"No place that I'd rather be, than right here right now. There's no time that I'd rather be, than right here right now." Rise Against, Amber Changing
Percy sighed to himself. He was standing in line for registration at a summer camp. His mother was standing there beside him, looking worried. Percy had been very depressed lately, and had little to no self-esteem. Camp was or of the last things he wanted to do. He preferred to stay inside, alone, away from people. He was so tired of the exhausting interaction between people, trying to be on the social norm, knowing all the popular songs, the right clothes to wear, and a bunch of other crap that Percy couldn't care less about. Percy's mother turned to him, bringing up a sore subject. Counseling.
"So, have you given any thought to what I asked you?" She said. Mrs. Jackson wanted Percy to go back into counseling for a third time, but she said that he could pick the kind of person he wanted to see. Percy shrugged, and randomly plucked something from his mind.
"Yeah. A young male counselor. That's who I want to see." He said, to get her off his case. Mrs. Jackson looked relieved. Percy felt kind of bad at first, but shrugged it off.
"Good!" She said. "We can set up an appointment when you get back." Percy didn't acknowledge. Only stood there, staring off at something nobody else could see.
They eventually got to the front of the line, registered, got his camp shirt, and headed off to his site, site number two. Percy's mother pulled the van up by the side of a gravel road, and opened the door. Percy put his backpack on his shoulders, his sleeping back under his arm, and extended the handle on his red bag which was full of clothes and other essentials. A Venezuelan man walked up to him.
"What's your name?" He said in his friendly voice.
"Percy." He said, and nothing more. The man beamed.
"You're one of my campers! Awesome. Come follow me!" He said. Percy really liked his accent. His mother followed them to the site. They went through a small trail, which lead to two cabins, one for the boys, and one for the girls Percy presumed. The man opened the door.
"Welcome home, my name is Jorge, I'll be your male counselor." He said. Percy looked around the cabin. Inside, we're several bed frames with cots on them. Percy picked the one in the back left corner, away from the other cots, and threw his stuff on it. He'd organize later. The three of them left the cabin, and walked back out to the small, grassy area. Percy's mother began walking back to the van. Percy followed her. She stood next to the door.
"Please, please try to be more positive and have fun." She said. Percy sighed.
"No promises, but... I'll try I guess..." He said. Percy's mother smiled sadly.
"Give me a hug," Percy did. "I'll see you in six days." She said. He nodded. She got in the van, and drove off. Percy watched the taillights of the van until they went around a bend and disappeared from sight. He sighed.
"Welcome to Hell..." He muttered to himself. He turned around and watched a bunch of campers play on the grass, throwing balls and Frisbees back and forth. He sighed again, and walked around them, keeping as far away as possible. Jorge walked to the center.
"Survivors! Group up over here!" He yelled. That meant Percy. The camp had different programs, and he had chosen the Survivor one, which included shelter building in the woods and hiking. Percy walked up to Jorge, followed closely by three other boys. Their name tags (Percy didn't make one) identified then as Jason, Leo, and Frank. They looked at Jorge expectantly.
"Dinnertime my friends!" He said. "Follow me!" He turned and began walking up to a large building that housed the dining hall. Its formal name was Main Lodge, but the campers lovingly called it the Big House.
How very imaginative of them. Percy thought dryly.
The three followed Jorge up to the building, where there was a blacktop with a game called Nine Square, and a small tetherball court. There was also a small ring of stumps that served as seats, off to the right of the tetherball pole. Percy sat on a stump, alone, and watched the other campers playing games, but he was only half paying attention. He was wallowing in his dark thoughts, sifting through the sands of his head.
(Annabeth. Gone. Worthless. Cut, bleed, blood, die rot unloved alonebroken)
Someone tapped his shoulder, and he jumped. It was Jorge.
"Hey, are you okay?" 'You', sounded more like 'ju' on his accent. Percy waved him off.
"I'm... I'm fine, I'm alright..." He said quietly. Jorge looked worried.
"Come sit over here with us, be one of the guys." He said.
"No, I'm fine here..." Percy said.
"No, you're coming over here." He kept pestering until Percy finally gave in.
