intimate contact for the night, it just wouldn't fit with our program.

"Because everything still has to do with Adriane and Kara, right?"

"Leaving, why?" It was a question, but it wasn't asked out of confusion, I knew. He was looking for an answer, though not one I was sure I knew the answer to.

"Or you want to admit you know the answer to."

"Nothing," I shook my head, still not looking him in the eye "you just move so fast sometimes, it freaks me out," I chastised playfully, but he didn't answer. I knew he wasn't smiling.

And then he was walking away, and I knew we wouldn't get another meeting like this until who-knew-when.

"Are you seriously crying?" The voice was starting to sound suspiciously like Adriane.

NO. I was not about to start crying. The pressure behind my eyes was purely coincidental.

"Wait!" Another thing I hadn't meant to say. This was getting hazardous. He stopped mid-step nonetheless, and whirled on his foot to look back at me.

"Yes?" His voice seemed a pitch higher than usual, an encouragingly insistent upward inflection at the end.

Now what? "Are you seriously going to try and climb down those rocks in your condition? You're going to kill yourself!" His shoulders relaxed visibly, as if in relief.

"And what do you propose I do instead?" His face was shrouded in shadow as the light was behind him, outlining his too-skinny and too-tall frame with an explosion of hair in the starlight. I smiled despite myself, he really was oddly built. Not that I would ever want him any other way.

"Stay here." The invitation was given casually; a shrug of my shoulder, but inside I knew he had to be just as chaotic as I was at the moment. Somewhere between 'stay' and 'here' the air had gotten much thicker.

A lump was forming in my throat but no matter how many times I swallowed it wouldn't leave.

Lorren never answered me, just stepped lightly back to where he was originally at my side, and dropped easily back into his former position. Finally the light fell back across his face.

My face burned harder than ever and I found myself shrinking back into my shoulders. I bit my lip to hold back a rising laugh, though nothing was particularly funny. It was that look! Certainly Lorren had never looked at me like that, with that particular smile, with that particular curve of his lips or that particular softness in his eyes. Never had I seen him look so…tender perhaps?

"Loving, perhaps?"

"Come on, you need s-sleep." I closed my eyes, basking in the humiliation of my slipup. This was Lorren, the same Lorren I had kissed far too many times to count, the same Lorren with whom I had been closer too than anyone else. Together we had dragged ourselves out of battles, bloody and broken. I had done things with him that would probably lose him his crown, whether from their lack of legal backing or other things on a more personal level, and now I was tripping over my own words just because of a look?

"Pathetic."Indeed.

Another point was brought to my attention, a nagging reminder in the back of my mind.

"Did you really just ask a prince to sleep on the floor?" Unfortunately.

There wasn't much to be done about that though. I knew truthfully that sleeping on a rock floor didn't bother Lorren any more than it bothered me, but some sort of etiquette, maybe a long forgotten lesson, was writhing at the atrocity of it.

As tactfully and dignified as I could, I pulled at the blanket and cape (which I noticed he hadn't bothered to take with him when he had been about to leave), extending it to cover him as well. He had to press close to me for us both to fit and I felt my heart hammering at my chest again. His smile reminded me embarrassingly of how excellent goblin hearing was and I was almost positive that he could hear my erratic pulse.

Lorren's arm draped over my stomach, encasing me between his arm and chest and I mirrored the gesture. The air was getting thick again and breathing was quickly becoming a chore. This was ridiculous; I had been this close to Lorren before, and far closer.

"But not like this." No, never like this.

For a brief moment I saw a sheepish tinge of purple across his nose and cheeks before he ducked his head under my chin and laid it against my chest.

Breathing wasn't so much of an issue anymore, mainly because I had ceased altogether.

His untamed hair brushed against my neck and chin as he curved comfortably into me. I reached my other arm around his other side until my hands brushed one another across his ridiculously thin torso.

With a thud I let my head fall back against the stone, collecting my breathing as well as my thoughts.

"Still just comforting one another? Still waiting for Adriane to return?"

