Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked.

A/N: So I should be updating Unlimited but I've had a busy week and my cat died on Tuesday. This is for him. This is my first attempt at Elphie angst, so please r and r.

Summary: And that was when I saw you. One mangy, scrawny kitten hidden under piles of rubbish, fighting to get out. Malky

Wandering around in a city one doesn't know can be daunting, but I did it. Leaving the newly christened Glinda was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. For the first time I had friends, a true family. And I left them. It was a challenge for me, but I have always been independent, and leaving them reminded me of this. So as I turned away from Glinda, I hid the tears that weren't there.

And that was when I saw you. One mangy, scrawny kitten hidden under piles of rubbish, fighting to get out. You were struggling. Like me. That was why I picked you out of the bags and torn clothing and boxes and took you with me. I supposed I needed a companion, and you seemed just right. So much for independence.

I searched for a home and one day saw the empty house in the alley ways of the Emerald City. "Come on boy." I hadn't decided on a name for you yet, nothing fitted. I picked you up and pushed my way through the door and climbed the stairs, higher and higher, until I reached the attic. The old door had long since fallen from its hinges yet I stepped through the doorway, into the bare room. It was musty and ancient, but immediately I felt it was my home.

"Maa…ly" you moaned. I knew your name them, and placed you gently on the floor. You sniffed at the ragged curtains and settled down in one corner. You liked it. I… found it unique. Like me.

So we found our home and gradually I furnished it with a small bed, a chest of drawers, a table. Some food for us both. It became homely, somewhere I belonged. You were my small comfort, always there, never wavering in your need of me. You loved me without bounds. You loved me without judging me.

You watched me each day as I went about my new life: going to the chapel, going to meet others who agreed with me. You were a constant thing in my ever-changing life, and for that, I loved you more than I thought I ever could. I poured out my heart and soul to you, how I felt that I had let Glinda down, how I had betrayed her. I had let Doctor Dillamond down, I couldn't save him from death. I had even let my fellow fugitives down – I couldn't fight for them properly, I was too easily recognisable.

And then I met Fiyero at the chapel. He slipped through my defenses, he found me after years of hiding from my past. I was scared, I didn't want my past to catch up with me. I didn't want to remember. He called me Elphaba and the memories rushed back.

Lying by the lake with studying with (then) Galinda. Laughing as Boq tried to win her round. Fiyero entering our classroom on that fateful day. The train to the Emerald City. Meeting the Wizard.

It was all I could do to stop myself crying. I was allowing myself to be weak, and I couldn't be. That wasn't who I was. I was strong. I let him follow me home, so I could show him that I didn't care about what he, or anybody else, thought. "Call me Fae" I whispered, and so Fae became who I was. Fae and Yero, a match made in heaven. If there is such a place.

And you were still there, unwavering, protecting me. You were there when we fought, you were there when we made passionate love. You were there throughout it all. You never let me down.

Lurlinemas Eve, I think that's when it all changed. I came home from an unsuccessful, exhausting day – trying to kill Madame Morrible. It didn't work.

He was there, lying still, I thought he was asleep. I kissed him, trailing my fingers in something wet. There was no response from him and I raised my fingers before my face. It was blood. It was his blood. I kissed his cold, dead lips and allowed a tear to fall on his face. He was dead. It was all my fault. I had let him down. You weren't there. My life had fallen apart.

So I fled. I ran and I ran. I refused to think of any part of that night again. I arrived at the chapel, cold and wet, bowing my head to hide my face from the rain. I was taken into the mauntery, I became a maunt. I was just another lowly traveler, and it suited me to be nothing special.

One night, I spent my time reflecting on my past, at the request of the Mother Maunt, and my mind drifted back to that night. I allowed myself to think of you, my scrawny, ragged cat. And I allowed myself, for the first time, to cry for you. You were there through everything, and I couldn't stop to think about my faithful cat. Where are you now?

I let you down too.

A/N: Yes, so it's kinda crappy, but this is my first attempt at Elphie angst. Please R and R, so I know how to improve.