"Alright..." He got up, and sat on one of the stumps that were arranged in a ring around the tetherball pole. He sat there and watched kids play tetherball, until a bell was rang. All the kids suddenly dashed up, and formed lines within their respective groups. Percy got up, and saw the three other boys he recognized standing in a line with four other girls. He supposed that they were the Survivor girls. Their name tags introduced them as Piper, Hazel, Reyna, and Drew. Percy brought up the rear of his group behind Jason. One by one, groups were called to go inside. They were shown to their table, where two other girls were already sitting. Well, one was a girl. The other looked to be about the same age as Jorge, just past twenty. They sat down at the table. The girl introduces herself as Hannah. She was sixteen, and a counselor in training. She seemed pleasant enough. The woman introduced herself as Sarah, she was the girls' counselor. Percy noticed that everyone was still standing. He wondered why. His question was rapidly answered, as a man named Mr. Brunner walked up to the front of the dining hall.
"Repeat after me, please!" He said.
"After me, please!" The campers chorused back. Percy said nothing, but internally groaned.
You've GOT to be kidding me... He thought in an exasperated way.
"Let's, thank, God for our dinner, dinner!" He sang. The campers repeated it.
Percy choked. God?! He had forgotten that this was a Christian camp. It was actually his second year of this place, but he HAD forgotten that they were pro-God. Percy was what you would call an agnostic. He didn't believe in any specific deity or God, but he was sure that there was some kind of higher power. He wasn't so sure about THE God though. He went to church for all of his childhood, at least, until his mother married his stepfather. Then they had stopped. But Percy remembered that God was supposed to be loving and caring, and after all the shit that Percy had gone through, he was pretty sure that there was no God. The campers finished their song, and sent someone from each of their tables to get food. They went through an In door, and came through the Out door, carrying a tray piled with food. Percy quietly ate. He didn't say a word. Dinner was uneventful. Eventually, everything was cleared away, and they went back to their cabins to set up their cots. Percy through a sheet over his, then rolled out his sleeping bag. He laid down while he waited for his cabin mates to finish. When they did, Jorge called them out of the cabin to go to the campfire. Percy rolled off his bed, and walked outside. The other boys followed. Percy still hasn't said a word. Leo and Frank had been talking a bit, and Jason had eyed the pair a couple times over dinner. The Survivor grouped around him, and they began walking the girls took the lead, followed closely by Leo and Frank. Percy walked a good distance behind them, next to Jorge and Jason. Those two were talking about superheroes, like Batman and Superman. Before he even knew what he was doing, Percy started doing his Batman impression. Batman was his one weakness. He loved talking about Batman, and doing his, and Heath Ledger' Joker voice. Jason and Jorge stared at him.
"That was pretty cool." Jason said in admiration. Jorge nodded.
"Mmh, you think that was good?" He said in The Joker. Their eyes popped even more.
"Hahaha, that's so cool!" Jason yelled. "Keep doing it." Before he even knew it, Percy was having fun talking to Jorge and Jason. It had been awhile since he had talked to someone
(Annabeth)
and he found he had fun. They talked as they walked to the campfire. They eventually arrived, and sat on the benches that were arranged in a circle around the pile of wood. Mr. Brunner walked up with a guitar hanging around him, lit the fire, and began to play a worship song of some sort. Percy sat there, not singing as the camp around him did. He stared into the fire.
(Burn pain fire death ash gone forgotten)
The campers sang for around 20 minutes. At the end, they all got out their flashlights, and began walking back to their sites for a night of rest. Percy laid down on his cot. And stared into the darkness, thinking about the human contact he'd had with Jorge and Jason earlier. He decided that he would try to keep his promise to his mother, and be a little more positive. That decided, he rolled over, and sank into heavy, dreamless sleep.
Percy woke up at 6:50 that Monday, according to his watch. Jorge's watch was going to go off at 7:00, so Percy didn't bother trying to go back to sleep. Instead, he quietly (and Percy never made a sound when he moved silently) sat up on his cot, and put his socks on. He had changed the night before. It was actually his second year of being forced to camp, and he was always slow to get dressed in the morning, so he decided to change the night before, then all he had to do in the morning was out on socks and shoes. He did just that, right as Jorge's watch went off. He got out of bed, and began shaking the other campers awake. Percy grabbed his backpack containing his water bottle and book, and walked outside the cabin, sitting at the picnic table just outside. Sarah was already there. For some stupid reason, counselors had to be out of the cabin while campers changed. Sarah looked up in surprise.
"You're fast." She said.
"Changed the night before." Percy grunted back as he rubbed his eyes.
