A/N: the usual disclaimer, for this & the other story! And I hope you enjoy this one - I'm not too sure if I want to make this a one shot or not so bear with me for further updates and have a wonderful July first!
James
I suppose you could say I love her, sickeningly so and I constantly despise myself for choosing the one loathsome female to lay my ridiculously in demand attentions on. Damn her, her with those gorgeous eyes and that smile that lit up in anticipation at an upcoming duel, a new mastered charm, a joke her friend Lena so skillfully distracted her with. She wouldn't need such distractions if it weren't for me though, so I suppose I'm glad to have touched her life so much that she needed silly puns and worthless quips to bring her out of a black mood. Her every footstep echoes in my mind with a loathsome heel burning into my supposedly untouchable heart, so I must play this game of cat and mouse when I know for a fact that I will win…but do I truly want to win?
Do I want to be nailed down by someone, albeit a beautiful someone, a beautiful perfect someone, a beautiful, perfect, someone who has changed me into a better man. Did I want to take the risk into becoming a good person? I'm perfect just the way I am, or so my fan clubs constantly quote so why should I change for her? Prudish little imp that she is.
I mean there are so many delectable ladies for me to play with and their little minds to bend but Evans is the only girl who can match up with my perfection and untouchable feelings. She's untouchable too you know except by one Severus Snape and I caught those feelings between him and her, however rather unrequited on Severus' part if I dare say but feelings nonetheless. It is almost as if the entire school is holding its breath until Lily chooses someone and that someone is deemed the next hero, the next perfection and why should she choose me? Hell why should I choose her? Too much perfection is unhealthy in one relationship and damn it to fucking, loathsome, bitching hell – she's got me thinking about relationships! Relations as in touching someone not only their bums or other areas but feelings, talking, intricate shits like that to which I usually and do so now, shudder to think of.
I kind of only want to nail women but in the sexual way, understand? But to make love to Lily Marie Evans…my spine's already tingling and all of the meaningless sex in the world can never own up to the exposure she sets me in when we argue, when she rips me apart. No. No feelings just meaningless sex, look there's Trish Stanly and she's easy…she even has red hair, but not the perfect shade – perhaps I should introduce her into the concept of proper hair hygiene. This is so laughable as if I am such an expert where I just roll out of bed and boom, perfection.
"Alright there Evans?"
"Shove it Potter."
"Howdy doo Evans."
"Oh I'm sorry, I thought I caught a stench of toe rags in here."
Lily
"Evans –"
"Look Potter, I don't like you and I never will. So go waste your pointless existence on one of your sex monkeys and quit wasting my time because it will be worth more than you ever will."
"Shit Evans I was just saying that you dropped your quill." Sirius and Remus glared at her while Pettigrew seriously considered dropping something funny into her cauldron to make it blow up.
'I need to behave in a way that makes people take me seriously.' – Megan Fox and therefore I, Lily Marie going to shoot him in the face Evans am too good for the sexist pig that is James Stupid Potter. I like pretty things like roses and vanilla but when a boy tries to get my attention by sending me green frogs for Valentine 's Day because they match my eyes, I draw the line. When a boy gets miffed that I'm, 'on my perpetual period and that's why I reject him,' and charms a permanent red spot on the back of my robes I must find liberation.
I like to view liberation like a banner that I must run miles to achieve and hang it up on my forehead for all those to see and respect! I want some boy who will come with me and be happy fighting for the rights of House-Elves and smile when I get my badge of honors for my multiple Auror achievements, I want to feel as if I am doing something. If I were with a Marauder in a romantic situation I'd just be in the background, from the outside staring through the window into the house that was his true hopes and thoughts where I would be a stranger and un-touching. I would swim through the ocean that was his defenses and never reach the shore, the shore full of naked women with bigger boobs and tighter asses and a supreme, honest love for Quidditch. Potter would never love me, who could blame him when I cannot even love myself. When my thoughts of love are always haunted by my first exposure and my first taste of betrayal when Snape left our friendship and the foundation of my beliefs in miracles to join a band of murders. He left me and said that he was so much better than the Marauders, but Snape would be killing people.