I blew the thoughts out with a deep breath, doing my best to think about nothing, to not have any emotions and just be. This proved to be a more difficult task that I had anticipated. My fingers stroked gently down his side in a rhythmic motion. Again I can't remember when I decided this was a good idea.

For a moment I thought I had reached a state of blankness, where there was nothing but the pressure of Lorren against me and my fingers on his side. I felt the sound before I heard it; a light pulse, hardly a vibration, against my chest accompanied by a soft rumbling noise. In absolute confusion I paused and I felt Lorren tense.

It was a moment of complete confusion before a realization, more confusion and another realization. All of this occurred in less than thirty seconds and was deduced in absolute silence. Unable to hold it in, I barked out a laugh.

"I should have known." After all, Lorren had claws, fangs, heightened reflexes and senses and when he swore it certainly sounded like a growl, why shouldn't he be able to purr? I went back to brushing his side, secretly dying to hear him do it again, now that I knew what it meant.

"Shut-up," he hissed, still tense and obviously embarrassed.

"Sorry," I doubted my apology was well received as I giggled through the whole thing. "Was just unexpected." He was silent for a long moment. "Why didn't you ever do it before?" It was an oddity, I knew for a fact I have done things purr-worthy in the past.

Another pause. "I don't know." His voice was quiet and reserved as if he were suddenly very shy. Feeling rather guilty after openly laughing at his display of affection (or whatever it was) I wrapped my arms tighter around his waist, running my knuckles lightly over his back.

For how long we laid like that I'll never know, maybe it was only a few minutes, maybe a few hours. It didn't matter though, I never wanted to move.

"Very manly."

I didn't care for or about the voice so much anymore, I would worry about it and its embarrassing and chastising remarks once Lorren had left. We had too little time together as it was for me to be fretting over silly things like dignity and proper actions.

One second I was staring at the cave ceiling, my hand moving back and forth across Lorren's back while he lay tensely and silently with his head on my chest. In a blink my head was facing to the right and my hand had stopped moving. Blinking a few times in confusion I realized that I must have fallen asleep.

Lorren stirred and I thought he was awake too until he fell motionless once more. All anxiety was gone from his body as he lay limp, half on top of me. I tried not to laugh, he was purring again, very lightly.

It was a sort of shock, laying there with him perfectly sound in sleep before me. Maybe to others it wouldn't have been such a moment, but him asleep at this moment meant more than any kiss or touch he had ever given me. We may have been from completely different worlds, but we both knew something of the world as a whole and knew that trusting wasn't something you did lightly. To be so completely vulnerable in front of someone, it was the ultimate sign of trust.

"You slept too."

Kara wouldn't have appreciated such a sign of trust. Not like I did.

"Kara wouldn't appreciate him like you do."

The voice was much harder to ignore in the almost complete silence. My face was starting to heat again, but it was ridiculous. Kara would be here in two weeks and I would happily hand him over to her to hold, and touch, and kiss, and love…

And I would have Adriane so I would forget all about Lorren. After all, that was what this whole thing was about in the first place, right? It would all be alright.

"It'll be just like last time." I winced. Last time…

No. I had been new to this whole situation then, it wouldn't be like that this time. It wasn't going to hurt like that did.

"You cried."

I did not! It had just been…difficult. This time would be alright. I knew my place in his life and he knew his in mine. Lorren didn't belong to me.

"You've never tried to claim him."

I pulled my arms tighter around his waist from where they had slackened in sleep. Lightly, so I wouldn't disturb him, I pressed my cheek to the top of his head and closed my eyes again. As close as we were, I still didn't want him to wake up and realize what I was doing.

Lorren smelled good, though it embarrassed me to even think it. For as much as he ran through the woods and called himself the Forest Prince, he smelled of the castle, clean and polished. He would probably take offence if I ever told him.

Light was slowly creeping into the cave, penetrating the darkness so stealthily I didn't even notice it at first. It would be morning soon.