"Oh. Clever." She said. Percy shrugged. His low self-esteem wouldn't allow him to accept compliments. Then he remembered last night's decision.
"...Thanks..." He managed to force out. The other campers had come outside, and the Survivor group made their way to the Big House for breakfast.
After a nice pancake breakfast, all of the campers walked out to the benches just outside. They all sang some kind of morning song involving beavers, then Mr. Brunner talked about a few things. Percy picked at his fingernail. He looked behind him, and his eyes just about popped out of his skull.
It was Logan. Percy actually smiled.
Percy remembered Logan from last year he came. Last year, there had been terrible storms all week, and some of the camp groups took shelter in the Big House's basement. Logan could play the guitar and sing really well. That caught Percy's attention, but only slightly. Everyone with a guitar in this place always sang Jesus songs that he didn't know, or particularly like. Logan, on the other hand, had won MAJOR points when he played lots of songs by Rise Against, Percy's favorite band. They had actually saved his life with one of their music videos, one called Make It Stop. Lots of time was spent in that basement, with Logan singing and Percy quietly singing along. They had talked a couple of times, and Logan quickly became Percy's idol.
So when Logan came down and sat next to Percy that morning, he was excited, yet a little... Sad.
"Logan!" Percy yelled happily. Logan looked over, and... (I) recognized him. He smiled.
"Hey dude!" He said happily. Percy stretched out his shirt. He was wearing one of his Rise Against ones. Logan smiled even more.
"Nice!" He said. Then Mr. Brunner began talking, and they listened.
The survivor group stood around a guy named Will. Percy remembered Will from last year; he had been Percy's counselor. Today, they would begin building their shelter. This was something that Percy had actually been looking forward to. He loved going to the woods. They followed Will to the spot he had picked out at an earlier time, and they set to work. There was a tree with a large Y shape in it, and they needed a long piece of wood that would serve as the skeleton of the structure. They shortly found a fallen tree that would server their purposes.
"Didn't take very log to find that!" Leo said.
Everyone groaned. Shelter building for the day was eventually done, and they headed off to their next activity. The rest of the day passed without incident, and Percy collapsed into his bag, tired, but satisfied with day. He felt better than he had in... Well, a long, long time. His nightmares had stopped ever since he'd gotten to camp, and he could actually sleep through the night. He rolled over, closed his eyes, and went to sleep.
Breakfast came and went, and before the group knew it, they were back outside, for a nice double period of shelter building. Percy was even more excited about it then usual. Will had brought a bunch of tools to use, like hatchets and knives. Percy took a hatchet, and Jason grabbed a saw. It was a useful little thing, like a pocket knife that could saw through just about anything if you tried hard enough. Percy motioned for Jason to follow him, and the other boy came immediately. Percy had spotted a bunch of dead pines that were stuck in the ground, so he recruited Jason to help him with the task of cutting and sawing them down. After awhile, Reyna came up behind them, looking for something to do. Percy and Jason had a near little pile of trees going so far.
"Take these back to the shelter so Will and everyone else can de-branch them." Percy said. She nodded, and hefted two trees to carry back. After ten minutes or so, somebody called for the hatchet. Percy ran back to the main shelter and gave Piper the hatchet. In return, she gave him a big KBAR knife. Per y doubted it could cut the pines, but as it turns out, the trees were in fact soft enough to be cut. Percy enjoyed cutting
(Blood cut bleed)
at the trees. It was fun, and it took his mind off of things. He lost track of time, swinging away and cutting. Eventually, Hannah came by to see how they were doing. She had Piper, Reyna, Leo, and Frank in tow.
"Wow. You two made some progress," She said in admiration. "Let's move on from here, and collect wood from over here." She gestures to another section of the woods. Percy grabbed his knife, and followed Hannah. They talked as they worked, and they somehow got on the topic of leadership. Percy didn't know how, but only held a tree up while Hannah de-branched it. She addressed the guys.
"So, I can pretty much tell that Percy is the leader of the guys." They all nodded. Percy almost dropped the tree, but said nothing. Him? Lead? Bizarre.
"And if I had to guess," Hannah said to the girls, "Reyna would be the girls' leader."
"Yes!" Came the voices of Piper, Hazel and Drew. Reyna didn't say anything.
"Hmm." Hannah pondered. "Who would be the leader of both?" She asked. Unanimously, all the campers said "Percy."