Then again didn't James Potter kill Snape every time he lit his hair on fire or flirted with me knowing that Snape was in close vicinity? Were the Marauders so much better when they made people feel inadequate because they weren't as naturally smart, talented or as good looking? How could I ever love such a monster and how could a monster ever love me?
Did I only want to change him? And is that love – changing people and their entire interior like a house that turns into a home. Was it the same house with the same air and the same people?
"He's so dreamy," Lena Sheridan sighed gently stirring her cauldron with her wand. I snort and drop rattails down into the bubbling mix and hope for the best. I guess that's how Lena lives, she does stupid stuff and expects things to turn out all right and yet, lucky for her – that's how things tend to happen. "Isn't he?"
"Who is it this week?" I ask nonchalantly. Don't look at Potter, hey my hair as split ends! I knew freaking Petunia did something to my hair dryer, I mean seriously Tuney? You couldn't just use your own perfectly good one – well when I get back home for your wedding I might have to turn it onto turbo and blast you're whale of boyfriend -
"Jackson McKinnon," she smiles. Stop picturing the whale and my sister, ew gross he'll look like a beluga whale next to her if he wears a white tux and a killer if he wears black…hahah well he certainly eats a lot of fish and has kelp breath. Lena exhales sharply and grins blithely I know that smile, she has something cooked up and I desperately do not want to know what it is. "Ow!" she's suddenly on the floor grasping her arm and swearing profusely in Scottish, "Professor Slughorn I think I hurt my arm!" he waddles over and inspects her gently.
"Oh Miss Marlene one must be more careful."
"Well if certain boneheaded Marauders didn't leave guts about the floor I would not trip," she says, feral. "May I go to the hospital wing and get bandaged up?" before he can respond, "Can Jackson come with me?" batting her eyelashes even I was entranced. "Alright let's go!" she grabbed his arm, ha-ha with her bad one, and hoisted him out of the classroom.
Oh Merlin, Jackson was the only wizard between me and the gruesome band of marauding idiots, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and James stop fucking looking at me Potter.
Lily (still)
"Oh, erm thanks." I say feeling like a jackass. Potter just sits where he is and doesn't look at me again for the entire class period while I sit with burning cheeks and if looks could kill, my hair would be on fire from Remus' death glare and Sirius' unspoken threats of arson.
I turn around to smile at Amos Diggory when I turn back and James Potter looks angrier than before, frowning, "What bit you in the bubble butt Potter?" he ignores me again. Well if he's going to be so immature, I drop spleens into my cauldron and suddenly am on the floor – just like Lena. Potter is sprawled on top of me and growling at Peter in some buzzing, inarticulate tone.
I try not to realize how wonderful his arm feels on mine or the tingles that are born when forearm touches elbow, funny bone against knee.
"The fuck Peter?" I'm jolted from my reverie and look up feeling pathetic and abhorring.
"Potter! What is the meaning of this? I know miss Evans is lovely but keep it classy! Remember, tasty is just one letter away from nasty and we don't want any nastiness in here with all of the dangerous chemicals do we?" Slughorn bellows.
"Sorry Professor but watch, stand back. Peter, put more spleens into Lily's potion." Lily? Pettigrew looked repentant at once and shook his head madly, "Peter, do it." I've never seen Potter so terrifying in my entire life. His mouth is in a straight line, his eyes roiling and his cheek so chiseled and perfect was twitching as if wanting to enunciate curses to blow his comrade to smithereens. Sirius is very still and Remus doesn't seem surprised and watches unblinkingly as the rest of the class sits like spectators at a Quidditch match. Snape looks angry.
Trembling Peter flicks some in and instantly the potion sparks and catches his hair on fire, splatters his robes and arms inspiring warts to erupt all over his skin. I watch in horror while Potter is strangely silent, "See professor? He tried to de-lovely our Lily," Sirius Black says calmly. "I recommend detention for a month."
"For a year would be most appreciated," Remus quipped. I don't understand because one minute they're provoking me and the next they're trying to keep me safe? Is this a trick?
"Is this a trick?" I hear Snape's voice from the back of my mind, "Is Potter trying to play hero so Lily will fall for him? Yet another of his pitiful scams!" James just turns to me with emotionless eyes and helps me up.
"Snape I would save anyone," he says flatly, "So go jump off a building before your petty rivalry gets her killed."
R&R?
Love,
myself