My hand grazed his side as I slid down to toy slowly with the hem of his shirt, far too awake to fall back asleep. The material was silk, or something like it that held far better than silk did against the elements. I didn't even understand Elvin clothing let alone Goblin.

It slid like water between my fingers, never wrinkling or resisting. Subtly as I could, I slid my fingers beneath his shirt and brushed my thumb over the skin there. In his sleep he shifted under the touch and the fabric traced over my fingers again.

A crease wrinkled my forehead as a scratchy material brushed me where a moment ago it had been silk. I tilted my head up to look at where my hand was, a few inches under and up his shirt. He was wearing a second shirt under the first.

My mind was whirling, trying to figure it out. Why would he wear such a roughly made shirt under his pristine Goblin garb? It didn't make any sense. Deep in concentration and trying to figure out Lorren's latest mystery I ran the cloth between my fingers. It certainly didn't feel like anything he wore.

"Strange how you're so familiar with his clothing."

I mean it didn't feel like something he usually wore, or something he would wear. A prince would have no use for something so basic. It felt like something I would wear.

My fingers stopped at the same moment my heart did.

Two forces were battling inside of me, the need to know what was going on and the need to let him rest. There didn't seem to be anyway to satisfy both at the moment.

I shifted my weight, pushing his unconscious form into my one arm as I pulled myself out from under him.

He rolled over onto my left arm with a grunt and his eyes fluttered behind his lids. I didn't have long.

With my free hand I found the bottom button on his shirt. My fingers shook as I pushed it loose, then the second and then the third. The bottom of his second shirt glowed white in the darkness.

"What are you doing?" Panicking.

"What are you doing?" Lorren echoed my inner thoughts. His voice was thick with sleep and he still wasn't completely awake.

I undid the fourth button and all at once something must have clicked in his mind. Without warning his hand snapped out so fast I felt the blow before I saw it. We disentangled with a crack of bones and a cry of pain from me.

With a harsh thud my head collided with the wall and stars danced in the corners of my vision.

"Zach!" A slightly blurry Lorren stared wide-eyed at me, one hand still extended. Blood dripped from his claws.

Shocked I looked down at the hand he had hit. Four deep scratches were oozing just under my knuckles. Fire raced from the cuts and shot up my arm. Involuntarily I pulled it towards me and cradled the wound against my body.

"Zach," he started again, a look of desperation on his face "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean…" He inched closer and my shoulders pressed hard against the wall. I drew in a sharp breath between my teeth.

"It's OK. You didn't mean it."

Lorren shrunk back in on himself, twisting his hands together close to his body. He was the living personification of shame. "You…scared me." His voice was small and frightened. With shaking hands he slid the buttons back into place. "I…I'm so, so sorry…" he paused a moment after straightened his shirt back up.

I couldn't help but notice that he never once accused me of anything, though I was the one trying to undo his shirt.

A shock of hair fell across my eyes as I stared back at him. For a long moment we both sat apart, repelled by one another and still unable to leave. In the smallest flicker of movement, he met my eye and my breath caught in my throat.

The sun was just peaking over the forest now, casting an orange hue across the world and illuminating the side of his face. In the waxing light, his eyes were glowing a brilliant green. Back in my throat was that pesky lump. I wasn't allowed to touch him when his eyes were that color.

He looked down at the floor. "I should probably go-"

That's when I lunged.

He never saw it coming. I knew as much from the look in his eyes the second before we collided, and a collision it was. Pain shot through my still weary body as we tumbled across the hard floor. My one hand was bleeding and the other was prickling from an ironic lack of blood where Lorren had slept on it. Still I held him to the ground.

Lorren fought hard, though carefully so as to not tear me with his claws again. We wrestled on the floor and I refused under any circumstances to let him get the upper hand. Nothing was really to be gained, I knew. We were too evenly matched. All I needed was a few seconds.

I grasped at the front of his shirt, balling it in my bleeding hand as he grasped my wrists in terror.

"Zach, please, don't!" He was begging, his eyes wild as he tried to fight me off. I felt awful, knowing I was upsetting him so badly, but I had to know.