"Me?" Percy said. Sure, he was very friendly now towards both groups, breaking down the gender barrier, and he would always talk to everyone, but leader? No.
Hannah nodded. "That's what I thought. He's got that leader mentality." She said. She finished breaking off the branches on the tree, and sent Piper, Drew, and Frank to bring it back to the shelter.
Leader... Huh. Doesn't sound half bad. Percy thought. Hannah's voice broke through his thoughts.
"Hey could you hand me the knife?" She asked. Percy flipped it around in his hand, catching by the blade.
"Be careful with that!" She said. He made sure nobody but Hannah could see him, and smiled bitterly at her.
"Relax," He said quietly. "I use knives all the time at home..." His voice trailed off. Hannah looked at him for a moment, and looked like she was going to say something, but then at that moment, Will's voice called them back to the shelter to get their stuff, and leave for lunch.
The rest of that Tuesday passed quickly, and left the campers practically passed out on their cots that night.
Breakfast, shelter work, swimming, lunch, canoes, crafts, and dinner. Percy was having a great day. He had woke up that morning after yesterday's hard work, and was ready for the day, and did his day go by quick. Before the Survivor's knew it, dinner had passed, and they were sitting on the benches, waiting to hear what the evening activity would be. The evening activity was something that all the campers did. Mr. Brunner stood up.
"Alrighty, I will see all of you at the chapel at... Let's say 8:30. That should be enough time for everyone to get ready, and get there. It's time for silly dance night, everybody!" The campers cheered.
Percy froze at the word dance. Dance. Percy "I love you Annabeth." Percy finally admitted. He had been screwing up the courage to say it forever, and now, it just slipped out in this perfect moment. She looked at him. "I love you too Percy. I wish this night would never"
sighed softly as he and Annabeth gently rocked back and forth to the music. It was a beautiful slow song. Percy has his arms wrapped around her waist and she had hers around his neck. Her face was nuzzled into Percy's chest as the danced.
end. End, please, oh please let it be over, stop the memories. Percy's face became pale and his face had a haunted look to it. He followed the group up to the chapel. They were told to remove their shoes so that they wouldn't mess up the polished wood floors with leaves and dirt. He removed his shoes, and walked inside. He had no intention of dancing. Not tonight. Maybe not ever again. He noticed a table places against a wall. He walked over and sat next to it. For the first time in three days, he allowed himself to think about Annabeth, and suffer. He sat there mutely, watching the campers be so happy. They eventually moved from standing dances, to sitting ones, and finally a game that involved campers lining up along the walls. Campers looked at him worriedly, but didn't say anything. He closed his eyes, and put his head in his hands. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up.
Logan.
LOGAN.
Out of all the people to find him, it just HAD to be him. The reminder that he couldn't be what he wanted. He's never be as amazing as Logan, Logan was funny, he could sing, play guitar, everyone loved him, and he wasn't too shabby in the looks department either.
"Hey, you okay?" He asked.
Percy's heart said no. "Yeah... I'm fine..." He said. "I'll be fine."
"C'mon, get up and dance!" Logan encouraged.
"No, no... I... I prefer to sit here..." Percy was holding back tears.
Are you fucking kidding me?! You've never once felt the need to cry, but now, in front of him, you want to break down?! Pathetic! Percy internally screamed at himself.
Eventually, Logan had to move down the line. Silly dances ended after the game, and Percy went outside, put his shoes on, and leaned over the rail. Jorge came out, followed by Logan. Logan said something to Jorge, and they looked at Percy. Jorge started walking down the ramp that lead up to the dance hall, and Percy followed. It was pitch black now, the only light coming from the campers' flashlights. Jorge stopped Percy.
"Are you okay?" Percy stood there for about thirty seconds before inclining his head to the right, indicating that we should walk. He set off. He didn't have his flashlight on, but someone behind him did, and he could see a shadow rapidly approaching. He knew who it'd be.
"Hey man, what's wrong?" Logan asked. Percy said nothing. Logan asked him a couple more questions to which Percy didn't respond.
"You ever look at the stars? They're much prettier out here." He said. Percy looked up.
"They're so big, and they're millions of miles away. So, in the grand scheme of things, my problems are so small and insignificant, that you shouldn't bother trying to help, and leave me alone." Logan sighed.
"What's going on in your head man?" He asked.
