About Horizon…

After seeing Kaidan on Horizon, Shepard was heartbroken over how things ended between them. Then when she receives a voice message from Kaidan, hinting that he wasn't over her, she was determined to find him and tell him just how much she cared for him.

A/N: So this was just an idea that popped into my head this morning. I will probably still make some changes to the story. This is set during Mass Effect 2 – just after the mission on Horizon. Female Shepard and Kaidan romance.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and all characters belong to Bioware.

Chapter 1 – 'I Thought You Were Dead, Shepard'

The door slammed shut behind Shepard, Garrus and Miranda who just returned from their mission on Horizon. Joker turned his seat around as Shepard stormed past the pilot towards her cabin, not even acknowledging him. Garrus and Miranda entered a few seconds later. Miranda seemed uncaring and simply said, "I'll be in my room if anyone needs me." Before walking towards her room.

Joker eyed Garrus curiously, as Garrus sighed, shifting his weight to lean against the doorframe.

"So…" Joker said quietly, "What was that about? What happened down there?"

Garrus shook his head, staring at his feet. "We, uh…" he looked up at Joker, who was staring up at him, patiently. It wasn't like Shepard to act this way, and the entire crew knew it.

"The colony…?" Joker asked, already knowing the answer.

"Gone." Garrus simply said, staring out the window.

Joker stared at his lap, sighing. "We were too late then."

Garrus nodded and stood up straight, "There was... uh… something else too."

Joker's head shot up, a questioning look in his eyes.

"We ran into Kaidan…" Garrus said quietly, staring at Joker, a worrying expression clear on his face.

Joker's eyes widened as he breathed, "Oh…"

Commander Shepard aggressively slammed her fist onto the elevator panel, instructing it to take her to the top level of the Normandy – her cabin. The only place she had any privacy. The only place she could clear her head after missions; and she needed some space after this mission specifically. She didn't even care about the worrying looks her crew gave her, as she stormed past them to get to the elevator. Shepard's Yeoman, Kelly Chambers, even tried talking to her, but decided to let it go, after she saw the look on Shepard's face.

As the elevator doors opened, Shepard impatiently walked towards her cabin. The doors slid open and she automatically walked towards her desk, staring down at the photo of Kaidan.

When Cerberus revealed that they had built the Normandy SR-2, Shepard was flattered at how they built the captain's cabin especially for her. She didn't wait long to make it her own either. Purchasing a variety of different fish for the enormous fish tank and setting up collectable models ships next to the desk. She even bought a hamster on the Citadel, thinking that the little creature might actually make her lonely cabin more tolerable… but the first thing she did, was put a photo of her friend and ex-lover, Kaidan Alenko, on her desk, right beside her computer. Being able to look at his photo every day, knowing that one day she might see Kaidan again, was the only thing that kept her going. The only thing that inspired her to get out of bed and onto the battlefield with the Collectors.

Shepard frowned and out of frustration, slammed the photo frame down on her desk. She turned around and collapsed onto the giant black sofa in front of her bed.

She stared up at the ceiling, replaying the whole scene in her mind.

When Kaidan suddenly made an appearance on Horizon… that moment she saw him, her heart skipped a beat. When the Illusive Man first mentioned Kaidan's name and that he was on Horizon, she tried not to get her hopes up. She knew that there was very little chance to run into him during a Collector attack, and even if she did see him, how would he react?

She sighed as she remember how he walked up to her, staring at her in disbelieve, and hugging her. Holding her tightly, like he never wanted to let go.

"I thought you were dead, Shepard… We all did."

She remembered sighing as she squeezed him tight. She could feel his heartbeat, as she lay her head on his shoulder. His breath tickling her neck, as he exhaled slowly. She could've sworn his heart was racing as well. His familiar musk enchanting her…

When he finally let her go, she resisted the urge to pull him to her and hold him again. Those first few moment were perfect, but then it all changed. His loving gaze turned hard. His relaxed posture tensed, and suddenly he wasn't Kaidan anymore. He was angry, hurt… betrayed.

"I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real. I loved you. Thinking you were dead, tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?"

His voice echoed in her mind, painfully, as she closed her eyes. Kaidan was angry at her for working with Cerberus. She tried to make him understand, but he refused to see reason.

The man she loved refused to even try to understand why she was doing this. And that truly hurt her.

When he turned his back on her and walked away, it felt like someone had ripped her heart from her chest. Like someone was punching her in the stomach with every step he took. If it weren't for Garrus asking if she was alright, she might've never moved from that spot. That spot were Kaidan broke her heart.

Shepard's eyes shot open as a tear crept down her cheek, tickling her. She quickly rubbed her cheek with the back of her hand and sat up straight. It wasn't like her to be upset about these silly things. It wasn't like her to cry…

She was angry now. This was exactly why she never wanted to fall in love in the first place. She had always promised herself that she would never fall in love, as she knew that, once you give your heart to someone fully, you also give them the power to break it.

And as she found herself falling for Kaidan more than two years ago, she explained it to him too. Explained why they couldn't be together, but Kaidan wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Shepard…" he said, cupping her cheek in his right hand, "There is no other person in the entire universe that I care for as much as I care about you. I would never hurt you."

And for the first time in her life, she let herself go. She fell hopelessly in love with him, despite her promise to herself.

'And just look at what he did to you!' Shepard reminded herself, angrily. She rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands, sighing deeply.

She had other things to worry about – the Collectors succeeded in abducting yet another human colony. People were relying on her and her team to save them, and she knew Miranda would probably have a few things to say about the mission.

Shepard stood up and slowly made her way to the door. Before exiting her cabin, she paused and glanced over her left shoulder, at the photo lying face down on her desk.

'Kaidan has moved on… you should too.'

…

A/N: Please feel free to make any suggestions/corrections to the story. :)