"Please, Zach, please! Let me go!" He was choking on his words, working himself into a frenzy and I tried to block him out. Keeping Lorren still was like trying to hold onto a fish, whenever I thought he was still, he found another way to maneuver out of my grasp. None of it mattered though; I had three buttons from the top done already.

With a jerk of my hand I undid four, five and six. I stopped trying to hold him down. I knew what I needed to.

In a flash he was out from under me, standing with even more clumsiness than before, trying to redo his shirt.

Another moment passed as we both remained where we were: me panting on the floor and him standing shakily a few paces off.

"Zach-"

"Why are you wearing my shirt?" I looked up at him finally. Those glowing green eyes were glittering with unshed tears as he stared at me in complete despair.

"I'm sorry." His voice was little more than a breath, maybe even just a soft sob. "I didn't…" he trailed off and looked away.

What should I say? What did I want to say? My mind was blank, blank except for the thought that he was wearing my shirt. The hazardous little voice in the back of my mind was silent. No commentary or ideas at all were coming to me.

Many things I could deny, but secretly wearing my clothing under his own was a very hard sign to ignore.

Uncertainly I rose to my feet, feeling a bit wobbly in my own skin. I closed the distance between us, cautiously as the cut on my hand burned a hard reminder into my actions. It felt so natural, too natural, for me to wrap my arms around him like I did. He tensed, like he always did, before turning to face me eye to eye. Or perhaps eye to mouth, he stood so much taller than I did and usually he never missed a chance to mock me for it.

He didn't laugh at me today, or at least not at first.

The light caught a shimmer of moisture on his cheek as he stared warily down at me. Suddenly a burst of a laugh did escape him and I narrowed my eyes in annoyance.

"Sorry," he apologized, looking fitfully sheepish but there was still a sad smile in place "you look so scared."

I opened my mouth in shock, trying to think of a rebuttal to that but found I could think of nothing. Instead I settled for just staring at him in the eyes. Those green, green eyes. "Why are you wearing my shirt?"

His shoulder hunched and I knew he was about to apologize. "Don't apologize, just tell me. Please." I took a step closer, trying to bore into his mind, trying to see what was behind those eyes. "Please."

Lorren looked so lost, so uncertain, like he was thrown into a world he did not know. His eyes met mine with such desperation, such a need for me to understand that all I could do was stare back and hope that I did. He opened and closed his mouth many times, choking on words and tripping over his own tongue before he finally fell still.

"I love you Zach."

I couldn't hear, not over the pounding of blood in my ears. He was apologizing again, rationalizing and begging, worrying over my hand and at the same time telling me something about how he knew what we have and understands the limits and he's sorry; but it doesn't matter.

Because he said it first.

"Shut-up," I told him quietly and he stopped instantly, like I had flicked off some sort of switch. He was wincing and with another shock I realized he was bracing himself, like I was going to hit him.

I couldn't take it anymore. Couldn't lie anymore.

I crushed my lips hard against his.

At first Lorren didn't respond, and then he was pulling me hard against him and returning the kiss. I broke apart before he could deepen it. "More than Kara?"

"What?"

"Do you love me more than Kara?" I was panting, just as desperate for this answer as he had been to tell me his.

For another moment he stared at me silently before leaning in, his face nuzzling against mine. "She doesn't even compare, Zach."

He kissed me again, slowly and deliberately. I shivered under the passion of it and he held me tighter. Our tongues met harder than before and I moaned very undignified against him, though he really didn't seem to mind. For how long we kissed I don't know, but it ended too soon.

I swallowed hard and ran my hand across the back of his neck, while I ran the edge of my nose along his jaw. "I love you too Lorren." The only reason he heard me was because of those ridiculous ears of his.

I kissed the left one, my own burning at our open affection. He drew me closer and pressed against my neck as I stared over his shoulder at the outside world.

The sun was just beginning to rise as he started to purr.

A/N: So I loved this story at first but looking back I'm a little uncertain. I don't think it turned out terribly though. I always feel so self-conscious posting a new work :/ Any thoughts?