"Neurons and synapses." Percy promptly responded. Logan snorted.
"Alright... Where are you from?" He asked.
"My mother." Logan snorted again. They were nearing the site. Percy wondered why Logan was even still here. He wasn't part of the Survivor group, (No matter how much Percy wished he was) so why was he sticking around? The Survivor group was going to shower, so they came back to the site to get their soap. Percy decided not to shower, but he went into the cabin and put on his Rise Against hoodie. It made him feel safer. He went back out and sat at the picnic table with Logan and Jorge as they waited for the others. Eventually, everybody came out, and they set off for the bathhouse. Percy and Logan went ahead of everyone, so they could talk without interruption. Percy sighed, and made a choice.
"Fine. I'll talk. But only because you're a Rise Against fan too." He said. Logan chuckled.
"Fair enough." He said.
Percy told him about Annabeth, how in love with her he was, then how it had just ended, leaving him in shambles. Even before that, he had been a mess. His stepfather, depression, and low self-esteem had caused him problems in the past, leading him nearly to suicide one day when nobody was home. Percy even told Logan what he meant to him. How Logan was his role model, but also the reminder of how Percy could never be what he wanted. All the while, Logan listened silently. When Percy finished, Logan spoke.
"That Monday morning, when I came down and sat next to you, I was having a pretty shitty day myself. Then you turned, and said my name so happily, and that made me happier, and I saw you were wearing your Rise Against shirt, and thought that was pretty cool too." Percy looked up at this revelation. Logan told Percy about his problems, about how his dad got drunk sometimes.
"Did you ever..." Percy's voice petered out. "Cut?" He said quietly. Logan nodded.
"Yeah... All the time. But that's all in my past. I made the decision to be happy. I was so tired of wallowing in myself, that I wanted to get up and see the good in things. So I did. One day, I changed, just like that. You can too. I can tell. You're a strong guy." Percy looked at Logan. They talked a little longer, than the other campers came over. Percy found out why Logan had stuck around, he was going the night's devotion. It was basically a repeat of what he and Percy had talked about. Percy listened. Then out of nowhere, a feeling struck Percy like an eighteen-wheeler. More of a certainty.
For some reason, he now felt like there was a God. It... Just fit. He thought about everything. He told his mother he wanted a young male counselor. Well, there was Logan, sitting right there. AND he was a Rise Against fan. If it had been anybody else, Percy didn't think he'd have this feeling, this certainty that God did this. It was just too perfect to be a coincidence.
Logan finished his devotion. Percy felt different. A better kind of different. The Survivors stood up, and began to walk out. Percy walked next to Logan again.
"Hey Logan..." He began.
"Yeah man?"
"Thank you. You've changed me. I even believe in God now. I believe that he did this." Percy said.
"No problem dude. I do all I can to help." Logan said. "I have to go back to my group now. I'll talk to you tomorrow dude."
"Hey Logan?"
"Yeah?"
"Tomorrow, before lunch... Could you sing Swing Life Away?" Logan smiled.
"Of course."
Percy beamed. "Thanks."
Percy was the first to arrive at lunch the next day, his group struggling to keep up. Logan was there with his guitar. He was sitting on a picnic table. Percy sat next to Logan.
"Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first.
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you who's is worse.
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words…
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage.
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand.
I've been here so long, I think that it's time to move.
The winters so cold, summer's over too soon.
Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow.
I've got some friends, some that I hardly know.
But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world.
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go.
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage.
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand...until you hold my hand.
I'll show you mine if you show me yours first.
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you who's is worse.
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words.
We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage.
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand.
Swing life away…
Swing life away…
Swing life away…
Swing life away…"
Logan finished.
"Words aren't enough to thank you with." Percy said. Logan smiled.
The parents of the campers were driving in to pick up their kids. Percy was actually going to miss this place. He planned on coming back next year though, he had had an amazing time. He saw the familiar red van, and he realized he couldn't wait to show his mother the new person that he had become. She'd no longer have to worry about his safety, and everything could be the way it used to be.
Just the thought of that made Percy smile. A real smile.
Hey! How's it going? So, this was actually written on my iPod, then emailed to my computer for editing and stuff. I'll probably break this down into two chapters, because I can tell it's long. (There's no word count on iPods.)
I think that's it. I know this was definitely a little... Different, but I actually really like how this turned out. Till the next story!